S33K3R

How I Experience Depression

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I view depression as this person in my life that I hated when we met when I was 5 or 6 or younger? I got really angry at him when I was 9 when I broke a mirror my mom gave me. He followed me around and I ignored him as much as I could. I did this till I was 15 when the fact that I pushed people away my whole life really hit me in the face and I was going through life making no real deep connections to people. Friends were people I kept at a distance. I wanted to die at that time. I somehow got out of that tiny little box and found myself again avoiding this person year after year. Pretending he didnt exist, he will go away right? Not really.... Through a dysfunctional relationship I was forced to face him, this changed me profoundly, thanks Preston :)  

So I started meditation and I dug within myself over and over for years. Changing self defeating beliefs my ego had set in concrete from my childhood. Beliefs dont change themselves I realized. This depression still came though? Even though I had felt peaks of ecstasy in deep trance meditations I still somehow felt at a loss. My ego used depressions existence to challenge my progress. My ego would use this depressions existence to try to set self defeating beliefs back into concrete.  

Fast forward to today. Depression I know now is a part of me, now that I accept it I dont experience it the same. There is no ego battle after acceptance of this. To me it is the winter after the spring. The thing that tells me to slow down and go inward, listen to the changes being made from previous work I have done. I believe this was the last I will ever see of any kind of true depression now that I see it for what it is. 

 

So for me depression is a spiritual fall/winter, a time for reflection and going inward. Nothing to fear at all. After all that I experienced I realize this depression has shaped me. 

Now if you apply this to a more grand scale. Look at society. They are all in a spiritual winter after a time of great growth. This is why the chaos of the world doesn't seem to concern me either. Society evolves just like an individual, but on a much more grand scale. I view society as being my younger self running from the truth they will learn as I did I am sure.

Its all so beautiful actually....

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