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Annetta

Let's Try This Again <3

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Okay!  So I'm just going to do a weekly video update on here to chronicle my journey, and that's it.  This is my first entry.
Here I talk about psychosis, spirituality, cats and art.
Peace.
-Annie

 

3

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

Conceptualizing a storybook.
Crooked But Upright

Notes:
How the artwork/atmosphere looks:
RB_book-2_135a-v2.jpg
The characters will have the colour scheme and design similar to Carl Jung's artwork.
The characters will consist of a fox and a hound - no relation to the Disney movie.
American_Foxhound.jpgred-fox-03.jpg
The background will be very contrasting - a birch tree forest - winter - white against the illuminating shades and designs of the semi-tribalistic animals
WinterBirchTrees.jpg
The characters will have - if it were a movie - in another layer behind the tribal design, where the brain would be, behind the eyes - 1930's style movie characters.  These will move in the following way:
tumblr_o7peazP0W91vv1g70o1_500.gif
And look similar to such, black and white contrasting as well, with the vivid colour of the animals - the human aspect of them giving a sort of personality:
f8e7b3f6e6f516fc9cc145bc635038e2.jpg4aaed45d63e0cae97a84ff8728d056f5.jpg

Personality of characters:
The fox: 

The hound:

Now comes the fun part, thinking of a story!!

Edited by Annetta
3

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

I only watched like 5 minutes into it. Two things came to my mind:
- I guess you could benefit from some kind of body work that addresses like the first two chakras
- in my perception there was an immediate shift into more love, clarity and groundedness when the cat came in

Edit: also, it is very hard to convince a doctor or psychologist that you are delusional if you yourself are aware of what you call paranoia. They might take it and interpret it more like a social anxiety (where people also think they are being watched and judged and are anxious). Usually people with "real" delusions almost completely believe them. And that is a criteria that doctors/psychologists look out for if they diagnose a psychosis afaik.

Edited by Toby
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WIP - ending scene will add text to it later.
 

Ending scene theme
216f4e10c4c17adaf639bf855a1cb2c9.gif
fox-catches-mouse-snow.jpg
NSxU6zi.gif
kaieteurfalls.gif

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fox-golf-ball.jpg
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Ending scene

Credit song

3

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

An article on real twin flames vs false twin flames

Apparently the energies can be similar, but false twin flames don't come from a place of love, while real twin flames do.  A lot of people get the energies confused.  

False twin flames, more info on the phenomenon.  Both say that for a real connection, the ego will dissolve rather than grow stronger - I feel more insecure and have strayed farther from my path than before.
It seems like spiritual folks like to forge these connections, but it can't be intellectually manufactured.  

I wish folks didn't try to affix themselves to my story if they aren't the real thing.  I'm of the resolve now that I'll just go make a fuckin' story so no one gets "confused".  Universe wouldn't send me someone who is unable to love.

No more liars.  Lone wolf path.  No more liars, Universe.  I'm sending you that message with intent.  No more liars.

(You, just don't ever post or say anything that has to do with me, or about me or anything like that.  I don't need my journey being manipulated.  We are two very different people, no similarities.
Actually, do whatever I just won't watch.) 
*grabs a karmic broom* SMH.
tumblr_nsnyygpeoh1r00543o8_r3_250.gif

And the worst part of it is, MY path gets tagged as being manipulative or wrong or unacceptable.  That's fantastic.  Love it.  All the work that I have done on myself gets turned into some laughing matter.  Again, SMH.

This must just be a part of the path.
Don't eat the apples.
Don't talk to snakes.

Edited by Annetta
2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Peace, I'm out.  Ain't got no time for stalkers, karmic relations, agendas or any of that nonsense.  
Drop your spiritual agenda

"Drop Your Spiritual Agenda

Those who truly awaken will, at some point in their journey, drop their spiritual agenda. One of my favorite “awake guys,” Lester Levenson, had no agenda when he woke up. He had no worldly agenda for what awakening would do for him.

Lester caught on to the idea that he wanted to be happy. Then he realized he was only happy when he was feeling love for others. So he went about the business of loving everything so that he would be happy. Period.

He didn’t do any of that process to get anything from the world. His only “reward” was the feeling of happiness he got from letting go and loving and correcting his beliefs. He was all about feeling happy with no other concern or purpose.

Lester had no agenda with regard to the world or anything outside of himself. His only agenda was to be happy. His only purpose was to do the process and then experience the happiness that resulted. And as a consequence, he experienced truly spectacular miracles in his life. And lived another 40 years (he had been told he would die within a year or two).

So drop your agenda! Drop what you think will happen when you do your practice. And then just do it!"

3

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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An analogy for spiritual materialism.  Imagine Pepsi is spirituality.  
The hero we need, but don't deserve. xD 
"Join the conversation"

 

3

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

Been researching ego most of the night, slept a little bit.
Progress report #4.  An ex texted me this morning, we last spoke on bad terms.  So weird that I'm researching ego and he just pops up out of the blue, I'm thinking about this song now, really gets to me.  This week has been Return of the Ex-Boyfriends and it really needs to stop... 
Ghosts belong in the grave.
Also I gotta stop scratching all the time or folks are gunna think I'm a crack head...

20170421_064025.jpg
A work in progress.

Here's to you, Steven.

 

Edited by Annetta
2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

New Canvas.jpg
Day 1 - lineart

hjfghjg.jpg

Edited by Annetta
5

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Why do you keep scratching yourself? Are you a crack addict? Now I have to scratch. 

What is in the wolf's mouth? How did you do that drawing, just on artist paper with colored pencils?

 

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Posted (edited)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body-focused_repetitive_behavior
tenor.gif

Paint tool sai.  It's supposed to be like a ball with a seed inside of it.  It looks a little sexual, like someone shoved a ball gag into a fox's mouth, but I assure you.


It's not. 

Edited by Annetta
2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

day2.jpg
Day 2 - 4000 px - 55.5 inch - 4.6 ft - will be a huge poster.

Feels for the day
TheRedBook-LEFAP-Catalog5.jpg

Carl Jung's interpretation of this is I am assuming a kundalini awakening?  Mine will focus more heavily on mental illness - "losing one's mind" during the process of ego death.

It is inspired by the lyrics to this song, and represents OCD.  What I have thus far looks a little funky, but don't judge it yet folks.  I'll try to have a little bit more each day.

As winter takes me now, of cold and clammy skin
A barren empty womb, as I am born again
It's pulling at my hair, and crawling all within
A gentle beating heart is swept away by sin
That's enough, the end
Comes undone

Falls off the edge, falls out young
Falls off the edge, falls off love
As dark comes the night. We all die young

The monster in your head, won't surface again
Be still my child, wash away the sin
And i as future king, walk off the edge
Hold me by my name, hold me till the end

fhedfh.png

Edited by Annetta
1

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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I've said this before, but I don't want you to think I have some agenda--that your art is good, and if you tried to sell it, people would buy it. I've seen pieces I'd buy if you threw them up on Etsy or something (like the Trump one).

1

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blaseohdued.png

Do my own shit, not worry about the stupid opinions of total strangers.  Fuck'm.

2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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*sigh*  I'm really not liking how the face is coming out on this...
I feel like if I did something different with the orb in the mouth it wouldn't give off the impression that it does.
Ears should be a little more pointed.
Maybe I should just go with it.
Hmmmn....
I think it'll look okay once the rest of the background is drawn in, idk... :/ 

 

2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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ggg.png
Busy today so I don't have time to get much done.

Daily feels.

2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

gggg.png
I went to the doctor yesterday to get an x-day done on my head and neck and they found that I have a pinched nerve and cervical spinal stenosis and I guess that's why my face has been pinched up lately, why I feel so numb and tired and it might explain the cognitive and memory problems, because it's right by my brain stem.  They're gunna stick a needle in my spine *shiver* and try to decompress the disc and if that doesn't work then perhaps surgery.
About four years ago I blacked out, fainted and was out for a good three hours.  Fell on linoleum.  They checked my head but not the neck and that might be what caused the injury.
Feels for the day.  

junokatrina.jpg
Arrr matey!

Bored, just commenting on random crap.

(If you're seeing this, I already let go - I'm not good with that subliminal context stuff, especially with the script that I run through my brain.
Wonder who you were really talking about this whole time..
Gotta love being crazy. 9_9)

 

Edited by Annetta
2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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E.r. - panic attack :(

When will it end?  Ok... Maybe now I should confront fear? I can't do it... nooo... why... scared.  Must flee.  Need to run.  Going to faint.  No die... no... :c bah 

1

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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Posted (edited)

uuuuug.png

This song is pretty good, sounds like the shape of whatever this creature up there is spewing.

Edited by Annetta
1

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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So... my dad raped me when I was little.  About six or seven.  I liked it.  My parents fought a lot, my mother blamed me for a lot of their problems.  I didn't understand sexuality and escaped by moving into my imagination.  I was a dog.  At the "vet's office". :/
It was attention.  I was afraid of it, and of being rejected, but I liked the attention and I liked the idea that I was being of service to my family.  Eventually, when they fought I would take my father's side, not really understanding the scope of what was happening.  So, I have a delusional story and it's been with me for so long, I don't know how to break out of it.  My mother tried drowning me in a tub because of it.  Eventually he left, I remembered the feeling of, "Who will protect me from mommy?"
I don't really want to go into any more detail than that, but that's what it is.  It is what it is.
I feel numb today.  Please take this as a sign of trust as this is not something I've wished to reveal, but it's the core of my madness.  Please never misuse this information about me.  Thank you.
jguhyg.png

Feels for the day.

2

The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am afraid of nothing."  "Nothing?"
"Nothing," it said.  Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon.  -From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

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