Sukhpaal

Real Love?

14 posts in this topic

Hey guys I was pondering on something earlier. If a person has a deeply wounded ego and does not truly love them self can they truly romantically love someone else? Like I know someone who says she loves someone but she hates herself. I think she loves him because of the validation he gives her because she has a very low self-esteem. So what do you guys think, can someone who does not love themselves love someone else? 

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I think it puts up a slight boundery. You can love someone but ultimately if you are not able to love yourself than that doubt is also reflected in holding back some love because you are afraid that the other person also think in a similar way.

But love is luckily an evolving thing, it dynamically. Its possible to rediscover self-love through the eyes of the other person. To love someone fully with hes flaws and beauties is very powerful and relaxing. It eases the mind about self-judgement. Dont judge yourself too much, just be kind hearted, in the end thats what its all about.

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I guess trust plays a part. I wonder what the difference is between trust and naivety.

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@Sukhpaal Yes I love this topic!! It has been swimming in my head a lot lately. I recently admitted that I don't yet know what real love is. I only know my ego's concept of real love... which is a kind of "love" that fortifies my ego's existence. My ego's idea of love is a love that showers me with attention all the time and never stops validating me. Now I don't quite yet know what real love is, but I can imagine that real love will not feed your ego all the time. maybe just a little to make you feel good ^_^ but real love will let you sit and feel the ego's hunger for validation, and someone who is seeking to understand and experience real love will let themselves sit with the discomfort of the ego crying out for validation. Real love might be uncomfortable to the not-yet-awakened. I have experienced a lot of suffering in my recent relationships because of the expectations I place on my girlfriends, and I'm finally accepting that I might not have been receiving real love. More importantly, I had not been GIVING real love! So I continue the endeavor of understanding how to give and receive real love. Thank you for posting this!


"it's all about love... making some else's existence just a little easier. Nothing else matters, I know this now."

-Terence McKenna
Last Words Interview

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On 8/17/2017 at 0:35 AM, Sukhpaal said:

can someone who does not love themselves love someone else?

no. such person does not even know what love is.

an easy way to detect love for someone else is when you want the other person to be happy even if her happiness has nothing to do with you.


unborn Truth

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8 hours ago, ajasatya said:

no. such person does not even know what love is.

an easy way to detect love for someone else is when you want the other person to be happy even if her happiness has nothing to do with you.

Can you be aromantic and still love everyone ?

Like, you love everyone but just can't feel it ?


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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58 minutes ago, Shin said:

Can you be aromantic and still love everyone ?

Like, you love everyone but just can't feel it ?

sure... that's how we usually grow up. very deep inside we already love everyone unconditionally, but it's not felt until we can't take our lies anymore.


unborn Truth

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@Sukhpaal our experience of love is connection with Self. Love is not literally coming or going through the air from or to anyone. It's only happening within.


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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@Sukhpaal I also pondered over a similar question the past couple of weeks. what is love and such.. I've also been asking myself what I actually felt for people I 'fell in love' with. Since I don't fully love myself... yet... It couldn't have been love, now looking back. what was that all consuming feeling then? a deep desire to be loved? by others? by myself?

Edited by phoenix666

whatever arises, love that

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On 8/17/2017 at 4:35 AM, Sukhpaal said:

Hey guys I was pondering on something earlier. If a person has a deeply wounded ego and does not truly love them self can they truly romantically love someone else? Like I know someone who says she loves someone but she hates herself. I think she loves him because of the validation he gives her because she has a very low self-esteem. So what do you guys think, can someone who does not love themselves love someone else? 

I like this question as well. The way I see it is like a glass you fill with water, if your glass is empty then youre always looking at ways to fill the glass, or in other words validate your ego. One of the big ways we use to fill this glass is through getting someone to 'love' us, so with your friend for example she 'loves' this person because they validate her ego but the moment that person doesnt in the way she wants its likely she would get rid of them. 

So to truly love, your glass would have to be full and overflowing, then you are able to love without expecting anything back because you dont actually need anything from anyone, your cup is already full. Maslow mentions this in the hierarchy of needs (cant remember the title right now lol), basically its to do with an abundant vs a scarcity mindset, so essentially youre either going through life taking or going through life giving. Taking can work in the short term, but really its all about giving 

Edited by Consept

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On 8/17/2017 at 3:35 AM, Sukhpaal said:

If a person has a deeply wounded ego and does not truly love them self can they truly romantically love someone else?

Considering that you are questioning it, it's clear that you have some idea of how this is not true love.

What this is likely to be is a needy, neurotic type of love. As whoever this person is trying to love is just really an attempt to fulfill a void within their own ego (this deep inadequacy within themselves, because they are incapable of loving themselves). 

So all this will lead to is a dysfunctional relationship not one forged by true love, if he/she were to supposedly get into a real relationship. And like I've said before you're not ready for a relationship until you realize you don't need one.


"It is YOU that must change for all else to change." - Me.

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You could still romantically love someone else i believe but not truly love them or able to truly/wholly express love if you aren't at a state of true love within yourself first.

My Ex used to say she loves me everyday but when it came to showing or expressing it the actions never fell in harmony with the words. Actions will show you the truth about someone.

Edited by pluto

B R E A T H E

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