I Am That

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Posts posted by I Am That


  1. @see_on_see

    I am not the nofap community in general. You seem to be getting quite carried away with that. I know it's probably hard for you, but try not to be so quick to box people in to that narrative you have running.

    Attachment to ego is via our psychology. It is this that shrouds our divinity. When you break damaging patterns, whatever that may be, you sever some attachment to thought forms and the dream becomes happier. Severing attachment to form is addressing the problem at the very root. For me, consuming pornography was (heavily) stimulating attachment, as proven by the immense positivity that has suddenly entered my life.


  2. @see_on_see

    I never said masturbation in moderation was unhealthy. 

    As I said, there's not too much effort involved at the moment. I am far from going crazy. I was going crazy before.

    Well, the root of all problems is identification with the ego mind no? So I would argue that I am addressing my problems at the root. My entire life has changed and you think i'm fooling myself? Right. You do what you want to do. If you want to watch filmed prostition, go for it.


  3. @Space

    Yes, i've only just started delving into the Taoist ideas on this subject. Highly curious. It would appear they have the broadest base of recorded knowledge when it comes to semen retention practice. Just from what i've read and what i've experienced after 20 days, I can feel this is a very powerful energy and well worth cultivating. Staying on track so far has been mostly effortless. 

    @eskwire

    For sure. I think the main problem was that it became an identity for me and that's why it was so hard to track down and dismantle it. But of course there is also the troubling issue of the pornografication of modern society. As I mentioned in my original post, even my psychologist encouraged me that masturbating to porn was "fine." Now I realise deeply, it's not fucking fine at all and I plan on giving him a call about that. All these actors in porn clips are coming from trauma, a deeply unfulfilled life and it's basically filmed prostitution. Something that struck me to the core last night was that i'm pretty sure the baggage and energy of those people carries through the screen and you take on some of their energy, their pain. Or so the mushroom tells me anyway.


  4. I know there's a few threads on this topic, but I just wanted to share my take on it and also to express my concern with Leo's comment reporting the movement as "silly." I'm not sure if his position on this has changed, but given the changes that i've experienced, I was amazed to read that. Whilst i'll admit the actual name nofap sounds a little silly, the actual practice is far, far from it. Nofap is just a label, words anyway, no need to get carried away with that. 

    I've had terrible brain fog/fatigue for just over a year, and have had mild depression for 11 odd years. Anxiety has been generally intermittent for many years, but most prominent during the peak of my 8 year career of alcoholism. Now is different. I was going to give it a month before giving a thorough write up, but only after day 8 of abstaining from orgasm, I noticed things had shifted- quite dramatically. 

    I always used to get very intense anxiety/fear from hangovers and it was one of the driving factors that made me cut back significantly on drinking. On day 7 of abstinence I had a shocking headache that plagued me all day and being my birthday, tried to drown it with a few beers and wine at dinner. The next day, there was barely any anxiety at all despite being slightly sleep deprived and having drunk 5-6 standard drinks the night before. At the end of last year, it got to the point where I was finding just 2-3 beers the night before would leave me feeling hungover and anxious the next day.

    So now, the differences i've noticed in just two weeks of abstinence from orgasm:

    - Brain fog and heavy fatigue basically non-existent (my mind feels sharp as fuck)

    - General & social anxiety/fear GREATLY diminished as are feelings of anger

    - Physical strength is up (high-bar back squats feel easier)

    - Increased confidence and patience 

    - The beauty in life; children, trees, birds, the wind is much more accessible

    - Being friendly just comes so much more naturally

    - Something strange going on with appetite (not as hungry/fasting used to give me anxiety, this doesn't seem so anymore)

    - Diziness and poor coordination gone

    - Emotional stability (and being able to really fucking FEEL on a deep level)

    - Depression has fallen away

    - Dreams are much more vivid and easily remembered

    Anxiety from high amounts of caffeine is still there, for sure, but it is very, very minor compared to what it was. Tea and coffee is somewhat important to me because I have hemochromatosis (increased iron absorption) and I just love green and pu er tea.

    Obviously some of these benefits snowball into one another and can probably be summarised as just being more present and allowing self-love. Of course I'm still "suffering" to some degree, but as Paul Hedderman would say, something has stabilised and I'm traveling lighter over the geography of life. For now anyway. I really love that saying. I really vibe with Paul's energy and talks on non-duality.

    I'd like to stress that all these changes are not just from giving up porn and masturbating. In the past 8 months I have quit facebook, quit tinder and all that shit, quit my gym (to train solo at home) ditched my psychologist and basically avoid social gatherings like the plague. My psychologist told me masturbating to porn was no problem! Also, i've purchased over $400 AUD worth of books on spirituality, corrected a mineral imbalance and thus raised testosterone and lowered estradiol, have been smashing out non-duality talks on YouTube, dialled in my plant based diet, started yoga, daily meditation and have been using entheogens (mushrooms and ayahuasca) rigorously for 7 months. After the meditation and heavy entheogen use, I could fucking feel the light trying desperately to push through the thick fog but I just didn't know exactly what it was that was causing it. So far it hasn't been too challenging, just a couple of 3-4 am relentless erections that were somewhat bothersome.

    So if you're in a right cu*t of a place and are watching porn on the regular, maybe give it a whirl ey. You may feel no difference, but it may change your life. My habit was once a day, sometimes once every 2-3 days. Nothing excessive IMO. I had intuitive feelings that it wasn't healthy and in the end was watching rather softcore videos (wristies and what not) but this made little difference. This is just my experience, yours will be different.

    I found some pretty interesting reading here..

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/heres-why-nofap-is-essential-for-spiritual-growth.40561/


  5. @RossE

    Wow. That's really great you had that outcome from just 1.5g and your first time. I bit off more than I could chew with my second last trip with 4.5g of dried Subaeruginosas with OJ. As someone else noted, it didn't become horrific until at least the second hour and I recall my body being physically sprawled out in the most fucked up, twisted way on my bed and feeling humanity's pain, from a masculine perspective, sitting in the pit of my stomach like an iron bowling ball. I don't know why, but Hitler's pain comes to mind. I have a female friend who has also had a couple of very intense encounters with the collective pain body on Ayahuasca and have definitely heard it mentioned in online trip reports.

    This was more or less beyond the point from which I could work with without falling into a full psychotic delusion. I ended up resorting to having a temazepam tablet to avoid doing any real damage. I don't let shit like that faze me too much though, as it's indicative of much more work to be done. I felt truly skull fucked the next day, and had some residual anxiety that lasted for two days, but two weeks later I tried an Ayahuasca analog with mushrooms. That went swimmingly! ?


  6. @JustinS
    Given the very high percentage of carbohydrates consumed, it's a diet basically suited to someone who is very active/is an athlete and actually has the time to eat that amount of bulk. Also, it would pay to consider that humans evolved on cooked food- this is a raw vegan diet. There are people all over the web who swear by it, but what works for someone else, may not work for you. 
    You could always just try eating 10+ bananas a day. I can't say I found it very fun at all. Eating that amount of raw food can actually be quite challenging for your digestion and you'll likely discover you can never feel full eating this way.


  7. @Alexanderryen
    Psilohuasca is indeed potent, but I wouldn't follow what he suggests on that webpage in regards to swallowing the seeds whole. Seeds have a very tough exterior shell and are basically indigestible- this is how they are designed. Swallowing the seeds whole is a very inefficient way to get Harmaline in your system. I have done it quite a few times and never had too much trouble getting powdered rue/peganum harmala seeds down with orange juice. Now though, just thinking about the smell and taste sends a fucking shiver down my spine. If you have time on your hands, capping powdered rue in vege caps is easiest method to get it down. However, this will still very likely create nausea. I have ditched playing around with rue completely for the time being simply because the nausea can be quite challenging, especially when used with acacia root bark. 3-4g of straight psilocycbe mushrooms, powdered and shaken up well in orange juice should give you very little nausea and will usually start to take effect very quickly- 15-20 minutes.

    Yeah, do not underestimate rue though. 3g rue and 3g of mushrooms was one of the most hellish experiences of my life. 


  8. @Don_Avocado

    Yes, likely the issue as continuous sniffing will encourange the product to end up in your throat. The blood vessels in your mucous membranes are very close to the surface, so ideally you want to keep it there. Gently is the way.

    It may also pay to fill a neddleless syringe with luke warm salty water to flush your nose out after the experience is over to avoid any possible infections.

    Great read btw.


  9. @Richard Alpert

    Your best bet would be to just start experimenting mate. If you can go from eating meat straight to vegan, that's awesome, but what works for you will take you some time to settle on. Not getting enough calories is a very real concern, especially as an active male. Eating raw vegan requires a lot of time to eat, a lot of people overlook that. Do you have that much time to devote to eating? Then there's the fact that raw plant foods are generally very fast digesting so you will likely be hungry often.

    Karoline has given some good links to check out, but you will also need to investigate this with your lifestyle in mind. I'm relatively active and for myself, a HCLF diet just doesn't suit. I can sit for one hour and smash 1kg of beans and veg and still not be satiated. I need fat to remain sane and that's why I ALWAYS have tahini in my cupboard.


  10. @jes

    Your digestion isn't in full swing as soon as you rise so it's best to keep it somewhat light and nothing too cold IMO. If you're having a smoothie, make sure it isn't ice cold! You can't go too wrong with warmed rolled oats and blueberries/acid fruits. Oats are cheap as hell too which makes them a no brainer. Berries can be expensive but if you buy 1kg frozen bags it won't be too hard on the wallet.

    My breakfast usually consists of plain pot set yogurt with kiwi fruit and pumpkin seeds.


  11. On 29/09/2016 at 8:19 PM, John Flores said:

    @Break the Chain from what I understand a vision happens simultaneously while you are a wake, but there may be multiple forms of vision that include seizure etc. I only had one such thing in my life the way you describe and it happened as exiting out of dream state after passing out from full day type of meditation on a subject I was learning for school.

    Yeah, this is why I brought it up. It can be dangerous. I can't imagine anyone wanting to have spontaneous seizures occuring in their life. This can happen with heavy use of psychedelics. After smoking DMT and experimenting with Acacia bark I can feel that I have broken down some of that boundary between waking consciousness and the subconscious, as I can even experience closed eye visuals on something like codeine or no drugs at all.


  12. The best method is action and there's no time like the present. It may feel totally wrong at first, but just start to sell and/or recycle your possessions that no longer serve you. Pack a bag full of clothes you can live without, go out into the city and pass them on to a homeless person.

    I know entheogens are the flavour of the month around here and I'm sure some folk are getting sick of hearing about them, but a recent difficult experience with an ayahuasca analog allowed me a broader perspective in regards to my materialistic side and the message was pretty clear- it was to reduce my possessions and greatly moderate consumption. Actually the message was a bit more harsh than that, as I was in a borderline psychotic state. 

    I think for some people there are emotions invested in their possessions, so it would seem that holding onto these possessions is refusing to face a part of themselves. Anyway, that's just my take. All the best.


  13. 3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    Even mushrooms will feel like 5-meo after 5-meo. Which is why I said be careful, 5-meo will potentiate all other psychedelics. So watch your dosages afterwards.

    If you do enough 5-meo, you should start to feel like you're tripping 24/7, without taking any substances for weeks at all. Because you're simply becoming permanently more conscious.

    When you start tripping spontaneously throughout the day, that's when you know it's working ;)

    This is actually not unique to 5-meo. I have heard people who are 20+ aya ceremonies deep speak of this occurence. The line between waking consciousness and the subconscious becomes blurred and visions come and go as they please. I would expect this experience to be not only maddening, but also dangerous, as you have little to no idea when a vision will appear and cause incapacitation. 


  14. I think you just need to chip away at it. Don't rush it. Working with an appropriate dosage is important! I know that exact feeling of suffering due to a psilohuasca trip earlier in the year and an Acacia bark trip about a month ago. The pain was immeasurable. The only relief comes from knowing you can kill yourself or pop a benzodiazepine, if you have prepared well. Diazepam rescued me from my psychotic psilohuasca trip. It's all well and good for folk to say, just let go man. You can't. That's the issue, you're not ready to let go. 

    I am in the same boat here. So what I'm doing is working towards disassociating from the illusion. Cut out all the unnecessary shit in your life and address your psychology. IMO Jumping to higher doses to "skip" straight to ego death is very risky and I would not suggest it. PTSD is not worth it.