Bullied By My Own Ego

[Durka_Durka]

So I just meditated for the first time in a while. And I feel like I actually just got bullied by my own ego. It was hurling really arrogant insults at me and bringing up images that were basically to make me feel inadequate, jealous, weak, unworthy etc. And it literally sounded like a bully. And to be honest I'm not quite sure what to do about it. It's made me actually a little frightened of my own ego and I'm not sure how to stop it. How do I deal with something like this when it clearly seems to hate me? Whatever it is.

Do I just carry on meditating, I mean that seems like it would just give my ego more silence to abuse me and go wild. If it helps with anything, the back of head aches for some reason. 

How can I make my ego healthy? I can't strive towards a quietened mind if my ego fucking hates me

[ajasatya]

@Durka_Durka when you meditate you're not opening up for self harassment. you're actually becoming conscious of how harassing you are to yourself all the time.

ego is another word for I. stop saying that your ego hates you. you hate yourself. accept it first and feel the pain. be aware of the fact that you lack self love.

once you have accepted it, then change can happen. never stop meditating and lean towards true human virtues, like humility, simplicity and compassion. let go of toxic patterns like pride, vanity and envy.

these are lifetime tasks. your suffering is your fuel.

[AstralProjection]

2 hours ago, Durka_Durka said:

So I just meditated for the first time in a while. And I feel like I actually just got bullied by my own ego. It was hurling really arrogant insults at me and bringing up images that were basically to make me feel inadequate, jealous, weak, unworthy etc. And it literally sounded like a bully. And to be honest I'm not quite sure what to do about it. It's made me actually a little frightened of my own ego and I'm not sure how to stop it. How do I deal with something like this when it clearly seems to hate me? Whatever it is.

Do I just carry on meditating, I mean that seems like it would just give my ego more silence to abuse me and go wild. If it helps with anything, the back of head aches for some reason. 

How can I make my ego healthy? I can't strive towards a quietened mind if my ego fucking hates me

Well if you really want to kick your ego's ass take some 5-meo-dmt.

Other than that you might want to try reprogramming your subconscious mind in conjunction with meditation. Do some self talk just before your meditation. Play some music while meditating for a while. It might be a training wheel but that is fine if your first starting out.

As an alternative you might do much better with astral projection which is a type of meditation. In the end your going to have to try many different things and see what works best for you. But yeah what your going through is totally normal. Keep up the good work Durka_Durka.

[Durka_Durka]

@ajasatya I understand what you're saying and I get it that I must obviously undertake the self actualisation journey. I was more wondering if there were specific ways to make my ego healthier? Or whether it is just a case of making my life better in general?

[nightrider1435]

Hey man i feel you. My ego is similar, and from what it looks like here it might start to get painful the deeper you go, this is how it has been for me. Keep on mediating, ride this shit out.

6 hours ago, Durka_Durka said:

Do I just carry on meditating, I mean that seems like it would just give my ego more silence to abuse me and go wild. If it helps with anything, the back of head aches for some reason. 

Yep your on point here, your going to have to do exactly that! Let it all surface and just be aware, try not to drown in it. Nothing is good or bad here, it all just is. keep pushing, it will get better. Don't try to solve any of this, just sit there and be with it, welcome it.

6 hours ago, Durka_Durka said:

How can I make my ego healthy? I can't strive towards a quietened mind if my ego fucking hates me

Who is the victim here?? I would drop that right now. When the mind hits you with things like this just be aware of it, don't give it meaning.

Edited June 7, 2017 by nightrider1435

[Martin123]

@Durka_Durka watch from 18:30 if you dont wanna watch the whole thing.

 

[Durka_Durka]

@AstralProjection I have a lot of work to do before I'm ready for 5-Meo-DMT or Astral projections 

I am doing affirmations though

[Durka_Durka]

@nightrider1435 I see, yeah it was quite an emotional reaction initially. I will listen to it and treat it with love, I think I'm trying to disown it when in reality it is me. 

[Durka_Durka]

@Martin123 That was amazing! So honesty and self-love to become one with my inner child?

[Martin123]

@Durka_Durka yes. 

[Durka_Durka]

@Martin123 Thank you!

[Martin123]

1 minute ago, Durka_Durka said:

@Martin123 Thank you!

Youre welcome!

[nightrider1435]

31 minutes ago, Durka_Durka said:

@nightrider1435 I see, yeah it was quite an emotional reaction initially. I will listen to it and treat it with love, I think I'm trying to disown it when in reality it is me. 

@Durka_Durka Your intuition is on point, allow it to guide you. I've been there and done that now, you can't disown it. Let it all out and love it. If you really want to dive in, take some mushrooms or acid, and just sit there and be with yourself. You might be in for a surprise. Just keep your head up and carry on.