Unfairnesses and injustices in dating

[aurum]

28 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

oh no

To be clear for anyone following, that wasn't a license to be a raging dickhead.

Knowing how to control yourself, and what is or isn't appropriate, is essential.

Edited July 11 by aurum

[aurum]

11 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Most women will be attracted to the potential for aggression in men... but not anger. 

Only potential?? 

I agree that anger is not always attractive. It can be socially damaging, immature, out of control or otherwise problematic. But it is not just potential that women are attracted to.

[aurum]

Just now, Emerald said:

But if a man is just shooting off at the mouth all the time and picking senseless fights and can't go a full day without a tantrum or meltdown, then most women are not attracted to that. And that's what it's like to be with a man with anger issues. There's never any peace to be had as it's always about walking on eggshells to keep a meltdown from happening.

I agree with that. My dad had some anger issues so I have a bit of familiarity. 

I still think you're downplaying the actuality vs potential aspect though.

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I know I fall outside this category - but to me it shows an inability to conduct themselves.

It communicates they are incapable of being effective in the world without force.

Stoic leverage is what I look for.

Sign of immaturity that most women are attracted to anger - but I see your point confirmed frequently 

I suspect that that's most women who fall outside of this category, as anger issues show a lack of emotional maturity and that the man is controlled by his emotions. 

It's really only the case for those who already have the familial patterns to pre-dispose them to that attraction, like myself. 

And it tends to be that chronically angry people are that way because they feel chronically powerless. So, it's like this sense of trying to control but not being able to and ramping up the anger into tantrum because they feel so out of control.

And part of the unconscious boons that I got from being with an angry person in the past is that I got to feel like the stoic rock that was more in control... while my partner was always falling apart. And I could help glue them back together because I was stoic and emotionally flat enough to do so.

Like, my first relationship as a teenager, the whole dynamic was that he'd have a total tantrum meltdown... and I'd be the glue that put him back together with my unconditional presence and ability to absorb his tantrums.

It was kind of like being a mother to a very fussy baby. So, there was a power and dominance that I felt in the dynamic by being the emotionally stable one.

[Schizophonia]

15 hours ago, Emerald said:

Lots of women have familial patterns that set them up for these kinds of dynamics.

So, while most women won't be vulnerable to this kind of thing... the women who have patterns in childhood that make them susceptible to trickery like this can end up in these unfortunate circumstances.

Of course, I have my own familial patterns. I tend to be attracted to men who are either angry all the time or struggle with expressing anger. And that's reflective of my mom and my dad respectively... where I polarized in the same direction as my dad, with difficulty expressing anger.

So, I have been susceptible to that pattern... and find men with anger issues (in either direction) attractive.

But I'm not very susceptible to this type of objectification and duping pattern. I've never had an issue finding a partner who's really serious about me and loves me.

I can sense immediately the type of guy who would do that kind of manipulation, usery, objectification, and duping, and I'm not attracted to that vibe.

And that's how women without trauma around those patterns will relate to such a guy. It will automatically give off an icky sleazy vibe.

But icky sleazy vibe will be attractivoe to a woman whose parent(s) had the icky sleazy vibe who objectified her and devalued her. And that guy will be a projection screen that she can use to repeat the patterns from childhood.

The same thing is true for men as well, of course. All human beings develop attractions based on familial/familiar patterns.

Yea, it's a kind of cope.

13 hours ago, aurum said:

Most women will be attracted to anger in men. 

No i never attracted women by getting angry.

 

Where i am the more magnetic is when i am "available"; so stoic and/or funny and without too much attachment.

Edited July 11 by Schizophonia

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

No i never attracted women by getting angry.

 

Where i am the more magnetic is when i am "available"; so stoic and/or funny and without too much attachment.

No offense but you probably don’t have the requisite experience to appreciate what I’m saying.

It’s a nuanced point. Context matters. Yes, obviously being stoic, funny, non-attached can also be attractive at times. 

[Schizophonia]

25 minutes ago, aurum said:

No offense but you probably don’t have the requisite experience to appreciate what I’m saying.

It’s a nuanced point. Context matters. Yes, obviously being stoic, funny, non-attached can also be attractive at times. 

I don't know why you say that I have been particularly sociable so i actually probably have more experience than you, who knows; don't post with petty energy if you don't want it to backfire on you

Anger doesn't attract anyone, possibly the ability to protect/assert oneself, but it's not exactly the same thing, that's what I was getting at.

Edited July 11 by Schizophonia

[aurum]

40 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Anger doesn't attract anyone, possibly the ability to protect/assert oneself, but it's not exactly the same thing, that's what I was getting at.

Those things are very much related.

What other reason do you think there is for anger? All anger is about protection and asserting oneself.

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Those things are very much related.

What other reason do you think there is for anger? All anger is about protection and asserting oneself.

I have to think more about the subject to elaborate my ideas