Ego serves the same purpose as suffering. It is, in fact, the source of suffering. Sometimes people need to suffer, in order to learn who they really are. It's human nature to choose the path of least resistance. Not everyone is ready for enlightenment. 
Ego may actually be a protective mechanism for our subconscious mind. People that have suffered trauma may not be prepared to process all of that yet. The ego weaves a gossamer set of armor that seems to provide a sense of safety. Of course, it is an illusion and everything it creates is also an illusion.
The danger is that ego depends on your soul energy for survival, and will never let you go. Eventually it has to die; it just doesn't realize it. All you need to do is see through its lies, but most people don't want that quite yet. Eventually, if you are wise, you realize that the ego will always make you suffer, and letting go of the suffering becomes the only option. That is when true healing happens.
If that is the path to healing, why not let go of the ego sooner? Because we're not ready to stop suffering just yet. Eventually, if you are lucky, you will be.

Osho dynamic meditation.
Also Shoonya from sadhguru.

Always try the direct route first. Sit down and simply ask yourself, "What is my trauma?"
If your intention is genuine and honest, and you are open, your mind should supply you the answers.
If that fails, do it while on a psychedelic and you will almost surely receive your answers. Just be careful what you wish for.
The whole problem with heavily traumatic people is that they are not genuine, honest, or open. They have no intention of facing their trauma. They don't want know the truth because it is too painful. They actively avoid talking or thinking about it. So in such cases therapy or psychedelics are very useful. But even so, if there is no intention at all to honestly introspect, nothing will help. The person has to want to grow.
Your mind usually gives you what you ask of it. Most people don't ask much so they don't get much.
All the answers to your life challenges lie within you. But you must dig them out.

. 

 

"the whole work of man really seems to consist in nothing but proving to himself every minute that he is a man and not a piano-key!" - Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

That's right.
That's exactly the point. One cannot. All knowledge is non-trivial. All knowledge comes with risk, even risk of death.
When an adult see's his child trying to stick his hand on the hot stove, the adult yells at the child and slaps the hand away. This is done for the sake of the child's survival. The adult does not have time to explain to the child the problem and guide him through a derivation of the truth in this case. Because survival actually takes a higher priority to truth, since you can't know truth without first surviving long enough to know it.
I would not allow it here because I run a certain kind of teaching organization here. For pragmatic purposes we have to limit things and be careful about how we invest our time. But the larger point is that truth cannot be institutionalized or formalized. The only way you can know if something is true if to leave the institution/organization/school and investigate it for yourself. By all means, go investigate phrenology on your own. You might learn something.
What you have to keep in mind is that I have a uniquely good ability for pursuing truth. Which is why Actualized.org exists at all. The reason you are here is because my mind is able to distinguish truth from falsehood better than the mind of 99% of other people. Of course this doesn't make me infallible, but you should understand how the pragmatics of this work. If I wasn't really good a sifting truth from falsehood, we wouldn't be here having this conversation. Of course none of this means anything unless you can access the truth directly for yourself. But the whole point of gurus is that they have a unique, way-above-average ability to distinguish truth from falsehood. Because they have an exceptionally powerful connection to Infinite Intelligence. Which is why they are valuable to mankind. Which is why they build massive followings. Formal scientific method will NEVER out-compete an intuitive connection to Infinite Intelligence. The problem with scientists is that most of them lack this connection. So they are essentially flying blind in the dark. They lack the inner light of consciousness. It doesn't have to be that way. They created that situation themselves by excommunicated and denouncing anyone with a deep inner light.
Basically, you are here paying me money for my exceptional connection to Infinite Intelligence. It boils down to that. My connection to Infinite Intelligence can help you build your own connection to Infinite Intelligence. Something much deeper then merely science is happening here when you learn from me. People will call me arrogant for saying that, but nevertheless, it is what it is. I'm am merely the messenger.
This is called belief and hearsay. In practice you must rely on belief and hearsay to survive in life. But it has nothing to do with truth. If you want truth, you can only get that through personal investigation, not belief or hearsay. Any human you trust could turn out wrong. It's as simple as that. Truth cannot be grounded in any human source, including myself. Only YOU are the source of truth. Because in the end, you are Truth.
You assume scientists have tried things like witchcraft, but you could easily be wrong. After all, just 100 years ago people were killed for even speaking about witchcraft. And yet you think today it's understood and accepted? How gullible are you?

gap year sounds like a plan to me.
 
It's important to find out exactly what you want before dropping tens of thousands of dollars and 4 years of your life into something you are unsure of.
You could also take junior college if you personally really wanted to start college for whatever reason. It's a lot cheaper than other universities and you can transfer to a big name university out of a lot of junior colleges after your 2nd year with a contract.
 
Although with how you are sounding in this post...
If I were you I would take the gap year and go balls to the wall with self actualization and life purpose course work. In that one year you have the potential to grow 100x the average college kid if you are serious and efficient with your time and resources.
 
Every one of us needs to carefully figure out what we want to do with our life and make it happen. Blindly following our parents path of going to college not knowing what we want to do does not solve this problem but only delays it.

Yes, housing is very expensive. That's because there's high demand and good-paying tech jobs so everyone wants to be there. This is evidence of Cali's success, not failure.
Homeless people are the direct result of housing prices which is the results of economic success. The success is just not being distributed well under unchecked capitalism. But this is a larger national problem.
Yeah, regulations are higher because population is high and without strict environmental and gas regulations there would be too much smog and pollution.
I don't see why starting a biz there is any harder other than housing prices and taxes.
Yes, whenever a very hot area gets overcrowded due to its hotness, people move to new areas. Texas will soon get overcrowded too and their housing prices will skyrocket. This is already the case in Austin, and it's happening in Dallas too. I've lived in Cali, Dallas, and Austin.
Even with this "mass exodus" Cali still has the world's 5th largest economy and best environmental regulations in the country, and it's a great place to live if you got the money. Lots of hot people in Cali too.
If you have a high annual sallary, living in Cali doesn't make sense when you could move to a 0% income tax state like TX, WA, NV, or FL.
Nothing was always one thing.
But California was always relatively liberal compared to rest of the country. Cali and Western culture is notorious liberal/progressive.
Republicans would not govern Cali any better.

California is the 5th largest economy in the world, ahead of India and on par with Germany.
Conservatives can talk shit all they want, but California is a massive success. It's so successful it's too overpopulated because everyone wants to live there.
Today many parts of Cali are super overpriced and overcrowed. The reason people like Joe Rogan leave is due to taxes. Rogan's $100 million Spotify deal would cost him like $15 mil in taxes to Cali alone. So of course he would rather pay $10 mil for a mansion in Texas.
When you are rich as fuck, yeah, it's best for you to live in a state where taxes are low because rich people need zero public services. But this is the huge problem. America today is designed to be the best coubtry for rich people and a shit country for average people. And guys like Rogan and Musk don't care. Why would they? Life for them is great and all they need is freedom to use their riches any way they like.
And the city Rogan moved to, Austin, is liberal as fuck. It's basically the new San Fran. And Austin is better super over crowded too because everyone loves how liberal it is.
No one wants to live in Midland TX.

Vision.
Followed by Just do it.

Wait till you get 18
Till then work in a shop. 
 

You better believe I'm sharing with you something worth sharing. This lecture easily applies to non-academic writing when you see the implications. Intertwine it with your ego-awareness. Many great takeaways here as how to write. 

Don't make it personal.
You see... when you make politics personal, that's what creates a terrible society.
No one will betray you more than Trump, his admin, and the current slate of Republicans.

Valuable and very interesting insights @fridjonk . I appreciate your taking the time to express them here. What you say could also be true here where I live if only I got out more and interacted with people to discover. I no longer even read the local newspapers.
 
The following is from a 12th century Egyptian Sufi named Dzou'l Noun and to me contain a whole world of meaning having to do with Conscience and the consequences of being awake in a culture that is asleep.
All men are dead, except those who know.
All those who know are dead, except those who practice.
All those who practice are dead, except those who act.
All those who act are lost,except those who act with righteous intent.
And All those who act with righteous intent are all in grave danger.
 
 

Don't lose sight of the point.
The point of skepticism is not an end in itself but a means to arrive at truth. What we really care about is truth. Do you have a pure, genuine desire for truth? If you do, then you will be loyal to that end, not to skepticism. Skepticism is only valuable in so far as it is helping you in your mission to reach truth. If skepticism stops serving that function, then you must discard it.
For example, how do you know that your use of skepticism isn't a self-deception? Why do you assume skepticism will lead you to truth? How can you be sure you're apply skepticism properly?
Ground yourself in a pure, genuine desire for truth, and the rest will fix itself.

Fear vs Love
You're still too afraid to love.

The struggle is real 

 
 
 

 

You're never really awakened. Your consciousness is always growing. 
 
Like this... 
 
 

 
https://youtu.be/00crN5J5drc
 

How do these masculine and feminine chakras manifest in nature 
 
The masculine chakra is represented by the powerful sun with a powerful intellect to guide and motivate and energize and preserve. 
 

 
The feminine chakra is represented by the powerful loving tree with tremendous Blossoming, fertility and growth and abundance. 
 

 
 
 
The feminine is also represented by the Womb. The womb of love. 
 

 
 
The masculine is also represented by a knife. A product for hunting gathering and self preservation. 
 

 
 
 

 
 

 
 

I remember this place.
There is no resistance here.  No pain, no fear, no suffering.  Everything is interconnected and nourished with love.  Consciousness is beaming out from this picture.  Very much unobstructed.  I am filled with awe and love, and joy.
I remember how the city is both like watching the waves in the ocean, and how inside those rolling waves is a city of lights and the rolling desert sand.
You would jump into the waves, but they are also clouds, and you descend into the city.  It's massive.
I don't remember what the inside of the city looks like, just the outside here for some reason I can see it crystal clear and remember this place.
A city of lights, I am on the right track I think, I haven't looked into it yet, but I just know that cities in the afterlife of this description must have significance - and it is being shown. ?️?️
I am filled with a sense of inner ease.  I remember home... sort of...
Twice I turn my back on you
I fell flat on my face but didn't loose
Tell me where would I go
Tell me what led you on I'd love to know
Was it the blue night
Gone fragile
Was it both men
In wonder steady gone under
Was it the light ways
So frightening
Was it two wills
One mirror holding us dearer now
Thought I had an answer once
But your random ways swept me along
Colossal signs so I got lost
With so many lovers singing soft
Was it the blue night
Gone fragile
Was it both men
In wonder steady gone under
Was it the light ways
So frightening
Was it two wills
One mirror holding us dearer now
?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️
I think I am going in the right direction.  This is a shamanic initiation, works with death... takes years.
I have a phobia of death.
Can't find much on cities of the afterlife, but I feel like it has been a commonly described thing. ?
It's all just Now, though.  Well, not Now.  But it was.
Like a lucid dream. But familiar like a neighborhood I've always known.
Like... a taste.
I let go of so much.
I think I might be almost ready to or already have been ascending.
I will leave the door open, I just want a look around.

three variants working together = high health levels
two variants working together = average health levels
focus on one instinct = unhealthy (fixation, neurosis, etc.)
 
second instinct - lowest anxiety
first and last instinct - higher anxiety
first instinct - can evaluate self, too much recognition
last instinct - cannot perform self-evaluation, under-recognition
 
first instinct - internalized, the self, understood in concrete and literal sense as applicable to one's being
second instinct - externalized, a flexible and creative area, how we relate to others
third instinct - outside of one's interest zone, unawareness/stress/dismissiveness
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sp-first - identify with being reclusive
Sx-first - identify with being emotionally intense
So-first - identify with being socially adaptive
 
Sp last - messy, scattered
So last - dirty, uncouth
Sx last - clean, parched
 
sp/so- bare and superficial
sx/sp- hardened and curled in
so/sx- soft and sparkly
sp/sx- heavy and contained
sx/so- ray of sunshine
so/sp- smooth with a crust
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So/sp is concerned with the well-being of the collective
Sx/sp is concerned with the well-being of a close other
So/sx is concerned with the connections between different people/members of the collective
Sp/sx is concerned with the connection between the self and the environment
Sx/so is concerned with the clarity of connection between the self and the other
Sp/so is concerned with the clarity/cohesiveness/coherency of the environment
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so/sx - warm, outward all-encompassing focus soaks gently inward
sx/so - giant energy flowing outward in a smooth, sparkily engaging manner, warm like so/sx, but with a more noticeably sexual energy in their communication 
sp/sx - push the inward energy outward to communicate, but remain inwardly focused, always more focused in their own heads than on the other, analyzing the comments being made 
sx/sp - total inward gives way to total outward in jerky bursts, usually directed at one person in particular, can't focus on the overall group, but may move rapidly from one total focus to the next
so/sp - warm outward focus retreats quickly inward when threatened
sp/so - firmly centered inwardly, expressing outwards, toward others, can give a feel almost like they're being gracious in expressing themselves to the crowd 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Similarities - 
so/sp, sp/sx - self-contained, quiet, reserved, insular, keeps to themselves
so/sp, sx/so - 'political'; focus is more 'out there' and of the world
sp/sx, sx/so - blunt/direct communication style, also a more fiery, 'wild', uncontrolled bent in some. (sp/sx can be insular, yet unrestrained and chaotic)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sp/soc - buried alive
sp/sx - poisoned
sx/sp - flamed alive from the inside out
sx/soc - struck by bolt of lightning/electrocuted
soc/sx - drowned
soc/sp – hypothermia
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Osho told me to tell you this

You'd have to be crazy like a fox to sit through an entire one of my videos.

No!
Only YOU can be enlightened. There is only YOU. Nothing else. If YOU do not wake up, nothing is awake.