By soos_mite_ah,
An Inventory of My Social Skills:
I have wrote about in the past how I have been itching to put myself out there more. This Halloween weekend, I was able to do that and I found myself thinking how I socially thrive in some things and situations but not others. And I was comparing that to the way that my friends have similar or completely different skill sets as well to see what I can learn from them as well as what I can teach them.
The items in green are things I want to get proficient in because I think it's more a priority given my current values. The items in blue are things I just want to be moderately competent in where I'm not in a place were I think it's the most important thing to be good at but, nevertheless, I do think it is helpful life skill. The things in black are just things I'm content with.
Moderate on conflict resolution skills: This is something I have been working on a lot over the past year. I think I'm pretty good at it considering my current romantic relationship as well as the sometimes difficult/awkward conversations I had with friends. I think I have a good foundation of coming at things in good faith and being mindful of how I may come off to others and vice versa which I am going to elaborate on the Proficient section. But I do feel like I have room for improvement here as I watch a number of creators who I feel like have a good handle on this skill.
Moderate on public speaking: I can do presentations and talk in a group setting without losing my shit. I may need a heads up and some time to prepare but for the most part, I'm all good. I'm pretty competent in this area of life as far as it is needed in my professional and social life. But I cannot say that I'm proficient to where I can easily give impromtu speaches or rizz up a crowd lol. And that's perfectly fine.
Moderate on dealing with kids: I think I have the basic skills to make sure that kids don't hurt themselves and do something stupid and I have the skills to relate to teenagers without talking down on them or coming off as someone who isn't safe for them to go to. I think I also know a decent amount of healthy parenting strategies to prevent kids from internalizing common toxic societal things (i.e. teaching kids how to identify and regulate emotions instead of yelling at them and saying they're bad or worse, weak for crying). But at the same time, I do feel like I can be a little awkward around kids and that I lack certain life experiences to be truly proficient in this area of life.
Moderate on confidence: I would say that I'm pretty good about self respect but I'm not good with confidence. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hiding in a corner on my phone at a party, but I cannot say that I don't have any social anxiety and that I'm boldly introducing myself and making friends. While I'm not super self deprecating and oozing shame when dealing with work issues and putting myself out there romantically, I'm also not moving with the confidence of a delusional white man or instagram model lol. I just feel like I'm average in this department.
Moderate on finding like minded people: I feel like a lot of this stems from me being in environments where I've had to adapt and assimilate in some way. As a result, I think I'm better at creating bridges with people and prioritizing diversity over relatability.I'm not so lost to where I'm bending over backwards to fit in with people, but sometimes my social life feels like an upward climb because of a lack of relatability. I do think this is a skill I want to strengthen because I'm noticing some things being in common that are foundational for me to have good friendships with people. At the same time, while I want to improve on finding like minded people, I do think that that I still to value diversity of thought and life styles to where I would never want to be surrounded by carbon copies of myself in different fonts. That's why this is blue instead of green.
Moderate on small talk: I think I'm good enough at this to build rapport with people and not come off as a weirdo but I cannot say I'm good at this to where I'm just rizzing people up left and right lol.
Moderate on hosting: I feel like I'm decent at this but I can't say I'm like Martha Stewart level put together.
Proficient in balancing my life and being reliable with commitments: I'm pretty good at making plans, following up with people, being flexible if something comes up, not cancelling anything last minute, and checking on people even when my life gets busy. And I do think that a big part of this is that I have a decent work life balance that enables me to have the time and energy to pour into myself and the people around me. Proficient in dealing with diverse backgrounds: I think a large chunk of this is my education on different cultures/ social issues as well as me always being in settings with people different from myself. I do pride myself in knowing that I'm invited to the cookout, I'm invited to the brown wedding, I'm invited to iftar, I'm invited to a random Hispanic 2-year old's party, and that I'm invited to lunar new years. In addition to that, I'm pretty good at managing differences in socio-economic status as well as people who are in different industries, stages of life, or life styles. Proficient in attracting good people in my life: I've had very little drama and negative falling outs with people. I think generally speaking, I attract pretty ethical people where I'm not even put into the possition of messiness. Proficient in self respect / boundaries: While I'm not the most confident person, I'm pretty good about not staying in unhealthy situations where people are treating me badly, I'm pretty good about knowing my values and staying true to that, and I'm good at knowing when to prioritize myself and my sanity. I'm also good at recognizing red flags and discerning between disappointment and disrespect. I guess the difference between the outward confidence and being able to utilize these skills is playing defense vs offense. My offense is moderate but I do have rock solid defense in terms of my confidence. Proficient in small / 1-1 settings: I would say that hanging out with people 1-1 or in small groups where we can just talk to each other is my comfort zone as far as socializing goes and it's where I have had the most luck in developing longer term, deeper relationships. Proficient in keeping friends and keeping a partner: I'm pretty good at maintaining my relationships and keeping in touch with people. I think it also goes back to the point of having very few negative falling outs with people. Proficient in managing my neurotic tendencies: I have put in a good amount of work in therapy to deal with my issues, behave in an ethical well thoughout way, have decent character, and not have my traumas negatively impact my relationships. I'm also decent at regulating my own emotions if something has come up and deal with social situations with a decent amount of tact even if emotionally I feel like I'm all over the place. Proficient in self awareness: I think I'm a pretty self aware person who is capable of having constructive conversations and taking in feedback from others. Proficient in listening and empathizing: I have been told this my friends that I'm a pretty good person to go to if they need to talk or share about things and I think it has made it possible to make deeper connections more easy.
Low on making friends and finding new partners: I think while I'm good at hanging on to current connections, I'm not the best at making friends wherever I go. I think part of it is that I can be a bit of an acquired taste socially where it takes me a moment to warm up to people and it takes a minute for people to warm up to me. But another thing is that I think I can be kind of to myself, isolated, and guarded at times. And of course, I think the lack of social abundance you face after school/ college plays a role in exasserbating that. And sometimes I wonder how much of it is me versus the environments I find myself in. Low on managing group settings and parties: I can get overstimulated in parties and group settings with a lot of people to where I get so focused on observing others to where I don't really contribute. I also think in general I'm not used to settings like this and this is just a muscle I don't work on very often. I think it's a simple fix of needing to get out more lol. Low on sexual experience: Yeah... I'm not even going to pretend. I'm not the greatest sexually and I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of experience since I have only been with one person. But I will say, I'm pretty good about being open minded and communicating (in general but also in this area of my life). And I feel like as a result, even though I kind of suck, I'm not like sexually unsatified. Low on socializing in corporate: I just feel like I'm still figuring my shit out in this area of life and it's just taking longer since I only go into the office once a week at most for the past year and a half. Before, that, I would go in very sporadically. I'm capable of working together in a team and just being friendly with coworkers so they don't think I'm a weirdo. I'm not also behaving in a way that would jeopardize my professional relationships. But at the same time, I'm not good at navigating office politics or the event when people are coming at me crazy. Low on healthy anger, debate, and healthy defensiveness: I tend to freeze up when people come at me crazy and I think that comes at the expense of me standing up for myself at times. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to stick around in a bad situation, I'm going to ignore the crazies or remove myself from a situation. But sometimes, you do need to put up a fight and clap back and I'm just not good at that. Debates also freak me out because I feel like my default way of operating is to find common ground and engage in good faith discussion rather than focussing on the optics of my arguments or the best way to convince others. And while it's good that I can engage in good faith without lashing out and getting defensive, I do think that people can take advantage of this and hurt me in certain situations because I'm not defensive in a healthy way. Low on flirting: Yeah.. I can be kind of awkward in romantic situations. I don't have the rizz lol. But that said, I think that while I'm not creative and artful in the way that I flirt, I can be pretty direct which has it's own pros. I also think this is something COVID fucked up for me lol.
Proficient in balancing my life and being reliable with commitments: I'm pretty good at making plans, following up with people, being flexible if something comes up, not cancelling anything last minute, and checking on people even when my life gets busy. And I do think that a big part of this is that I have a decent work life balance that enables me to have the time and energy to pour into myself and the people around me. Proficient in dealing with diverse backgrounds: I think a large chunk of this is my education on different cultures/ social issues as well as me always being in settings with people different from myself. I do pride myself in knowing that I'm invited to the cookout, I'm invited to the brown wedding, I'm invited to iftar, I'm invited to a random Hispanic 2-year old's party, and that I'm invited to lunar new years. In addition to that, I'm pretty good at managing differences in socio-economic status as well as people who are in different industries, stages of life, or life styles. Proficient in attracting good people in my life: I've had very little drama and negative falling outs with people. I think generally speaking, I attract pretty ethical people where I'm not even put into the possition of messiness. Proficient in self respect / boundaries: While I'm not the most confident person, I'm pretty good about not staying in unhealthy situations where people are treating me badly, I'm pretty good about knowing my values and staying true to that, and I'm good at knowing when to prioritize myself and my sanity. I'm also good at recognizing red flags and discerning between disappointment and disrespect. I guess the difference between the outward confidence and being able to utilize these skills is playing defense vs offense. My offense is moderate but I do have rock solid defense in terms of my confidence. Proficient in small / 1-1 settings: I would say that hanging out with people 1-1 or in small groups where we can just talk to each other is my comfort zone as far as socializing goes and it's where I have had the most luck in developing longer term, deeper relationships. Proficient in keeping friends and keeping a partner: I'm pretty good at maintaining my relationships and keeping in touch with people. I think it also goes back to the point of having very few negative falling outs with people. Proficient in managing my neurotic tendencies: I have put in a good amount of work in therapy to deal with my issues, behave in an ethical well thoughout way, have decent character, and not have my traumas negatively impact my relationships. I'm also decent at regulating my own emotions if something has come up and deal with social situations with a decent amount of tact even if emotionally I feel like I'm all over the place. Proficient in self awareness: I think I'm a pretty self aware person who is capable of having constructive conversations and taking in feedback from others. Proficient in listening and empathizing: I have been told this my friends that I'm a pretty good person to go to if they need to talk or share about things and I think it has made it possible to make deeper connections more easy.
Low on making friends and finding new partners: I think while I'm good at hanging on to current connections, I'm not the best at making friends wherever I go. I think part of it is that I can be a bit of an acquired taste socially where it takes me a moment to warm up to people and it takes a minute for people to warm up to me. But another thing is that I think I can be kind of to myself, isolated, and guarded at times. And of course, I think the lack of social abundance you face after school/ college plays a role in exasserbating that. And sometimes I wonder how much of it is me versus the environments I find myself in. Low on managing group settings and parties: I can get overstimulated in parties and group settings with a lot of people to where I get so focused on observing others to where I don't really contribute. I also think in general I'm not used to settings like this and this is just a muscle I don't work on very often. I think it's a simple fix of needing to get out more lol. Low on sexual experience: Yeah... I'm not even going to pretend. I'm not the greatest sexually and I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of experience since I have only been with one person. But I will say, I'm pretty good about being open minded and communicating (in general but also in this area of my life). And I feel like as a result, even though I kind of suck, I'm not like sexually unsatified. Low on socializing in corporate: I just feel like I'm still figuring my shit out in this area of life and it's just taking longer since I only go into the office once a week at most for the past year and a half. Before, that, I would go in very sporadically. I'm capable of working together in a team and just being friendly with coworkers so they don't think I'm a weirdo. I'm not also behaving in a way that would jeopardize my professional relationships. But at the same time, I'm not good at navigating office politics or the event when people are coming at me crazy. Low on healthy anger, debate, and healthy defensiveness: I tend to freeze up when people come at me crazy and I think that comes at the expense of me standing up for myself at times. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to stick around in a bad situation, I'm going to ignore the crazies or remove myself from a situation. But sometimes, you do need to put up a fight and clap back and I'm just not good at that. Debates also freak me out because I feel like my default way of operating is to find common ground and engage in good faith discussion rather than focussing on the optics of my arguments or the best way to convince others. And while it's good that I can engage in good faith without lashing out and getting defensive, I do think that people can take advantage of this and hurt me in certain situations because I'm not defensive in a healthy way. Low on flirting: Yeah.. I can be kind of awkward in romantic situations. I don't have the rizz lol. But that said, I think that while I'm not creative and artful in the way that I flirt, I can be pretty direct which has it's own pros. I also think this is something COVID fucked up for me lol.