To All Struggling Males: Stop Playing Victim!
To All Struggling Males: Stop Playing Victim!I see a chronic problem on this sub-forum, which is young males who complain about lack of success with women and failing to take responsibility for their situation.
The #1 rule of all growth and personal development is taking 100% responsibility for your situation. I know how hard that can be when you're struggling with women/sex. It feels very much like life is treating you unfairly and that it's the women's fault. Let me tell you right now: this is a total ILLUSION! It's not the women. It's not society. It's not post-modernists. It's not the Marxists. It's not the feminists. It's YOU!
This is not me blaming you. This is simply how all personal development works. Whatever problem you have in life you must begin by getting honest with yourself how you created it. Sometimes this is difficult to accept. It's much easier to blame someone else, or even blame yourself (for being too ugly or too short or too introverted). I am not suggesting you blame yourself. Rather, take ownership of the fact that you are the creator of your life. Whatever is missing in your life, you can correct, but only if you stop blaming yourself and others.
Be very mindful of how your ego-mind creates narratives which justify your sense of lack, brokenness, or inability to attract women. All of these narratives, justification, rationalizations, logic, "facts", scientific studies, proofs, etc are sneakily fabricated by your own mind! Your own mind is the enemy! Watch it like a hawk. Your mind will try to come up with reasons and excuses for why your life is unfair and how success with women is impossible. This is all horseshit! Do not believe your own mind here. Your mind is clouded by fear, insecurity, and neediness. That is totally normal and understandable, but you cannot resolve your problems from such a place. From such a place your problems will get worse as you start to blame the world and solidify your victim worldview with cherry-picked evidence, "science", and "logic". Be extra suspicious of "logic" and "science" here. There is nothing logical or scientific about your victim attitude or lack of success with women. It's purely about meeting the survival needs of your ego. Sex is a very powerful survival need which will drive your mind towards all manner of mental gymnastics to ensure that you get it, or at least feel better for not getting it.
There's good news and bad news. The good news is: Your looks are NOT the problem! The bad news is: your personality, attitude, and mindset are terrible! The good news is, it's possible to change that. The bad news is, it won't be easy and you will resist it like the devil that you are.
So what's the solution? Take ownership of your problem and commit to resolving it. For this you need faith and confidence in your ability to self-actualize. You must have enough hope and vision to see yourself get much better with attracting women. This is NOT a pipe dream or fuzzy thinking. The reality is that any man can become 100x better at attracting women if he really takes ownership of the matter. Yes, it takes serious work. But it's also highly worth it. Imagine that within 3 years you're able to attract pretty women and feel confident about yourself when it comes to dating. Isn't that worth the effort? It sure is. This is not a fantasy. I've done it, many men have done it, and so can you! Your looks are NOT the bottleneck, your mindset is.
So what do you do after you've established this vision? You must do lots of research to educate yourself about how dating actually work (not how you think it works). Find videos, find books, buy online courses, hire a coach, take a bootcamp, take a workshop, etc. There are literally hundreds of excellent resources available online these days. Most of them are legit, not scams. Study them hard and then get into the field. Start talking to women. Start approaching women. Start flirting with women. Start being much more social.
If you struggle attracting women I can tell you right now what your top problems are. It's not lack of money, looks, muscles, car, height, or dick size. Remember, attraction and dating is EXTREMELY counter-intuitive. It's works exactly the opposite of how you initially think.
Your top problems are:
You live in your mancave and never go out! You must go out into social spaces where real women hang out. You spend WAY too much time online, indoors You spend WAY too much time on Youtube, Netflix, and playing video games You work too much You are never around cute single women You never start conversations with strangers You have terrible body language due to lack of experience You are not comfortable doing small-talk and being emotional and random in conversations You are far too logical You approach zero women on a regular basis You are terrified of approaching a women who you find attractive, talking yourself out of every approach You have terrible eye contact, you don't smile, and you don't project your voice properly You are crippled by fear and tongue-tied You are unable to start and sustain an interesting conversation with a human being You are disconnected from your body, your heart, your feelings, your emotions You have terrible self-image issues. You hate yourself, you hate how you look, you judge yourself way too harshly. You judge yourself just as harshly as you judge women. You have a bad sense of dress style and you don't groom yourself well You have no experience with physically touching women in a non-creepy way. You don't know how to rapidly physically escalate on a women without creeping her out. You don't know how women think or what they truly value in a man You don't know how to flirt and be authentic You are trying to be masculine in all the wrong ways -- fake masculinity You are needy, needy, needy You are terribly inexperienced You have no sense of passion or purpose in life, which robs you of confidence and masculine vitality Your attitude sucks: you whine, complain, bitch, moan, blame, and are so negative You think you understand life, reality, and how attraction works -- you don't! So work on fixing all of that before you go blaming women. All of the above can be deliberately worked on and fixed.
You need to learn how to be a real man. Being a real man has nothing to do with big muscles, big dick, or a fast car. A real man is grounded on the INSIDE. It's ALL about inner game! You need to cultivate that confidence. It doesn't come naturally. You must build it!
80% of getting good with women is just actually being much more social. You need to deliberately re-structure your life so that you're automatically being more social. So that you're going out every weekend. So that you're bumping into new people constantly. So that you're making new friends all the time. This kind of re-structuring is very doable. You just have to be willing to change your lifestyle.
And stop watching or listening to any of the following:
Jordan Peterson, MGTOW, RedPill, Incel material/forums/reddit All of that is cancer of the mind. It's reinforcing your victim mindset and robbing you of your ability to change yourself.
I've been where you are. I know it's tough. But hang in there, hold your vision, have hope, get to work, and things will dramatically improve for you. You will become a new person by the end of this journey and you will be so proud of yourself. You will become a real man, not some whiny JP fanboy.
The #1 thing a real man does is take 100% responsibility for all his problems. A real man NEVER blames anyone, and certainly not women or feminism. A real man is a feminist. A real man fearlessly works on himself.
So start right there! Start by fixing that.
OCD/Anxiety insights I gained from therapy
OCD/Anxiety insights I gained from therapyLast year I completed around 16 session's of CBT for OCD. I've just come across (notes) the insights I gained and learnt at the end of the therapy. Hopefully this may help anyone that is managing the same type of issues:
Always make the most emotionally difficult decision Checking and reassurance feeds OCD and or anxiety Reassurance is functionless (you don't believe the reassurance anyway and ultimately it adds to the anxiety, it is part of it (same movement)) The mind is unbelievably sneaky, extremely shifty so always be aware of subtle checking and reassurances that may be happening without you even knowing Always do the thing that will make you feel the least secure, the least comfortable, the least abnormal move. Love yourself and treat yourself like a vulnerable child (By checking I mean checking anything related to your OCD and or anxiety e.g. fixing your hair, looking at a specific part of your body, checking switches are turned off, checking other people's behaviours and or actions, the list goes on)
These insights I brought forward and applied into everyday life after therapy. They serve me well.
Careers to do & transforming them into LP
Careers to do & transforming them into LPThis video may give some ideas on what to do while you look for a LP:
Of course, you could also transform these into a LP. Being some kind of doctor or some kind of teacher are always marketable. You cannot replace these with a robot.
Please share thoughts.
I healed my chronic headaches, forever
I healed my chronic headaches, foreverSince very young I remember to suffer headeches. Different types, migraine, and tension hedaches, I get stressed very easily.
My mum took me to many doctors and neuro specialists and nobody gave me a solution, just make relaxation exercises and take medication. But nobody told me the cause, evn when you search online most doctors say it depends on multiple factors, or the causes are still unknown.
Thru all my life I observer habits that trigger my headaches like lack of sleep, stress, ar certain type of foods, for example oragnes, cheese, lettuce...
Once the doctor prescribed me triptans, a more advanced medication than typical analgesics, and told me to take them just when the headache was about to start.
They never worked.
For the last 20years Ive been struggling with headache like 3-4 times per week, this impacted my life in the way so bad that most of my introversion was because I had too much headaches to have a normal social life. when other were hanging out I was at home suffering.
One day i found a youtube video and one guy talking about how the gallbladder and the liver were the responsable of 95% of headaches but I didnt pay attention thinking it was fake. Many days later I saw another video from a reliable channel that explained this thing more in deepth and recommending a herb cleansing protocol so I gave a try.
magic, boom! HEADACHES GONE.
Its sad that actual doctors ignore of hide the truth, some collaborating with pharma mafia, but ibuprofens and other antiinflamatorys damage the liver creating more headache and this is a neverending loop! also they are bad for the heart.
Well Im gonna explain the RECIPE for who suffers from headaches very often. The guy told a lot of herbs but I just bought what I knew were the queens of liver cleansing and dismissed the others:
the 2 ones in fusion and the add the fumaria liquid extract. If you infuse the 3 fumaria will give a very bitter taste.
other herbs that I didnt bought: green neetle and horsetail.
they guy also recomended a Epsom Salts protocol that make a meta cleaning with 2 days of fasting, but I didnt make it because I though it was for hardcore-cases and you have to do it the days you dont work because you need a WC near.
Very important, foods to avoid:
High cocoa chocolate.
Canned blue fish like tuna and mackerel.
Foods and supplements very recommended:
-Lots of apples.
-malic acid supplement.
-black radish extract.
Treadmill walking desk
Treadmill walking desk
How to build Discipline
How to build DisciplineThere is no solution to discipline other than discipline.
You must set a clear goal and then work towards it every day, building momentum over time. For this, vision is very important.
But in the end, you must....
JUST DO IT!
Start small and ramp your way up over the weeks, months, and years. If it was easy, everyone would be mega-successful. No one else can do it for you and there are no shortcuts or magic pills. You gotta have the courage to bite the bullet and endure some emotional labor and discomfort.
The key is consistency. You must chip away at it every day and not bite off more than you can chew.
Value and Women
Value and Women@SageModeAustin You should draw a distinction between inherent objective value vs having personal preferences.
Absolutely-speaking, everything has equal value.
Relatively-speaking, some things have more survival value to you than other things. Value is a relative notion. A thing has instrumental value to you precisely because it helps the ego survive.
You can be conscious that all human beings have equal Absolute value, but you can still be selective about who you hang out with. For example, even though a murder has the same Absolute value as a non-murder, it would be foolish and even dangerous to make friends with a bunch of murders.
The mistake people make is that they then take the extra step of demonizing murders and denying that they have equal Absolute value.
So, you can be very selective about who you choose to sleep with, but it would be a mistake to demonize and judge those women who you don't want to sleep with. Just be honest and admit to yourself, "I don't want to sleep with that person. But this does not diminish that person in any way. They can still be a good person even though I don't find them sexually attractive."
The mistake that guys like you make is that they think like this: "That women is ugly to me, therefore she is a low, worthless human being." This is a narcissistic evaluation. You are saying that just because a person doesn't fit your survival agenda that they are somehow inherently flawed or lower. When the truth is, she just doesn't fit your survival agenda.
Also realize that when you call anything in reality "ugly" you are actually disowning that aspect of reality, of yourself. Because the truth is, that ugly thing you hate is actually, literally, metaphysically, your very self. So you are placing yourself in an adversarial relationship with reality, with yourself! Which is the very definition of neurosis.
When you call a thing "ugly" you are failing to become conscious of its inherent beauty. The beauty is there no matter what. But you are failing to see it because you are being too self-centered.
It is possible to live in a non-judgmental way.
The irony of chasing hot girls is that the karma of it always comes back to bite you in the ass and make you suffer. Just by thinking, "Oooooo... look at this hot girl, so much better than that ugly fat girl" you are causing your own misery without realizing it. When you lose that hot girl, it will hurt all the more.
I'm not saying you should sleep with girls you aren't attracted to. But you might want to reconsider the way you objectify women and use them to gratify your most base, most low consciousness desires in a purely materialistic fashion. Maybe rather than basing your attraction purely on looks, you give more weight to her personality and her level of consciousness, and you focus more on how you can give her love rather than how she can please you.
The only reason a hot girl has value to you is because you crave her. And yes, it is possible to let go of craving. The trick is convincing your ego to do it.
Link to PDF documents for all the Actualized.org Spiral Dynamics Videos
Link to PDF documents for all the Actualized.org Spiral Dynamics VideosHere you go!
I put a ton of effort into these. Please put them to good use if you decide to download them. They can be used as a reference so you don't have to watch the videos again.
Good luck with the work on the path!
book to check
How to achieve financial independence?@egoless
Read Unscripted by MJ DeMarco.
Youtube Marketing Tips
Youtube Marketing Tipshttp://yttalk.com/forums/youtube-video-marketing-strategy-seo.88/
Here is a good resource.
These two posts on that forum helped me the most.
amazon selling - How to ?
How to make a living selling on AmazonIve been selling on Amazon fba for coming up to 2 years and managed to turnover 6 figures in last 12 months. So ive started a podcast on soundcloud giving advice to anyone whos looking to start up their own side hustle or even full time business. Not that im an expert by any means but just sharing my experiences and lessons ive learnt.
Its free and im not selling anything although if anyone really wants it i maybe able to do private coaching. Feel free follow on sc and insta.
But anyway check it out if its something youve been thinking about, if you have any questions that arent touched upon in the podcasts let me know and ill answer them fully in a future one.
Ive dropped it netflix style so theres 7 episodes up already, this episode 5 but obvs go into the profile to get more
- Episode 6
plants to keep around
NASA approved air-filtering houseplantsSo how far should we take this health thing?
And the top 10 list:
@CharlotteCan't even breathe nowadays
To follow up on
2017 in review, or why I no longer need actualized.orgTo understand 2017, you must understand the years before that.
2014 - SURVIVE
It was the year that I had athletics ripped away from my life
It was the year that I saw my parents get divorced
It was the year that I had my grades plummet, at the time ruining what I thought were my chances for a good career
It was the year that I broke up with, at the time, the love of my life
It was the year that I thought life was meaningless, the world was meaningless, and that I was meaningless
It was the year I almost killed myself
2015 - WAKE UP
It was the year that I began following actualized.org.
It was the year that I invested in the reading list
It was the year that I invested in the life purpose course
It was the year that I began to watch every single video I could.
It was the year that I was getting ready to finish college and began experimenting with my own business ideas
It was the year that I was just beginning to wake up to a better life.
2016 - NAIL YOUR VISION
It was the year that I truly began to explore the nature of consciousness.
It was the year that I experimented with psilocybin, LSD, DMT, and several monster doses of 5-meo DMT
It was the year that I created a 5-meo-DMT neurofeedback protocol
It was the year that I studied under zen masters like Brad Warner, Doshin Roshi, and Peter Ralston
It was the year that I discovered who I really was on an existential level (THAT)
It was the year that I recognized the importance of personal values.
It was the year that I began to understand the nature of true contemplation.
It was the year that I began to figure out a real vision for my life beyond just money or power
It was the year that I began writing my thoughts down religiously
It was the year that I began to realize that its possible to have abiding, joy and love for oneself -- and truly grasp what that feels like.
2017 - PLANT THE SEEDS
It was the year that I earned better life by embodying my self-derived philosophies
It was the year that I got comfortable with Not Knowing.
It was the year that I doubled down on the importance of taking 100% responsibility
It was the year that I got a perfect score on the MCAT after 550 hours of study
It was the year that I competed on American Ninja Warrior and Broken Skull Challenge
It was the year that I worked as a photographer then a cognitive neuroscientist and now a professional videographer
It was the year that I began seeing out of the eyes of yellow, then turquoise, and now Coral
It was the year that I cleaned my room each morning, slayed my dragons each night, and saved the girl in the long run.
It was the year that I began dating a turquoise woman (and my fucking god it's so much better than dating someone at lower level.)
It was the year that I began waking up everyday excited to know that I could die that day
It was the year that I realized that life = happiness
It was the year that I realized that love = a behavioral commitment to raising the quality of a being, no matter what and for no particular reason
It was the year that I quit sugar
It was the year that I quit the porn, masturbation, orgasm cycle
It was the year that I quit sleeping in
It was the year that I finally understood what 'take 100% responsibility' meant on an existential level.
It was the year that I finally became 100% financially independent.
It was the year that I realized that ultimately everything we do is an attempt to recreate joy in our lives as an expression of love for our life, the people around us, and the world itself.
It was the year that I realized that all work, all development, all things come down to simply loving oneself unconditionally and seeing yourself, the world, and everyone as perfect yet still able to get better. Perfection is a process of improvement, not an end goal.
It was the year that I realized that there's no proof, no contemplation, no lover, no teacher, no exercise, no psychedelic, no practice, no accomplishment, no thing at all that can make you love yourself or show you why you love yourself because unconditional love is unconditional.
It was the year that I realized that nothing can take away the fire of unconditional love that lies at my very core because everything that would try to take away that fire would just be more of that fire itself.
It was the year that I realized that this is not some teaching and that any explanation of the above is useless, as seeing, feeling, and being the fire that burns is an experiential thing that goes beyond all talk and all philosophy yet is available at all times.
It was the year that I realized that that is enlightenment. That conscious existentence is itself just a ride meant to show you the strength of that fire and that such existence is enlightenment thus everything you have ever consciously experienced is itself enlightenment and the entire universal consciousness of all things possible in all times in all possible realms is enlightenment.
It was the year where I stopped trying to become enlightened because I AM. (Then again, if you're on this forum I can basically guarantee that you're not mentally ready enough to appreciate what it means to stop trying. So don't listen to 99.999% of the fools who parrot the words 'stop trying to become enlightened' --- It's only through all of the trying and all of the struggle that you'll even begin appreciate why it is that there's nothing to try for when it comes to loving yourself and the world for being perfect yet capable of getting better. So give it your best, do absolutely everything you can, and then you'll get that all you have to do is see that you've been perfect this whole time. To skip straight to the end ruins the fun; there's no shortcuts when there is no path.)
It was the year that it became normal for me to cry out of pure joy while living everyday life.
It was the year that I could truly say I no longer need actualized.org although its nice to visit every once in a while.
What about 2018?
The theme for this new year:
DON'T TRY. EXECUTE.
So thanks, @Leo Gura
I'd like to chat with you about some very interesting ideas I had regarding spiral dynamics levels past turquoise. I genuinely believe I can help you with the new level, as its part of my own life purpose to get a minimum of 100 men and women to Coral before I die. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the planet who could help you with this, as no one else understands enough about spiral dynamics and is high enough to help you.
P.P.S. for anyone else curious
The difference between Turquoise and Coral has a lot to do with facing death everyday through some form of BODYMIND practice like martial arts, big wave surfing, or extreme hiking, That is, whereas Turquoise faces death form the perspective of the MIND BODY as by psychedelics or meditation, coral level people face it in a "physical" sense from the perspective of the BODYMIND. So whereas I might place Ramana Maharshi at Turquoise, I would place Bruce Lee at Coral because Bruce Lee can understand everything RM is talking about regarding consciousness, but RM won't recognize everything Bruce Lee might talk about regarding moving his body toward an opponent. Both have experienced death from the MINDBODY perspective (deep meditation), but Bruce practices death from the BODYMIND perspective (a rear-naked chokehold, for example) and thus Bruce is at a higher level.
Moreover, the levels past Coral are bad ass versions of the lower tier levels, but they can only be accessed once one gets down to the physical embodiment of one's philosophy as by Coral level thinking. I know you know that, but the actual vision of what it looks like is the key here and that is what I'd like to talk to you about over Skype (there are body language nuances that I won't be able to convey through text).