Voyager

Interesting Experience...

9 posts in this topic

Last night when I got home from work I felt like absolute shite. I'd been tackling a problem and thought i'd totally fucked it up and the emotions were running high.

When I lied down on my bed I closed my eyes I started to inspect these emotions and become very aware of them & started detaching. 

I started a self enquiry, (which i rarely do).  After some 30 minutes or so, I felt this 'aha' moment come on, like i'd just uncovered what I was. 

Suddenly i felt my consciousness start to expand rapidly, the same feeling I got when I smoked a low dose of 5-meo. (but not enough to break through). Likewise with the 5-meo experience, my ego slammed on the handbrake when it felt itself disappearing. However as I had not taken anything this time, the resistance was far less violent.  My heart started pounding crazily in my chest, but it didn't feel like my heart. My body then went into violent shaking, as if i had hypothermia. 

This is the first time anything like this has happened without a psychedelic. What was this?

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That was a whiff of Truth. A few plumes of its smoke entered your nostrils, and you didn't like the smell.

It's the pungent aroma of self-annihilation.

Like I've said before, Truth is an acquired taste ;)


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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@Leo Gura It's true. Since my awakening a few months ago, I already know what I am, but I am playing the game, and skipping around the Truth, because i'm still terrified of what it means to let go fully. I'm focusing on Ken Wilber's teachings at the moment, to ensure that I am Grown Up enough to handle my Waking Up... 

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I've had a similar experience, mine happened after smoking some weed though. My ego really thought it was about to die but I'd had never felt my heart pound so hard before and it freaked me out. Yeah man waking up is no laughing matter, I had an Awakening last April and its been a hell of a ride since.

Edited by nightrider1435

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@nightrider1435 I just can't fathom what it will be like if I let go of my identity 100%. If I let go and become infinite and haven't even taken any substance, god knows if I'll return! Martin Ball was infinite for months before his Ego returned. 

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@Voyager Yeah I'm not sure if I even want to let my identity go. The unknown... Is very scary through the eyes of the ego haha. Acquired taste? Sounds about right.

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23 hours ago, Voyager said:

@Leo Gura It's true. Since my awakening a few months ago, I already know what I am, but I am playing the game, and skipping around the Truth, because i'm still terrified of what it means to let go fully. I'm focusing on Ken Wilber's teachings at the moment, to ensure that I am Grown Up enough to handle my Waking Up... 

I might be in a position to offer an insight here, but I'm honestly confused. You said you know what you are, but then are expressing fears about letting go of the ego. What are you? 


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@Nahm Where's your Ape avatar! :P Well, yes, evidently i don't have the full picture otherwise fear would be irrelevant :( The problem is that I've had one of these awakenings and I feel like I'm in Limbo, Like i'm that rain drop that's hit the ocean twice but still has another 4 rebounds off the surface before it fully merges and has the clear understanding. This Limbo stage is really difficult. 

Thoughts that stop me letting go:

I don't believe that any of this exists. That If i let go, I will probably be just awareness, and return to what? Is there anything really here? 

Why would I return to a life of suffering anyway?

If this reality is somewhat real, I don't see how I can operate a single perspective once I am the full perspective?

How would the operation of my current experience and body still be possible?

Is it that once you are the full perspective, you can anchor back into an ego to operate a human experience?

And wouldn't I be able to anchor to any human experience as I am all that? 

 

Edited by Voyager

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