Norah Vincent, a lesbian women who tried living as a man, found that despite being a woman herself, she had misogynistic thoughts while dating women.
 
https://twitter.com/ateenyalien/status/1566890380318150659?s=20&t=xYVztZvHchmsnfDLWnRYsQ
 
Dating as a man in the modern environment can lead to misogynistic thoughts due to anger at women’s behavior 

I have found that if you don't integrate trips well, and trip again too soon, you increase the odds of a bad trip. Like eating too much food without chewing.
The best way is to trip deep, then rest.

It finally dawned on me that things like flaking, ignoring me, not responding or not answering questions that I ask when texting, not investing in the relationship or doing only things that she wants - Mostly in romantic context but also in friendships I have with girls - Are Huge red flags of disrespect for me. And I pretty much allow it - I'm basically becoming a fucking rug. I'm allowing girls things that I will never allow a male friend to do.
I'm sick of having suck relationships, So how to deal with it? 
I thought that every time I feel disrespected - She doesn't answer me a few times for example - I should set a boundary and tell her "Hey It's important for me to have mutual respectful communication with people. I think it's respectful to answer people questions or at least if you don't want to answer  say or explain why. Of course it doesn't have to be 100% but I think you can feel when people respect each other. So If you value the relationship with me and are willing to invest that energy to have a respectful relationship - that's amazing, let's do that. If not - let's say goodbye"

How do you guys deal with this shit?
It happens to me with girls I took numbers from cold approaches, with friends, also with a girl I hooked up with.

People can flake for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with you.
In general though, people rarely flake when the perceived value of an offer is high enough. So continue to add more value into the situation.
This is part of my qualm with people who get dogmatically focused on “you are enough” and “dating is just about being yourself”. These are non-nuanced, simplistic truths about social dynamics.
It’s possible that the perceived value of what you are offering is just too low. In that case, people will flake quite a bit.
So instead of asking how to reduce flaking, instead ask “how do I make what I’m offering irresistible to those who will also value it?”
That second part is key because value is always, always relative. And so one person could see what you’re offering and think “wow this is so amazing, I will drop everything for this!” , while someone else will say “meh”. And they both will be right FOR THEM.
So an actual irresistible offer is impossible. There is no such thing that could exist to all people. Flaking still will occur. 
But it’s still a good head space to be in, provided you balance that with healthy inner beliefs about yourself and don’t fall into perfectionism.

Value is always relative.
What do you find valuable in a partner?
This is kind of a short list.
The more you flesh out what this high value partner looks like, the more obvious it will be where to go. 
Get clearer on what you want.

Nothing turns me on anywhere near as much as watching femdom porn and I feel like something as niche and tied to something as significant as sex must have large psychological significance. 
Anyone have a grasp of what might make a man sexually submissive? and what the psychological significance may be?

I also have been struggling to embrace surrender lately in my life in general which feels like a very masculine flaw which could be solved by becoming more feminine. The femdom porn feels like a forced surrender, similar to psychedelics. 
 
also my mom died when I was young and we’d fight a lot so that may play a role. 

I think this^ is something you have convinced yourself of to sooth your ego
"I don't have as much success as I'd like with girls, it must be because I'm too stable, healthy, actualized, caring, honest, humble and non-dramatic" – that's kind of what I read when I read your post
And you can absolutely be those things and still be attractive. But you also need a few other things too, otherwise you're just going to bore girls. You need a bit of edge. You need to take risks. You need to be confident. Be OK with stepping out of your comfort zone. You have to be fearless. You have to be masculine. You have to be fun.
If you sprinkle some of these exciting traits in with being stable, healthy, actualized, caring, honest, humble and non-dramatic, you become extremely attractive, even more than the guys who don't have all of those things and are just straight toxic
There is a lot of overlap between being only stable, healthy, honest, humble and non-dramatic and being a weak man. Many weak men exhibit these traits to hedge their bets with others and take a comfortable path in life.
I'm not saying this is you at all, I know for sure that isn't true in your case. But the problem is that to a girl, if all you exhibit are these 'nice' traits, that is the impression it gives off, even if you are not actually a weak guy.

Girls are super flakey in general before sex. Expect zero respect for your time or your needs.
Solution is to just make very low investment and keep talking to many girls at once.
Don't do dumb things like courting a girl for months. You have to set standards and don't let them waste your time.
If you suggest a date and she isn't eager for it, next. Do not try to win her over. Girls who are willing to sleep with you don't need to be won over. They will readily agree to a date without manipulation.
It's a big mistake to try to work hard to get a girl. Instead invest that energy into talking to lots of new girls. It's a huge numbers game, not a manipulation game. Less manipulation, more numbers. Get 5 phone numbers per night and you will stop caring if 80% flake.

^ Title says what this thread is intended to be about ^
 
Resource #1
Stumbled upon this resource / commonplace book, many useful pointers.
The Integral Guide to Well-Being: https://integralguide.com/⭐️+Start+Here/About
 


It wouldn't surprise me if the author watched some actualized.org content.

@Kid A  On paper, technically, you are doing enough things right.
The value of pickup theory is not in teaching you the perfect things to do, that if you didn't do them, you wouldn't get laid.
No.
All it does, is to encourage guys to do what they would naturally do, if it weren't for some subconscious force inhibiting them from it.
It's about getting back to your natural state, where you escalate without even having the concept of escalating in your mind, of touching someone without any reason except that's what feels right in the moment.
The big trap of theory is that you come to a date with this list of things to do and not do, this "plan" in your mind.
That's what creates the off-putting vibe.
The agenda.
The sense of "this guy has a plan that he's not telling me about".
The best results happen in moments where you don't have a plan, but you're willing to take a risk and go with the flow, venturing bravely into the unknown.
I encounter this principle daily, not just when I go on dates, but also in coaching sessions. And in many other life situations.
Example 1: had a great date a week ago where I continuously felt awkward, out of place, unprepared, we didn't even speak the same language for God's sake. I was continuously pushed to that point where I had to say to myself: "I don't know what the hell to do here, but let's go with it". And it turned out to become a really good experience once I let go.
Example 2: had a coaching session where someone brought up a blockage where I just couldn't find any model or tool which I had prepared, that would fit this. I had to throw out my knowledge and preconceived plans, and basically just explore based on intuition and improvisation. Turned out to be a very transformative session.
Plans, models and theories are at a certain point just escapes from facing the unknown, the uniqueness and unpredictability of the moment.
And when you throw them out, and make that decision to go ahead anyway without knowing what to do, that little twist of courage creates a positive, inspiring energy that gets picked up by the people around you and makes the interaction better and more productive.
This is why Owen from RSD made that point about "yesterday's insights become today's sticking points" (I'm paraphrasing - this point has been made by spiritual teachers as well)
You can learn without hanging on to tactics and theories - in fact this accelerates learning and also helps you to trust yourself in the moment.
This acting based on what feels right in the moment creates a better vibe.
I'd encourage you to practice just coming back to the moment, and basing everything you say and do, whether it's in conversation or escalation, just on what comes to you spontaneously, rather than accumulated knowledge.
I'm belabouring this point a bit too much now perhaps, but when someone is acting based on their preconceived plan in their head - it feels creepy.
Or if not creepy, it feels "not right" - like that salesman that talks to you in the street about donating to some charity, and you know he's using a script. Or that store worker who is asking you "Can I help you with something" right when you come in, and you just know he says that to everyone, just to sell you something.
It comes down to being present to the moment instead of in your head.
When I'm in my head, I can tell the funniest stories and people still want to get the hell away from me.
Because they can sense that "something's up". I'm not willing to be here, in the moment. I'm thinking of strategies to escalate in my head.
Going with the flow creates that positive vibe that you could be missing.
Being in the moment. Being willing to be couragous whilst not knowing what to do at all.

Here are some of the books I’m reading to improve my attachment style. I recognize a lot of disorganized/ avoidant behaviour in myself due to my up bringing. No particular order. Since posting some other books came to mind such as “Guide to Rational living”

it's that you're not good at making them feel like you have a deep connection. Pay close attention to how they are experiencing you and gameFly that. 
Not just with dating but with all human interactions, get deep, cut the route of things, small talk is a filler or a platform to then pick and probe deeper.
Make everyone feel special, make them feel like you understand them and you want to understand them, make them feel like they can talk to you about anything. 
This is a lot easier done when your survival conditions as a child forced you to adapt to your parents emotional needs and you became responsible and highly sensitive to how your parents experienced you because not doing so meant a negative outcome. Do and say things in a way to tailor's to that person's needs. To  have this childhood would give you all the tools you need to connect with someone extremely fast. 
They call these people empaths, all it is is a childhood survival adaptation  that made the person hyper sensitive to other people's perspective.
Speak to people like they are your long lost best friend, it shouldn't be too serious but there should always be intimacy in the conversation. 

Of course normal dating will yield more relationships. But also normal dating is very low volume. You get a date once in a blue moon.
If you want to do normie dating, go ahead. But you will be in such scarcity, so needy, and the quality of girls you get will be meh, and when your girl breaks up with you, you will want to kill yourself because you know you will not get a new one for years.
It also depends on how social you are. If you're highly social without doing pickup, then you will naturally have decent dating opportunities. But most guys are not that social so they are screwed.
You have to decide how much abundance you want in your life. Most guys sleep with less than 10 girls in their entire life and the quality is meh. You also have to decide how high of quality of girl you want. If your standards are very low then you can be much more lazy about this whole thing.
It's also a question of how good do you want to be with girls? How much do you want to grow yourself as a man? Normal dating doesn't really grow you because it's too infrequent and random.
Your neediness for a girl's love will turn off most girls and make them run away from you towards a guy who doesn't give a shit. So even those few girls you manage to date once in a blue moon, they will likely lose attraction for you and break your heart because you're going to be the biggest classic "nice guy".

Don't ask her unless you actually care.
Cut the shit and be genuine about why you are talking to here. Don't invent excuses to talk to a girl, own your desire for her. Become the kind of guy who needs no excuse.
"I just saw you and felt attracted." No other justification necessary.
Work on making your game as genuine as possible.

@Spence94
Depends on how you define “dream girl/boy”.
It’s good to have a strong vision for your ideal partner. But the universe is interested in guiding you to becoming your most actualized version. That means you’ll go through learning specific lessons at specific times.
To facilitate this, the universe will often bring people into your life to specifically trigger your shadow and cause you to release resistance.
From the universal perspective, this person is “perfect” because they are exactly what you need to evolve and heal. Given that we all have some shadow work to do, this is unavoidable. You will not find a partner who doesn’t trigger you in some way.
At the same time, even with these shadow partners you may also find deep intimacy, excitement, compatibility, etc. So it’s not an either or situation. In my experience, it’s more a matter of degree.
I’m personally feel I have yet to meet my “highest” partner. But I also don’t expect myself or them to be conventionally perfect. I expect that we will do the work together.
It’s ultimately by surrendering our ego’s definition of “perfect” that a partner becomes that to us.
This tends to be the opposite approach to modern life. Modern life wants the external world to be perfect, and so we continually scramble to make it so, usually failing. We think that having options are better than commitment because options leave open the door for “something better”. And while there’s nothing wrong with a few options, we tend to get lost in the constant seeking. 

Here's my thoughts, in case they help you or anyone else with a similar dilemma (and I've been there too):
The different problems you describe (such as fear of "losing" time, needing to dig deeply into one domain versus being more fulfilled being a doubler, having to choose) only exist by the grace of conditioned beliefs being put on you by other people in your life at different times.
Deconditioning yourself is a longer term process, but that would solve all these problems because it would dissolve the framework that created the problems.
The dilemma you describe has a quality of preoccupation and worry to it, and seems to weigh your decisions today too heavily.
"What you decide today determines the rest of your life" is a common burden that parents, schools and society put upon young people.
And it is completely false. You'll never hear it out of happy, truly actualized and free people.
It is burdened people spreading the burden of their conditioning to others, such as you, while consciously believing that they are helping.
 
Concretely, the bird's eye view looks like this:
Develop a vision, first broad-strokes and fragmented, then progressively more detailed and coherent Move towards the part of that where you feel the most energy Over time, all your talents will find their place in what you are creating, if they are still aligned.

For several reasons.
First of all it can be used as an attraction technique, because if you have standards it communicates to a girl that you must have abundance, because without abundance you wouldn't be able to be picky (which is why qualification is a thing in pick up too, it's basically pretending to have standards).
Ideally though you don't just pretend to have standards but actually develop them.
Because without real standards you're constantly gonna have to put up with shitty behaviours from girls or girls who are just boring or lame or nasty, drama queens etc.
This is closely linked to having boundaries too. Boundaries are basically your standards for the behaviours you are willing or unwilling too accept from others.
And linked to this is your willingness to (actually) walk away from a girl. Because you can't force anyone to accept your boundaries, nor to meet your standards, so you might have to choose to quit the interaction/relationship if it's not satisfactory for you, which ironically can make you more attractive again so that the other might then actually adapt their behaviour.
If a situation calls for it I might say something like "Well, you and I just talk, and the moment it's not fun for you anymore, feel free to leave, as will I, ok?"

"Attractive" is a holisitic quality which involves a lot more than just looks. A girl will think a guy is good looking when she is actually attracted by his status, confidence, masculine vibe, charisma, eye contact, humor, etc.
Solid game makes a guy appear attractive.
But of course some lucky guys simply get laid off their looks. It's not a solid strategy though. Guys who get laid the most are working for it. It doesn't land in their lap.

You guys need to find better girls. Most girls are loyal to a fault. If your girl is not falling in love with you you're doing something wrong. When you become a high value guy your problem will be that girls fall in love with you too hard.

@Naol
Start with this as an entry point and recognition of what you can and can’t help eachother with … then listen to the rest of the videos in regard to conscious creating. 
And recognize that which you can’t help each other with, that which is between you & your source and her or him & his or her source, and help eachother therein. Help eachother with letting go of discord, by understanding and implementing daily, the emotional scale, to more deeply know & understand the guidance of your shared source in your creating. Then share what arises of that together, simply for the enjoyment of the experience(s). 
Each of you make a dreamboard, and also make one together, and continue knowing (feeling) our source more deeply, and consciously creating the life you each dream of, and dream up together. 
Careful with the wild goose hunt of of the concept something more is needed. Recognize that as aversion.
Communion & relation without aversion is the pinnacle of source & experience. 
It’s gonna blow your fucking minds.  

Actually it's one of your #1 problems.
But the deeper problem is the fear, discomfort, and inauthenticity in you which prevents you looking at her properly.
You cannot fake this eye contact. It requires rock solid inner game that takes years of going out.
You are too stuck in your head to have the eye contact I'm talking about.

Sure, they give you some feedback, but it's pretty weak stuff. You should already know most of your sticking points by analyzing your own sets.
Bootcamps are very low value. You are better off just finding a couple of solid wings. You will learn more from your wings in a few weeks than from a bootcamp.
To me, seeing more in-field and new in-field is almost always worth it. But if you've seen a ton of in-field already then maybe not.
I find that I learn the best from watching solid in-field.
There's not really any special information in game. It's about fine-tuning your game in small ways. All of it adds up over the years. There's no magic pill, just a bunch of 1%-5% improvements that stack up.
$300 for HotSeat is a pretty good deal if you've never seen it. I saw it live back in 2012 and was happy to pay $300 for it. This at home version is newer and you get the benefit of being able to rewatch it at home. I wish I had that back in 2012.
The biggest downside is that it tends to be flashy game, which is actually not the best game. It's made to look more interesting for viewers to watch than it is solid game. But it's good to try some flash game just to see how much you can get away with. It expands your range. Just don't get lost in being so flashy. The best game is more chill and normal.

Something must have been wrong with me that day. 
But I was absolutely delighted to be in your company for some reason. 
You were mesmerizing to me. 
I felt like writing a love letter all over your thread. 
Your response kinda surprised me because it felt like we both wanted the same thing at the same time. 
 

 
 

I notice in the present moment I allow outside sources to make me feel a certain way. 
Had a light bulb moment, I can take responsibility of how I feel right now! 
Not adding this for any other reason than to remind you that you can do this too ?. 

You don't need a degree if you have a strong portfolio.
Employers don't care about degrees, what they care about is your track record of results. If you can show them amazing results, they will hire you.
Put all your effort into building an amazing portfolio.
Nothing beats an amazing portfolio of work. If your portfolio is good enough you will be hired immediately.