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Elisabeth

Resources For Improving Communication In A Partnership?

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Hi, 

do you know any great resources about communication / problem resolution in intimate relationships?

We are trying to find a way through a difficult issue, where our needs are largely conflicted, but again and again we seem to miss the point the other one is making, and tend to get defensive. Now, my partner strongly believes that communication is not just about words but more of  an endeavour for experiencing a common state of mind (hopefully leading to real understanding), which is a nice idea, and works for the little conflicts. But consequently he often stays very abstract with his wording and I can't follow, which very much complicates solving questions of a common future. He sais I don't know him in this area, but when I ask him to explain, there are few things I can get a hold on. Likewise maybe I tend to dwell too much into detail and miss the big picture, and maybe tend to be somewhat pesimistic. And since there is some serious clash of needs and the search for a solution is not easy, both of us are easily thrown out of balance. 

What are your ways to really convey your (intellectual, but also emotional) message, or to really listen? Thank you very much, Elisabeth

Edited by Elisabeth

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Tell him to buy and read "The Way Of The Superior Man" from David Deida, and learn from it too, you two should discuss about it.
You'll both need to be very open-minded though.

Both of you should start a daily meditation practice, and do it together.
Seems not connected to the problem, but it is.

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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19 minutes ago, Shin said:

Both of you should start a daily meditation practice, and do it together.

Thank you for tips! Why do you hold it important to do it together? (It's not feasible daily since we're not currently living together, but I'm curious.)

13 minutes ago, Toby said:

@Elisabeth have you tried NVC (non violent communication)?

I have the book, but haven't practiced much. When I described it, he didn't seem very persuaded about the method - but maybe I could convince him to visit some workshop. 

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1 hour ago, Elisabeth said:

Thank you for tips! Why do you hold it important to do it together? (It's not feasible daily since we're not currently living together, but I'm curious.

Because it will strenghten your intimacy since you would do it primarily to understand each other.

If you do it just for yourself, it is good too, it will help greatly, and for a lot of other things TOO :)

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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