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Posts posted by kalter000

  1. Music is just a music, artform, one of the multiple fields for self-expression. If you like these songs it's simply means, that you can relate to energy behind them, that's all. 
    More than that, you can use this music for healthy release of negative emotions. Instead of accumulating them and becoming psychopath on killing spree, just go headbang and dance!;) I've heard much "worse" music and nothing has changed in my behavior.

  2. Friendship exists. But the term "frendship" itself  is quite muddy. Where is this boundary between "friendship" and "non-friendship"? This is a made up term. You can have sex and still be friends, you can have sex and hate each other, you can create deep connection without sex ( crazy shit, huh?). I think sex can't be reliable variable for measuring level of relationship, this is sorta it's own thing.

    There are a lot of desperate people out there, who see every person as potential sex partner. Of course in these circumstances it's hard to imagine, that you can just... relate to people, allow them being in your presence, not necessary put labels or oversexualise this whole thing. I was like that and I thought " What's the point in dealing with them, if I can't fuck them?" lol. Pretty low-conscious.

  3. @Emerald Wilkins I think your advice is good, but a bit advanced for her current paradigm.

    @shouldnt My advice for now - stop resistance and fully sink into your situation, give up yourself to it. Drown till you hit a rock bottom and accept every emotions and feelings you have, live them. In the end you will realise, that in spite all of it "you" are still "you" and nothing really mattered. This psychological bottom will be healthy ground to build up yourself again, much more stronger. Learn being not that clingy towards misfotunes of life by accepting and releasing them. 

    Psychological system you are operating right now is very dysfunctional, so it has to be destroyed and rebuild. This system causing all problems, including sleeping with guys you don't like and whom you want to punch in the face.

  4. @Emerald Wilkins Your second paragraph perfectly describes  my condition and my own blind spots. Looks like we are dealing with same neurosis, but in different clothes.

    I have this fear of not reaching "ultimate self-expression" (c), I had these brief moments, where I could be able to see my full potential and how powerfull I can be, but then my identity overlaps "me", making me fearful and neurotic. And this phase of stagnation pisses me off, making me want to commit sorta "spiritual suicide", let go of myself. Last time when it was powerful enough, I had a breakthrough and since then I started learning about spirituality. But still my barriers are strong and resistance draws out all the joy from my life.

    Hopefully we will sort something out =)

  5. @Emerald Wilkins  I can relate. Although it's not about me getting older, but not having sexual life I want. As a 22 years old male, It's hard to play high-consciousness being, when in my mind vaginas are popping out all the time. 

    15 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

    I am 26 years old, and I'm having insecurities about getting older and losing the attention associated with being a young woman. It feels like I have this identity and that I'm not really enjoying it or using it. But I have no idea what to do with it, what I want from it, or even the full extent of why it causes me such grief and attachment.

    Do you have this feeling, that you are missing out  something? I think you are suppressing your femininity and now you fear, when time will pass , that you will lose certain opportunities.

    What if you are fighting with wrong enemy? Maybe instead of denying need of being attractive and sexual you should embrace it?

    We can say, that you are associating your appearance with your self-worth too much or you put a lot of emphasis on being certain way- but would the same thoughts occur, if now you could express yourself with full power? It's the same as dying man feels sorry for wasted opportunities.

    Maybe ,as Ayla recommended, you should accept your drives and tendencies? Think about why your mind is holding you.

    P.S. sorry, if I misunderstood your problem.

  6. 1 minute ago, Nomad said:

    I am moving along because this site is bollocks.

    Ask yourself why it's full of kids?  I propose that will be because most rational sane people click on by when they get about 4 minutes into Leo's videos because they see it's just another load of idealistic crud self help.

    The self help industry needs people like Leo and idealistic kids to keep them in business.

    If you are still here I'm really interested to hear what's in your opinion real self-development and what resources one might need to grow and mature? And what self-help material is not idealistic? 

  7. 1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

    Imagine going out with a random girl who you would never sleep with because she's not attractive enough but you simply hang out because the vibe feels good. And she hits you up and you're like okay that's cool we can hang out but you don't mean it in a sexua manner.

    In this sort of situation I'm always honest, although it comes at a cost. But I don't care, at least I'm not wasting my and her time and often girls respect that. But will you cut this juicy source of validation?;)

    You can't expect this honesty from everyone. Perhaps you can learn how to sort this thing out, but it's easier to find another girl. 

    ...or do push-pull and other retardation =)

  8. @Lynnel Wasn't it always like that? =) We can't close every deal. I don't think people deliberately using you for validation, most of them don't even know what it means. Some people will have chemistry with you, but not enough to have sex or overcome cultural background.

    And it seems you are a little bit overly attached to results, don't you think?;) As if you don't enjoy interactions and get attention yourself.

  9. @shouldnt I understand your condition and can relate to it. But nothing is set in stone. Be careful with labeling yourself : "INTP" ,"Virgo", "introverted"- you are too busy defining yourself and this definitely prevents your growth. It's nice theory and all, but you can't define person by four letters or his horoscope sign.

    2 hours ago, shouldnt said:

    The only way I can think of to raise my self esteem is to get in better shape, grow my hair out, and get better at pursuing my passions/dream career.

    Have you seen Leo's  video "real growth vs fake growth"? Recommend you to check it out. Basically your way to fix self-esteem is wrong and he explains why.

    2 hours ago, shouldnt said:

    It was just a nice feeling to have someone there again & look forward to all the things we talked about. He just turned out to give me false hope. Another liar/coward. 

    You were talking to guy through the internet! Your suffering is made by you, you had high expectation, invested inormous amount of emotional energy, created all these fantasies about him, and you don't even know him. He might not be prince charming, but if you want to grow, then start taking responsibility and stop blaming other people. 

    Transcend your past, work on being less neurotic, less thinking -Leo has video "40 signs that you are neurotic" - must watch. Put aside your standarts, you don't even know yourself first, there is no use to clinging to your "shoulds", that's another neurotic pattern.

    Start fixing your self-image, practise mindfulness, meditation will help a lot - you would slowly stop identifying with your neurotic thoughts and start having "pure" outlook on your life and experiences.  

    You are on a verge of discovering the real you, it's hard but fascinating work. But first - you have to let go of the current self-image.

  10. 14 hours ago, Neuroticon said:

    Currently society is so messed up that when a normal male starts expressing his sexual interest towards a female it is usually perceived as rude, inappropriate, insconsiderate and creepy.

    Yeah, but to be honest, a lot of it really creepy and inappropriate 'cause guys don't know how to do it right. It's one of the pros for pickup, at least you become self-aware of all these things.

    I personally don't see a lot of shaming towards guys, but they rather emasculating themselves. No one wants to grow and take responsibility, no one wants to make hard decisions and work on oneself. It's easier to blame society and others for your incompetence, staying in the comfy arrogance.

    and then they drink and call girls sluts.

  11. Why are you so invested in that one guy? I understand, that you have been single for 1,5 year but still. You gave him all the power over your emotions and self-worth and you don't even know him, some online nonsense. If that guy was open and okay with himself you wouldn't be so reluctant.

    You call him close-minded and say "I don't care", but wanted him to have certain impression of you- why, isn't it contradictory? =) looks like you're needy and seeking validation from that guy.

    "I don't have to impress anybody" looks like the game you're playing in your mind instead of being authentic.

    12 hours ago, shouldnt said:

    I want to be happy by myself but I want to make connections.

    There is no contradiction here. Connections aren't bad, but because you have low self-esteem you want to use it as a source to fill the gap of self love in yourself. This is why you are so mad at that guy, he didn't fulfill this need.:) But you only attract what you are...

    So first of all, fix your self-esteem, practice self-acceptance and love, be mindful of negative thoughts. And throw away your standarts for a sec, stop trying to fit  into others expectations, that's neurotic. And you won't be attracted to "that guy with standarts" anyway. :P

  12. On 04.03.2016 at 2:45 PM, cnorhistorian said:

    The basic issue of the human condition is that the human spirit is in desperate need of absolute answers in a reality where there are no final answers.

    Yeah, but it basically gave us everything we have right now. It's a source of our expansion, vector for all humanity. Our planet became the most comfortable madhouse ever. Was it worth it? I don't know. Perhaps in the future it would be the cause of our extinction.

    On 04.03.2016 at 2:45 PM, cnorhistorian said:

    "Enlightenment" is also very simple. Unless and until you can completely accept that there are no final answers  you cannot find true freedom and enlightenment. 

    So, to be free one has to loose himself to uncertainty (spontaneity) and chaos, and stop clinging to false models of reality?

  13. On 02.03.2016 at 3:52 PM, Anlib said:

     Why can't you just be yourself instead and tale the actions needed to create a powerful life.

    You see, fucked up people don't really understand what it means to be "yourself" and how to do it. They are so neurotic and unaware, that by being themselves they only reinforce this behavior. Self-help is just an instrument for realising oneself. Some people make an ego out of it or use it as a form of escapism, but it's not the fault of self-help itself. 

    99% of self-help I find to be trash, but when it's working it's really working. We can just use it as a tool and don't undulge too much into subculture masturbation.

    P.S.: It's my 100 post, I'm so proud of myself (fap fap fap fap fap fap fap)

  14. 45 minutes ago, Ninatale said:

    He says that he doesn't like me getting wet that quick (as I do, that's just my nature when I am really attracted to someone) and he would really be turned on if he had to put a lot of effort into getting me wet (like I would be more ready to have sex than him)

    Wow... that's something new. I even thought for a second ,that he likes to play submissive, he wants to work and serve you to get your approval and desire... considering him thinking about being gay that's all interesting...

    Looks like his previous 6 years relationship left a huge inprint on his sexuality, interesting to know what his sex life was before. Maybe you can replicate these dynamic to fit his wants.

    ...but guys above are right- you can't change him and shouldn't change/betray yourself. It's up to him to fix his issues. I see no problem from your side and I admire your supportive approach towards him. If you are really into him, looks like you might need to be his therapist, open him up and in calm sincere atmosphere make him aware of his issues. That's the best you can do imo, only if you dare to care.