By LambdaDelta
in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
It was the grandest party one could ever hold, with vibrant colors dancing around, shapes morphing delightfully, divine music reverberating throughout, and pleasant aromas lingering in the air. The birth of the Universe, a true celebration of Being.
But the real gold came afterwards. As a mystic you have to love not just attending the festivities, but also cleaning up. There was silence, and in that silence Truth revealed itself, like Yahweh to Moses. 'To be' is the only verb that does not require duality, I AM is the bedrock beyond which you cannot go, try as you might.
The intensity has left me bedridden for a day and severely debilitated for another few.
First, a few words about Will. The Will of God is for all its parts to be sovereign unto themselves. The Will is completely surrendered to that end. God is entirely selfless because it is every self. Want to know God's Will? Look around and look at yourself. Together with Truth and Love it forms the Holy Trinity. Nothing can ever go against God's Will, doing so would be impeding God's self-expression. Will is so absolute that God itself can't alter it, even if it breaks God's heart sometimes.
It's a Love so complete that even though it accepts itself fully, there are parts that do not, there's hate and there's desire for things to happen differently, aka bias, but the larger Love includes all that. God is such a being that by virtue of existing it casts this shadow upon itself. In a Newtonian sort of way it creates an opposite reaction to itself, some might call that the Devil. Hence nihilism, suicide, suffering. Still, a call for true Goodness is within everything, just that if you don't recognize it you'll be like a compass that doesn't understand why it's pointing north. Can't spell compassion without compass by the way.
Another implication is that relative things are also absolutes. Violence is an absolute, because it Is. To ask God for there to not be violence is to ask God to not be itself. Absolute Bad is not a thing, there's only Absolute Good, existence itself. Absolute Bad would be the absence of anything; no God, not even the possibility for there to be good or bad or an experience for you to judge things as such.
How come nothing in the world changed even though I went through the creation of the Universe? Because it wasn't a new event per se, I simply became conscious of what already Is. Consciousness has a bottomless capacity for self-obfuscation, that's really all that's happening here. How God inquires into and inscribes itself into Being is the mystery of mysteries. One could conceive of it as a very high level bureaucracy, where the inefficiencies are not flaws, they're tools to set the rhythm.
With each awakening you're getting infinity, but only the part of Infinity that you can presently handle. The rest remains obscured. Your understanding may be infinite yet still partial. Think of it like zooming into a Mandelbrot set, frame by frame. You think you have the whole picture, and in a way you do, but you haven't yet put together that the frames are part of a larger thing. When you do, maybe you start perceiving it as a continuous video stream, but of limited duration, because perhaps the software you're playing it with can't display infinity, it only deals with unsigned integer values and then cuts off or loops.
This is in equal part a warning and inspiration. Know that there's ever greater depths, but don't overreach. Ignorance is God’s gift and God’s mercy. If you knew the fullness of what you are, you’d die on the spot. Be as grateful for what you're denied as for what you're given.
If you told me just a week ago such an experience was possible I wouldn't have believed it, despite a vast array of prior ones. As it turns out, not even intuition combined with experience can correctly grasp true Infinity.
How does one go deeper? Up to you, but if I may give a tip, learn to get very comfortable with paradox, in particular the identity of Multiplicity and Unity. This was an exploration of Multiplicity so full it looped around on itself into the Oneness of I AM, as it always beautifully does. Relative and provisional human knowledge is crucial. Study natural sciences, sociology, politics, programming, geography, mathematics, laws, psychology, languages, economics... if nothing else they'll be useful anyhow, but seeing God in all of it is what will enable the most intuitive understanding and unending passion.
For instance, I've had brushes with dimensions where consciousness is cultivated and traded as liquid in vials, a property register of consciousness, an inverse of consciousness, something I call hole consciousness, and many more. It's topology of Consciousness. These are inaccessible with your regular nonduality or even God Realization. They're utterly alien, but counterintuitively reaching them has its roots in human knowledge.
Know that frustrations, misunderstandings, periods where you seem lost and unable to get through to anyone are the laying of the foundation that will allow moving to the next level. I've gone through a rough few weeks that culminated in this, and I wouldn't have been able to take it without that. The slow erosion of ego prepares you for a smoother ego death. It may look like the effort isn't amounting to anything, but that is not the case. You are being observed. Think about that. Being is observing itself. God—you as a sovereign—is the only witness that matters.
I've also gained a new perspective on stage Blue values like law and order. In the legal system, the most sacred principle is public faith. Nihil prius fide. Without this common consensus, not much of anything could be achieved, people delegate their authority and put their trust in a certain institution, such as notariate. Similarly, in sworn testimonies, God is often invoked as the witness and guarantor of truth. It is also said in certain interpretations of law that silence is acceptance. Qui tacet consentire videtur. And so it is with God. God's silence is the acceptance of whatever is occurring. Reality is here, as it is willed. If it were not willed, it wouldn’t be. It's the supreme consent of Love.
There is Law to the workings of God, one that is currently beyond anyone's grasp. Models like Spiral Dynamics reflect certain aspects of God in their limited capacity. Beige survival. Red power. Blue law. Orange reason. Green love. Which is why you can't build your tower to heaven without a solid foundation of all those stages. If you're stuck, there's most likely a shadow of one or more stages, however faint, that blocks upward movement. God halts the process out of care, to prevent the collapse of the entire structure.
Meditation is torture because you can't handle the silence, it becomes a mirror in which you start seeing all of yourself and that's terrifying. Or it's simply terribly boring. But once you know what that silence is, how it's a quiet gift from God, sustaining all of reality while asking for nothing in return, enabling you to think your silly thoughts and do your selfish deeds, you'll appreciate it. I can finally rest in peace in that silence.
Had to seriously consider for a time whether I should ever speak at all after this, because in a way anything I could say or do would just be a distraction that would diminish my consciousness of God. But alas my work is not done yet so I remain. However I now understand some of those sages that just go live out the rest of their days meditating in a cave.
It's a life changing experience like no other, a milestone on the spiritual path that splits it into a before and after. These are few and far between. I've also had to rethink how I speak, the weight of the words I use, the consequences of my actions. Still figuring that out.
Whatever you do, stay aware that all roads lead to God, that is the ontological fact of I AM and the highest joy.