On Perfectionism And Emptiness

[Afonso]

Perfectionism and Emptiness

Perfectionism is a tendency consequential to Emptiness. As Emptiness arises, Perfectionism might also arise.

What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is the tendency to leave everything perfect without any perceptible mistake or imperfection. People who are perfectionists tend to be chronic procrastinators and show obsessive compulsions - this isn't just perfect yet, I can make it better. It's all right to want to excel at a particular area or construct of your life. However, the problem resides when this behavior gets out of control and permeates all your life goals and mental activity. Soon enough, you'll fall into the trap of feeling that if everything is just perfect then you'll feel fulfilled. Of course, this is a huge mistaken assumption.

So, how does this relate to Emptiness? In fact, Perfectionism stems from the assumption that this Emptiness can be fixed by external behavior, achievement and somehow, something is missing. This, as expected, leads to a huge series of problems, internal turmoil and a life-time waste of energy.

Emptiness leads to Perfectionism which leads to more Perfectionism. Notice, because Perfectionism is a consequence of Emptiness, it can never solve the root problem, which is its cause. In the end, we're left with a seemingly even larger void than before, because now we see that the huge quantities of change did not fix our issue.

This is all very well known. What we fail to realize, however, is that this phenomena happens in our lives as well! Not just something that happens to the weird and crazy ones. We all fall into the trap of Perfectionism, some more than others.

 

Relationships

Do you want a girlfriend because she'll help you on your growth or on any other positive matter, or is it because you want company or because you feel like you should have a girlfriend? Notice that these are very different reasons to get on a relationship. Most people, specially people who have had relationship-issues in their teens, seem to be negatively fueled to start dating and having sexual partners. Ultimately, nothing on this matter will fulfill you, as we've already addressed. What's surprising is that most people know this, but still get caught in this vicious cycle. Seen from a meta-perspective, it's rather silly. It looks like a bunch of kids yelling desperately for candy, only to be full for a while and then requesting more candy. 

 

Success

Success can become a huge trap as well. Most of us are imprinted with the notion that one needs to be successful and get the most success that one can gain. For many, it's a measure of personal worth. For most people, getting huge amounts of success is something naturally desired. However, if one looks deep enough, one sees that this desire is imprinted by culture and society and is subconsciously communicated as a means to fulfillment. Ultimately, it's no different than banging a bunch of hot girls and pursuing more and thinking that'll fix your Emptiness issues. Nevertheless, this is a very hard tendency to counteract. Even though one might intellectually grasp what's being transmitted here, it's likely that he/she will fall into the trap anyways. It's just too deep in our psyche to remove at a blink of an eye.

 

Intellectual understanding

Personally, I have fallen in this trap a lot, specially because of my conditioning as a child. I've always been very intellectually stimulated as a child, and as I grew up, I evolved a tendency to mental masturbate with intellectual stimulus. Reading, after reading, after studying, after reading to finally... get to reading and reading and reading. If one is not conscious of what fuels the desire to intellectually entertain some matter, one might fall into the trap of seeking theory after theory and have constant mental orgasms and intellectual orgies with other people. Balance between action in life and theoretical understanding is key.

 

So, now what?

As we're seeing, all these areas of our life, where we seek fulfillment and ending of this emptiness, fail to do so. Relationships, Success and Intellectual understanding are just three out of an infinite array of paths that we follow to fill the void. In short, almost our whole lives are spent in this way, unless we actively and consciously decide not to.

So how can we be conscious of the trap of Perfectionism, not fall into it and actually start fixing our tendencies and ultimately, our inner issue? Every step we take towards consciousness on this issue will remove a lot of suffering and internal struggle in our everyday lives.

 

Become conscious and radically honest about yourself

Of all the things you're pursuing in life, whether it's that chocolate cake, attending that party or becoming filthy rich, ask yourself Why do I want to do this?  The Why is key here. Then, radical honesty comes in. Stop bullshitting yourself with your thoughts and listen to your heart and intuition. What's the real reason you're doing anything you're doing in life? Ask this question for small matters such as going out with friends or pursuing women but also for larger matters, even for your entire LIFE! Soon enough, you'll discover that many things you want stem from emotional unresolved issues, and fundamentally, from this issue of Emptiness. It's hard to continue taking action, when you know in your heart that the action is negatively fueled.

 

Meditation

Meditation helps in dissolving your Ego, calming your mind and distancing yourself from thought. As you get to see thoughts for what they really are (rather arbitrary phenomena without any truth), you'll come to notice that much of your negative motivations and issues will just fall away. It's not the case that these issues are inherent to your being, but that they are created by thought. It's absurd what you're doing. You're basically listening to some pop-music in your head and pursuing what it says blindly, trusting whatever it says.

 

Fixing the issue of Emptiness

Emptiness stems from your identification with mental phenomena and ultimately, with your false-self or Ego. Because you think you're the Ego or an entity residing in your body, you think its demands will fulfill you. But this is a huge mistake. It's the same thing as feeding your dog and thinking you'll be full. This talk invites us to Enlightenment territory, which is great! However, we can always make progress in dissolving and knowing the Ego, with consciousness work (Meditation included). Be aware that identifying with the false-self will always leave you Empty at some degree because you identify with infinite appetites in a finite world. You want to move in the direction of less identification with the Ego and raising your base level of awareness.

 

In short, commit to become more conscious of your internal mechanics.

What's your opinion on the matter of Perfectionism and Emptiness? Have you got some story to share? Please let me know, thanks!

Edited June 13, 2017 by Afonso