Pav

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Posts posted by Pav


  1. 2 hours ago, Consept said:

    I was more talking about why its so prominent in the west, but yes other cultures have the same ideas, specifically the muslim world.

    Most cultures outside the Muslim world too. How common are large scale societies which practice non-monogamy?

    Christianity has played a substantial role in up holding these ideals, but the question is why were these values adopted by Christianity?

    When the men at the top of the hierarchy horde the majority of the women this leads to those at the bottom becoming disgruntled and disillusioned with society and often turning to violent revolts. It is also less fulfilling for the women too since most desire monogamous committed relationships rather than being part of a harem.

    2 hours ago, Consept said:

     many countries and tribes in Africa werent really monogamous but adapted when they were colonised by the west

    Non-monogamous systems can be found in tribes of a few hundred people, however I was talking about role monogamy plays in larger, post-agricultural societies. What works in small tribes will often not scale well on to larger states of 100s of thousands of people or more. Having said that, monogamy is also quite common place among tribes too.

    2 hours ago, Consept said:

    To argue that monogamy is optimal is hard to say as well, in African tribes they took the view that it takes a village to raise a child which in which case its not that important to have just one stable, monogamous relationship as everyone is involved in child rearing.

    It is better for extended family get involved in child rearing too. How does that mean the stability of the child's parent's relationship is not of vital importance? They are still the most influential factor in the child's development.

    Large-scale societies function very differently to close-knit tribal societies, how would this system of getting the whole tribe involved in the raising of a child work in a city state of ten thousand people, most of whom are unrelated?

    2 hours ago, Consept said:

    In our society the child is completely dependent on the strength of the relationship between 2 people, which is actually quite shaky

    There's issues with culturally monogamous systems, I don't think anyone would argue that there isn't. But it is one of the few systems which has worked in preventing societal instability. When a system is seen quite universally across cultures and has been implemented for hundreds or thousands of years, there's certainly a very good reason for it.

    It is easy to overlook the benefits which we receive from stage blue structures since we have never had to suffer from the consequences which it prevents.


  2. 5 hours ago, Consept said:

    I think the judgement of women that sleep around comes from the christian, moral idea that we've had through history about protecting a women's 'purity'. Main reason for this is we wanted society to be 'better' and that meant one man for one woman raising kids together. This is an outside way of organising society for the potential collective good.

    It doesn't just come from Christian ideas, there's an abundance of non-christian cultures which shun promiscuity and value purity significantly more than the West.

    Monogamy is important for societal stability and is more optimal for the raising of children. The vast majority of people naturally desire monogamous relationships and most people would be happiest in one compared to the alternatives. Thus, it's easy to see why the majority of post-agricultural societies have upheld these values.

    5 hours ago, Consept said:

    for example of you are used to be sexually promiscuis, it could be hard to all of sudden change to monogamous.

    That's a legitimate concern. One of the most reliable predictors of an individual's future behaviour is their past behaviours.


  3. I've found it to be important to spend your 20s focusing on building all of the important areas of life. You are able to work on more than one thing. So far in the decade since I've left high school I've managed to get my career on track, get my dating life sorted, cultivate fulfilling friendships, pursued spirituality, and had many unique life experiences. It requires you to get clear about what you really want out of life and then place you time/energy/focus on building that vision (and not wasting much time on the things which don't matter, like TV or doomscrolling).

    Dating really ought to be one of their top priorities, as relationships are one of the most important aspects of life.


  4. 15 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

    Besides if I don't have a lot of money or an elite level social circle, then am I supposed to expect to just settle for average looking women as being the best that I can possibly get? Or just wish upon a star that maybe one day I might be lucky enough to find a beautiful attractive woman who will be attracted to me?

    Settle? You are not as attractive as a highly attractive girl. It's not settling to date someone who is at your own level of attractiveness. You are shooting yourself in the foot by holding on to this fantasy of wanting a highly attractive women to date you, you very well could have a very fulfilling relationship with an average looking girl and it would make you a lot happier in life.

    You seem to be quite adverse to average girls as if you view them as being below you, but the truth is they're not. And you'll probably have to work on yourself and unwire a lot of your brainwashing and toxic ideas to even get a relationship with a nice, average looking girl.


  5. 4 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

    Why isn't being an alpha male who oozes sex appeal and charisma enough to stand out as a top 1-3% that all women are appealed to?

    You've been brainwashed by Youtube pick up artist theory lol (they are mostly con artists). Why would a top 1-3% girl choose you just because you pretend to be an "alpha male"? The majority of the stuff taught by these pick up coaches is just cringe and will harm your results in dating.

    The most attractive girls have immense options, they are going to go for the guys who are genuinely in the top 1-3%.


  6. @something_else  Most likely you simply aren't physically attractive enough for these girls that you're going after. I recommend focusing on women who are around your own level of attractiveness.

    2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    To consistently sleep with hot girls you need to play a serious social and status game.

    Or you can be just as attractive as them. Money cannot buy genuine attraction. I don't think it would be a fulfilling situation for any guy to be used for their money.

    2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    The hottest girls are often chasing high status. So that's the bait you must use to catch them consistently. You do that by building an elite social circle and hosting your own social events like parties, fancy dinners, social outings, etc. And then you invite girls not for dates but to your exclusive social events.

    I suspect there may be geographic/cultural difference here. Perhaps most girls in LA or Vegas are going after status and money but I can't say I've seen this dynamic very often at all. The majority of attractive girls seem to desire a genuine relationship with a man who's attractive and that they have chemistry and a connection with, while a small percentage are more promiscuous (roughly 10%).

    1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

    I mean if Leo says that if I can't get a lot of money or status, then does that mean that I should only expect to get average girls at best, even if I had really good game, charisma, or sex appeal?

    I wouldn't try to use money in order to get a hot girl, it probably won't work and even if you get one to have sex with you it wouldn't be very fulfilling knowing that they just want your money and lifestyle.

    I genuinely mean no disrespect, but if that's you in your picture you seem to be around average in terms of looks. My advice would be to forget about trying to get a really hot girlfriend and instead try to find an average looking girl who you really like as a person and enjoy spending time with. Most guys will not get an 8-10/10 looking girl and that's okay. You can have a very fulfilling relationship with a girl even when they are not a model (as long as you are still sexually attracted to them). Personality compatibility is incredibly important for a relationship.


  7. You just need to sit down at a desk and do it, there's no special trick to it. Find a quiet space where you can study away from your PC or phone so that you can study free from any distraction. A local library or the library at your school would work. Dedicate a few hours each day as time where you are going to sit in that space with only your books/laptop and study, no Youtube or mindless scrolling allowed. Make sure you show up consistently everyday. After you've done studying enjoy the rest of the day however you like.


  8. It's not the case that looks are the only thing that matters, life is rarely that simple. Personally and charisma are significant factors in attracting women. However, looks are the biggest factor determining your attractiveness to women. If a girl doesn't find you physically attractive you most likely won't even be considered as a potential sexual or romantic partner in the first place (unless they are similarly unattractive). There's a threshold of physical attractiveness with most often must be reached.

    It's rarely the case that someone who a girl finds physically unattractive can make that girl attracted to them through personality or charisma. However, the opposite can indeed be true; a girl can lose interest in someone physically attractive through lack of social skills, negative emotional state, or undesirable personality characteristics.

    Another important factor for attractiveness which people never seem to talk about is your emotional state or level of engery.

    As for the video, getting a girls number means nothing. It's very easy to get a girls number (which is why all these pick up videos like to show that off) but that doesn't mean it's going to lead anywhere. The majority of those girls will flake or just gave the wrong number. 

    The real metric is did he actually go out with that girl? Did he have sex with them? Did he start a meaningful relationship?


  9. @bebotalk I certainly don't advise it. It will have a negative impact on the results you get in your social life, not to mention it's just a shit way to treat people and acting immorally will negatively affect your self esteem and emotional well-being. Also your initial impression of someone will often be wrong especially if it's based on something superficial like someone's gender or how they look, you could be prematurely rejecting people who you could have potential to create a meaning relationship with, do this enough times over the course of your life and you may end up isolated with no meaningful relationships in your life.


  10. 18 hours ago, PenguinPablo said:

    @nhoktinvt the narrative in your head is bad bro

    listen to the stories you're telling yourself

     

    It sounds like the narrative in his head based off of the experiences he has had with cold approach. Your beliefs are based off of experiential evidence. You cannot simply force yourself to change your beliefs by repeating an affirmation in your head, your subconscious mind is intelligent, more intelligent than your conscious mind and will not be fool by simple repetition, it relies on evidence and reason to form it's beliefs. Having girls ignore you and run away from you is going to have a negative impact on your self esteem and beliefs about the world and women no matter how much you gaslight yourself.

    18 hours ago, nhoktinvt said:

    and through the rejections you becomes a stronger man what's bad about it ?

    Do you feel like a stronger man?


  11. @meta_male If you decide to proceed with the date try your best to get yourself in a more social and positively energetic state, even if you can only maintain it temporarily for the date. It's possible that going on the date will trigger a more positive state in you, though it may also not.

    The unfortunate fact of the matter is that being in a depressive state is one of the most sure-fire ways to kill your date and any possibility of going any further with this girl. It's really not a pleasant experience to be on a date with someone who is lacking in enthusiasm and sucks the energy out of the room. And generally women won't give you another chance if your first date went that way.

    If you're unable to elevate your state it may be worth rescheduling your date. Although this risks her flaking on you next time. So there's a risk there. It's a tough situation you're in.

    23 hours ago, Consept said:

    I think you always have to be authentic with whatever state you're in. What makes you not want to go is that you don't want to exert the energy it takes to force yourself to be upbeat. But if you just let yourself be whatever you are in the moment it takes a lot of pressure off. 

    Sure it may take some of the pressure off, but being authentically depressive will still be very uncomfortable for the others around and will ruin any chances of them going on a second date.


  12. You don't want to wait multiple days before texting a girl, in day game you'd want to text them later that evening or the at most the next day. In night game you really want to pull that night. Getting a girl's number at a club is unlikely to lead to a date, they are looking to get laid that night.

    Also what exactly are you texting them?

    2 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

    I want a serious relationship though, not trying to get laid 

    Hook ups can lead to relationships. Probably a better idea to do day time interactions or social circle if this is what you're after, there's also dating apps such as Hinge.


  13. 6 hours ago, fabger said:

    @Dioxide2533

    I didn't mention that I'm neither bad looking nor a virgin. However blackpill content still fucked me up. But it still makes the most sense for some reason.

    Best to stop watching it then. It makes the most sense because it has a large element of truth to it. However a lot of those black pill videos have a negative under tone to them with many people seeming to believe that their situation is hopeless, better not to get infested with their negative energy. I'd stay away from red pill and pua videos too, the majority of the advice they offer is terrible and will harm your results with women, not to mention all the manipulation and scams they perpetuate. 

    3 hours ago, universe said:

    Dude ever seen an ugly guy with a hot girl?

    Honestly it's extremely rare. The majority of couples are quite matched in terms of looks.

    3 hours ago, universe said:

    Are you trying to be a girl? Wear make up, paint a sixpack on you and get surgery to feel good about yourself.

    Why are you trying to insult his masculinity? If taking care of your appearance is what leads to better results with women than it's obviously a good action to take. Being physically attractive is clearly not incompatible with being a man since attractiveness is one of the main things women want in a guy.

    Would you rather fulfill the arbitrary gender roles of random people you've never met or take the right actions that lead to an abundance of sex and dating opportunities?


  14. @Razard86 Environment does matter substantially in affecting your growth and happiness in life.

    What about the child born in the third world so affected by malnutrition that his physical growth is severely stunted, is their potential the same as what it would be had they growth up in a safe household in the West with adequate nutrition?

    Or consider Genie, a child who from the age of 20 months was kept locked in a dark room and tied to a chair by his father, being completely unable to move, deprived of any social interaction, left malnourished, and being beaten by her father if she made any noise. This environment left her unable to learn a language or develop social skills, and she became severely mentally handicapped overall. Are we to believe that the difference in this environment in fostering growth is only subjectively different to being raised in a loving household?

    I saw a documentary about a poor Indian farmer who took out debt to cover a medical expense. Unable to pay it back him and his wife and young kids are forced to work under harsh and dangerous conditions in a brick factory for 14 hours a day, and will probably remain enslaved for the remainder of their lives. What is the value of their suffering? They may never have the opportunity to live out their lives with any of the opportunities for growth and actualisation that many of us in more privileged circumstances have. Does their suffering make them stronger than if they were to be free?

    1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

    I only know this because I suffered deeply in life, and that is why my suffering was more valuable than all the good times I had, because it revealed to me a strength I didn't know I had.

    It is possible for suffering to motivate people to growth and to seek a way to better themselves and improve their situation. However in so many instances intense suffering can cripple people severely enough that they may never recover and can lead to suicide just to escape it.

    Another point important to make is that suffering is not necessary for growth. Positive forms of motivation are incredibly powerful and more sustainable, for instance we may be motivated by a vision, curiosity, love, ect. Certain environments are better able to cultivate these forms of motivation than others.


  15. 6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Looks do matter, however your looks cannot be changed

    Your looks can be changed quite a bit, although the maximum you can attain will be determined by your genetics. It's most certainly worth maxing out your looks potential if you're wanting to actualise in your dating life, given that it has such a prominent effect on your ability to attract women.

    Body fat percentage is the most notable change which can be made to improve your looks, since being fat significantly lowers your attractiveness. Someone could have great genetics and potential to be very attractive but may not know it due to being rendered unattractive by their excess weight. Thus I recommend that everyone seeking to fulfill their dating potential make becoming lean a top priority if they aren't already, it's possible that they made have potential to be far more attractive than they realise.