How To Be Happy And Fulfilled?

[Chrissy j]

So I have conflicting info(maybe?). In Leo's newest episode about success he says happiness comes from being without needing anything. But he has also said it comes from your top 10 values. Do you need both values and being together for happiness? Or can you reach a point of being so advanced where you don't even need to be aligned with your values anymore to be happy because you are absolutely unconditionally happy? How does chimp mind play into this all as well? If you value fun even if it is chimp mind does it still make you authentically happy and at peace?

And what actually creates fulfillment for a person? What is the actual mechanism behind creating this fulfillment? Is it just having a life purpose itself or contribution or...? And how will enlightenment and being effect fulfillment? 

[Bob84]

Everything is conditional. When you meet requirerment x y and z you choose to be happy. When a b and c requirement are not met you choose to not be happy.

Often you never meet the requirments as they change all the time. And therefor you choose not to be happy.

This is a list you madeup in your mind. The conditions. You can howevers say: fuck the list, im going to be happy right now.

[egoeimai]

Nothing matters outside your mind. It's all in the mind. Happy thoughts happy life.

[Visitor]

5 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

So I have conflicting info(maybe?). In Leo's newest episode about success he says happiness comes from being without needing anything. But he has also said it comes from your top 10 values. Do you need both values and being together for happiness? Or can you reach a point of being so advanced where you don't even need to be aligned with your values anymore to be happy because you are absolutely unconditionally happy? How does chimp mind play into this all as well? If you value fun even if it is chimp mind does it still make you authentically happy and at peace?

And what actually creates fulfillment for a person? What is the actual mechanism behind creating this fulfillment? Is it just having a life purpose itself or contribution or...? And how will enlightenment and being effect fulfillment? 

Happiness is a releasing emotion, much like love and gratitude. The opposite is tension.

Acceptance is the key which unlocks tension, and creates gratitude, love and happiness. 

If you are not happy, then there is some person, place, thing or situation you are not accepting. As soon as you accept it, its tension vanishes. From that liberation of tension causes one to be grateful, happy and loving.

[Nahm]

@Chrissy j Happiness doesn't come from anything, it comes from how you look at everything. 

[Erlend K]

"Happiness comes from being without needing anything"

I think it is important to view happiness as a scale and not an either/or, or box to be checked off. We should try to live in a way where our happiness steadily increases over our lifespan. The highest happiness might comes from "being without needing anything", but I don't yet know how to achieve that in real life. I think certain subsystems of the mind will continually make up new criteria for contentment. Subjectively this is experienced as "once I archive X, or solve problem Y, I can finally be content". However once we reach that point the mind very quickly finds something else to worry about. Even if you achieve all your dreams and goals in life - have a fulfilling career, a great spouse and children, good friends, your dream home, good physical and emotional health and whatever else you view as important, these subsystems will keep coming up with new  criteria for content. Perhaps it is possible to somehow turn off these subsystems, but I'm guessing that would be a very long term project. The two danger are 1: to tell your self that "I already reached the point where I'm just being happy. I don't need anything", while denying/suppressing your actual wishes and desires. 2: To set the criteria "Once I learn to be happy from being without needing anything, I can finally be content", and then delay happiness until some point you might never reach.

"He has also said it comes from your top 10 values."

I missed this one. Did he cite any sources for this claim, or is it just his own personal hypothesis? I have studies quite a bit of positive psychology and never heard of this hypothesis before, so I'm not sure how accurate this is..

The two largest studies ever on long term happiness are the The Grant and Gluek longitudinal studies and the Harvard longitudinal studies. The conclusion here is that most important contributions to our long term happiness is the quality of our social relationships in combination with healthy lifestyle including regular exercise.

A practical (in a way very obvious, but easy to overlook if one over-philosophises), advice for how to live a happy life is Daniel Kahneman's advice from 'Thinking, Fast and Slow': "Spend as much time as possible doing things you love doing, together with people you enjoy being with".

[PetarKa]

I wonder... is happiness all there is? Do you also regard other emotions such as passion, love, excitement, fulfillment, comfort, self-worth, etc. as "happiness" or are there many FORMS of happiness?

Is happiness the everyone's ultimate goal? Leo has mentioned this several times though I don't quite agree with this. For example, someone might be religious and devote himself completely to such traditions JUST BECAUSE they BELIEVE they should obey and that DISBELIEVING such things is a "sin".

[TJ Reeves]

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

 Do you need both values and being together for happiness?

Think of happiness as being + values in action.

Do not expect yourself to literally embody values perfectly, as values themselves are concepts. 

But do make the attempt. It's the trying that counts. 

Don't know your values?

Figure them out. Once you nail down your personal values, you can eliminate all the distractions that keep you from living out those values.

Embodying your values is hard enough. Embodying values without knowing them yet is a recipe for disaster. 

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

Or can you reach a point of being so advanced where you don't even need to be aligned with your values anymore to be happy because you are absolutely unconditionally happy?

- When you practice your values in actions enough, you'll get to a point where you don't even think about it that much. 

- Add unconditional happiness to your list of values . That said, don't get upset with yourself for getting upset and not 100% living up to the value of unconditional happiness. Keep asking yourself "am I setting up conditions for my happiness? Oh yes! I am!" and then finding a proper solution to that condition or letting go of the condition completely. Over time, you will come closer to truly unconditional happiness as you get better at facing and removing your happiness-conditions.

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

How does chimp mind play into this all as well? 

- We all have a list of human needs. These needs may cloud our awareness such that we become desperate to fulfill them, in order.

- in desperation, we may go against our values or make rash actions that make the world worse for everyone and everything in it. So the game is to figure out how, when, and why your needs are clouding your awareness.

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

If you value fun even if it is chimp mind does it still make you authentically happy and at peace?

- The wholehearted do value play and joy. This is part of their secret.

- The problem is that people go overboard with it and knock themselves out of balance. Life is not all about fun.

- The opposite of play is not work. It's depression. So if you find that you're not doing anything fun while on your quest, then know that you're fucking yourself over. 

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

And what actually creates fulfillment for a person?

- The Specific answer to that question depends on the person, but basically the overall  structure will be:

• having complete experiences of life, especially by opening up to new ones
• growing in the ability to handle more complex problems (on your own and with other people)
• practicing authenticity - being able to speak your mind and heart as necessary
• connecting the Truth that you literally are God in God hanging out with other versions of God
• helping others do everything listed above in a direct, appreciable way

Do that and you're bound to have a great life.

22 hours ago, Chrissy j said:

And how will enlightenment and being effect fulfillment? 

Enlightenment?

Enlightenment does not equal personal transformation. You can access the Truth but still go back to do thing the same 'ol things. 

Then again, the Truth can be used for a) mental clarity so that you can get shit done b) a reminder that you don't actually have to do anything, so you don't have to become neurotic about getting shit done and c) simple amazement at the fact that you are aware of everything at all - if you understand what to look for, then the world becomes this goddamn amazing wonder of stuff to discover. (HINT: you are awareness in the never ending process of not knowing and figuring itself out. Or better yet, you are how the universe feels itself and contemplates about itself.)

Example: Peter Ralston wrote a whole book about the fact that enlightenment does not equal personal transformation and yet his enlightenments (note: plural! there's a lot to become enlightened about!) allowed him to not give a f*ck about pain while winning world martial Arts Championships. 

Being

As a synonym for being use "complete experience" or "stopping to smell the roses" or "really feeling what it is like to be you in the moment of being you as you do the things you do, whatever they may be"

Overall, enlightenment and being are themselves part of fulfillment, as I hinted at earlier with the list of things that generally comprise a fulfilling life. 

Edited July 9, 2017 by TJ Reeves

[Natasha]

"Unconditional happiness is about surrendering to reality and being ok with exactly whatever you have" - Leo in 'Successful People Are Not Happy'

[Joseph Maynor]

Happiness is the reciprocal of ego.  The lower the ego is the higher happiness is.  The higher the ego is the lower happiness is.

Edited July 9, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[SOUL]

There is only one condition of unconditional happiness,  it's being happy.

The mechanism to creating fulfillment in my experience is using the present moment to sow seeds of a lasting sense of fulfillment through finding appreciation in life as it unfolds.

 

[Natasha]

 

- I want happiness!

- First remove 'I', that's ego. Then remove 'want', that's desire.

  Now all you're left with is ....happiness!

Edited July 9, 2017 by Natasha

[gogoladze1929]

@Chrissy j

lest assume that you need some money, and suddenly some random gay came to you and gave you let's say 200 bucks, for no reason, like gift.
you did not deserve it, you did nothing to get it, no hard work, just basically nothing, it was complete accident.
well you can imagine how happy you will become suddenly.

now if you think same way about the life and everything that happens inside of it.
noticing and being grateful for every second of life, getting sense of being alive.
starting from simple breathing , able to listen, able to feel, able to do things.

learn understand the value of life, and learn to be grateful  for that.
 

[Nahm]

@Chrissy j There are thoughts of happiness, they come and go and are only thoughts. Real happiness is a mental & physical state of surrender to connectedness. It is easy if you go about it by allowing everything you already know but your minute to minute ego preferences have been keeping you distracted.

Take all your preferences and call them ego, set them aside.

Now research healthy eating, meditating, healthy thinking & exercise. 

Make choices based on optimal health and harmony - NOT BASED on flavor, taste & sensations & personal preferences & social acceptance. 

Things taste good based on what we've been eating. Eat a plat based diet and after only a couple weeks, your taste buds change to accommodate. 

 

Seperate mentally what is a thought and what is doing. Do. 

 

[Ry4n]

I think in the long-term being+value based living is the way to go. You want to be able to surrender to what is and be fully in the moment, but you obviously don't want to be a vegetable that does absolutely nothing, you certainly could, but I doubt enlightenment can transcend biology; if you do nothing you will be miserable. We are always going to be doing something with our lives, so may as well do what we value deeply. This combined with being in my opinion seems to produce the highest levels of fulfilment.