I watched the fake spirituality video. Started to think about where I could find such examples. I watched a guy I believed gave out fake spirituality. He connected dots that didn't exist, It was strange and primitive, I wanted to know what this behaviour was called. I found the term apophenia. What bothered me is that the dots he connected refered to his own life. So the closest term I found was narcissistic apophenia.   So I re-watched this behaviour again and again until I wondered why I got so obsessed with it. Then it snapped! I mean I got that same behaviour in my head!    It was always in the background. It came out sometimes to make weird connection in reference to an outside source with myself. It was never an intellectual issue, more an emotional one. I shrugged it away as soon it appeared. So not get caught in the delusion. It appeared even in a dream.  Made a connection with the creation of a bakery in real life in reference to "raising my state of consciousness". Yes, it does not make sense. That why I say it's an emotional issue. It has like weird pull into its delusive aura, if I don't shrug it of I get caught in the delusion.   But now that I made this unconscious as more conscious, by writing it down after I finally saw it inside. I guess I need to start exploring this more and start owning this disowned part. I feel resistant into reading about this. As the name says in the title, narcissistic.    I heard about this behaviour many times, usually people refer this to a person outside themselves. I never observed it in anyone, even when people pointed it out with certainty, I did not see that type of behaviour. I guess I did not see it in anyone as, now I have difficulty in acknowledging this, I have that narcissistic behaviour in me. Maybe I can combat the denial and just conclude that I am a narcissist.   This is a weird road to self discovery. I think I should not make conclusion in this beginning stage, but it makes very much sense thus far.