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Posts posted by crab12

  1. On 10/9/2019 at 6:56 AM, 7thLetter said:

    wait for a recession or market downturn, then potentially get a loan

    Not that easy. During a downturn is the most difficult time to get a loan because everyone is short of cash. Everyone wants a loan during the crash. Banks will be getting massive amounts of defaults and are very wary of giving out new loans. If you think you can time the market crash then you should be taking out a loan before the crash. The central banks could easily postpone the downturn by another 5 - 10 years with additional QE. Who knows? And by the looks of it so far they will postpone it at the cost of high inflation. Realistically, you won't be able to time the market downturn. And you wont be able to time the bottom. You might buy, then everything drops another 50% in value, you panic sell, then it starts rallying and you just lost half of your equity. Then you panic buy, it starts dropping again, you panic sell again. Then it does a double bottom and rallies for real and without you. And now you have lost 80% of your initial equity. Shit like this sometimes happens to even veteran investors. Do you have at least 5 years of experience operating in the markets?


    live frugally to save up and build capital

    You will never save up enough capital for starting a business with a 9-5 job. You need to raise cash from venture capitalists / private investors / take out loans for your company / start-up. Assuming you are not a millionaire already.


    learn some investing/business skills

    If you are an amazing investor (that is the timeframe of your trades is at least a year) you might pull 20% per year (before taxes and inflation). But that takes YEARS of experience and a good education to be able to pull 20% per year consistently. Whatever you can save away with a 9-5 job is probably not going to be enough to live off your investment portfolio.


    start up my own business

    Start NOW. You are not going to get financed during a market crash / recession and there is less demand for whatever you are selling. Whats the product? Who's the target demographic? How is it going to work? What's your exit? Etc. You can start prototyping and testing out potential ideas immediately.


    This is the same material taught in "Economics 1" classes at universities. Only there are no superfluous equations and it is explained in a much, much more understandable way.

    If you already have an academia understanding of economics, try Thiel's one to zero:


  3. 11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    Incels are missing one very important thing:

    Leave your man-cave and go talk to girls.

    Everything else is bullshit and will not get you laid.

    That's true. But it's like to saying to an alcoholic "just stop drinking LOL :^)".

    Alcoholics Anonymous came up with the incredibly effective 12 step program to help overcome alcoholism because they realized it's not possible to break the cycle without growing as a person / without acquiring the correct mindsets. This is kinda how you have to approach these guys too.

    14 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    @Emerald I see a lot of guys that want to use JP as a pull up to orange - yet that comes at the price of a green poison pill.

    I say just give the guys what they need and actually helps them. Orange hates green regardless. And they'll eventually grow out of it end evolve further if they are not hindered. Green phase is silly and naive and you eventually grow out of it too. There's no reason to try to protect green.

    14 hours ago, Focus Shift said:

    It is a process to unwire limiting beliefs and it takes a lot of time to adopt a more positive outlook. However it takes action and courage to really put yourself out there and get out of a rut.

    Absolutely. They are not taking any action because they think it's impossible. And this is keeping them stuck. Why even try if it's not going to make a dent? Say by some miracle he goes out and approaches 10 girls and all of them reject him rudely (very likely). He'll draw the wrong conclusion and use it to justify he's inaction further. You need the correct mindset to be able to handle failure and emotional struggle.

  4. I like the editing and the video feels quality. Compassion and understanding can help get them, though they get demonized by the mainstream and this only entrenches and embitters them further.

    Usually they come from broken / dysfunctional families and they never developed an adult ego. JP is a good role model for them because he understands them and talks their language. Yeah and you can't skip stages.

    They have massive victim thinking regarding women. The top rated comment under your video sums it up nicely:


    Most important: Just look tall and handsome.

    So now they disregard everything you say because obviously you are tall and handsome yourself and have no idea how what it's like for them. And their life experience confirms this myth. Because they have only experienced failure, rejection and disregard from women so they rationalize that it must be the looks and height and money. What else could it be? If you tell them it's their undeveloped ego and social skills they think you are being silly. It's really difficult to break someone out of this mental trap because it feels so real to them. Confirming evidence is everywhere. Just look at this graph:


    You can overcome these disadvantages and obstacles by years of incredible dedication and hard work. But this work feels "unfair" to those guys, why should they go thorough 5 years of incredible effort just to get an average looking girlfriend who never had to work for any of it?

    I wanted to point out how entrenched they are in their victim thinking. Your video is in the right direction but it has be a lot more nuanced to have an effect. It has to address all of their mental obstacles and uproot their deep victim thinking.

  5. That people have status. Celebrities are better and more valuable than you. You are more valuable than a bum on the streets. One person is better than another.

    That the purpose in life is to pursue / reach happiness. Or that there even is such a thing.

    Rape is immoral and you shouldn't rape. Murder is immoral and you shouldn't kill. That there is even a thing called morality and ethics.

    That you should do things that are higher on the SD scale and avoid doing things that are lower. That you should try to climb the SD scale and doing so will make you a better person. That green is better than orange or blue. That yellow is better than green. Obviously the general public has never heard about SD so this only applies to communities like this forum.

    That you should care about other people and strangers. That you should help other people.

    That you should care about the environment. That you should care about climate change.

    That you must reach enlightenment. That reaching enlightenment is the best thing / only worthwhile thing to do in life. Again, only in places like this forum.

    Although I wouldn't call status, happiness, morality strictly social conditioning. It seems these things are instinctual for some people at least. It was shocking when I found out rape isn't immoral to many people.

    Edit: that people have rights.

  6. I'm no expert but I do need some understanding of the economy as part of what I do.


    What makes one country have more jobs while other country have less jobs?

    Things that correlate the highest are low crime rate, low corruption, dependable courts and justice system / laws, a feeling of security and justice. In order to create large scale business you need a justice system / courts / police force that upholds the law. For example, a few countries in the EU are experiencing unprecedented levels of crime, if this continues you can expect their economic output to plummet in the coming years.


    how some people become entrepreneurs to begin with (that leads to job creation)?

    Being an entrepreneur requires creator mindset. Almost everyone I personally know has victim thinking to some degree. School system encourages victim thinking. If creator mindset was taught at school I'm confident it would increase the number of entrepreneurs.


    Relationship between Natural resources of a country and jobs?

    As long as there are raw materials to be imported from other countries then natural resources not necessary at all. Or to put it more accurately, the presence of natural resources are surprisingly unimportant.


    Relationship between the geography of a country like, land locked, peninsula, island, and jobs?

    Being landlocked is a major disadvantage.


    What is the influence of a higher authority like a President , Minister for job creation?

    The policies they enact. There is no strong consensus on this. Macroeconomics tells us that, in general, expansionary monetary policy encourages job creation. Keynesian theory tells us that high inflation (not too high though, there's a sweetspot) encourages business growth because of the incentive to invest rather than to hoard cash, because otherwise your cash just evaporates away. Right now, central banks around the world have the most expansionary policy ever in history, I think. Meaning they print mountains of money and let it into circulation as stimulus. That's why people all over the world are experiencing a sharp drop in buying power of currency (USD, EUR, RMB, CAD, JPY, INR and others are all impacted). But there are (completely justified IMO) worries of malinvestment, meaning that the expansionary policy doesn't create real growth but bubbles, like the dot com crash and the 2008 crash. It's quite evident already (check out WeWork).

    I dunno what's your current level of understanding. Thomas Sowell has an incredible book on economics which is a great place to start. Highly recommend.

  7. They are getting closer to a fusion plant where output exceeds input. There are billions in private funds now invested in fusion start-ups. ITER is confident they'll exceed output ratio 1.

    Fusion has the potential to solve co2 emissions globally. No radioactive waste either. Climate activists should be all over this trying to secure more funding to this research.

  8. 8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    Yup, within the dream. The dream has rules that you've imagined.

    Careful to distinguish relative vs absolute truths.

    After realizing life is a dream, why can't you break the rules you yourself have imagined? Levitate, cure AIDS, turn Donald Trump into puff of hot air? If I recognize in sleep that I'm dreaming I can break laws of physics, so why not while "awake"?

  9. I didn't know that black plague was made extinct by vaccines. Yeah vaccines can be very effective. Infections that mutate quickly and have numerous strains are more tricky though.

    Moralizing to anti-vaxxers isn't going to convince them. And threatening them and forcing them (for example in Germany there is going to be a 4k EUR fine for a unvaccinated child)? As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Why not address their concerns? Here's a a bottle of vaccine, take it and store it in your fridge. And here's enough money to have it tested in 3 labs around the world of your choosing. Once you are satisfied with the results please have your kid vaccinated from the same bottle. Say a 1000 anti vaxxers did this and found that 99.98% of the vaccines are contaminate free. This would convince a significant proportion of anti vaxxers to the other side and would only cost ~10mm$. Or if more vaccines were found to be contaminated this would force companies to produce better quality.

    But then there are orthodox jews and strict moslems who refuse vaccines. Some vaccines have gelatin from pigs so it's not halal, no idea why orthodox jews refuse vaccines.



    Rate of autism today between the ages of 3 and 17: 1 in 36


    Rate of autism today: 1 in 59


    Projected rate of autism in 2032: 1 in 2


    Projected rate of autism in 2025: 1 in 2

    Now that's scary (if true).

  10. Quote

    that they are driven by emotions, instead of reason

    I've lurked in all kinds of weird forums and I find this incorrect. They have come to their position through reason and view others, who are 24/7 bashing on their personal choice, as driven by emotions.

    Their logic is pretty much as follows. Individuals who have taken vaccines to have them tested in labs have found aluminium, a bunch of heavy metals, glyphosate and all kinds of contaminates that shouldn't be there and are not mentioned on the label. Pharma companies that produce vaccines have let the quality slip because it's expensive to produce high quality product. So here's the dilemma, should you inject your newborn with a vaccine that creates immunity for a non-fatal disease but potentially expose him/her to contaminates which might do permanent neurological / mental damage?

    So their decision is, fuck the society, they're not going to expose their newborn to this risk.

  11. I'm probably not the most qualified person to answer as I've never seriously considered suicide.

    It has been a few years since I felt somewhat similar. As if I was being dragged through the day by obligations that have long lost their meaning. Everything was difficult and I had to force myself to do the most simple things. Otherwise I would just stop doing anything for days. Then the anxiety, guilt and depression rose to unbearable levels and it pushed me into action again for a short while. I was scared of the future, I was on a path to even greater misery. Anyway, what turned it around for me, I spent a few weeks trying to figure out if there was anything that I actually wanted to do. The anxiety, panic, fear, guilt was so intense I was unable to think clearly. My mind was a mish mash of incoherent thoughts and anxiety. I found that when I went to hot shower it eased the anxiety and I gained a sense of clarity temporarily. I spent like 10hrs each day under the hot shower, racking up huge bills, lol. At first I couldn't find anything. Then I imagined if I was a wizard and could do literally anything I wanted, would I still sit in my apartment all day do nothing? I would totally do awesome things then, but it's just that I'm not a wizard and I can't do anything in real life. Then it dawned on me that there actually was something that I wanted to do just that I thought it was not possible.

    Some time later I broke out of victim thinking and realized I actually can do the things I want in real life without needing to be a wizard. This turned everything around for me and I've changed my life quite a bit since then. I had a career too that I went to university for and spent 5+ years working on which I quit and started something else which I'm still happy with.

    I'm not suggesting you to quit or do anything rash. Try to figure out if there is a desire in your gut to do something. Maybe the things you want have changed but you feel obligated to continue doing old things since you've already invested so much into them.

  12. It's quite unfortunate the way psychiatrists approach this problem. The label "social anxiety disorder" doesn't do justice to it because it implies that the anxiety itself is the problem. They approach this problem in a way that if we give you a bunch of beta blockers and other mood regulating drugs so that your emotions stop working properly and fail to produce anxiety and fear then the problem is solved! As if the anxiety is totally irrational and it just torments people for absolutely no reason at all.

    I suspect they don't really understand how negative emotions work or why they are there. Negative emotions are there to point your attention to problems that are hard to spot with the thinking mind. The anxiety is trying to tell you "Hey! Somethings not working, you are not getting what you want with other people! Do something!". Negative emotions don't have the answers or solutions the way intuition provides them, they just point your attention to problems, and now it's the thinking mind's job the figure out a solution. And because people treat negative emotions as "disorders" they try to medicate them away with drugs, distractions, porn etc. Really all that the anxiety wants is for you to stop ignoring it, listen to it, find the problem and start working towards solving it, then it will immediately stop tormenting you. Negative emotions have this feature that if you try to ignore them they can hurt you and make you suffer until you stop ignoring them and finally listen to them.

    Yeah, there are all kinds of defects of the body and probably also defects of emotions, so that the anxiety won't ever go away and is the problem itself. But I suspect this is rare, like 9/10 cases of depression and anxiety are actually normal people with normal emotions.


    @Knock I suspect it actually did take courage to do that. Most people are so comfortable and never to anything that requires courage so it's baffling to them.

    @lovedoll Yeah that's a strange development. I suspect most of these men don't actually want a doll but they feel they have no other option.

    @Bill W


    A common theme in social anxiety is the fear of judgment and humiliation or embarrassment.

    Yeah, this is a big clue that the underlying problem is with the ego.

  13. 4 hours ago, BjarkeT said:

    I have social anxiety. What helped me was to face my fear where I could go just a little outside my comfort zone but not too much. After getting used to these kind of situations my fear have diminished in those areas.

    Correct. You must push yourself to social situations and acquire experience. Especially when you are developing social skills. Can't learn a skill by just reading a book.

    But there's a trap here if your not careful. Yeah, social anxiety is mostly an irrational fear and once you face it it dissolves. But it's not just an irrational fear. Let me illustrate. A lot of guys who want to get better with women at first have an irrational fear of approaching women and any stranger really. So they spend insane amount of time and energy trying to get over their fear, they argue with themselves, listen to pump-up music, try to psyche themselves, do imaginary exercises to reduce the fear and anxiety etc. All useless and totally silly.

    Go ahead, approach a stranger and strike up a conversation. If your a guy, go approach a girl you don't know but like. If you have social anxiety this is going to be incredibly scary and probably you just won't be able to do it, you just can't face the fear out of the blue like this. I suggest you do it anyway. Because then you can immediately see that "ooohhhhh it's not so bad at all! I can do it! I was largely making it up in my own head". But at the same time you will also see that, shit, I am not able to hold a conversation for more than a few minutes. The conversation is awkward and robotic and boring and not fun at all! I don't know how to relate to a total stranger and build a connection. It's more than just the fear, it takes skill too. But you can't effectively build this skill if your ego is still immature.

    And this holds true for any kind of social setting. Even with your friends and acquaintances or whatever situations are bothering you. You need to build up these skills.

  14. 10 hours ago, StephenK said:

    I think minimum-wage would follow the principals behind the Laffer Curve, even though it pertains to taxation. Raise it (minimum wage) too much, employment is going to tank and you'll destroy businesses -- lower it too much and people will be unwilling to work. I think Libertarians think that the free market will adequately decide where that rate is, regionally. I think that a flat out minimum wage across a country is far too crude, as it does not address regional issues. A minimum wage has to be highly sensitive to local market dynamics within the region, because if it falls within the extremes of the laffer curve, the effect could be disastrous in particular regions. 


    I think your direction is right but there's a hole in your argument. "lower it too much and people will be unwilling to work". Imagine for a sec no minimum wage at all. If a businesses lowered the salary too much then people would be unwilling to work in that business anyway and it would be forced to offer higher salary or go bankrupt. In that sense minimum wage only eliminates jobs from the economy that would have had willing people working in them.

    Economic growth can't be an argument for minimum wage because it can only hinder it. The major problem with capitalism is that it restricts people from living fulfilling lives, this should be the argument driving this debate. If people get abysmally low salary, live paycheck to paycheck with just the essentials barely covered, they are going to be miserable. Living a fulfilling life, at minimum, requires free time and spendable money after the essentials.

    UBI could essentially replace minimum wage because then people wouldn't be forced to take very low compensated jobs and businesses would have to adjust the wages. But if the UBI is too big it will restrict economic productivity, there's probably a sweet spot similar to Laffer's curve. Maybe UBI for just lower and middle class.

    Edit: now that I thought about it for a second I can't see how UBI could be beneficial to economic growth. It really is economic growth vs welfare of citizens.

    Edit2: on the other hand strong economic growth / strong economy reduces poverty more effectively than whatever government programs. So there's actually a strong case for the libertarians. This problem is more complex than it appeared at first.

  15. I've had social anxiety all my life until 25-26. I'm still not too good at socializing, compared to a lot of other people, but there's no anxiety anymore and I'm way better than I used to be. If you see socially savvy people they make it seem so easy and effortless. Like if it's so easy why can't I do it? Don't be fooled by this seemingly effortless appearance. I've found, over the years, that it takes a staggering amount of different skills and correct mindsets to be socially savvy and not awkward or anxious. If you come from a dysfunctional family, developed neurosis, had traumatic experiences in childhood / teenage years, you are set back so fucking much compared to other people who had a functional upbringing.

    There are two phases to this. First you develop your ego / chip away all the undeveloped parts of the ego, all the deceptions and incorrect mindsets. You see, your ego development was stunted, your ego didn't mature alongside with your body. Then if you got that covered you learn a bunch of social skills. And then you can socialize like everyone else, free from anxiety, and develop intimate relationships.

    I suggest you get off mood regulating medication because you are going to need a clear mind for this. But then again I'm just a random guy on the internet.

    Here's the list for the ego / mind:

    • Victim thinking. You believe you can't do the things you want. Wrong.
    • Resisting negative emotions / thinking negative emotions are "bad". Your emotions should be working together in harmony with your rational mind / thoughts. Probably you have a constant battle in your mind between emotions and thoughts. This is a mayor issue. You suppress "bad" emotions. Actually bad emotions are very useful and not unpleasant at all because they help you solve problems. Your rational mind has blindspots and emotions point your attention to problems you cannot see with your logical mind. Socialization involves appropriately displaying your authentic emotions, including the "bad" ones. This is especially important when asserting yourself. If you suppress them you cant do this and this is a big problem.
    • No vision for your life, you don't know what you want. You should have goals / dreams that you are deeply excited about.
    • Your life is ran by "should" statements. For example you think you "have" to help other people. You think you "have" to be a good person. You think you "have" to reach enlightenment to live a good life. Etc. Get rid of it all. The only thing you do in life is what you want, even if it is perceived as "bad" by other people.
    • You avoid emotional effort. You think making effort is "bad". You have this illusion in your head that you want to retire and relax and take it easy. This is a misconception because that is not what you want. You want to be doing the things what you want not relaxing.
    • You compare yourself to other people. If they have something you don't have you feel jealous. You are competing with other people. Recognize that there is no such thing as "value" and you are equal to all other people. And doing things to be a "better" person is nonsense and an ego deception.
    • Thinking you are not "happy" or that your goal in life is to reach "happiness". You think there are things that you "need" in order to be "happy". There is no "happiness". Throw that stupid goal out of your head. Of course this is a bit tricky.
    • You don't know how to use your intuition. Intuition is exactly like your emotions, it's intelligence outside of yourself. You should be listening to it the same way you listen to your "negative" emotions. Your intuition is highly intelligent, far more intelligent that your logical mind. The same with emotions, they are more intelligent than your rational mind. With intuition you get no explanation or rationalization why this is the right thing, you just get an answer. And you trust it. You know deep inside it's right. Appropriate socialization heavily relies on intuition. You don't "think" what's the appropriate thing to say or how to respond, the right thing just comes up with your intuition. If you start thinking with your logical mind you will be too slow and seem unnatural and choppy to other people. Socially anxious people have their minds running overdrive while socializing when it should be almost completely silent. Your attention should be on the other person while you let your intuition handle how you respond. This is going to take training but you'll get better. Anxious people, in general, try to run their whole lives by their rational mind only. This is not how it's supposed to be. Your rational mind is designed for only a subset of all the problems you encounter in life. You need all 4 running together in harmony: emotions, intuition, your drive (what you want) and your logical thinking mind.
    • You don't know how to eliminate distractions. You may have a crystal clear vision for your life but it it's going to be useless if you get the impulse to watch porn and youtube all day. The trick with distractions is that you have to recognize them. Like "Ooohh watching porn is a distraction! Even though it's pleasurable in the short term I don't want to do it because I don't really care about this small pleasure hit, I want to do the things I actually want to do". Your ego generates distractions all the time, you have to catch them all day. Sure some will slip by but you'll get better at it. A big one here, that most people are not even aware of, are distractive thoughts. There is monkey-mind chatter in your head all the time. You get rid of it the same way. A thought comes to your mind, you pause and think about the thought for a second and recognize that it is just a distraction, there's no deeper meaning behind it, then you stop thinking about it, let it go and come back to the present moment. You want to be present and that there is silence of thought in your head.
    • Unproductive daily habits / routine. If you don't sleep and rest well, not keep your body healthy, not have productive routines all the above is going to be worthless.
    • You don't strategize / don't have a realistic plans how to get the things you want. Strategize.
    • You are a people pleaser. You want to get approval from other people. You want to construct a positive image of yourself. You want to popular and well liked. You have to recognize that this is a deception, you want a few but deep meaningful intimate relationships in your life. Also you want to be authentic around other people even if that means you wont be liked because of that. If you are a people pleaser your first priority in life is to get approval from other people. You want to replace this by what you want deep inside. Because deep inside you don't care about approval you just feel you "need" to get it, you feel it's not even a choice you just have to do it. Your first and only priority in life should be what you want.

    If you do all of the above, you are going to feel like a functioning adult human. You are now able to relate to other people. Just some social skills are missing.

    • Assertion theory. Learn to assert yourself. Understand what is life space. Why you want to protect your life space from other people, this includes the ability to refuse or say "no" to others. And why you don't want to trespass the life space of other people. If you are able to defend yourself from manipulation / attacks from other people social anxiety will mostly diminish. Social anxiety is largely fear of other people, fear you can't get your needs met with other people, fear you wont be able to defend yourself. Notice that it's impossible to assert yourself if you don't have a clear idea what you want and your life is ran by "should" statements or you feel the need to be liked and approved of.
    • Conflict resolving. Conflicts come up sooner or later with everyone you interact for more that little while. If you don't know how to properly resolve conflicts this will ruin all of your relationships.
    • If you haven't paid attention to this then you most likely regularly use barriers in communication, as they call it. That is you criticize other people, judge them, give uncalled for advice, moralize to other people, use closed-ended questions too much and questions in general too much, argue with other people over values, are late, break your promises, repeat yourself. Etc. There are a few dozen of them that you want to recognize and avoid doing.
    • Listening skills and empathy.
    • Humor and fun. You want to know how to have fun with other people, how to make a joke etc. Humor is entirely based on intuition.
    • Conversation skills. Including interesting storytelling and appropriate symmetrical self-disclosure. And a variety of other things.

    And there you go! Now you should be able to socialize anxiety free. It's gonna take some time to get through this list though. Hopefully you have some of those things done already. Leo has compiled a good list too, but it's more in life in general. I think this list will be the shortest way to rid yourself of social anxiety and solve the actual problem.

    Best of luck!

    Edit: This list may appear long but it's actually cut down to essentials for social anxiety. Can't really leave out any piece or the whole thing stops working. I guess the point about "happiness" and conversational skills and humor are optional but you REALLY don't want to skip any of those.

  16. I've see 2-3 year old kids emulate youtubers they watch. If you watch some of those videos that appeal to kids, you can see the way they act in there. They overreact, make noises, talk in a really high pitch etc. It's creeps me out seeing kids emulating this behavior in real life. Can't help but feel parents are doing a disservice to their kids in the long run.

  17. Quote

    What's left is a flow with lifes ups and downs

    What do you think this "flow" is? Sorry to break your bubble, but if you are going after enlightenment because you want this "flow" in your life then you are in for a disappointment. That "flow" is still you. No one is coming to take care of your life. If you just want to let everything go and go with the flow of external forces you can do so right now. But that's not what you want.

  18. I've had a couple of peak experiences where the ego dissolved away, seemingly at least. But each time I return to normal followed by a massive ego backlash. Quite recent one lasted a good 4 hours or more. During that I still had motivation to work on my personal goals. It seemed quite obvious at the time. The thinking went something like this. What else would I do? Reality didn't change, I was still looking through the eyes of the guy that was being me and there were still hands and feet dangling below. I couldn't float out of the body or do supernatural things. I wanted every being to live a fulfilling purposeful life including the guy that was being me. So why would I not do this for the guy that was being me? I felt empathy towards everyone but I could see that there was not much I could really do to help others. Helping others is even more difficult than helping yourself and I don't have a lot of wisdom or material things to give yet, I couldn't do much right now.

    And I realized that the reason I was trying to reach enlightenment was because I wanted the benefits. I wanted to be more wise, escape suffering, feel good emotions or "bliss", have insights how we should run society, not be afraid of death etc. I wanted benefits for the "ego". See the contradiction?

    And right now I don't want to seek enlightenment anymore. Because if I'm honest with myself I want financial independence, good relationships, family etc more. And I know that I don't need enlightenment for that. I'm still curious about the truth but I can appreciate now how difficult and tricky it is. It would takes minimum multiple years of dedication to get a proper grasp of, not even talking about mastery. And I don't want to do that right now. I will likely revisit in 5+ years when I'm more mature.

    It has occurred to me that it might be an elaborate ego deception to prevent me from doing the work right now. But my gut is telling me leave it for now.

  19. Quote

    I love my job, it's creative and good money as well... A dream job.


    I love my friends, but ...

    Even though you have seemingly good life there are still some things missing and you don't feel content.


    And with all the grinding to pay the bills

    The 9-5 grind is a problem because you don't have enough time to do the things you really want.


    Me being "weird" becomes so highlighted when I'm back at home, nobody understands what the fuck I'm interested in and love

    You appearing "weird" to other people is not the main concern, it seems, but the relationships you do have are superficial and you don't have anyone to connect with on a deep level.


    I'm just getting this feeling in the back of my mind that this is me trying to escape.. 

    That's because you are escaping from your problems in some way, otherwise you wouldn't have this feeling.


    Maybe leaving to work hardcore on meditation and consciousness is just what I need.

    Trying to figure out what you "need" is not a good way going about it. It will lead you astray. The right question is: what do you want?

    Some practical pointers:

    • Can you reduce your workload and monthly expenses so that you would have more time to do what you want? I reduced my workload to 20 hrs / week for half a year before coming to a firm decision that yup this is what I want and quit my job altogether. If you have a well paying job you could probably easily get rehired if you wanted.
    • Imagine you had really deep connections with a few like minded people right now, would this improve anything? If it does, maybe you want to concentrate on finding these people.
    • When you were away on long retreats did it click feel "right"? It's hard to explain, once you find the right thing it just feels natural and flows.

  20. This thread has been on my mind a lot. There are people who work extremely hard but are still miserable inside. Like a workaholic CEO or most 9-5 workers sadly. Thinking that you'll be happy or fulfilled once you earn / save enough money or get a raise or get some other external thing that you desire only brings misery. And even if you do get the external thing you think you wanted the good feeling never lasts more than a couple of days or weeks, it always erodes and you'll just invent the next goal to chase after and continue being miserable.

    The anxiety and depression are there to tell you "hey! You're wasting your life, this is not what you actually want, do something!". But since you are so trapped inside your mind you are unable to see this yourself. And since you keep ignoring or distracting yourself from negative emotions they'll keep hurting you more and more until they become unbearable. A good way to discover what you really want is by listening to your negative emotions, that's why they are there.

    Once you discover what you want, whatever it is, you'll find that making an effort towards it is not bad at all. It'll be worth it. Even if you want want to drop everything else and meditate for the rest of your life to reach enlightenment it's going to take foresight and planning and therefore effort.

    @Joscha The cycle you described in your original post sounded eerily similar to what I went through couple years ago. That's why I was able to describe it accurately. I was stuck in pretty much the same situations for ~5 years. I went through my old journals and discovered that after I figured out what I wanted in life, instead of motivating me my life vision became a huge source of anxiety and pressure. I had thought like "The things I want are so ambitious. I have never done anything this hard. I always fail. I can't do it. There no way I can do this. This is ridiculous and impossible. Etc." Yeah that's how I discovered I also have massive victim thinking. The next step was to break out of victim thinking so that I honestly believed that I could do the things that I wanted. Just a heads up if you happen to stumble upon this too. I remember how fucking torturous this process was for me. I just wanted to let you know that there's light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you make it.

  21. @ajasatya brings up a very good point. This is the flip side of the equation. If you don't try to create anything there will be no suffering. And I'm not being dismissive, this is also a good way to live, maybe even better than mine.

    Why do I make an effort to create things that I want? I question this all the time, especially right now as I can feel the pull of @ajasatya argument. I know that life is not what it appears to be. The first time I experienced this it demolished my motivations that I had back then. I'm also not looking for contentment. I have no illusions about finding fulfillment in external things because there is non to be found. I just do because I want to, I can't even explain this. There's just a deep desire in my gut to do certain things and I follow it.

    @Joscha The realization about effort will not come easily and the ego will fight back. Don't take my word for it. Contemplate on it and you should eventually reach this conclusion yourself because it's just the truth.

    After you have this insight that effort is not a "bad" thing / it's neutral, then you can implement this way of life. On the other hand after you get some glimpses of what life really is you'll be able to let go of everything and be totally content too. In the end it's going to be your personal choice.