[I need 5meo advice]

12 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Im thinking on buying 5meo soon to at least try it in microdose. Some questions I have. 

What and how strong does a 5meo microdose feel like? Is there any preparation recommended before getting into 5meo? Can it help with anxiety, ptsd and depression aswell? 

Do you guys get this online via shipping? 

What would you say from this pic, is it good quality? 

 

 

I've ordered in the past a kid asked for an exchange of bitcoin, I had to go and exchanged credits for a bit coin and didn't get the substance, personally I haven't experienced 5-meo-dmt as of yet, I've experienced lsd,mushrooms ?, I feel as if 5-meo-dmt can wait for bit, taking my time to integrate what I've got from mushrooms.

[Why Some People Are Shy?]

I'm a shy person, why?, it's the way I am, I consider my self to be an introvert, there are times when I feel open and want to express like now, you asked for a reason, I think they above comment are true shy people development they shyness as survival strategy, yet at the same time it's a terrible strategy to go about life, my told me I was this way since birth, I hope that answers your question.

[What Do You Love The Most About Life?]

Music, I’m passionate about music, I love listening to music, many instruments from many different cultures, I don’t make music however I love music, to me this is life’s greatest gift to us.

[Returning to self-love. Ayahuasca + Vipassana (!)]

On 9/1/2021 at 0:58 PM, Sine said:

I think I’m having a smaller awakening. Into self-love. And into my body. I have tears in my eyes writing this, it feels amazing, and I wish for everyone to have this kind of experience. 

This experience has lasted for a couple of weeks now, but it seems like it is not fading, but on the contrary - it seems like it is growing. Like it is still developing in me. 

I have so much pleasure from just being in this physical body. It’s not like I am in constant bliss, I can definitely feel pain, both physically and emotionally, but it is like the constant bliss is right underneath the surface and I can experiment with tapping into it. Haha.

I went to the dentist without anesthesia. 

I almost had an orgasm from the sun hitting my bare skin through the window. 

The best thing is the sounds. At my very first baby trip (on LSD) years ago, I had this experience that I could feel sounds in my body. I remember the sound of someone pushing a shopping card over the sidewalk and how the sound kept vibrating in my body - creating an extreme amount of pleasure. During different trips through the years, such experiences have returned. But I’m not tripping now and it’s still here. Maybe not as intense, but I can tap into it without any difficulties. It is like I have become aware on an experiential level, that everything is vibration. 

 

Here is stuff that I did recently, leading up to this experience. I did them all with not more than a few weeks pause in-between: 

 

• A little bit more than a week where I intensively practiced The Completion Process by Teal Swan – one to two times a day. 

(To those who don’t recognize this practice, it is a kind of hypnosis/inner-child-work that you can easily do on yourself. The purpose is to deal with difficult emotions from the root level, and in many ways, I guess it is also a perfect method to generate self-love towards neglected parts of yourself. I can highly recommend the practice, which you can find in this book: https://www.amazon.com/Completion-Process-Practice-Yourself-Together/dp/1401951449 

During this week I went very deep, into both actual memories, and visualizations of more abstract feelings. It occurred to me that a lot of the fear in my body that I wasn’t dealing with, ended up as a sort of blockage when doing psychedelics and other development practices. 

 

• A seven-day ayahuasca retreat with four ceremonies, almost in a row. 

This was my second ayahuasca retreat and where the first one, last summer, had more of an existential flair to it, where I experienced non-duality and all that stuff, this retreat was more about my childhood and the collective female consciousness.  

During the trips, memories from my childhood were mixed up with memories from my mother’s childhood, books that have been read to me, childhood fantasy games I played, and also stuff I have read about or heard in the news. And I had to live through it all, it was pure pain and pure fear with glimpses of strength and love. 

Maybe I should add that I had a very abuse and violent childhood. The same was the case for my mother. 

In one of the ceremonies, I re-lived being a woman, murdered in a very violent way by a man. I had nowhere to run, I just had to be with it, so I did. 

In one of the ceremonies, the pain and horror subsided to a very powerful feeling where one of the female shamans, together with myself, could pull all this invisible pain and torture out of my body and throw it into the fire. It was very empowering, and I felt like an invincible witch giving birth to myself. Also, the whole day before this ceremony, I had had menstruation cramps without bleeding, they were stronger than normal – like I felt like I was going into labor. Which I guess I in some way I was. 

The last ceremony was however the most notable. Before we started, the lead shaman guided us through a hypnosis exercise, where we stood in front of a screen, showing us what we were supposed to work with, during the ceremony. I was first shown a picture of my mother getting beaten in the head by one of her ex-boyfriends, then my mother getting strangled in the kitchen by my father, and then, at last, I saw myself as a teenager getting strangled by my ex-boyfriend when I was in high school. 

Drinking the cup of ayahuasca that night, I had tears running down my face because I knew that I had to work with all this collective shit between males and females, and how it is insanely painful. I was very determined to go through it though. It has created too much pain in my life. It has to end now. 

The ceremony was me sitting in constant fear for the full night. I drank another cup when I realized that this time, the pain wouldn’t subside, and I had to stay with it for the full ceremony– again the only way out was through. 

It’s difficult to describe those kinds of experiences, but I just tried to be calm with the intense emotion and at some point, I asked if I could lay close to the opening of the tippy. The helpers also covered me in heavy blankets. But other than that, I was alone in holding the fear. As I knew it would, it lasted the whole ceremony, and it was as if it didn’t have a resolution. 

 

• Ten-day Vipassana Course 

This was my second Vipassana course. I did the last one-two years ago. I was a bit reluctant to sign up for this, because of doing Ayahuasca only a couple of weeks before the start of the course. I remembered my first ayahuasca experience, where I had been very sick many days afterward, totally dissociating from my body – especially the senses of touch and taste I had lost.

Luckily this time, maybe because I had been practicing the completion process, I had been less scared of facing my inner shit, so I was feeling good and was not dissociating. 

The Vipassana course ended up being the perfect way to integrate the ayahuasca ceremonies. As I mentioned, I had a feeling that the last ceremony never really ended. It was as if it continued into the Vipassana experience. 

During the ten days, I contemplated a lot of stuff about my relationship with romantic love and men. I also understood the technique in a very deeper way. I had many realizations about how I’m constantly reacting to sensations without thinking, how I have this thirst for good sensations that never ends, and how it is the cause of a lot of my suffering. 

Also, I had a few days that felt like waking up after a bad party. Like – regretting stuff I have done and said, or feeling pain now being aware of people in the past that I have hurt. 

In the meditations, I was better able to let go of the need for pleasure than in my previous course. I had a beautiful experience where all the pain and pleasure in my body simply was realized as vibrations. Then the voice in my head became a vibration and disappeared into itself. For a short moment, there was total silence. But it was not...nothing or empty. It was… peace, bliss, a good sensation, but a different kind of good. It was just… I was just. being. 

Then on the last night of Vipassana, my ayahuasca trip had its ending. Pure pain and fear a whole night. 

I am suffering from extreme stomach aces that the doctors haven’t been able to figure out. It wakes me up at night if I eat too much or eat the wrong food. On the last day, we had one more meal than the other days and that gave me the pain that night. Normally I would go out of bed to exercise or do yoga (because that is the only thing that helps) but I didn’t want to wake my roommate up, so I stayed in bed. 

Then I began to drift off into sleep, but the pain kept waking me, so it was in this state between awake and asleep that I started to have a nightmare. It felt very much like tripping. I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life, not even on the scariest ayahuasca ceremonies. This was the worst my stomach ace has ever been, I was cold-sweating, nauseous. And again, it came to a place where I realized the fear and the pain wouldn’t go away so I had to stay with it the full night. 

So, I did. 

And then. I’m not sure exactly when it happened. But since then, it has been so easy for me to feel love for both myself and everyone else. I look forward to meditating because it is such a pleasure. I listened to Leo’s video about self-love being the highest teaching again. He says in it, that one day we will come back to the recording, understanding it better, and I feel like that is me now. Understanding it. Coming back to self-love. 

I have so much compassion for the child and teenager I was. Everything I went through. I am so happy that I am experiencing this now because when I think back on the beginning of my adulthood, I have struggled so much, and I have been so sad and unnecessarily scared. At the same time, I am aware that my memories - what did and did not happen, what I remember in pictures, and what I remember as feelings or sensations. It doesn't really matter. It is the feeling of owning the past but.. well maybe more of owning the experience of the past, that I have. Because my experience in the now is the only thing there is. 

I guess I never really understood what big a part of my misery had to do with fear. I am not rid of the fear, I still experience fear and panic when I wake up in the morning, but I am more aware of it now, dealing with it – where usually I just numbed it with a long to-do-list, jumping out of bed to have enough time to do everything.

I know I still have a long way to go, and I am motivated to grow even more, but if this should be the only step I ever reach, I would actually be quite satisfied, haha. 

Just wanted to share this – especially that it was valuable for me to do self-therapy – ayahuasca – vipassana in a row. 

I also had a few talks with a therapist who was very wise in regards to the emotional body before it all.

I try as best as I can to practice the completion process for an hour or so in the morning. I do the Vipassana meditation for an hour before going to bed at night. Ending with a loving-kindness mediation. Practicing this helps me stay aware of both my emotions and physical sensations, and I think that by keeping these practices, I help the awakening to grow instead of fade. 

One big change I also feel in my daily life is that I am enjoying so much to just be alone (or with my dog). 

These days I have zero need to spend time with friends or create new relationships. It’s not that I don’t want that, it’s just that right now I have so much to experience just in being me. I’m also getting more creative and feel like I want to consume and create art all the time. 

The world is so amazing. Existing is so cool. I don’t want to miss a single moment haha. Like, it is not like that ecstatic feeling of being in love. It is more like calm. Like secure. I feel secure. 

Thanks for reading this far if you did.

Love you (of course).

That’s so exciting, it reminds me of my first lsd experience, it deconstructed all of my previous ways of looking at the world, now I meditate every single day.