Your thoughts on shared responsibility during sex in Dating, Relationships, Sexuality Posted May 13 @Farnaby Just stop having sex thinking about the orgasm, orgasm is in the future, if you are in the moment connected to the other person you are busy with the connection, looking in the eye, feelings the sensations in your body, your ego is the one thinking if it's doing a good job, it's not much that you are concerned about her, men love to show their masculinity in bed, it's about themselves in the end, it's a manly thing to do so make sure you are not trying to prove anything, you are there for the connection not for the orgasm, also you need to communicate with her, this is very important. Another problem is that many woman don't do their 50% part in bed, it's just how we were culturally taught, we just lay down there and wait for the men do to everything, that's also the reason many woman experience pain during sex, the musculature of their vaginas are not even being used, it's relaxed instead of working and of course more vulnerable, like someone punching your abs while you are flexing, but if you are not flexing is gonna hurt a lot, don't think woman are all sensitive, a child is born from our vaginas so the "instrument" was very well built if you know how to use it, but going back to the point, they let the men do everything and their bodies are not in sync, woman also need to participate in sex and connect with their inner power, know about their bodies and what gives them pleasure, men's impulses are much stronger than women's, that's why we need foreplay to build it up, I always take responsibility if the men is cumming fast, it's not like I'm watching someone do their thing by themselves, I participate in the act and can't get mad at something I participated on, that's why it's important to communicate and see what he is thinking about all of it. Sex is like a dance, when you start thinking how well you are performing, when you are self conscious, too much in your head the dance is terrible, when you lose yourself to the dance, when you are lost in the act itself, when you are able to SURRENDER, then you dance beautifully and effortless. I realized that when I'm able to surrender and more concerned with my own pleasure the connection is much deeper and the sex better, I also need eye connection, I need to look in the eyes of the other person, while I think men are more into looking at the body etc, orgasm is called little death, when you have one you are not thinking anything, you are not thinking about the future, you are totally in the moment, the intensity of the female orgasm is measured by the amount of freedom she feels to express herself, and to surrender to the person she is with. Try to connect with her body, get out of your head a little, and feel more your body, put the awareness in the other parts of your body besides your dick. This also requires practice, but it's fascinating when you are able to control your orgasm and the whole sex feels like you are having one, not only in the moment of the ejaculation. Also read up tantra.