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LamboZwizard

My Daily Epiphanies And Realizations

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This is going to act as a kind of personal journal for new perspectives i get in my life about my self and the people and things around me.

So its been quite some time now that im involved with self-development stuff but only lately i have become so focused on improving myself. 

Everyday i look out of my window i look at all the creations of men and nature and only then truly realize, when truly present in the moment, that the world is a beautiful place. 

Today realized that we as humans are even more incredible than anything in this world, like wow, as im writing this my eyes are tearing up. Its incredible what the Mind and the Body can do when they are connected, in sync. When you realize that emotions are a beautiful thing in this rollercoaster ride you start to embrace all kinds of emotions. Negative emotions but also Positive emotions. You truly observe these emotions and feelings in the present moment and you can feel at the same time how they change the chemistry in the body, like WOW! 

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I realized today that im massively afraid of not being loved by a woman. This makes so much sense, because all my life until now i had only 1 girlfriend and i had a massive emotional breakdown with her. I was so afraid to tell her that i "love" her that i became quite clingy and needy. 

Recently i met this girl and we liked eachother in a friendly way and since i dont have many woman friends, my subconscious must have rang some bells. While im not needy towards her i feel massive anxiety when things are about her, i even got sick because of the emotional stress this creates, lol.

I realize that the problem is very deep, all my life, i cant remember having said once to my parents or siblings that i love them. This is ridiculous, i dont even know what to do about this. I need to take action to meet new woman. I need  to heal this deep problem while i dont even know how, wow as im writing this i realize the HUGE impact emotions linked to past events can have an insane effect on the self in the future. 

Why do i even need someone to love me? Is it because i dont love myself? Why? 

I need to work on this, my focus in this journey has to shift and focus on repairing the love for myself. I am enough, everything/everybody else is just a bonus to my life.

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