Psyche_92

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Everything posted by Psyche_92

  1. Hi, I was watching a YouTube video of a satsang meeting, and at one moment the teacher said that "you" are basically never moving somewhere, and that "you" are running around in yourself. Theoretically it makes sense, but practically i can't see how you can come to the realization, and have the experience of running around in yourself without any drugs, yet he claims that's what its like when "you" are enlightened. At the moment i have the feeling that i'm looking at the world from inside "my" body, through "my" eyes. It seems like what he describes needs a shift in perception, but how is this possible? "You" will always look through the eyes of "your" manifestation (body), so how can this shift so it looks like "you" are not in "your" body, but the body is in "you"? Seems like you need to go from 1st person to 3d person.
  2. Meh, i still don't understand it lol. Sometimes i wish i never knew about this. I've came to so many moments of wanting to go back to my old life, where i didn't care about seeking. Now i can't even stop it. It's a pain in the ass.
  3. Do you know it when it happens? Or can it happen unrecognized.
  4. I mentally know i'm consciousness, but i can't live it. I'm still struggling to let go off the need for control. I can see the pulls from ego, when it wants to claim something i'm doing, and i know that i am the one that sees, and not the do'er, but there is a lot of friction going on. I'm wondering if thoughts have an impact on decisions or actions. For example: when i wake up, and decide/think about not to go to the gym, the effect is i'm not going. But, after i start to feel guilty for not going, and making the choice to go instead, i am going. I know this decision is seen, and that "i" am also doing something else than i decided to do in the first place. After a decision like that, it looks like the "i" that feels guilty, am actually able to manipulate reality, and that "i" am the decision maker at that point. I know all of this is seen by consciousness, but i can't seem to "let go" off it.
  5. Hello, Since my realization of true Self, i became more interested in careers that hold a high risk e.g. Cop, fireman, marines, army,.... I'm trying to define if this is a deeper longing of true self wanting to express itself, or just some random impulsive attack from ego. I had some interest in becoming a cop for some time, but it never was so intense. Thanks, Psyche_92
  6. Since my internal voice and thoughts quietened down tremendously, i've been having some changes in motivation to eat healthy and workout. It just doesn't feel right anymore to push myself into the gym, to eat just to eat healthy and not because of genuine motivation and doing what my ego is telling me to do, if that makes any sense. It just feels wrong and pressured. Years ago i would have been mad at myself because of not sticking to my gym routine, or sticking to my diet, but if you think about it, what does it even matter? How stupid is it to be mad at myself honestly? I'm starting to become more interested in living a genuine live, rather than doing things that are actually not "me". Not sure how to handle these changes, because it's not only with gym, but also with other stuff in my life that i just dropped because they don't feel right anymore.
  7. I wish this was the case, but it isn't. To be fair i don't feel like i have a mind that tells me good/bad anymore at all. There is just this feeling that what i'm doing is out of flow with what i should be doing, and from that feeling can occur a thought, if i'm lucky enough to neglect the feelings in my body long enough that is. Might sound weird, but that's how i'm experiencing it right now.
  8. Paradoxically “I” stopped using ANY technique or trick. If you think about it it’s also doing something, but i did it unconscious, but even that is something that “i” am not sure of.
  9. Yea that's how i woke up this morning. I don't know what else to say. Peace, oh yea and unity and love everywhere
  10. Sometimes it's nice to take a break from manipulating the movie that's being played in front of "you". Lately "i've" been taking so much breaks, that "i" don't feel like manipulating it anymore. "I've" been taking so much breaks, that somehow "i" made the decision to just watch it. Guess what, it's a good movie tho. hahahaha
  11. "I" don't know what genre it is, but "i" am in for an adventure.
  12. Hey, How is it possible, that from the viewpoint of non-duality were everything is happening, "we" are able to manipulate "that what's happening" in such a way that it even seems to us like something is improving, aka self-development? Also, aren't we extending the illusion for ourselves, by even thinking that we can manipulate reality?
  13. Hey all, I think i just had a first glimpse of enlightenment. I came back from my gym, riding with my bike through the forest. As i was riding, i was looking around at the trees and everything, and all of a sudden it felt like i got sucked into reality. My eyeview got very wide and it felt like everything "I" was seeing as something outside of me before, got pulled behind me and i stepped into it. I don't know how to explain it really. It almost felt like my head and body got ripped open and "I" jumped out of it, flying freely into the world, being one with it. It also felt like my mind got thrown behind me and "I" came first. As this was happening i got scared, and a thought popped up, which quickly ended this occurring. Back was the distinction between me and what i was seeing outside of me. It again looks like there is an outer world right now. I'm trying to get back to it, but my mind is in the way of it right now. Was this a glimpse? I never ever had this in my life before.
  14. Hello, If "my voice" is creating concepts and beliefs about truth and reality. Is it then "my voice" "i" have to quiet down and ultimately eliminate?
  15. Hey all, my title pretty much sums up how i'm feeling at the moment. Over the past 2 years i've been self-actualizing myself, up to the point where i can honestly say my ego was healthy again. There were moments were i was transcending it, feeling very present. I faced all my fears, got rid of my social anxiety for 90% and started to operate from a place of abundance, i just felt whole again. My biggest problem back in the days were the scars that i got from getting bullied for years in primary school up until high school. With that in mind, i genuinely started to feel happy again, full of life, but right now i feel like i've lost everything i've gained in 1 day, after having an EMDR session with my therapist 2 days ago. Because of some memories of my past ( bullies ), i wanted to do an EMDR session with my therapist, feeling like it would be cool if also those memories could get numbed out. We did the session, but i could only focus on a picture that flashed in my mind, showing the faces of my bullies. It took about an hour, and i didn't really feel like the EMDR did it's job. My therapist told me that she felt like it wasn't severe enough anymore for EMDR to be effective, because there were no strong feelings in my body attached to them anymore. After the session i got home and started to feel kind of mellow. The day after my session, i could really feel that something was not right, because i woke up depressed after a horrible sleep with some nightmares involved. During the day i just couldn't forget the picture i had during the EMDR session, and it didn't leave me alone, so i decided to meditate. Today it's 2 days ago, woke up a little bit happier but still kind of depressed. As quickly as i was awake, the picture flashed in my mind again, which got me in a bad mood yet again. I tried to stay positive, going to the gym thinking that would make me feel better, but it honestly was a very bad idea. At first my mood was getting better, lifting some weights, sweating, but then all of a sudden, 2 of my past bullies got in the gym. I couldn't really believe it at first, because i never saw them in my gym before. They were looking down on me, but i didn't really care too much, still it left me in awe. I'm feeling shitty right now, and kind of defeated. I thought i got over all of this, and i really felt like something in me had changed. I'm so scared that i've lost everything i've gained. I was becoming such a happy person, and right now everything is foggy, i seem to have lost it all again. I'm hoping this is just some kind of dip or after effect of the EMDR, and that i will feel like the old me, who was feeling at least a 8 out of 10 for most of my days. I'm planning to add some extra meditation to get me out of this rut, but i'm not sure if i can "force" this. I also know that i just have to come at peace with feeling this way, but it's hard.
  16. Hello, i'm almost certain that i either am scared of success, or that i'm having serious self doubt. I've been doing the LP course for some time now, and at the moment i'm at the life purpose exercises. During the course i've got some good epiphany's that resonate with me, but i'm always doubting myself as if it's possible for me or not. This is not new to me, since i'm always doubting my ability to do things, only to find out later that i'm capable of a lot more than i thought i was. With this in mind, i'm still not able to take the right actions in life because something is holding me back. It's like i'm feeling not worthy of having a passion in life, or either not worthy of success. Something in between those two. How can i get to the root of this? I've been bullied a big chunk of my teenage years, and i feel like something in me has not recovered from it yet, which leads to this.
  17. Pretty bad. I've been fighting it on and off for about 2 years, and today i can safely say that i'm done with it. Life simply got too beautiful for me to ruin it with a stupid addiction like that. You will get there. keep fighting, keep growing ( especially awareness ).
  18. Nothing is what it seems
  19. "The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why" - Mark Twain
  20. Hello all, i'm very confused at the moment, and i'm having some questions. These questions might sound weird and i'm even having a hard time to really explain what i'm contemplating on right now. The questions that i'm contemplating on right now are: -From the viewpoint of enlightenment and living a selfless life. What's the point of personal-development, since that's ultimately an ego-driven act/journey? -Is the goal of personal development simply a way of becoming more openminded towards everything? -Why is personal development even a necessity if the end goal is enlightenment on itself? -If the road to unconditional happiness is enlightenment. What's the point of having a life purpose at all? Since a life purpose is always selfish and driven by ego in the end? In one way i feel like these questions don't have a point at all, but in another way they sound very nihilistic to me. Where do i go from here? I feel like somethings missing in my life, yet i know that i can't look for anything else outside of me to become complete, because i'm already complete. I also feel like i don't have to add anything to my life, rather removing things, but that literally leaves me with doing NOTHING at all.
  21. Hello guys, for a long time i've been dealing with memories from the past, especially from being bullied as a child, and i can't seem to find a way to stop letting them affect me. For the most part they come and go, and when they come they tend to stick for several hours, and i can't really help but feel very sad and depressed during that time. Since yesterday i'm having a really hard time again, because i saw one of my bullies while i was outside. Even though it was over 6 years ago, i can still feel the pain and anxiety when i see them in public, and they mess my day up in a total if this happens. I tried to look them in the eye, and even at this age they are grinning at me like they remember what they've done and don't care about it. I'm sick of it, since this is holding me back from living a normal life, getting outside on a normal basis and not just once in a while, getting a job, meeting new people ( i have no friend right now, but also undeserving i feel). Because of this i'm experiencing social anxiety, which makes it very hard for me to go out in public, since i'm always scared that i will face one of em, when for example i want to go to the grocery store. Lately i'm trying to tell myself that they ruined my past, and that i don't want to let them ruin my life, but the pain is so deep that the anxiety quickly takes over again. I'm trying to meditate each day for about an hour, and practice being in the present moment but it's not helping that much. I'm 24 right now, and in my head i have so many plans for the future, but i just can't help and feel like i will never deserve a good life ( i think that i feel undeserving of being happy because of years of bullying in my childhood ). Sometimes i'm even considering living abroad to start a whole new life, in a different environment with different people, far away from all the shitty people that ruined my past, so that i don't have to see them anymore. At the same time i feel like i don't have to move, because i didn't do anything wrong, and they are the bad people, but yeah... If anyone has tips on dealing with this, that would be highly appreciated.
  22. Hey guys, i just came home from the gym, and i have to say it wasn't as easy to complete the session as i thought. i know it's normal to have a hard time after so long, but it was more of a bad mental state i got, as i started my workout. I started to feel like shit, and thoughts of why i started doing this again, how i'm probably going to give up,... all sorts of these thoughts start to pop up and they kind of took over. It's not the first time that this happens, and i know it's my subconscious mind being a pussy, but i can't seem to get past it. On a conscious level: -i feel that i owe it to life, that i take care of my body by working out and eating healthy. -i also know that when i would keep working out my confidence would rise, which would help some with my social anxiety -i also know that when i would keep working out, my discipline would rise which gets me into a loop of getting things done that need to be done ( to have a good life ) On a subconscious level: -i feel lazy and just don't want to do anything -i feeling like i'm wasting my time in the gym and that i want to be home as soon as possible. -i rather sit on my pc Not only do i have this while going to the gym, but mostly it's holding me back from literally living my life the way i see and want it on a conscious level. In the past i wasn't aware of this, but now i am due self-improvement, and i want to get past it since this is what holds me back from living my life. What can i do? Greets, Psyche_92