The sheer memory of the experience I am about to share still makes my body shake (No BS). Writing this text seems almost impossible, but Iam trying my best, out of gratefulness. After a series of minor mushroom trips in the 3-6 gram range during the last months, I felt ready for the final breakthrough, or ego-death, the ultimate surrendering. For everyones safety, I will not go into details about the exact dose which did the trick for me, but it was A LOT. The experience still caught me off-guard, but I made my way through hell ( this is not an allegory), also thanks to a beautiful person, my dear tripsitter aka GF, who stood by my side until the job was done. Eternal gratefulness towards her soul. After fighting "chaos dragons" (most accurate description I can come up with) for two hours, which felt like eternity, I was finally weak enough to give up my life. Dont get me wrong, this was not some "bad trip" kinda stuff, I literally had to face the fact that everything I ever did, loved or thought to be is, ultimately, a lie. Thats the nasty face of surrendering for you! I did the most counter-intuitive thing and willingly accepted defeat, death and insanity. Dont underestimate the hardship of letting EVERYTHING go, its terror. Then, for a split-second, I accessed the "collective consciousness", "god-mind", or whatever you want to call it. Franz was gone, I was still there. Instant realization of my own nature, which is love (cliche much? because its true, my friends). This stage has to be experienced! My words here are silly and will only evoke concepts in your mind. The beauty is beyond anything you can imagine. It is heartbreaking, purifying, and humbling in the most glorious way. I spoke the Truth (in any imaginable way, capital fucking T) to my girlfriend for a few minutes. She was barely able to follow me at all, which is fine, but she got the general idea, and cried tears of joy just like I did. BTW, I did not feel any difference between me and her. Slowly, I morphed back into human mind and form, not without some treasures nobody can buy. My state of mind after the experience is nothing short of perfect. I am still the same guy as a person, but my mind is silenced to a large degree. I can finally see the world for what its always been. Awareness is through the roof, video games are not engaging anymore (lol). Distinguishing between genuine life goals and egoic desires is easier than ever, and there is much work left to do. Self- realization opens the door towards the actual work.    Some one-liners that inspired and actually helped me:   Enlightenment is just a word, a concept. Dont pay too much attention to it, you ultimately have to let it go Love (surrendering) truly IS stronger than hate (resistance) Everything is based on the eternal conflict between resistance and surrendering There is great power in non-resistance. Most people would consider this a weakness, though If you hear the call, accept it You are never alone, and never unloved Everything is just a game, and death is not real (you still treat it differently, which is fine) Duality and death is a necessary lie (for now...) The ego is here for friendly competition, you can work with it, not against it Follow your best intuition, never become consumed by things YOU FEEL are wrong If you encounter malevolence and"evil", be its last host. You have the power to let it go, and it will disappear You will encounter WHATEVER you TRULY want to encounter in life Life is LITERALLY a reflection of yourself. Dont underestimate this   This is a love-letter towards LIFE and TRUTH. Dont waste your existence, I beg you. It will all come together just fine in the end (spoiler - there is no end).   Your most humble servant, Franz