MatteO22

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Posts posted by MatteO22

  3. Posted

    @ivankiss for real though this is about respecting your ‘no’ and your boundaries. And his unwanted advances should not be tolerated, so Id just say a hard No, and if that’s not respected I’d consider terminating that relationship in the name of self-respect. 
     

    ps: unless there’s more to the story then he’s certainly, but certainly not sexually assaulting you. Asking for nudes isn’t a criminal behaviour as far as I’m aware, unless you’re a minor… which I think and hope you’re not ? Unless we’re all here being catfished and you’re actually 12. 

  9. Posted · Edited by MatteO22

    8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

    @Preety_India Ganging up on him and post other users is also off-putting

    Ikr, kinda awful to gang up on others… hate that shit.

    Its not like anyone did that to@Shin thankfully…  

     

    wait what ?

     

    they did ? 
     

    It was you who did that ? 
    with that ego-maniac @Harlen Kelly?

     

    oh fuck ! Didn’t see that one coming. touché.

     

    You seem to be so quick to point out the faults you find in others, have you ever tried taking a good hard look at your own behaviour ? I heard it helps. 10/10 dentists would recommend- to watch what comes out of your mouth. 

  10. Posted

    @Valach the distinction between needing someone from a perception of deficiency and simply being attracted to their presence for mutual benefit lies in how you perceive the relationship between the two of you in terms of what is the main focus.

     

    - is the main focus of what this person can give me, get me; make me feel more of, make me feel less off ? 

    - or is the focus on desiring to create mutual benefit by interacting together - do you want the things that are good for you and simultaneously probably good for her and vice Versa? Are you excited about this persons little and big victories even if you didn’t play a role in their achievement ? Do you see the well-being of both you as the essence of what needs to happen, or is it more about the well-being of ‘just you’? Or even the well-being of ‘just her’ where you’d be abandoning yourself and leaving yourself out of the equation ? 

     

    This is the essence of interdependency. The focus is on meeting the well-being of you with the well-being of her. That’s how your relationships stay clean of toxic cycles. 

  11. Posted

    1 minute ago, Etherial Cat said:

    Again, depending on context this can work. But it's so borderline that it felt like normalizing some grey behaviour right under a post talking about assault.

    Like it was stated before, a lot of men do not realize when they cross the line. Doing stuff to your girlfriend/fiancée/wife while she sleeps can be very creepy as well. 

    I just wanna say that I agree, the first comment I made regarding the guy ‘sleep humping’ wasn’t meant to somehow justify non-consensual sexual activity when someone is asleep. I was more or less making a joke because I was in a funny mood, but it wasn’t anything of substance. 
     

    Sometimes I can forget how far people can go to justify abusive behaviour just so they can avoid evolving through their outdated paradigm and experiencing shame, guilt and other uncomfortable feelings. 
     

    So even if by some you’re being told otherwise, you’re right in what you’re saying regarding sexual assault and consent. The arguments I’ve seen being thrown at you today are just excuses and avoidance of the reality that for many is too vulnerable and uncomfortable. 

  12. Posted

    2 hours ago, Vagos said:

    Please give me some fruitful ideas about what can I do to solve this.

    Journal, and I don’t mean rationally.

     

    Take a piece of paper, or a word document and write out your absolute uncensored and brutal preferably foul-mouthed anger. Let it pour through you like your life depended on it - only via keyboard/pen where no-one is being harmed in the process, and you’re being liberated. Rage via writing. It works extremely well when repressed anger comes up. Because via writing nothing needs to be held back. 
     

    ps, I wouldn’t use the self actualisation journals here, it’s best to delete it usually. 

  13. Posted

    1 minute ago, bejapuskas said:

    @integral  It is kinda stupid when somebody talks about a problem they have and you say "oh, but it is not my fault, I never did this". Do you realize how inconsiderate that is? Imagine a friend comes to you and says: "I need to tell you something, I am seeing things, hearing things, I have schizophrenia, I am afraid to tell my parents because I think they would judge me or send me to a psychiatrist. I feel so bad because what is happening to me is not in my control." And you answer like: "Yeah, but why are you saying this to me, I did not cause your condition..? Sure, some guys can potentially put bunch of LSD into your drink and cause some sort of hallucinations to awaken in a person, but not me!" - Here, you missed the point. Do you see what I am pointing at?

    That's not a good relationship advice. You better communicate with your partner. You never know, so many girls have been fingered in their sleep and you might just assume after having sex with them 20 times that they would love this. And you do it and they wake up and their traumatic reaction is triggered. Also not all men have strong urges, there are also people who don't want sex.

    Men can certainly get sexually abused. In fact, some members on this forum have and they have shared their stories. But I guess the number of women who deny this is lower than that of men denying women get raped this often... You get my point, no? But of course, if a guy gets raped by a girl, it is equally horrible. 

    For sure, I was sort of erratically sharing a story I had in my mind that was out of context.

     

    Regardless the comment I made was timed unfortunately, I haven’t been reading a lot of the discussion when I made it. 


    I wasn’t even trying to make the point that women can rape too, which is true but maybe a topic for another time. When I made it I was a little all over the place :D oops! ??

     

    but hey, I’m drowsy from my post covid vaccine symptoms so I get a pass haha 

  14. Posted

    2 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

    @Preety_India

     feel like saying something like that is like saying 

    "Men like women who are "7+" on the looks scale." 

    Pretty unnaunced 

    Only betas fuck 6 and bellow.

    Us big dicked chads will only go for 6.5s and up. The moment a girl is 6.49 (which can be a 6.6 that farts) - I’m outta here bruh. I’m jumping into the chopper and flying to the woods to hunt grizzly bears. 

  15. Posted

    7 minutes ago, integral said:

    Im saying the desire is there, thats it. 

    I think you’re dancing on the edge of being an apologist for rapists. Not to sound too dramatic but desire has nothing to do with anything.

     

    Were not entitled to have all our desires fulfilled all the time. It’s only when you live in a reality where you feel entitled to your urges being satisfied, what you say will actually have relevance.

    Even when you say ‘most men restrain themselves’ - as if they were some champions or something. To not have your desires fulfilled all the time is the most basic thing you learn early in life, where it’s much more important to make sure that your desires don’t violate the free will and freedoms of other people, and the moment they do you’re starting to enter the territory of abuse.

     

    The priority to respect the free will of another person comes before everything else, thus the fact that men have these urges is not relevant in the given context. That’s the one thing that distinguishes you from an abuser - do I prioritise respect for others over my fleeting desires. 

  16. Posted

    29 minutes ago, integral said:

    I'm saying ALL men have strong urges to do these things

    Just cause me have them doesn’t make them acceptable to be acted out.

    Pedophiles have urges to fuck children. And fucking a child will never be okay. 
     

    What you’re saying is like… well some men have urges to beat their wives, we should embrace a culture of wife-beaters, we wouldn’t wanna oppress those men would we …

  17. Posted

    19 minutes ago, integral said:

    This might be a kneejerk reaction/culture shock to the male perspective. 

    I wouldn’t say so, wanting to be left alone when you’re sleeping is a human right.

    To finger girls when they’re sleeping is certainly not okay. There’s a wiggle room when you’re in a LtR with an established habits, and a sexual dynamic other than that it’s a big Nope. 

  18. Posted

    2 minutes ago, mivafofa said:

    Just to be sure, are you suggesting that I mightve been too caught up rebelling and going against the grains, so much that it has ultimately also push me further from my authenticity in gender and sexuality identification? 

    Somewhat yes. If there’s a part of you that finds value in rebelling, that precise part of you will see gender identity as a prison to conform to and something that threatens its freedom, therefore there may be an unconscious desire to reject the identity of gender.

     

    Similarly, the same non-conformist you might see relationship and the commitment it represents as a problem, because it’s sense of freedom would be threatened once more, which would explain why you may have felt like the attraction to your SO went away.

     

    What might have happened during the trip was just that the part of you that doesn’t wanna be tied down by anyone or anything came to the surface and sort of took over, and showed itself in its full glory, so you can integrate it. Which I think is a great growth opportunity.  
     

    This particular issue I can actually relate to. I used to be a huge commitment/authority/identification with stereotypical roles phobe. Just as you described, I hated the roles I was put in as a child and craved to have my own sense of autonomy and freedom (even though I think it might’ve been different from yours). And yet, over time I realised I had to surrender to the trauma I was running away from, which was terrifying and painful. And in some ways I’m still integrating that, but the alternative would’ve been awful. 

  19. Posted

    @Etherial Cat also in my example, it was the guy who was sleeping (‘sleep humping’) and the girl engaged in sex with him. So technically the girl in this case would be the offender ? Anywho of course it’s a very rare and extremely unique case. But it just shows how weird and difficult the sexual dynamics can be.

     

    I also had a female friend who always complained how she hated that guys in nightclubs just touch and grab you all the time (which I agree with), and yet once when she was drunk and was hugging me goodbye, she grabbed my butt… what a hypocrite! ? 

  20. Posted

    @Etherial Cat oh I didn’t read emeralds response. Sorry my bad! I thought it was a really funny story and meant to point out how the dynamics of consent tend to shift once you’re in an established relationship with a certain dynamic.

     

    Of course not when a 42yo is touching you when you’re 14 and asleep! That’s sexual harassment committed against a minor, that’s a prison sentence. 

  22. Posted

    2 minutes ago, mivafofa said:

    So I got unintentionally trained early on to question and defy comformity by the hand of authority.

    Well there you go. That’s what I’ve been low-key waiting for you to say. I’ll just leave you with this unless you wanna continue this dialogue. Living in non-conformity is a state of rebellion. When you emotionally live in rebellion, it’s a state of invisible imprisonment - because to rebel you always have to have an antagonist to rebel and defend against. And my only question is…

     

    dont you get tired of always needing to fight and fend for yourself ? I mean damn girl If you live as a non-conformist, you probably won’t allow yourself to receive enough support. Because you’re somewhat always on a battle field. On the lookout for danger… haven’t you had enough? Hasn’t it been too hard for too long ? Don’t you deserve better ? 
     

    I think you do. And I don’t mean to cross any lines, but I think you deserve more support than you’ve ever had the chance to receive. 

  23. Posted

    2 minutes ago, SgtPepper said:

    I agree. 

    In my experience, people are too cynical and selfish to see the powerful vision of what a long enduring intimate relationship could bring. We're talking about true security and deep intimacy. 

    Of course these qualities are worked on, you cannot just expect this without putting in the work with another person. But do people actually take an interest in that? No they just bitch about their partner. it's weak and lame as f***. 

    It's like expecting to feel healthy while eating a bad diet. 

    Some of the benefits are:

    Teach us how to love

    Teach us how to forgive

    How to embrace challenge that builds character

    Teach us about non-duality through duality.

    How to serve others

    Access to deeper forms of intimacy

    How to respect others

    Discipline & self-control

    Access to consistent feedback from our partners so we can become better individuals.

    Marriage is spiritually the formation of two egos into one, a collective ego. A collective ego can do more than by themselves. 

    Being a monk is an equally respectable path though. You just marry God instead. however, if I'm being honest with myself though, I love having a feminine companion in my life and I don't think it stops us from having valid experiences of non-duality cause aren't we all God anyways?

     

    I love this guy, we need more of people like you on the forum ! :D 

  24. Posted

    @mivafofa Well when I ask what your parents’ relationship was like it’s rather an objective answer, not necessarily whether it means something to you.

     

    it’s impossible to not be affected by your parents relationship. You receive subconscious messages all the time.

     

    Even saying ‘I did everything as I wanted’ was likely a reaction to your environment. So it’s more of a question of becoming aware of your childhood conditioning and how you grew up and how it shaped you. 
     

    when you say ‘those questions don’t mean anything to me’ - do you have a reason to not want your childhood mean anything to you ? It means something to all of us, even if you feel like it means nothing - what do you gain by labelling those experiences as meaningless ? 

  25. Posted

    Got my vaccine today for which I registered the moment I was eligible in my country. 
    Pfizer shot, second dose will come in August. - I feel good emotionally because I like the idea of being vaccinated and embracing the self-responsibility that comes with that. 
     

    Side effects: immediately after the shot I experienced shortness of breath, that went away after 20 minutes, now just my arm is sore.

     

    exciting stuff ! happy to be on the vaccine train :)