I realized today that im massively afraid of not being loved by a woman. This makes so much sense, because all my life until now i had only 1 girlfriend and i had a massive emotional breakdown with her. I was so afraid to tell her that i "love" her that i became quite clingy and needy.
Recently i met this girl and we liked eachother in a friendly way and since i dont have many woman friends, my subconscious must have rang some bells. While im not needy towards her i feel massive anxiety when things are about her, i even got sick because of the emotional stress this creates, lol.
I realize that the problem is very deep, all my life, i cant remember having said once to my parents or siblings that i love them. This is ridiculous, i dont even know what to do about this. I need to take action to meet new woman. I need to heal this deep problem while i dont even know how, wow as im writing this i realize the HUGE impact emotions linked to past events can have an insane effect on the self in the future.
Why do i even need someone to love me? Is it because i dont love myself? Why?
I need to work on this, my focus in this journey has to shift and focus on repairing the love for myself. I am enough, everything/everybody else is just a bonus to my life.