How many women did you meet before you found a girlfriend?

[Yimpa]

ONE.

[Hojo]

@Xonas PitfallYes we were brain washed via media. Hard.

My problem is wanting prince charming is inherantly succubus. 

Wanting someone to die for is not.

Edited 14 hours ago by Hojo

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Hojo

1 minute ago, Hojo said:

My problem is wanting prince charming is inherantly succubus. 

Wanting someone to die for is not.

What do you mean here?

[Hojo]

@Xonas PitfallA man just wants to be unconditionally accepted and loved, so that he may surrender his life because he dosent want to think. If you watch old people the woman is telling the man what to do at every aspect of life because he dosent want to think.

A woman wants control over the man. She wants someone to protect her and take care of her. She wants the man to surrender his life to her.

I dont mean succubus as in a demon like the definition says I mean in the way that she wants something from the man and the only thing man wants is to be loved. They already have everything else.

So a man dosent have someone that will unconditionally love him and thats what he wants. Woman already has that and wants what the man has absolute freedom. They exchange these for partnership.

The trick is the woman will never unconditionally love the man, the man will unconditionally love the woman. She will change him to what she wants.

If there was a gunfight the woman will run and the man will gunfight to protect. If the man asked the woman to gunfight instead she would refuse.

If there was a woman that would gunfight its cause they have been abused and manipulated by the man in a uno reverse card type way.

This is why men become obsessed with God. They are like WOW there is something out there that literally unconditionally loves me to no end! And now I am in love with it forever.

They also fall in love with their war buddies cause its unconditional love.

Edited 13 hours ago by Hojo

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Hojo Hmm...

There are a lot of tricky things being said here, but I think the core idea is that as humans, or even just as "selves," we crave unconditional love. Unconditional love = permanent safety, and that’s deeply alluring to our sense of self-preservation, meaning, and our desire to feel important to someone or something in this world, regardless of gender.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

A woman wants control over the man. She wants someone to protect her and take care of her. She wants the man to surrender his life to her.

For example, I remember as a girl often fantasizing about finding a guy I could deeply love and make happy, fantasies of servitude, of giving everything to make someone feel cherished. This definitely played out in my relationships. I often found myself drawn to people who seemed either skeptical of true love or were dealing with sadness or depression. I felt a sense of fulfillment when I could impact their lives, making them feel supported, cared for, and unconditionally loved. I dreamed of embodying unconditional love for someone, and of being unconditionally loved in return.

However, over time, I realized that the concept of “unconditional love” is flawed. We are, by nature, limited beings. We are not “God” in our human sense, so this ideal should never have been the goal. For example, we all have very specific conditions that need to be met to feel good. If I overheat your room to an uncomfortable temperature, you won’t feel happy or at peace. Similarly, just as happiness is conditional for us, so is our ability to love. To use shallow, stereotypical examples: many men might leave their wives if she just slightly tips the BMI scale into overweight, or if she gets too wrinkly or old for their taste. Many women might leave their partners if they’re shown more love or attention by someone more attractive, charming, or richer. So, this dynamic happens on both sides.

When we talk about “unconditional love,” we’re often referring to a lesser form of conditionality: still conditional, just with fewer or different requirements. For example, a partner might not leave you the moment you seem weak or unappealing, or if you don’t have enough money. In return, you might not leave her just because she’s started being “naggy” or slightly disagreeable. Relationships with such fragile sensitivities would be considered shallow, whereas relationships where partners push through difficult times, like raising children, dealing with sickness, or standing the test of time, are viewed as having more depth and are considered closer to “unconditional” love. That’s typically the kind of standard we should aspire to.

What I've realized in my own relationships is that we do, in fact, want specific things from our partners, which makes the relationship conditional. The more things we do for each other, the more we can feel assured of trust, love, and commitment, making it feel more “unconditional.” The more conditions we meet, the more unconditional it can feel.

For example, in my past relationships, when a guy started ignoring me, preferring other people's company, speaking cruelly to me, or being negligent about things I was passionate about, I realized I could not remain "unconditional" in my love for him. It would hurt me too deeply. So, I started understanding more and more about what I needed from them, and what I had to be like to even expect that kind of treatment. It's an important question to ask: What exactly do I want from my partner? And am I the kind of person my partner would want to be with?

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

Wanting someone to die for is not.

To be “someone worth dying for” is no small ask. Some people expect perfection, God instead of Ego, an angel instead of a succubus. But what does it really mean for you to have someone whom you'd die for? What do they have to do, act like, be like? It's really important to get into specifics here so you can become aware of your own "conditions" and recognize that you're not truly unconditional either. The more we demonize the other side, the more our ego gets distracted from taking responsibility. We start to imagine ourselves as angels, failing to recognize our own limits.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

This is why men become obsessed with God. They are like WOW there is something out there that literally unconditionally loves me to no end! And now I am in love with it forever.

I fear this is also a general "Self/Ego" thing. I share this sentiment myself: "What... there's something out there that can show me unconditional love and help me love myself too? How beautiful!" That’s why God represents the highest form of beauty, and why the ego finds it so appealing.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

If there was a gunfight the woman will run and the man will gunfight to protect. If the man asked the woman to gunfight instead she would refuse.

If there was a woman that would gunfight its cause they have been abused and manipulated by the man in a uno reverse card type way.

This is just one form of Love. For example, studies show that husbands are significantly more likely to leave their wives when the wife becomes seriously ill, compared to the reverse situation. One study found that when a woman is terminally ill, her male partner is about 624% more likely to separate from her. This disparity is often linked to traditional gender roles, where wives frequently take on the caregiving role, and a wife’s severe illness may disrupt the couple’s established dynamic.

I think, in general, society conditions men into certain forms of expressing love, and less so into others. For example, a man might be more willing to fight, protect, or destroy for someone he loves, especially for something he perceives as "beautiful, innocent, pure, and worth protecting." However, if that thing no longer seems the same to him, perhaps it becomes less beautiful, or he judges the person’s character as less perfect than he expected or wanted, then that’s where his love may stop. If expressing love requires taking on a more feminine role, such as caring for a sick partner, that’s often where his expression of love may also falter.

On the other hand, women are often societally conditioned to surrender themselves to the needs of their partner, family, or career, especially when it comes to children. From a young age, many women are taught that selflessness is a virtue, that their role is to nurture, care, and put others first. They are less frequently encouraged to take on roles that are seen as domineering, aggressive, or confrontational, which are typically reserved for men in many cultures. As a result, when a woman's expression of love is expected to manifest primarily in nurturing, emotional support, and caregiving, it can sometimes limit her capacity to express love in ways that go beyond these traditionally feminine roles. This means that when the situation requires a more aggressive form of protection or fighting for what she loves, such as in a difficult or life-threatening situation, her expression of love may be more limited.

I hope you get my point: men and women each have their ways of showing care, and also ways where their care may be weaker, either due to societal conditioning, gender roles, or biology.

Nonetheless, just blabbering... 😅

I really hope I don’t come off as confrontational or dismissive of your experiences. What you described above sounds terrible, and I’m sorry you’ve been treated that way. However, I do feel that what you're describing is more indicative of the broader corruption of the human mind and ego, rather than something strictly gender-specific. Gender issues, as I mentioned in my previous post, often stem from the over-idealization of the "perfect other" and the over-idealization of ourselves as good partners. We don’t always address our own issues with boundaries, how we act or behave, and who we end up choosing in our minds versus the reality of those choices and the person at hand. That’s when the cycle of disappointment sets in, and then we tend to project those frustrations onto an entire gender, which only exacerbates the issue.

Edited 12 hours ago by Xonas Pitfall