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nightrider1435

Experiencing Raging Thoughts Lately

13 posts in this topic

I've been experiencing a bunch of angry thoughts lately. I guess I had more rage in my sub conconsious than I was aware of, and it's finally starting to surface due to my mediation. Sometimes these thoughts come on strong and it can be overwhelming, and I have to constantly remember don't identify with these thoughts, remain aware! ... But damn it's been a challenge! It's been neutrioc thoughts about stupid little things that have happen to me over the years which I guess my ego was still clinging to. Things that I haven't remember in ages are coming up, arguments, road rage, petty little situations that angered my ego, etc. I can't believe I was carrying all that weight. 

I've been dealing with it, I guess this is part of the spiritual madness that everyone goes through? It sucks that I can't really discuss this with me with the people in my life, that's why I come here!B|

 

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What's for discuss? There's no problem here,imo. These are just thoughts. We all have some. Let them be. Dont try to find the bed,there is just nothing at the bottom part. As you analyze past experiences,you relive them again and again. But your emotions,try to...accept them. They are there for a reason. To make you grow emotionally.

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I feel you man, this spiritual purification isn't all rainbows and butterflies!  I never thought I carried so much anger inside of me, its unbelievable. Let them be, express them (not on anyone-check out how to deal with anger thread) and like @egoeimai said,accept them. There is no point in resistance, see anger asit  is, temporary ego bs which will actually leave you more peaceful and grounded and won't matter in the big scale of things. Good luck!;)


Having no destination, I'm never lost. - Ikkyu

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Feel the feeling behind them. Open up to that emotion and let it fill you. What the thoughts are doing is interpreting the feelings and trying to distract or explain them. The self wants to know why. There isn't always a why, there is just what is. Another thing, use this opportunity to notice how the thoughts are completely and totally out of your control. They literally just appear like any other sensation. Because they are out of your control, they are meaningless. 

Definitely dont fall for the illusion that you are doing something wrong, or that you need to think your way out of them. You cannot think your way out of something you have never been in. Watch the thought and know that every one that is recognized as not you is one more nail in the coffin of the self. 

All of that advice because that was the experience I had as well. It is a good thing. Remember, if you are not a self, then none of the things that are coming up really happened to you. That is just meaning interjected by the self. They are just stories. They don't really exist.


Meditation is the mind training itself. You are just along for the ride.

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4 hours ago, egoeimai said:

What's for discuss? There's no problem here,imo. These are just thoughts. We all have some. Let them be. Dont try to find the bed,there is just nothing at the bottom part. As you analyze past experiences,you relive them again and again. But your emotions,try to...accept them. They are there for a reason. To make you grow emotionally.

There is nothing to discuss really, I mainly just wanted to share what's going on with me spiritual wise since I can't really do that with the people in my life haha. You are correct, there is no problem. I am glad that all of this is starting to surface so I begin to let go.

 

3 hours ago, Danielle said:

I feel you man, this spiritual purification isn't all rainbows and butterflies!  I never thought I carried so much anger inside of me, its unbelievable. Let them be, express them (not on anyone-check out how to deal with anger thread) and like @egoeimai said,accept them. There is no point in resistance, see anger asit  is, temporary ego bs which will actually leave you more peaceful and grounded and won't matter in the big scale of things. Good luck!;)

Yep! Pretty much what I've been doing, just let it be and accept! Whenever I resist my monkey mind will begin to say things like "who is even mad?? Dude there's no one there... your not that thought... stop..." haha.

3 hours ago, Gopackgo said:

Feel the feeling behind them. Open up to that emotion and let it fill you. What the thoughts are doing is interpreting the feelings and trying to distract or explain them. The self wants to know why. There isn't always a why, there is just what is. Another thing, use this opportunity to notice how the thoughts are completely and totally out of your control. They literally just appear like any other sensation. Because they are out of your control, they are meaningless. 

Definitely dont fall for the illusion that you are doing something wrong, or that you need to think your way out of them. You cannot think your way out of something you have never been in. Watch the thought and know that every one that is recognized as not you is one more nail in the coffin of the self. 

All of that advice because that was the experience I had as well. It is a good thing. Remember, if you are not a self, then none of the things that are coming up really happened to you. That is just meaning interjected by the self. They are just stories. They don't really exist.

Wow you just nailed it right there! That's exactly what my ego tries to do. A raging thought will come on me and I start feeling anger in my body like I was in whatever situation it was in the past, then the ego tries to explain it but then I become aware of that and just eventually let it be and accept.

And yeah its insane how these thoughts just come on me out of no where! One second I'm content and then the next thing I know the monkey mind is tripping hard with anger about the past, and I'm just like jeeze... holy shit ego... haha.

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@nightrider1435 It may be useful to stop referring to the ego separately. It seems to imply that there is a self, and a separate ego. The ego/self is thought. Thoughts arise from nothing. They are uncontrollable, they create the illusion that time is passing through stories. The misunderstanding is that something owns those thoughts. If you cant control something, you don't own it.  I am not trying to be a dick, It just really matters how you conceptualize it. Everything in the mind is a labyrinth, non of which exists. If it can be experienced, it is not the subject. It is possible to recognize this all at once, but it is rare. Either way, seeing what it really is and accepting the implications of that is vital. 


Meditation is the mind training itself. You are just along for the ride.

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@Gopackgo No I understand your point. I tend to do that when I post on this forum, thanks for pointing that out.  

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@nightrider1435 cool cool. It is almost impossible for the me to not latch onto others concepts. The truth is there is no control over it, but maybe in this exchange, there will be recognition of this. There really is no self. There will be a point if you don't get sucked into the massive seeking world where there will be a clear recognition of this, and thats when it either dissolves, or covers itself up. It can be all at once or over time, or could never fully dissolve. Tony Parsons says that liberation exists, but no one is ever liberated. That is so true. When there are angry thoughts, that is just what is happening. It means nothing beyond that. No one is angry, there is just apparent anger. The me uses it to enter self-confirming thoughts. A good person to watch is Paul Hedderman. Him, Jim Newman, and Tony Parsons are sharing a strong message that selfs don't like because it is mortifying to them. Of course, the only one that chooses teachers that advocate aggrandizement is the self/me thought. That's pretty obvious.


Meditation is the mind training itself. You are just along for the ride.

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@Gopackgo I hope a day comes where I can have that recognition. I'm at a point where I'm really starting to become aware of how much I cling onto concepts. Even that first sentence I just typed, is just another example of a concept to attach onto. Basically just a illusion within a illusion, I can see how easy it is to get caught up in that now. I'm just going to continue with my spiritual practices, do my best to remain aware in the now, and maybe just maybe enlightenment will occur, but as of now I am still in the illusion of desires.

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@nightrider1435  That's literally all that you can do. It's helpful to just recognize that no matter what is appearing, that is what is happening at that time. There's no deep meaning. The me wants meaning. It is the known that arises from unknowing (nothing). If there was meaning, then there would be no freedom. Everything is chaos, and anything can arise. 

My awakening happened during meditation, but I had never heard of awakening. At the time I was taking adderrall everyday at the time. None of that matters. The recognition happens when it arises. Some people awaken while walking down the street. Seeing what you are not will illuminate what you are. You can never know for sure because you cant use a subject to examine the looker. It is actually about unknowing things, not knowing more things. It is a negation, not an addition. This is the problem of seeking, the me's addiction is knowing things. It drives seeking in a way (or at least appears to). It literally consists of what is known, but obviously nothing can be known. There can never be knowing by the me of what is outside of itself. Concepts make the me apply what it knows, and it makes the me think that what is isn't whole because it is seeking a concept. No one ever gets enlightened, but at some point sometimes, me's stop seeking, and then wholeness can happen. It is counterintuitive because what is intuiting is what is being negated.


Meditation is the mind training itself. You are just along for the ride.

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@nightrider1435 it can be helpful to purposely become interested in that anger arising as it occurs. Not to wallow in the negative emotion and let it grow, but to quickly have that mindfulness kick in. Forget getting down on yourself at all for getting angry, just notice right quick that you're getting pretty worked up pretty fast, woah, how did that happen.. one second I was heading to the kitchen for cheescake, all happy and delighted, then noticed that I was using my ex's favourite dessert plate, that lying, cheating, low-life so and so!!  Quick, quick, mindfulness kicks in and says "Wow, I know I'm over that beetch, but I guess I never forgave her for her crap. Maybe that's something to meditate on or contemplate, I don't need that old crap popping up to mess up cheesecake time anymore."

You're obviously becoming mindful, keep rocking it. What at first seemed like an effort will become second nature in no time, and honestly, before you realize what's happening, it's hard to get all angry and shitty without noting it each time, often before you can finish the negative sentence in your mind even. And if it's big bad anger or frustration and resentment that's taken hold regardless of you 'knowing better', you are more and more adept each time, at just letting your pure awareness settle back in just behind the mess a little bit to be the silent witness, observing all this drama as it unfolds; "What a show, somebody's sure tweakey ta-DAY!" Sure, you may not have control over your thoughts, but with a little spiritually-oriented mindfulness, your next thought, more and more often is "Holy crap, I caught it again as it was arising, and it seems easier and easier to just recognize, unravel and let go of the junk before it has a  chance to take hold!" Feel it, recognize it, remember that love and peace are what you are made of and made from, and as you naturally give your body-mind a chance to sink into the heart of your pure essence, you'll notice you need to un-contract your body & mid-section to just let it come up & friggin' GO! It's new and it can be a little scary as big ol' love and peace and calm seem to be what's naturally just there, and wants to be a little volcano-like when you pop the cap a bit. Keep up with that mindfulness bud, and it becomes a habit you cannot break.. - you're on your way! 

Edited by FirstglimpseOMG
Spalling

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@FirstglimpseOMG Yeah I am getting better at not diving into the anger, but just becoming aware of what it really is. I had a pretty neurotic mindset about a year ago, it was miserable, I remember asking myself there has to be a better way to live! Then I discovered Leo's channel and it was fucking gold to me! I still have neurotic tendideces, but now I'm catching it every time. I still have a ways to go, I know theres still more in there that needs to be brought to light haha. I appreciate everyone's wisdom, thank you!

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Lol, I'm still a poster-boy for neurotic. Yeah, this forum and Leo Gura's content is just right when it finds you.

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