Cocolove

Polyamory

30 posts in this topic

Hello,

What are your thoughts on polyamorous relationships? (just started and its lit)

A couple things, there is definitely a lot of green in things like relationship anarchy, orange can practice open relationships or swinging or whatever, and so I think its way too simplistic to reduce it to a stage, but please do use the spiral to explain things. Do you think polyamory can be practiced in a yellow way, in a healthy way, in a self-actualizing way, etc. If so, how can this be done?

 

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13 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

What are your thoughts on polyamorous relationships?

It might be interesting to satisfy your particular needs with different unique women with an overarching openess and honesty about it. This was very common in our forefathers, however just the man was polyamorous. All wifes used to live together under the same house and became a big unified family.

Although nowadays, I find it time consuming to have multiple high quality relationships with women or men. Having an open relationship is the middle step, you have your stable consolidated realtionship where you invest all your time, energy and money, but you are allowed to fulfill your sexual needs outside the relationship.

18 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

Do you think polyamory can be practiced in a yellow way, in a healthy way, in a self-actualizing way, etc.

Of course, if you have the resources and the willingness

19 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

If so, how can this be done?

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I also just struggle with all the low consciousness criticisms, it would be nice to hear a better pro con evaluation.

I think it can be done and it's not that hard 

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My opinion is if you can’t even maintain a monogamous relationship for longer than a few months then you have no business considering polyamory. 


"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

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Okay but what if you totally can handle monogamy and have invested and work hard on healthy relationships, and polyamory comes as a natural next step as I find it fulfilling, helps me embody higher consciousness, healthier attachment, better communication, etc.

I mean I have an opinion I think it's great. Honestly i'm just surpised more people here aren't into it.

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One statement I’ve heard from a few people is that polyamorous relationships are filled with drama. What is your response to this?


"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

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Not in my experience, with communication and everyone taking a conscious approach there's no need for drama. Haven't had any other than working out initial dynamics can be complicated and hard.

I think drama can certainly be avoided its low consciousness.

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bumping because i know yall have opinions i dont understand why everybody aint doin it

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Posted (edited)

Doesn't really work unless just about everyone involved is extremely high conscious (like more so than even 99% of this forum, eg stage Turquoise minimum), that's my conclusion based on some actual experience. And funny enough if you reach such high level of consciousness you wouldn't wanna deal with the drama anymore anyway lol. Not just "drama", you don't really care about "traditional" relationships with most people in general.. because well.. you can't even relate with them anymore.

It's all fine to experiment though.. 

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

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 i think plenty of green people do it fine if they have a heathy psychology. 

Why do you think it doesn't work unless everyone is turqouise? come on I know you got some reasons!

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Posted (edited)

47 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

 i think plenty of green people do it fine if they have a heathy psychology. 

Why do you think it doesn't work unless everyone is turqouise? come on I know you got some reasons!

Haven't met anyone I consider "green" to be truly poly.. most people still have a primary partner and then treat everyone else as secondary or "sex friend" which isn't true poly.

Idk most guys who say they are "poly" are really just trying to hook up with multiple women with "no strings", that's my exp anyway. It's really quite the let down when you find out they're just using this poly thing to take advantage of people. Meanwhile you have a totally different idea of what poly means..

Because I think basically you have to all kinda like each other at the barest minimum for it to be truly "ethical", and not just faking it, which means something like every addition to the "group" needs some kind of consent I guess for it to work well.. and that my friend, is actually quite a tall order and gets too complicated real quick ;).

And because the transcending or questioning of traditionalist thinking really only happens around or after "yellow".. 

"True poly" requires a lot of selflessness, and people aren't capable of that unless they're already very healed, which is rare. Almost nobody in this world enters relationships to be "selfless" as the default motivation.

I mean just the fact that the majority of well known spiritual teachers have traditional monogamous relationships, how do you think the average person or someone considered less developed than them is going to do in a non-monogamous situation?

But I'm speaking more from a more idealistic angle.. most relationships are not founded upon such idealism(s). So there's nothing stopping people from having all kinds of what I consider toxic poly set ups.. but I'm just 1 sample point, maybe you had better outcomes.

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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I heard on a podcast that in open and poly relationships extreme levels of jealousy can occur but that the people involved usually learn to live with that. They still become jealous but they see it as normal. They accept their jealousy. For me at least this sounds like an achievement in personal development. 

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Ok well what about relationship anarchy, that's a whole super green antihierarchical school of thought that doesn't believe in primary partnership. Certainly lots of green people are actually poly. 

You heard on a podcast extreme levels of jealousy can occur? i mean yea, but it can also be worked through and you can live without it. It's not optimal to be always jealous. In my situation some people just don't really have much jealousy to deal with, including me. Why would you be jealous?

I appreciate these takes though since you're not just saying its fundamentally flawed haha.

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1 minute ago, Cocolove said:

I appreciate these takes though since you're not just saying its fundamentally flawed haha.

Being a human fundamentally comes with flaws. Best to experiment with what works for you even if almost no one else understands.


"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

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Yea makes sense.

I don't know, for me, why would I want to get in the way of other people's love. And why would I think that it affects me? I just feel like people have the capacity to love multiple people and it doesn't take away from my relationships. Furthermore, if  someone ends up closer to someone else than me, maybe they are a better match and have a better relationship. I woudn't want to restrict them and prevent them from having a better relationship for my own needs. And I would want the same.

The sacrifices, control, limitations, jealousy, insecurity, romanticization, and everything associated with monogamy feels so low consciousness I just don't feel drawn to it.

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Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, Cocolove said:

Yea makes sense.

I don't know, for me, why would I want to get in the way of other people's love. And why would I think that it affects me? I just feel like people have the capacity to love multiple people and it doesn't take away from my relationships. Furthermore, if  someone ends up closer to someone else than me, maybe they are a better match and have a better relationship. I woudn't want to restrict them and prevent them from having a better relationship for my own needs. And I would want the same.

The sacrifices, control, limitations, jealousy, insecurity, romanticization, and everything associated with monogamy feels so low consciousness I just don't feel drawn to it.

I hear you, I mean there's low/high conscious monogamy and non-monogamy so it all just depends on the people involved at the end of the day is how I see it.

I mean for me a non-monogamous situation will only really start to apply/be possible if I have even 1 partner to begin with, and if somehow that relationship evolved to a point where the healthy thing to do is to be "poly". I mean if you don't even have 1 partner (who may or may not want that) then it's just arm-chair philosophy :D. Or you're just dating around in a non committed fashion which isn't really what I consider poly either..

I'm just saying in practice, most people are just trying to get more for themselves rather than trying to consider the situation as a whole, don't have true consent, etc, which leads to toxic scenarios.

The other complication too is that it's still taboo with our society at large, and there are not much legal protection around this. So what ends up happening is most people have to hide it from most other people especially with family or work places.

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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Polyamory has pros and cons but it is no mystery why most don't practice it.

  • Less STD proof than monogamy
  • It is more work and complicated
  • Smaller dating pool of poly people
  • Jealousy
  • It is taboo currently

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I follow a guy on Instagram that touch on this topic. In his opinion poly is a sort of bullshit andba way to bypass true union, he have his own way of seeing but I think he have some truth on this topic. You need to check why deeply are you into poly?are you not getting fullfulment in your current relationship? 

Here is a screenshot of the post. 

 

Screenshot_20240426-082004_Instagram.jpg

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@Cocolove

On 2024-04-23 at 8:52 AM, Cocolove said:

Hello,

What are your thoughts on polyamorous relationships? (just started and its lit)

A couple things, there is definitely a lot of green in things like relationship anarchy, orange can practice open relationships or swinging or whatever, and so I think its way too simplistic to reduce it to a stage, but please do use the spiral to explain things. Do you think polyamory can be practiced in a yellow way, in a healthy way, in a self-actualizing way, etc. If so, how can this be done?

 

   Don't be like Divorcelli. Don't endorse polyamorous relations.

 

 

 

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