What Is Partnership?

[Lise]

I'm trying to break down the concept of long term partnership from a yellow perspective. What is actually at play in a typical partnership (husband/wife, husband/husband etc.)? What is the deep mechanisms that makes many seek and enter such dynamics? Why do we (often) crave these kind of relationships?

I'm talking about "normal" partnerships, not involving dynamics like violent relationships, borderline relationships++ although perhaps I'm not quite connecting that these perhaps are more similar to "normal" partnerships than I think.

• "The Social Contract". A reason for relationships back in the days, and probably in many developing countries still. Relationships as a function of societal expectations and (?)dogma.
• "Community reason". A perhaps obvious reason for partnership: the basic human need to have community and be loved. An escape from loneliness. But this can be fulfilled through friends too, so why don't people settle with friends and purely sexual relationships, and call it a day?
• "Sexual intimacy reason". Maybe we just have a basic survival need (oogabooga kind of vibes) to have sexual intimacy? This is established most easily perhaps through a long-term relationship, with a person you can at least tolerate. Maybe this dynamic is quite prevalent actually... But it does not seem like a very conscious and valuable reason to enter a partnership. Relationships as a basic physical instinct.
• "Development reason". Maybe we're just looking for somebody which can help us develop ourself more than the more casual commitment to the case friends have. Friendship is less committed and devoted than a relationship, so we need to seek another kind of dynamic. 

What are your ideas on this?

[Deziree]

This is like asking why we need wifi. 

Really good points on the strength of relationships. 

One of the most profound mechanisms at play is the craving for emotional security and co-regulation. In a healthy long-term partnership, people often find a sense of safety and predictability. When one partner is stressed or upset, the other can provide comfort and help regulate their emotions. This creates a feedback loop of support that reduces anxiety and fosters a sense of well-being. It's about having a safe harbor in a sometimes turbulent world. As children we need parents, as adults we need partners. Partners are definitely a lot more than just friends. Friends can never ever give you that intimacy you're looking for. 

Humans also seek to create shared meaning and a shared life trajectory. A long-term partnership allows for the building of a joint future, shared experiences, traditions, and a common narrative. This collective identity can provide a profound sense of purpose and belonging that goes beyond individual aspirations. It's about building a life together, which can feel more robust and meaningful than building one alone. From an attachment theory perspective, early childhood experiences with caregivers shape our "attachment styles" (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized). We often unconsciously seek out partners who help us replay, and hopefully, resolve, early attachment patterns. For those with secure attachment, partnerships offer a space for continued secure connection. For others, a healthy long-term partnership can actually provide a corrective emotional experience, helping to build a more secure attachment style over time. It highly depends what you are seeking in a relationship. 

Edited June 25 by Deziree
Bolded

[Deziree]

You have to take loyalty into account. In friendships there's no loyalty. But a relationship is iike a contract, you are allowed to be legally loyal to your partner or it could be grounds for divorce. This has been in built as a social structure since centuries. Nothing oogabooga about this. 

All relationships, even the "normal" ones, involve power dynamics, projections, triggers, and the negotiation of individual needs versus collective well-being. The difference lies in how these are managed and whether they lead to growth or destruction. The "deep mechanisms" you saod, the search for security, connection, development, and even the "oogabooga", are present across the spectrum of human relationships, but their manifestation and outcomes vary wildly based on individual health, communication skills, and the presence of pathology.

It seems we crave these relationships because they uniquely satisfy a confluence of our most fundamental human needs, for security, belonging, intimacy, and personal evolution, all within a framework that often aligns with societal expectations and biological imperatives.What aspects of this resonate most with your "yellow perspective," or what further questions does this spark for you?

Edited June 25 by Deziree
Basically fundamental human needs

[Salvijus]

Life is relationship. There is nothing you can do on your own. There is a matrix of partnership behind every action that you make. Even on the level of thought it is so. 

If you handle this relationship well, life will work for you, if handle it poorly, life works against you. Love is your compass in the sea of relationships as you're sailing through life. 

Edited June 25 by Salvijus