Mark of the Beast

[No1Here2c]

I wish to express my thoughts & emotions through a medium which may be returned to and reflected upon. This is due to a recognition of the utility that the process of journaling provides to my development. I have an active desire to gain selfish and personal advantage through journaling. 

I have not journaled in the past, nor do I have any real ideas on how to effectively journal for personal insight. 

I do think that much insight has gone largely untapped and lay dormant on these empty pages.

-----------

Edited Tuesday at 11:07 PM by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

Every day is a new adventure. The moments between the dreams of the morning and the closing of the eyes at night are filled with opportunities. These are countless opportunities to learn, strengthen, and gain insight. Although, these positive developments must come a cost. They come at the high price of casting away unconsciousness.

The nature of unconsciousness is such that I am not aware of it while it is occuring.

Unconscious thought patterns, behavioral activities, and emotional responses are extensively rooted into the mechanics of my survival. 

It is not recognized to what degree unconsciousness goes unrecognized, because lack of recognition is unconsciousness. If it were to magically recognize itself, unconsciousness would then immediately be brought into awareness, made conscious of, and it could no longer be unaware.

Edited Wednesday at 09:50 PM by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

Being October 31st, the day of Halloween, I do figure it may be appropriate to stick with tradition; I shall consider the topic of Fear.

What is your tolerance for fear?

Has your gut ever told you that something is just not right about a certain location, object, or experience?

Ghosts, witches, black cats, evil spirits. Why is Halloween associated with the supernatural and superstitious?

Has your sixth sense ever warned you of a sinister threat?

Witchcraft? Black magic?

Have you ever drank a Witches Brew?

Have you ever had a wicked spook? 

Has a maleficent terror ever pierced your mind?   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~             

Why do all mannerisms of fear evoke such strong reaction?

Is it all entangled in survival?

Why does the deer flee at any subtle sound or movement? What lurks in the wilderness? Why must she live incessantly on edge? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~       

Imagine, just for a minute, what does the prey feel when dominated by the apex predator?

What is the predatory instinct?

What is the instinct of the prey? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

What's your greatest fear?

Darkness?                                                    Uncertainty?                                                The Supernatural? 

  Spiders? Snakes?            Maybe a Tiger?                 Bear with cubs?                                                                                       Disease?                                Pain?                       being confined?                 trapped?

  Mental illness?                                                                    Delirium?                                             Psychosis?                                          Death?                                               Eternity?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will not walk alone in the woods at night. Twilight and dusk create a spooky atmosphere that promptly get me moving towards the direction of the car. The encroachment of dark and the dwindling ability to visually distinguish the environment evoke a deep dread; a terror of being dragged away by some mysterious dark force.

Perhaps it is a terror of losing my sense of direction. But it feels more serious. As if the psyche may slip out into madness.          Maybe gradually...                                              Maybe very quickly...

This condition of diminishing light is perfect for the arisal of perceptual illusions and artifacts which justify the fear. Sometimes convincing enough to send me sprinting for my life and sanity.

Are they merely illusion?                                Could there be a cryptic malevolence at play?

Being out in the wilderness and getting the spooks dont mix well.                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is Sanity?      How is it defined?

What is Perception?

                              What is Hallucination?     

How is accurate perception distinguished from hallucinatory mirage?                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edited yesterday at 12:43 AM by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

Insignificance is not to be feared, but reveled in.

Edited yesterday at 12:52 AM by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

My experience with this journal thus far has turned out to be a pleasant ritual. Not necessarily easy, but rewarding.

It provides a space for reflection, contemplation, games, exploration and experimentation. 

It is both a playful and serious endeavor.

I have been implementing more stereotypical mindfulness meditation into my day to day routine. This has also been a rewarding experience. Again, not easy, not always fun, but highly rewarding. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Consciousness

I am actively working to anchor my own psychology and biology to Consciousness as it is understood to me. This is not a complicated endeavor, but its simplicity belies the harrowing challenge it invokes.

It would seem such that the core of the society I currently find myself within, is profoundly oblivious to Consciousness. It is a depth of dissociation which bewilders my mind. It is absurd how far astray humanity has gone. This presents many obstacles to a successful and effective implementation of higher degrees of awareness.

I am afraid. I get the impression that a culling is underway. By this I refer to a targeted culling, specifically of myself. When I view my life in context and plot its trajectory, I understand that I simply will not survive without massive effort towards the implementation of Consciousness in my life. This is much to my dismay.

I surely am unsettled at the thought, but one would think my behavior would better reflect this emotional response. It is in the department of action and execution that I am falling short. This is not to say that no effort is being made, as one certainly is. It is the case that I must burgeon, and soon, or I will surely meet my demise.

Edited 14 hours ago by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

 

 

Edited 14 hours ago by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

How I long to understand what Love is.

Though I do not.

I have merely glimpsed an infinitesimal speck of true Love.

Edited 9 hours ago by No1Here2c