Heroic Dose Research Chemical

[jwkspeck]

This is a miracle, huh?

I really am a damn butt monkey.

I consumed 600 mcg of 1P-LSD, previously having had done 100 and 200 on two separate occasions. I was alone, in my cesspool of solitude in my bedroom. I wanted to search for my demons, and I sure as hell got them.

I did not find ego death, nor did I experience non-dual consciousness. It was something else. Worth it? Maybe. I feel enlightened - hell of a lot more motivated to change the way I live.

My current belief is that I'm the consciousness of this being. Before, I thought the thought that I was the body. Was I trapped in the mind, somehow? I feel like I got a huge dose of consciousness - which was pretty tough, considering I was convinced I was conscious as I distracted myself day in, day out in this toxic situation. I was simultaneously searching and hiding from the truth. My god.

I went too quickly. Clearly. I'm not sure what the expectation was - maybe an expectation of truth. Did I get truth? I uncovered a hell of a lot of fear. I wouldn't suggest others do the same.

It's certainly obvious that appearances are a product of the appearances of my early experiences - TV, video games, fiction.

I'm even more confused, but it's really shown me how unsustainable my circumstance is. Who says consensus reality is the reality, besides the consensus itself?

I really struggle to convey the importance of this, obviously - and I don't know how to integrate this.

I feel like I just woke up.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

I don't understand why you would want to torture yourself like that. What's wrong with 200ug?

You are not going to develop yourself fast. It just doesn't work that way. This whole process takes years to do right. Enlightenment is not the only factor here. You are not going to be able to sustain it without a solid foundation of more basic personal development work.

Even if you somehow manage to wake up, you will be a half-woke Zen Devil, and your life will still suck.

[jwkspeck]

I don't understand, either. I guess I wanted some magic pill, just didn't think it'd be so hard to swallow.

I'm not sure I would have changed without it. But it's given me a fairly horrifying perspective. I reap what I sow.

[Leo Gura]

@jwkspeck If you think psychedelics are a beautiful tool, why not pay them the respect they deserve?

You wouldn't go sticking a habanero pepper up your ass, would you?

[jwkspeck]

They'll be getting a hell of a lot more respect in the future.

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Even if you somehow manage to wake up, you will be a half-woke Zen Devil, and your life will still suck.

Yeah. But now I can't run away from the fact that it sucks.

[Leo Gura]

@jwkspeck The universe works in twisted ways. There's wisdom even in stupidity.

[Heart of Space]

Yea, don't do that.  Want advice from someone who's been around the block?  Quit them permanently and concentrate on actual practice for your spiritual growth.  Psychedelics have to be by far the most overrated spiritual tool.  

Heroic dosing has to be one of the dumbest idea's ever put forth.  They should be honest and call it chemical lobotomy dosing.  Sorry you had a bad experience, just steer clear of them from now on and you'll be fine with time.  

Edited July 13, 2017 by Heart of Space