Hardkill

I Feel So Hopeless About My Sex/dating/love Life

45 posts in this topic

@Lord Bwyra that was some motherfucking awesome reply. we all need to feel completely hopeless at least once.


unborn Truth

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11 hours ago, Lord Bwyra said:

Hi Hardkill, welcome to the forums. I just read through this whole thread and I can empathize with your problem as I used to be in a similar position until I got it sorted. I'm gonna say some things now that you probably won't wanna hear.

You sound like a loser. And that's based on the few posts I have read. I have no idea what you look like or how you are in really life but based on the small interactions here and your avatar, you come across as really desperate and needy. If I was a girl or even as a friend, I would avoid people like you.

All you want is to take take take. You keep on blabbering away about getting an answer from Leo as if he will give you some magic pill. And I suspect that's the same thing you have been looking for from all that PUA nonsense.

Not a good first impression! Not for guys, not for girls, not for jobs, not for anything. Obviously you understand nothing about people, persuasion, human psychology, cognitive errors, mating dynamics. I'm not surprised since all the stuff you say you've read is a bunch of bullshit. I've said elsewhere on this forum that the whole "pickup" industry is a scam to take advantage of desperate guys. You are a case in point.

Learn to think for yourself. Become a man. Grow up. This is much more important right now than getting your dick wet. If you wanna get laid, hire a prostitute.

And I say this with love because I think you can change if you cut this bullshit and get serious with your life. I'm the big brother or father figure you never had giving you the talk on the edge of your bed about how to become a man. You're 29 and age is irrelevant because time is not real. You are 9 or 19 or 99. Doesn't matter.

Here's a question for you:

What is your life purpose?

If you don't know or have no clue, take Leo's course. Since you have a job, you can afford it. No excuses. And since you seem to love Leo so much and you want him to give you all the answers, this course will give you an overdose of Leo. Just you and him, all alone :$

Get your shit together. Stop fucking around and wasting our time with your bullshit mindgames. Nobody cares.

(I wish someone would've given me thís talk many years ago, it would've saved me a lot of frustration and madness).

You can thank me later :)

Much love brother and if you reply to this and you're still continuing your needy bullshit, I will not respond. Other members can continue playing your games and feeling sorry for you but I certainly will not because I pity no one. I empower.

Hint: tell us what you're gonna do tomorrow, what you're grateful for, express your positive attitude (it's good practise), tell us what a handsome motherfucker stud you are and how girls love you and you make them feel good and how much you enjoy making their days even 1% better, and how feminine energy inspires you and even making a girl smile is a victory for you and everything else is a bonus. Lie if you have to. Just tell us something nice. Since you are using an avatar online, mineaswell make it someone awesome.

That's why my name is Lord B.W.Y.R.A.

Be Who You Really Are.

That's my God. I am nobody. Just some guy, living his life, pursuing life mastery. Yes, I'm a genius artists in the real world but that's another story.

You can do this my friend.

Don't believe these lies in your head that you worship. You have created a false self, this person is an imposter, it's not the real you. Stop feeding that fucking loser victim mentality.

Now tell us how great you are and what a great day you've had. You have all your limbs, you have a dick that works and your dick and a winning smile and fire in your eyes. You are alive and breathing and make people feel awesome. You find inspiration in everyone because they are all sent here for you as a guide like angels in hell.

Or do you wanna go back to being mr. "i suck with women, nothing works" boohoo waawaawaa, i want mommy's titty? Huh? Poopy in your diaper? THROW OUT THE DIAPER!!! DIAPER'S ARE FOR LOSERS. Shit on the floor!

Get the course!!

And next time you see a cute girl, tell her you suck with women but just wanted to say hi and that you have a beautiful smile. If she still hates you, go to the book store and get some Bukowski novels so you can see what laughter feels like. Read Women where it starts with him as a 50 year old drunk who hasn't been laid in years until finally he bangs some 300 pound and the bed breaks. In the morning his wallet is missing and he blames the whore for hiding in her vagina, lol. It's a great book.

That's it. That's all I got for you man.

Oh wait...

Here's a good 3 step process that will get you far in life:

Look Good
Smell Good
Feel Good

Then leave the house and conquer your world :)

Enjoy your day.

Thanks for your "wisdom." However, if u had paid attention to what I said before, I already tried a form of meditation called mindfulness for well over a year with a certified therapist and I ultimately develop a level of enlightenment that most people  haven't ever reached in their lives and yet I didnt become the "ladies man" or sexy edgy guy that seduces an ample amount of women. Instead, I merely became a seemingly content, nice guy who is relatively boring (except when I do my impressions of others for comedic effect). 

Leo's course does seems enticing  and I will definitely consider buying it. 

Actually, there's is perhaps one universal goal I want to achieve before I die. My ambition is to create a world that has a perpetual peace in every single village, town, city, state, province, nation, continent, island, etc. I also want to modify the world we live in into one that is without  any contradictions and misconceptions about any genre of information out there out produced by the media, Internet, libraries, etc. So, I aspire to unify all information that is useful and beneficial into "one" and eliminate the detrimental useless info. out there. I want to take part in creating a world whereby justice is always delivered to those who truly deserve to be punished. I also want to establish an education system that effectively teaches children and teens how to make solid friends with others and how to attract those of the opposite sex (or same sex if u go that way) so that people in the future won't ever have to suffer cruel and unnecessary heartaches ever again.

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6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Thanks for your "wisdom."

You're very welcome but why did you put wisdom in quotation marks? I'm a little "offended" :)
 

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

However, if u had paid attention to what I said before, I already tried a form of meditation called mindfulness for well over a year with a certified therapist and I ultimately develop a level of enlightenment that most people  haven't ever reached in their lives and yet I didnt become the "ladies man" or sexy edgy guy that seduces an ample amount of women.

You haven't developed shit. You have no idea what enlightenment or mindfulness even means. Maybe your therapist didn't either or at least they failed to teach you. Otherwise you wouldn't be writing all this bullshit. You once again used those things to GET something, and expect some magic pill from practising them for "a year with a therapist". That's not at all how mindfulness works. You don't meditate or practise mindfulness so you can get enlightened or get happy or become a hit with the ladies. No. You practise those so you can learn how to stop doing things with all these expectations. You learn to become who you really are. This might take years and years to grasp so that year doesn't mean shit.

Do you honestly not see what you are doing with the way you constantly express yourself? It's like you're asking us for tips to cure your headache while bashing your head against the wall. Guys i need help (boom) with my head (boom) it fucking hurts guys (boom) god damn it guys i just (boom) want some help my head (boom) i did all this work with my headache doctor (boom) but i cant seem to (boom boom boom) ... etc. etc.
 

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Instead, I merely became a seemingly content, nice guy who is relatively boring (except when I do my impressions of others for comedic effect). 

I don't think you're nice at all. You continue to bully and disrespect yourself and I don't like it when people treat others like that, even if it's just themselves. I'm a better friend to you than you are to yourself. You are NOT a nice guy. You're a complete fucking tool. Douchemeister. Re-read this whole thread and tell me those are the words of someone who is nice. Unless by nice you mean weak.

Be kind. Forget about nice.

Start with yourself.

You are extremely boring though and repetitive so you definitely got that right.

I'd love to see more of that comedic side come through. Even a touch of humor in your self-deprecation would really make our day here in the forums.
 

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Leo's course does seems enticing  and I will definitely consider buying it.

I changed my mind. I honestly don't think you're ready for the course. You'll be one of those guys who does it and asks for a refund when his life is not perfect after not even completing all the materials. I really think you should go back to the PUA stuff, go to their seminars, read the 30 books about the 11 step method for walking up to a girl in disneyland while riding a donkey with a pink cowboy hat. As I said, those seminars are for losers like you and I'm sure you'll make some great friends there so you can all get together and complain how shitty you all are with women and jerk each other off. My old self says hi to all the guys!
 

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Actually, there's is perhaps one universal goal I want to achieve before I die. My ambition is to create a world that...


Wait, something is not right here...

Did you just use the word ambition? And universal? And 'create a world'?

Is that you Hardkill??

No way. I miss the old hardkill. Go back to loser mode again. I don't like this new you. I want to hear about PUA and how you learned everything but nothing works. That's what we love you for. Not this dreamer shit.

******


THIS is what you want to start focusing on. This is a completely different Hardkill now coming to the fore. I suggest you start focusing on that. Really map this out and study it and brainstorm and immerse yourself in everything that is needed to start moving towards that kind of world. Gain expertise on all the relevant fields, develop the skills you need to take your project forward. Become world class! Change the world.

My heart feels great joy that you decided to include this last paragraph in your reply because it means you took up my challenge and told your "i suck with women" false self and told him to go fuck himself (rightfully so). And especially how you wanted to end heartache and you did because my heart was aching for you to make this breakthrough. And you did!! That makes me so proud.

But you will go back to the swamp, this shit doesn't change over night. But this shows you can break free from it. I did. I was even worse than you. Mega loser!! I could barely get it hard with my first gf in my teens, I was so god damn insecure (and I was a pretty boy too but that doesn't mean shit when you are a loser mama's boy inside).

Now you are again ready for the Life Purpose Course. You have hope. I really think you can successfully live this dream of yours and everything will fall in place nicely. Just be open to really questioning your values and beliefs about the world and that you may decide to narrow the focus even more so you are for example working on improving education or perhaps just focus on justice. These are all big topics. Or you may discover that you really want to become an expert at female orgasms,  and the will flock to you a famine just ended and you are free bread. who knows

********

So how does life feel now that you have your women issues COMPLETELY resolved and you are getting laid left and right although since you are so busy with your dream of bettering the world, you don't really have time for women so much these days? I bet you have some stories to tell the grandkids!

How does it feel to be the new you?

(play along with me here)

Fuck man, you are one awesome dude.

I'm really grateful that you took the time to get on these forums and express your troubles. That takes guts and courage. You even found some new ideas and inspiration. Maybe you didn't agree with everything that was said. Some people were a little too harsh on you perhaps but then again, sometimes we need some random asshole to put is in our place when we are lost in the dark.

I really think this is a new turning point for you.

Tomorrow you will wake up and it'll be like christmas morning but instead of gifts under the tree and all that christmas shit, you will be filled with the gift of free oxygen to breathe, water to drink, food on the table, freedom to pursue your goals and dreams and build your body and master your psyche and libraries and bookstores full of brilliant people who left you their personal notes and ideas to inspire you and so much potential and laughter and beauty everywhere you go and look.

It's a great time to be alive my friend.

Welcome home.

*******

My work is done here. I really hope some of this "wisdom" rubbed off on you. I know you like your authority figures and it can sometimes be hard taking someone with "butt monkey" under their name, too seriously.

You can leave my office now. That's right, get the fuck out. Take the trash while you go.

NEXT!

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It seems the nice guy syndome. If you have the oportunity read No more Mr nice guy

 

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To hard kill: Let´s say you start getting laid here and there with a few girls?

That will make you little happier right?

WRONG.

I will feel probably more miserably, because you got what you wanted and nothing changed.

In what martial art you got a black belt? Just curious, because i have done them a little bit myself.

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10 hours ago, Richard Alpert said:

To hard kill: Let´s say you start getting laid here and there with a few girls?

That will make you little happier right?

WRONG.

I will feel probably more miserably, because you got what you wanted and nothing changed.

In what martial art you got a black belt? Just curious, because i have done them a little bit myself.

If you had a neurosis about not being worthy of woman or that something is wrong with you, it can help to realize that's not the case.

If I didn't take care of my virginity I would still idealize women, now they are just people that I can (very rarily) be attracted to.


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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I thank u guys again for your responses, but after some deliberation I don't think that finding out my life purpose or is really gonna need help improve my inner game significantly. It's too general and doesn't specifically address whether or not I am truly capable of learning to become socially adept according to my genetics.

Also, Lord Bwyra, with all due respect u sound like you need some serious psychological help yourself. I am not one to cast blame on you since I need serious help with my mental state. However, you really have such a flippant attitude that's really crazy. You first tell me that I am really screwed up and then you suddenly say that I am awesome with everything in my life. If other people came to you in real life for help they would probably think that something is wrong with u.

 

Edited by Hardkill

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Hello Hardkill. 

This is coming from someone who is just at the beginning of his journey himself, so I can relate to you in some ways and I just wanna share some thoughts which perhaps could be useful for you.

On 11.8.2017 at 4:14 AM, Hardkill said:

I don't know how to always lead a girl from one area to another when talking to her at the beginning of a conversation. 

Also, I don't have my own place since I live with my parents. So it's very difficult for me to take a girl to a place to have sex with me. 

It sounds to me like you just pinned down your current problem here. (I really don't get why you should have to make this whole thing into a quest where you need to dig into the deepest darkest grounds of the mystical universe or investing years of grinding your way through some sophisticated method to unravel this allegedly hyper complicated mess you perceive your problem to be.) 
Why don't you just get your own place? 
Maybe less relevant, I'm just curious: Why haven't you done so already?

I don't live with my parents, but I actually have a similar problem, I'm also often uncomfortable with inviting girls into my place. It's a crucial factor, because by not having an own proper place to present, you're basically signalling that you don't have the ability to come up with an appropriate space where potential offspring can be born into and grow and thrive. I guess you see how that's not too sexy.

Here's one additional thing I'd like to tell you:

On 8.8.2017 at 9:33 PM, Hardkill said:

I was hoping that someone like Leo would give me some valuable solution or insight

On 9.8.2017 at 1:03 AM, Hardkill said:

I wonder what someone like Leo would recommend I do.

On 9.8.2017 at 3:43 AM, Hardkill said:

I wonder what Leo would have to say about all of this.

On 9.8.2017 at 6:07 AM, Hardkill said:

Actually, do any of u guys know if Leo answer PMs to him frequently or has he gotten too busy to answer most of them back efficiently?

On 10.8.2017 at 1:02 AM, Hardkill said:

I really think that Leo is the only person who can possibly give me the best insight and solution on here.

Good God Jesus Mother Maria Fucking Joseph! Write him that goddamn text message. He'll either reply or he won't. 

Even if he doesn't reply, just writing it out thoroughly might already help you. (That's because if you want him to understand your problem, you'd have to spell it out properly, which makes you look more closely into its causal links, which tends to make you see things you may not have realized before.) 

Anyways, you've got nothing to lose here.

I understand that you're probably afraid that he'll simply not answer back and funny enough I'm in a similar situation where I want to get lessons from Lubomyr Melnyk and I also have this idea in my mind that I have to create this masterpiece of an email, which is just so perfectly constructed and well written out that it somehow forces its way into getting me a reply and that this is my only chance to ever get one ever. But hey, maybe this fear is a little exaggerated and you just gotta try. You can also write to all sorts of other people who you think might have something valuable for you.
Although I'm taking a wild guess that many of them would recommend you to get your own place xD

Edited by HII
missing space

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22 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Also, Lord Bwyra, with all due respect u sound like you need some serious psychological help yourself. I am not one to cast blame on you since I need serious help with my mental state. However, you really have such a flippant attitude that's really crazy. You first tell me that I am really screwed up and then you suddenly say that I am awesome with everything in my life. If other people came to you in real life for help they would probably think that something is wrong with u.

 

Can i use this as a testimonial in a future product i am working on about escaping from disneyland?

Please say yes.

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22 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I don't think that finding out my life purpose or is really gonna need help improve my inner game significantly. It's too general and doesn't specifically address whether or not I am truly capable of learning to become socially adept according to my genetics.


You are hilarious.

Let us know when you're ready to lose the diapers, we'll be here for ya.

"too general..."

Oh you're killing me.

and that part about genetics.

Epic.

Killer shit.

I'm shitting my pants with laughter.



Love ya,
LB

PS. start with this (see bold part above) when you write Leo for his advice!! I'm sure it'll really brighten his day...

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Quote

I don't think that finding out my life purpose or is really gonna need help improve my inner game significantly

You think ?
Because since I found mine, everything else became relatively important, and I mean everything.

It's not about your inner game, your inner game is like a child dream, it's so shallow that even if you get every pussies you dreamed off, it won't satisfy you.

You'll much better served to focus on your life purpose, you'll naturally become magnetic to women given enough time, because to be the kind of men you need to be to realize this purpose, is exactly what women are attracted to (confident, edgy, detached ...).

If you got a big dream, then you can't pussy around, you got to become a real man, and that's not at all what a real man is seen these days, "real men" these days are pussies in a muscle suit, with a big mouth and lots of cash, but that's not being a man, that's being an achievement whore.

So it's a win-win scenario, except that the need for pussies and affection for women will drop to 0, which doesn't mean you can't enjoy that if you want, it's just that you'll know they are just distractions and they will never satisfy you for more than a few months/years.
 

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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You still haven't watched enough videos by Leo. I don't know if he can tell you anything that he hasn't already said in his free videos.

One thing I can notice is that you seem the kind of person who DOESN'T WANT TO BE HAPPY. In this particular case, you actually don't want to have sex. Your attitude is one of constant refusal. It feels as if you're already expecting that nothing will work. You will say something like "how can that be true, if I didn't want to have sex or be happy I wouldn't have done this and that" etc. Well, you need more information about how your mind, your psyche works, and how the subconscious work.

There's a video by Leo called "You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be". Check that one out. And don't come here with "I saw it, but it didn't help me beacause yara yara yara." Fuck man, if you really need help, you will be able to find it wherever.

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There's something else I'd like to recommend you: You should learn to consider something that someone says and contemplate if it makes sense or is useful independently of the person who said it and also independently of everything else that person has said. This is super basic stuff, but apparently you're having trouble with it (if you think you don't, I will point out examples from this thread, which lead me to telling you this). Actually, most people out there can't do that, but how can you use a forum like this productively, if you can't pull that off. You're here to gather information, so it shouldn't matter so much if that information is being presented in the form of compassionate gentle stroking or a slap in the face.

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On August 12, 2017 at 0:05 PM, Richard Alpert said:

To hard kill: Let´s say you start getting laid here and there with a few girls?

That will make you little happier right?

WRONG.

I will feel probably more miserably, because you got what you wanted and nothing changed.

In what martial art you got a black belt? Just curious, because i have done them a little bit myself.

Maybe you're right. My prospects of ever becoming a happy person are very slim. Even Leo has mentioned that he has never been optimistic about depressed people ever having a content life. It's as if I have a terminal illness that's practically incurable and can only be treated so much.

I am a 2nd black belt in Hapkido.

 

Edited by Hardkill

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@Hardkill You are also a pathological liar. That's your biggest problem. However, like all problems, you can turn it into a challenge that can be overcome. Stop with the self-pity, nobody cares.

You are alive and breathing. You are living a life of luxury that even kings dreamed of hundreds of years ago.

This whole discussion I have been on your side all along. But the self-actualized version of you. We are actually great friends and brothers deep in that black heart of yours but you refuse to see that and acknowledge it because you have been possessed by some evil ugly force and you continue to feed that monster. I still believe in you and always will even if you don't and just think I'm attacking you for my own pleasure (although I admit, that's part of my motivation too).

We can help you get liberated from this madness but not until you actually want it and are ready to do the work required. Until then, expect to feel like shit and complain and not get anywhere with anything.

Depression is a choice. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like whatever other identity you CHOOSE to inhabit.

The question is: who do you really want to be?

Maybe you can start with that if you are really serious about self-actualization (presuming that's why you came here) like everyone else on THIS forum. I'm sure there are other forums for people who just want to bitch and moan and do nothing about it. This ain't it!!

Edited by Lord Bwyra

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10 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Maybe you're right. My prospects of ever becoming a happy person are very slim. Even Leo has mentioned that he has never been optimistic about depressed people ever having a content life. It's as if I have a terminal illness that's practically incurable and can only be treated so much.

I am a 2nd black belt in Hapkido.

 

Life for most people is tolerating life most of the time. Look at peoples faces you seen on the streets :) Chasing happiness is also a trap. Speaking from experience here.

Think this: If you dont need anything from anybody or you dont compare yorself to other people. Can you be totally miserable?

Can you forget the pick up stuff for a while and make your goal having a normal conversation with a women, where you dont want anything from her. I think guys are way too rushy to try making things move forward. When you start to know the other person, then move forward and if the chemistry is there it will happen naturally, you don´t need to force anything.

Are your parents happy people and do they have good relationship?

Mine do not, that´s why i made a decision little while ago im not going to talk them that often. I still love them.

If you start to become more mindfull you will start to realize some patterns in human behaviour. These are all learned things and i believe they can be unlearned althought it´s hard and takes a LOT of work.

You probably have friends who are not benefiting you at moving forward.

I used to watch a lot of pua also, had bad friend/family relationships and was needy and disfunctional as fuck with women.

Baby steps, step by step, keep working. Like, if you get 1-2% better every year with yourself, think how much that is in 10-20 years?

Your outside relationships are a manifestation of your inner relationship.

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Your main problem seems to be that you think something external is going to bring you everlasting happiness. 

What you have to realise, and it maybe depressing, is that even if yoi get regular sex its only a momentary thing, in that you enjoy it in the moment and thats it. Depending on the relationship it can actually cause a lot more pain which cancels out the moments of sex. 

Youre also thinking of things in linearly logical way, essentially youre trying to solve the problem of you. So you think if i do martial arts, have a job, get a friend with benefits, then ill be happy, what you have to realise is thst there is only the process there is no ending. By doing this youre also reinforcing that youre not good enough as you are, youre saying to yourself that you need x y and z to be whole, which is not true.

On a practical level you can say youre non-needy but reading your post this is what youve built up as your salvation so im pretty sure you do come accross as needy to girls. It may just be sub conscious but girls are a lot more intuiative when it comes to these things. So the paradox is once you really stop caring about validation from girls youll most likely get a lot more interest. 

Also youre def not genetically unable to attract a female, part of the problem is you think you are, you have to understand its not easy for anyone really, youre not unique, everyone has their own issues. 

So what i would work in if i was you is realising you are enough as you are and truly developing non neediness 

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me too Op

 

I got this girls number who I really like, but I expect it to not go well. I expect a catch. I expect to somehow be disappointed and blindsided. Because everytime I feel as if things are going my way with this, it's like I run into a brick wall. even if we go out and have what seems to be a good time, i expect something to happen to where it will simply fizzle out. whether its me....or her...or whatever. my expectations are negative.

 

I felt better for awhile when I truly let go. But I started to feel depressed again when this situation came around. Its fucking sad that I havent even hit her up yet and yet I already feel like itll go nowhere. 

 

I hate it. I truly do. Its a really dark feeling. All I would like is for this to be an enjoyable part of my life because I like the opposite sex. Im attracted to them. And I know to a certain extent they like me and are attracted to me to. but i always end up...not happy with it.

 

idk anymore man. I dont want to sink in negativity, but I am. 

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Thanks again for your responses guys. Recently, I've increased my antidepressant dosage and feel noticeably better lately. I feel more indifferent and have less of a sex drive now. Also, I've been doing meditation more frequently again and started practicing tai chi. Also, I've been doing more running and am I training to do a half marathon sometime in the future.

Also, I've started to think that perhaps I am destined to be single and unappealing to the girls I want for the rest of my life. I know I've sounded extremely pessimistic, obstinate, and a real pain in the ass to deal with. I am very sorry to everyone here who's time I may have wasted on here to trying to help me. After much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that since I have failed to find true happiness all of my life and given my history of having had far more failures than successes in my whole life with improving my charisma, seduction skills, and finding romantic love, it seems probable that no amount of practice in the field, no amount of analyzing the mistakes I've made and will continue to make out there, and no sort of way will ever make me into a sexy, charismatic person who is capable of attracting any kind of woman I want. Nonetheless, I've realized that even if I continue to fail despite my very best efforts until the day I die, I can still record all of my mistakes I've made and will continue to make in the future for posterity. They say that if u fail to achieve your dreams before you die then you can always pass it on to the next generation and hopefully have those people fulfill your goals for you. So, there are countless variables in a countless number of combinations and permutations to account for in any given interaction with a woman even during just a small amount of time you spend with her. Yet, by the time I've reached 80 to 90 years of age I will have already made at least a few million mistakes in countless combinations and permutations with women. So when I am on my deathbed a certain number of young men in the future will be willing to carry out my goal, and they will be able to analyze and afterwards instantly correct all of the mistakes I made in my entire life. In fact, some will inevitably learn far quicker and better than I ever could. Therefore, I believe that it would be wise for me to focus my efforts more on creating an invaluable legacy for the future generations of men who will have the potential to live truly happy sex, dating, and romance lives.

Sounds good?

Edited by Hardkill

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On 8/8/2017 at 0:37 PM, Hardkill said:

Hi everyone, I am brand new to this forum and this is my first post ever. I've watched a lot of Leo's vids on Youtube on making friends, sex, attraction, love, mindfulness, meditation, goals, success, etc. I am 29 and a half years old and I've been struggling with improving my sex and dating life for almost 3 years. I've cold and warm approached hundreds of women in real life and tried many different kinds of online dating apps including OKC, POF, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Match.com, Jdate, etc. I lost my virginity when I was 27 years and 9 months old and have never had a girlfriend in my entire life. Also, I've had sex with a total of 4 girls, but I've only had sex for a total of 7 times in my entire life (only two of the times where I engaged in full genitalia intercourse). I've read up and tried various methods of pickup from the PUA community including RSD, Kezia Noble, Hayley Quinn, Gambler's methods, 60 years of challenge, GoodLookingLoser, etc. and they all gave me limited results overall. I've tried going to meetup groups, social circles, bar, clubs, parks, fairs, streets, malls, college campuses, social circle, etc. Girls in middle school, high school, and somewhat in college used to tell me how attractive or cute I looked, but after college was when I realized how extremely difficult if not impossible it is for me to get a girl I want. The furthest I've ever gotten with a girl was through a 6th date over a 4-5 month period (I though I was close to making a friends with benefits relationship with her, but she stopped wanted to see again after our 6th date. I've done more work than most guys have, but still suck with women. Therefore, I fear that I may never find a girl I want who will be willing to be in a solid friends with benefits relationship with me or be my girlfriend. 

So you have the desire that you want a friends with benefits? Truth is you can't control life.. and if you are conscious enough having a desire is an illusion of your mind.. it becomes your feeling.. and that feeling will consume you and it becomes get frustrated because you can't control it you are not living by reality ... you neee to wake up.. 

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