@Alex bAlex really relate with the whole addictions hold together false realities.

The truth is reality is painful, and it is hard, and it's incredibly unbiased- im not saying it isn't fair, but I'm saying it's unbiased, it just is.

Some people get starts much further along than others. I could give you my whole skimmy on the past of addictions, abuse physically, emotionally, and sexually, anxiety, depression, self doubt, no self esteem and a list of other horrible things I don't even want to mention...

I always knew I was smart... but conversely I had such little idea of what self esteem meant that I would constantly fear embarrassing myself or looking stupid.

I truly came from a very very dark place- actually incredibly dark...... I'm the statistic of somebody who should've never made it in life, I'm the statistic of someone who should've just been a complete and utter failure in every single regard, and been flushed down the toilet like the last turd in the bowl.

But anyone who would see me today- candidly is almost in awe of the total transformation of a human being I am. I'm a completely different beast, and it's basically impossible for me to really think on the same level as I once did for the first 18-19 years of my life. I mean by comparison it's like I turned into an Egyptian God compared to most people, I would've said Prometheus- the god who brought fire to man, but haha he ended up getting tortured for the rest of existence, so I'm going with Rah here.

People thought I was socially retarded- now people say I'm literally among the most socially intelligent people they've ever met. I use to be chubby, when I was in San Diego 3 months ago near a naval base I was saluted by the military who assumed I was military just based on my shape now.  I use to be afraid that nothing I said was important- i've read 1000+ books at this point. I use to think I would be a failure, I run one of the most successful SEO agencies in the world that I built by myself from scratch. I use to think I would never get to go to the school I wanted- dude in my journal you know how I said I'm enrolled at school... it's Harvard.... 

The person you are right now is in fact incapable of overcoming whatever you think are your obstacles right now.... because if you were capable you would be over them. To be the person capable of overcoming your problems you need to transform. Thats the secret. 

As you take a rocketship forward on your journey to success and breaking the cancer that is the chains of low expectations of yourself, you need to constantly self parent yourself and beat down your old identity. One of the best ways of doing that is looking at your personality objectively, getting altitude, and doing things you hate, or appear to hate for no reason other than to make a game out of your pain. 

To show your pain, that you can build a life not of stress but of control. 

Thats another part that fucks everyone up to look out for. Things are going to stress you... stress is necessary for growth, but put simply, your reality will not be under constant stress, you'll only feel stress to the point where you figure out how to get the situation under control. Once it's under control its automatic and requires no willpower.

I basically don't believe in willpower, I believe in building your self esteem and self compassion... keep working on yourself until what was once difficult for YOU DOES BECOME AS EASY as taking a piss in the morning- without any exaggeration there.

Seek mentors, and beat down every excuse that someone else has beaten.

~Best

How to Get Out of a Rut

Okay back with another banger. I want to give some actionable steps that you can take straight away to get out of a rut.

1) Change your environment

Clean your apartment, clean up, change your environment... reorganize and change your environment. You know you have like a giant stack of whatever in the corner of your room thats been there forever that you've been meaning to get rid of, you know you have like a piece of cake underneath a shirt or something that you don't want to pick up because you're afraid of whatever in Gods name is going on with it now- reorganize and change your environment, clean your environment. Not only that change it, get new furniture, put up a new poster, get rid of some posters, put some plants in your environment, and what happens is this kind of becomes like a fresh start, its like new environment new me.

2) Watch tons of motivational content on YouTube

Watch a ton of motivational content, people don't really like to engage in a ton of like Jocko Willink or Gary V videos, because they're like well it doesn't really get me anywhere, but what it actually does when you're watching these videos or reading this here, its uploading this stuff into your consciousness, you're actually thinking like a winner, you're thinking in this regard now- you're like okay let me get out of this rut, let me go. Right now you might have toxic friends, a toxic environment, toxic self talk, you hate your job, your entire life is spent just hating all of your situations, but watch a ton of motivational content- watch it before the gym, in your spare time, when you wake up, before you go to bed, and overtime what happens is it's going to become such a part of your reality that you can't do anything other than act upon it.

3) Take a Freezing Cold Shower

I've done this a couple different times in my life, and when I did- I know wow this is really changing my life. And I'm not a savage yet, I don't just jump right in, but as soon as you can feel the freezing cold shower hit your upperback and brain stem, I am going- I'm alive, I'm feeling good. I'm getting excited about life. Don't be afraid of it.

4) Get in the Gym

You have to workout. You can not move your life forward if you don't move your body. There's a reason why so many people talk about the "mind body connection"... it's because it's real. It's not even just the physical benefits because those will take awhile to see, at first it's all about the mental benefits- you're going to tell yourself that you value yourself so much that everyday you're going to focus and get into the gym. You're going to really invest in yourself and say, I'm worth it. The world notices this too, and the world will give you high value experiences because of it.

5) Journaling

The thing is, despite everything listed so far, chances are, your life really isn't as bad as you say or think it might be. But it's also not enough to just think to yourself- I'm thankful for my job, and I have eyes and I can see the world... you actually have to write it all down... its not hard to find things you're thankful for, you can be thankful for your fucking arm bro, write it all down. 

6) Put Yourself Around Life Energy

There's a good chance if you're reading this that you're in the middle of nowhere Ohio or something, or some quiet suburb and there's NOTHING HAPPENING. You need to put yourself somewhere where things are actually happening, there's chica bonitas, there's people that are ambitious, and you have to put yourself around this. Just going out, being around the world and being around people that are alive and moving foward, you can't help but adapt to this energy so get out of your house, get out of your little fortnite world you live in, and meet people. You're trying to increase your lust for life.

7) Get Help From Other Human Beings

Even if you feel like you've done all this stuff above, but you still aren't getting out of this rut, try to find someone that you feel like would support you, it doesn't have to be a friend, a family member, get a therapist- there's a bunch of apps for that like better help, I have a friend that uses like Hadialoving.com to get over childhood trauma and all this stuff... just reach out to another human being where you really can have somebody identify your irrational thoughts. Just get somebody who can really help to get to the core of your issues, and moving forward.

As long as you act from a place of scarcity you will continue to keep attracting scarcity energy to you, and it's a never-ending cycle until you ask yourself one simple question- what's the worst that can happen?

No, that is the worst strategy.
Asking a woman questions is one of the biggest newbie mistakes.
Charismatic people do not interrogate you with questions about yourself. They talk about what they want to talk about without asking for your permission.

It’s not important, at all. 
 
No. Nobody who even notice. 
 
Nobody cares what you do or don’t do. 
 
You’re 99% thinking about what other people are thinking. But other people are thinking about their own life & happiness.
And so they are happy.
And you are not. 

@ivankiss
I have a similar problem so this is what I do.
In social situations, I try to blend in. You don’t need to use your “shining” all the time, only when it’s necessary, useful or needed.
In my relationship, I try to help him to grow. I try not to push too much, only gently and very occasionally and sometimes a bit of tough love. It’s all about their happiness and they reward you with being happy and caring about your happiness. No attachment though, we do know that everything is temporary and it will end so we try to make the most out of what we have now. Our “now” is 18 years so things are temporary but that doesn’t mean that they have to be short lived.
Overall, we don’t have any close friends. We used to have a lot but it became too much work. We still get invitations but we only do what we feel like. When we're bored, we just go out to a club that we’re members of. Maslow’s self-actualized people have only few very close friends.
And of course, no toxic people allowed in our lives!
I hope this helps a little

People tend to get increasingly uncomfortable in my presence due to the level of acceptance I show them. 
As if they are able to accept themselves nowhere nearly as deeply and honestly. 
They do not know how to interpret or respond to the light radiating in their direction. They are not used to the space I am able to hold for them. How closely I listen. How openly I talk. How comfortable I am with silence.
I often see them struggle to maintain their facade. Terrified for their masks that are slowly being melted away just because of my presence. 
They cannot fathom my unconditional love towards them. They often suspect that there must be some kind of a hidden agenda. A twist. A nasty, selfish reason.
When there really is not. I just am as I am. Trying to connect with the truth of their being. Their hearts. Not their masks.
It's just natural to me.
Needless to say, this scenario is even more exaggerated in intimate, romantic relationships. The closer I get to them, the more chaotic it gets. It's almost as if the light burns them too much.
The end result usually being one of these:
1. They start perceiving me as their saviour and develop a strong, unhealthy attachment.
2. They become more and more insecure about themselves and contract deep into their shells. 
3. They interpret my loving kindness as weakness and see me as a child who knows nothing about the "real world".
4. They get too comfortable with my acceptance and start using me as a puppet to project onto their unconscious nastiness. Full on, no breaks. All the pilled up pain, trauma, abuse. Everything. As if they're saying: "Here. These are all the aspects I do not know how to accept about myself. Can you do it for me?" 
 
I want to be no one's hero. Or saviour. Or puppet. My intentions are always pure and heart-centered when entering the relationship. Why do they end up this way? 
Is that just simply my role? Should I... accept it? Or should I avoid getting too close to anybody?
I often stay too long in these kinds of relationships, I admit. It's exhausting. Draining.
I just long for honest, heart to heart connections. Without any pretence or toxicity. 
Anyone had similar experiences?
What am I overlooking?
What's the leason?

@Viking
You got 2 options.
1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue)
2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue)
1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue):
Reading your post, it seems to me that this might be your case. You don't genuinely enjoy any responsible and so called healthy activities. But you still get a kick out of all the low consciousness addictions. If this is the case, then it's a a case of mistaken priority. Your brain is flooded will dopamine and you'll need to refrain from all stimulies for an year or so to recover. Then you'll naturally start enjoying the healthy habits and highs like studying, good diet, relationships, healthy sex, healthy entertainment once in a while etc. @bejapuskas said everything that needed to be said here. It will be a super hard challenge the 1st few months or years because you'll have to literally brute force everyday. It's like a cocain addict recovering.
2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue)
This happened to me. Along with daily so called 'healthy' stuff, the addictive stuff like binge watching entertainment, porn, food etc became like a chore and boring and disgusting and hollow as well. A realization came that even jerking off to porn is making me suffer WHILE I'm doing it, let alone afterwards lol. I was a diligent student/worker pretty much all my life. So I know the story of both worlds. I realized that neither a new disciplined identity nor the addict junky identity is giving me any joy.
Like the prodigal son, I ventured in the 'the world'. But no activity, object, person, state of mind gave me any lasting joy. There was no more direction to do but yet the desire for satisfaction was burning ever vigorously. I'd pass days just lying on the bed over 15 hours, stopped eating for days because even eating felt like a chore.
Through this intense suffering, a new door was opened; the last possible door. ''Who is this self that is in constant search for Happiness? What is this happiness exactly?''
A rigorous self inquiry process started and I'm still in it, ready to be thrown into the unknown forever any moment.
If this story resonates with you, then realize that your current mid life crisis is actually a call to merge with God. If this is the case, no amount of transformation will satisfy this existential itch unless you see through it all the way. No cosmetic will work. You can't plaster gold on your decade long wounds and pretend that it's solved. 
Now honestly examine your life and see what your condition really is.
Do you still believe more movies, porn or some magical object in the future will totally satisfy you?  If this is the case then nothing wrong with that. Go with @bejapuskas's solid advice. There are tons of self help info on re-sculpting a new personality and value system. You can literally have a completely new healthy personality 5 years from now on if you put in the work.
Or do you see that no matter what you try to become will always be another fragile garment, which has really nothing to do with you? If this is how you honestly feel, then it's time to get Enlightened! Your life will then authentically, naturally bloom from that place without 'your' control.
both path will be hard! Both path demands few years of toiling labor and excruciating loneliness, confusion and pain without really seeing any tangible result. Not decide my friend

Reality is nothing. It never did exist. You only tricked yourself into thinking it did.
Reality is an infinite trick.
So be careful what you wish for.
It's like you're a child asking why do movies have to be fake, why don't they stop all the fakery? Without understanding that without the fakery there would be nothing left.

It's very simple: is your birth happening right now? No? Then you are imagining it.
If you object, "Yeah, but at one time it really was happening", just notice that you are imagining that too.
You cannot ever escape imagination. If a thing is not being imagined right now, it doesn't exist.
It's very simple. You just don't want to accept it because you want things to be "real".

@Nate0068 there really was never a body that is just an illusion.  What you really are as the ego is an idea.  A possiblity if you will.  So the cessation of you as an idea is what we call death.  Your true nature is consciousness which can never die.   So ego death is all there ever really was.  This concept of death really just exists in our minds.  There is no physical death.  

@oldman Overall you're doing fine. This can be quite typical. It just sounds like the ego isn't fully ready to surrender yet.
Fairly normal. Remember, the ego is wrapped up with the body. It's a tangled mess. If the ego is not ready to surrender then anxiety and heart rate will increase as it tries to fight off the ego-death.
My first few trips I had a lot of fear and basically even a panic attack. But after many trips and ego deaths there is almost no fear now when tripping and heart rate hardly changes. It has become a smooth transition from duality & ego into nonduality & no ego.
I don't have that, but seems reasonable that that could happen. Your body probably has lots of emotional baggage stored in it from over the decades. It's good to let loose and shake/act that baggage out on psychedelics. That's a big part of the healing work. Sometimes the body has a lot of pent up energy which it wants to release or act out. Don't hold it back. Act it out without harming yourself or another.
It should because all fear is illusory in the end. Your probably underestimate how much practice is required. So keep practicing.
I'd recommend trying some other psychedelics like mushrooms or LSD. They can help you to deal with various baggage which will then make you pure enough for 5-MeO-DMT. You cannot go into full God-consciousness without being sufficiently pure and free of psychological baggage.
A breakthrough can release a lot of pent up energy. The body can shake, move, vibrate, etc.
Rather than going straight for a breakthrough I'd spend more time exploring the psychedelic space on mushrooms and LSD. Get comfortable in the psychedelic space. Have some pleasant trips. Contemplate consciousness. Move around and stuff. Then try to go for a 5-MeO breakthrough.
I think you might be trying to go too quickly to the end. There is a lot to be gained from psychedelics even without a breakthrough. Trust that the breakthrough will come when you're ready for it. Dosage is not the most important thing, your level of purity and intent and tripping experience is more important.
Basically, your first 10-20 trips are just like kindergarten. The key to success with psychedelics is patience and consistency. With practice the results will snowball into something amazing.

The more you realize everything is Love, the less you judge, the less you criticize, the less you fear, the less you worry, the more you flow with life, the happier you become, the better things unfold for you, the less depressed life makes you.

When egg is broken from the inside, life begins, when broken from the outside, life ends. You learn nothing from suicide, you simply will keep repeating the same situation(without knowing) until you grow past that point. Every time someone is about to commit suicide they should think to themselves...
I wonder how many lifetimes i have already done this and only postponed my true freedom! The true way to free yourself completely is Ascend beyond this realm consciously. Suicide is the biggest trap in itself.
 

@Mada_ There is no such need.
All you need is to make direct eye contact and move your body/face within a foot of her's. If she doesn't hold eye contact or tries to lean away, she's not receptive. If she gives you puppy-dog eyes, then that's your green light.
One final trick is to slowly brush her hair to the side with your fingers, and slowly run your fingers down her jaw line. If she flinches, she's not receptive and do not kiss her. If she maintains eye contact then she definitely wants to be kissed.
Really, it's all about the eye contact. Look at her erotically in the eyes and hold it steady. If she maintains it, it's on boy!
Another trick is if you go in for the kiss and she refuses it by leaning away. You brush it off as though nothing bad happened and try again 5-10 mins later. Keep trying even if she is resisting. Eventually she should relent.
It's also important to time the moment. The mood has to be right. The best time to go for a kiss is after you've made her laugh. When she's in a good mood, she'll be much more receptive.
Also, don't make it a big deal. Don't make it some formal, stiff thing. The mood has to be light and casual so there is no nervousness or awkwardness about it.
When you go for the kiss, decide on it and commit 100%. The worst thing you can do is be seconding-guessing yourself in your mind and half-assing it. Just assume that she wants it and that it will succeed. Don't be playing images of failure in your mind.
If a girl is on a date with you, she's already agreed in her mind that she is willing to sleep with you. Otherwise she would have never agreed to the date in the first place. So all you gotta do is not be awkward or creepy.
You need to build comfort and ease by doing lots of touching throughout the date. Then kissing is easy and natural. It is awkward and creepy when you go for half the date without a single touch. Get your hands around her body ASAP. You gotta be finding excuses to touch her all throughout the date. Tickle her and so forth in a playful way to break the ice.
And finally, if you wanna use words, rather than asking, the better way is to declare it: "You look yummy. I feel like kissing you now." You must say it in a way where you are not fishing for her permission but stating your genuine desire and intention.

I agree with that @Leo Gura. Happiness is earned. Happiness cannot be possible without effort.

A few good options here:
1) "My friends are around here somewhere." [point into a large crowd], or "I'm waiting for them to show up" or "They just left. They were tired."
2) Just own it and admit you're out alone. "I was bored at home and I felt like going out, so here I am." or "That's how I roll girl. I'm not part of some gaggle of sheep."
3) Just ignore and change the conversation into something else, "You seem like the kind of girl who voted for Trump. Admit it! You voted for Trump, didn't you?!" or "Why are you being so racist?"
They lose interest because you don't own your aloneness. If you think it's weird, she will think its weird. If you think its totally normal to be out at a club alone, she won't care either. But you have to keep the conversation moving. Don't just say you're alone and then let it hang. You gotta immediately follow up with some other conversation topic as if her question was nothing at all.
In general what you're lacking here is confidence. A confident man does not let some random girl judge him or frame control him. You gotta feel that you are way cooler than her no matter how many sheepish friends are around her. Her sheep friends are all fools and so is she for herding up with them. Be the badass lone wolf. And treat everyone in the club as your friends. You can make instant friends with some random guys in the club.
When you are in the club you gotta walk around like you are the owner of the place. Exude that kind of confidence and comfort.

@Ampresus Become friendly with her social circle in a chill, casual way. Tell them a funny story or something like that. Or ask them some opinion opener like, "Hey girls, I need your opinion on something..." and then think some interesting topic to ask them about like: "Does it count as cheating if my friend has a girlfriend but he's texting other girls?"
Something gossipy like that is good.
Then you can focus more on chatting her up individually. "Hey girl, you look like the biggest troublemaker of this bunch. It's the quiet ones which are the biggest troublemakers. Hey, has anyone told you yet how beautiful I am? ;)"
The biggest secret for attracting girls is simply to learn to be more social. Practice starting random conversations with strangers.
It's hella hard to build attraction through social media. Your odds will be much higher in person where you can charm her a bit with words. And it will build better charming skills for you.
In school girls most get attracted to the guys with the most social status. Being a loner is not helping your cause. It'd be better if you built a circle of your own friends. This shows you're a somebody. Then your odds will improve.

I worked as a door-to-door sales person last summer. Sold window washing and exterior cleaning stuff; then I would do the job right after I sold it. The job I worked for was 100% commission based; so it may be different from your job. Company might've been a scam; but I learned a lot. It was 10 hour shifts as well. Might as well just buy my own window washing machine and do it myself lol. <-- possibility for you btw. But you should probably get trained first.
I was relatively good at the job. Here are some tips relating to the mindset. Remember the first sales are the hardest. Everyone has their own style of selling so maybe my tips won't be useful for your style. I know someone who was mean to his customers but sold a lot .
 When starting you'll be given a script. Like hi I'm from company x, and I was wondering if you had a chance to x. As you say it the 90000th time. It is important to still be in the present moment. I think the customers can pick up on it somehow. As you get better; try to start talking to your customers as if they are your friend; be natural.  Focus on what you can improve on; such as how your saying your script. Body language. Don't use money as a motivator because some days you'll be lucky and unlucky.(over the long term. Everyone has the same probability so don't blame luck) Your goal should be to help the customer. They will pick up on it, then you'll get a fuck ton of sales. (BONUS) - I had sold window washing services to people that already had clean windows and they were unhappy about it, or sometimes I didn't didn't deliver what I promised. After a year; I feel really bad about it and don't think the money was worth it. Careful not to scam people you may regret it.

OH. MY. GOD.
 
OK...uhm...I am going to start this by making it clear that there is absolutely no possible way for me to describe exactly what the hell happened last night. I can only dance around it like a lunatic.
It's probably going to be sloppy and not very well articulated, as I have not integrated the experience fully... Or at all. Not even sure if I can call it "an experience"... I'm still kinda shocked from what went down.
However; I want to get it out while it's still fresh and raw. Will let it marinate.
The idea is to let go and see if anything valuable comes out of this post-documentation, on it's own.
Be not mistaken; I am going to write about this from a rather limited perspective and level of understanding. Although there was no "me" involved, really. It all happened to awareness, by awareness, within awareness. 
So here goes nothing...
 
Some background:
 
Had a strong intention of breaking the pattern and living intuitively these days. Acting on intuition strictly instead upon thoughts. Ignoring them. Turning the cheek on them. Emphasizing synchronized being and surrender.
Have no job. No responsibilities. Live alone, far away from anyone I know. Parted ways with my gf. So basically have all the time in the world. Absolute freedom to experiment and do whatever the hell I feel like doing.
Reached whole new levels of mindfulness and mindstillness. The breath deepened, blasted through. Senses sharpened. Linearity started fading. Perception was getting increasingly higher in definition. I was centered. Calm. Blissfully fulfilled.
On the flip side;
Went through a few ego backlashes, conceptual deaths, minor panic attacks and everything that comes with the package. Felt like I was dancing with physical death often. Insanity was right next door. Had difficulties with staying grounded. The body started adjusting itself in weird ways. Troubles with maintaining breathing pattern. Occasionally lost in thoughts and emotions.
Overall; was embracing the process of transformation - looking forward to that next big shift. And boy was it big and intense. Completely caught me off guard. There is just no possible way to ever be "ready" for this. Impossible. It's always 100% real and in your face. Can turn no cheek on death when it comes for ya. It's horrifying. But... Turns out; death is not even the biggest fear, really. There is something else.
 
Hyper-awareness:
 
Cannot find a more suitable word. This one seems to sit well. 
I can only describe it as becoming "way too aware" of every tiny little detail in reality. Of its totality. Simultaneously. Continuously. So much so it starts to freeze. Crystalize. Time starts slowing down; stopping. Literally. Actually. It's crazy!
Every configuration of reality; every split second is like a snapshot. And you are not the experiencer of it. Nor the observer. You are freaking it! You are each and every one of those frozen, static snapshots. Nothing in-between. Think stroboscope!
The five human senses completely dissolve. Collapse. No lag in perception whatsoever. Not a corner blured in visual field. Crystal clarity. Language starts sounding like garbage. Nonsense. All sounds merge into a giant sonic field. All undefined. Sensations turn alien. Otherworldly and super sterile.
Oh man...
I can already see how I'm chasing my own tail. There just is no way for me to give this any justice. It's just way beyond my comprehension. It's like swimming within myself. Moving within stillnes. Absolutely crazy.
 
Each thought is a reality on it's own! As perfect and complete as it can be. A static snapshot!
Each thought is THE TRUTH!
 
That's the paradox! You're already in it. You are it. You're a thought experiencing itself. Right now, right here. "Reality" only seems solid and "real" because your mind can't catch up with it. It's happening waaay too fast; to put it that way. Yet it's static.
You're only jumping from one complete configuration of reality to another. Shifting continuously. As if you were running from yourself. And you do this only because you fear crystalization. You don't fear death. You fear being frozen in time. In no time. And not as you now might think. Not as a human being. As pure, crystalized awareness. Holy macaroni! I really do hope any of this makes sense to you. I could not overblow it even if I wanted to. I'm just trying my best here.
This is not just about transcending the mind/body complex. It's so much more. Your true work only starts after letting death pass through. It does not end it. Not even nearly. Death is still within the game. This... This is not a game anymore. I have no idea what it is but it's unlike anything. And somehow I am it. But also not.
"GOD" is not a good enough word for it. Nothing can give it justice. It is unthinkable. Unimaginable. Incomprehensible. 
Somehow I became aware of every possible configuration of reality "within my reach" last night. There was not a single move I could make without seeing it happen beforehand. It's hard to explain because there was no more experience of time. No before and no after. And I was not really seeing the configurations... More like sensing them. Being aware of them. It all happened within pure awareness. Was on extremely high alert. Shifted from taking everything for granted to taking nothing for granted, whatsoever. Paying attention close, unlike ever before. All naturally; through synchronicity and surrender.
 
The Hologram;
 
This is how reality is. I feel pretty confident to claim that the mind is responsible for it.
Imagine standing still while simultaneously, rapidly spinning around yourself. That which is still, is nothing. It's the formless you. That which is spinning rapidly, is the infinite amount of configurations of reality. Of thoughts...Of you! Hah! It's all one; however you put it. But in order to reach an understanding of yourself, you must separate yourself from yourself. Create an illusion of duality. Which is exactly what's been going down all this time and now you know why.
You cannot see the hologram, because you're immersed in it. You don't see the projector because you're too occupied with the projection. I cannot let you know how to step outside of it, but it can be done. Only you know the way. But you must face your biggest fears. They are the guardians of exits; to put it that way. Of course I'm only scratching the surface here. Will share more in depth insights once I integrate and do further investigations/explorations.
 
The sweet sleep;
 
Thank God there is a percentage of you that is unconscious of itself. Seriously. Be grateful for it. Being 100% aware of your totality is not a tea party. To a human being; it is beyond any imaginable horror. At least it scared the shit out of me. Managed to "lower" my frequency/level of awareness by masturbating for an hour and watching nonsense on my phone. The only two distractions I could (barely) come up with. It was just over the top.
Back in the game. Feeling (mostly) human. Need a break. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Look at what JP demonstrates, not what he says. He says to take responsibility but then he makes a career out of blaming others for the world's problems: feminists, marxists, leftists, hippies, liberal professors, etc.
Scapegoating 101
Weak men use JP to blame women for their lack of sex and lack of manhood.
JP does not yet realize what it means to pick up the cross of God.

I see a chronic problem on this sub-forum, which is young males who complain about lack of success with women and failing to take responsibility for their situation.
The #1 rule of all growth and personal development is taking 100% responsibility for your situation. I know how hard that can be when you're struggling with women/sex. It feels very much like life is treating you unfairly and that it's the women's fault. Let me tell you right now: this is a total ILLUSION! It's not the women. It's not society. It's not post-modernists. It's not the Marxists. It's not the feminists. It's YOU!
This is not me blaming you. This is simply how all personal development works. Whatever problem you have in life you must begin by getting honest with yourself how you created it. Sometimes this is difficult to accept. It's much easier to blame someone else, or even blame yourself (for being too ugly or too short or too introverted). I am not suggesting you blame yourself. Rather, take ownership of the fact that you are the creator of your life. Whatever is missing in your life, you can correct, but only if you stop blaming yourself and others.
Be very mindful of how your ego-mind creates narratives which justify your sense of lack, brokenness, or inability to attract women. All of these narratives, justification, rationalizations, logic, "facts", scientific studies, proofs, etc are sneakily fabricated by your own mind! Your own mind is the enemy! Watch it like a hawk. Your mind will try to come up with reasons and excuses for why your life is unfair and how success with women is impossible. This is all horseshit! Do not believe your own mind here. Your mind is clouded by fear, insecurity, and neediness. That is totally normal and understandable, but you cannot resolve your problems from such a place. From such a place your problems will get worse as you start to blame the world and solidify your victim worldview with cherry-picked evidence, "science", and "logic". Be extra suspicious of "logic" and "science" here. There is nothing logical or scientific about your victim attitude or lack of success with women. It's purely about meeting the survival needs of your ego. Sex is a very powerful survival need which will drive your mind towards all manner of mental gymnastics to ensure that you get it, or at least feel better for not getting it.
There's good news and bad news. The good news is: Your looks are NOT the problem! The bad news is: your personality, attitude, and mindset are terrible! The good news is, it's possible to change that. The bad news is, it won't be easy and you will resist it like the devil that you are.
So what's the solution? Take ownership of your problem and commit to resolving it. For this you need faith and confidence in your ability to self-actualize. You must have enough hope and vision to see yourself get much better with attracting women. This is NOT a pipe dream or fuzzy thinking. The reality is that any man can become 100x better at attracting women if he really takes ownership of the matter. Yes, it takes serious work. But it's also highly worth it. Imagine that within 3 years you're able to attract pretty women and feel confident about yourself when it comes to dating. Isn't that worth the effort? It sure is. This is not a fantasy. I've done it, many men have done it, and so can you! Your looks are NOT the bottleneck, your mindset is.
So what do you do after you've established this vision? You must do lots of research to educate yourself about how dating actually work (not how you think it works). Find videos, find books, buy online courses, hire a coach, take a bootcamp, take a workshop, etc. There are literally hundreds of excellent resources available online these days. Most of them are legit, not scams. Study them hard and then get into the field. Start talking to women. Start approaching women. Start flirting with women. Start being much more social.
If you struggle attracting women I can tell you right now what your top problems are. It's not lack of money, looks, muscles, car, height, or dick size. Remember, attraction and dating is EXTREMELY counter-intuitive. It's works exactly the opposite of how you initially think.
Your top problems are:
You live in your mancave and never go out! You must go out into social spaces where real women hang out. You spend WAY too much time online, indoors You spend WAY too much time on Youtube, Netflix, and playing video games You work too much You are never around cute single women You never start conversations with strangers You have terrible body language due to lack of experience You are not comfortable doing small-talk and being emotional and random in conversations You are far too logical You approach zero women on a regular basis You are terrified of approaching a women who you find attractive, talking yourself out of every approach You have terrible eye contact, you don't smile, and you don't project your voice properly You are crippled by fear and tongue-tied You are unable to start and sustain an interesting conversation with a human being You are disconnected from your body, your heart, your feelings, your emotions You have terrible self-image issues. You hate yourself, you hate how you look, you judge yourself way too harshly. You judge yourself just as harshly as you judge women. You have a bad sense of dress style and you don't groom yourself well You have no experience with physically touching women in a non-creepy way. You don't know how to rapidly physically escalate on a women without creeping her out. You don't know how women think or what they truly value in a man You don't know how to flirt and be authentic You are trying to be masculine in all the wrong ways -- fake masculinity You are needy, needy, needy You are terribly inexperienced You have no sense of passion or purpose in life, which robs you of confidence and masculine vitality Your attitude sucks: you whine, complain, bitch, moan, blame, and are so negative You think you understand life, reality, and how attraction works -- you don't! So work on fixing all of that before you go blaming women. All of the above can be deliberately worked on and fixed.
You need to learn how to be a real man. Being a real man has nothing to do with big muscles, big dick, or a fast car. A real man is grounded on the INSIDE. It's ALL about inner game! You need to cultivate that confidence. It doesn't come naturally. You must build it!
80% of getting good with women is just actually being much more social. You need to deliberately re-structure your life so that you're automatically being more social. So that you're going out every weekend. So that you're bumping into new people constantly. So that you're making new friends all the time. This kind of re-structuring is very doable. You just have to be willing to change your lifestyle.
And stop watching or listening to any of the following:
Jordan Peterson, MGTOW, RedPill, Incel material/forums/reddit All of that is cancer of the mind. It's reinforcing your victim mindset and robbing you of your ability to change yourself.
I've been where you are. I know it's tough. But hang in there, hold your vision, have hope, get to work, and things will dramatically improve for you. You will become a new person by the end of this journey and you will be so proud of yourself. You will become a real man, not some whiny JP fanboy.
The #1 thing a real man does is take 100% responsibility for all his problems. A real man NEVER blames anyone, and certainly not women or feminism. A real man is a feminist. A real man fearlessly works on himself.
So start right there! Start by fixing that.

It's an odd question.
Nearly everyone at my age (46) has a partner, family etc.  I don't. So it has pros and cons which I can answer in my naive way:
So, being with a partner:
Pros:
They get financial/emotional/sexual/love support or needs met on tap
Any deficiencies in one partner (say cooking) can be met by the other partner
There is a pride and joy attached to having children
They have bigger houses and more luxurious lives
They have a closer knit community of friends and family
Cons:
They are constantly tired
They need to work consistently and forever to support themselves, it's very hard to deviate from this
No spontaneity, everything must be planned and debated and corroborated with the opposite partner
They are on an endless merry-go-round of visiting family, friends, dinner parties, kids birthdays and kids activities etc.
No time for introspection or inner work or growth
All excitement is bound up in the future. Having a holiday once a year is seen as 'excitement'.
 
So being without a partner:
Pros:
Life style minimalism - everything can be slimmed down an optimised to reduce 'clutter' and not having to be commited to 'mindless' activities
Lots of time for deep introspection and inner work and growth
Spontaneity - living life in the moment and going with the flow
Plenty of sleep and being alert
Being a more 'rounded' and self sufficient person. Everything in your life has to be done by you, with no excuses or using other people as a crutch.
Easy to say 'yes' and 'no' to things that come your way.
Not having to cater to someone else's deficiencies or neediness
Cons:
Increased financial stress - everything is out of your own pocket.
Not having certain sexual or intimate needs satisfied when you need them.
Greater prevalence of boredom or filling time with 'mindless' activites (yes the irony)
A constant stream of friends feeling sorry for you for not having a partner and trying to set you up with one (I pity them)
No one to fallback on or discuss ideas and aspirations with or chew the cud.
No one to motivate you when you need a good kick up the backside
 
PHEW! That feels better. But somehow worse...hmmm

@Shroomdoctor The reason why your life has become like that is exactly because you're doing the work correctly.
You're in the phase of deconstructing your old life, beliefs, and behaviours, what are you expecting?
What I think is needed for you the most right now is to realise that beliefs are very important. Most people who follow Leo, tend to fall into the trap of, ironically, 'believing' that beliefs are the enemy, so they get stuck in a loop of delusion, something like this: "I can't trust beliefs because beliefs are not true".
Belief is not the enemy, belief is the engine that runs your entire life. Without belief, you can't move in life, that's why you're stuck.
So, instead of stopping using beliefs, just start using more nuanced and better ones, more compatible with your life situation.
Belief is just a tool, the trap is to mistake it for reality.
I don't want to keep going because I don't know if what I thought about your issue is true, but I hope that helps someone who is in need.
I'd be glad to answer any further questions if my assumptions were correct.

@santerton For fucks sake, STOP WATCHING MGTOW. Period.
And never visit 4chan ever again in your life.
It's all toxic, dogmatic, egotistical, unconscious, devilsh garbage.
It is not even worth debunking or arguing against. It's so false and wrong it's hopeless.
MGTOW, RedPill, and Incels are the American equivalent of Al Qaeda Islamist radicalism. By ingesting their videos and discussions your mind is getting programmed with that mind-virus. That happens because as you watch and listen, it appeals to your desperate needy ego. Triggering all of your worst fears, hates, insecurities, and victim mentality.
If you want to get better with women, you can do so and have amazing loving sexy relationships. But it will take self-improvement and spiritual work.
Dating coaches are not liars. Dating coaches can teach you how to get really good with attracting women. I have interacted with dozens of dating coaches and their advice is top-notch for attraction. Not so good for relationships. For solid relationships you will need a more spiritual approach which you can layer on top of the attraction advice.
Once you become spiritual and consciousness enough, sex will not even be important to you any more. You will be so deeply happy without sex that chasing women will be a joke.
Awakening is 1000x more enjoyable than any sex you will ever have. With that said, you can do both.
Here's the practical solution for you: Stop sitting in your Mom's basement browsing toxic forums, and GO OUT and talk to real females. You will never get laid by sitting at home. It is not physically possible.
See how simple the solution is? Yet you refuse to do it. Because it takes emotional labor to face your fears and grow yourself. You much prefer to sit at home and rant against how bad women are and how nothing can change.
Rule #1 of all personal development: You must take 100% responsibility for your life, your beliefs, your feelings, your situation. No one is to blame.
MGTOW is not a teaching. It's egotical, reactionary rantings driven by fear, hate, insecurity, selfishness, woundedness, and neediness. It's very similar to Hitler's rants against the Jews and communists.

Same here. I done it for 2 and a half years and for the last year once a week the ice bath and  I'm literally panicking, my body thinks that this is it this is the end especially after 10 min of ice. So after a morning like this I'm so euforic and chill cuz my body thought that we nearly died so what can really bother me anymore later that day? We just escape death!