Welcome, awakened beings, to the annual Spiritual Dick Measuring Contest!—where enlightenment isn’t just a state of being, it’s a competitive sport. Forget inner peace. This is about who’s more transcendent than thou. And who has the biggest spiritual dick so to speak.  Events include: 🥇 Meditation Marathon – Who can sit still the longest while secretly checking their aura score on an app? 🥈 Kundalini High Jump – Bonus points if you mention your third eye activation before anyone else. 🥉 Tantric Flex-Off – Because nothing says spiritual mastery like humblebragging about your 9-hour breathwork session. Scoring Criteria:
- Number of 5-meo trips (double points if you did them rectally) 
- Times you've said “I don’t identify with ego anymore” while clearly doing so
- How often you use the phrase “vibrational frequency” in casual conversation
- Ability to quote Rumi out of context to win arguments Disqualifications:
- Expressing genuine vulnerability
- Asking questions instead of giving unsolicited advice
- Admitting you’re still figuring things out Remember: it’s not about healing, it’s about winning. Because nothing screams spiritual maturity like passive-aggressively correcting someone’s chakra alignment in a forum thread. Namaste peasants! Get ready to find out who has the biggest spiritual dick this year! Let the chat begin!!!