hey this is my first time posting here and i have a bit of a difficult time explaining this stuff so please bare with me.
I've been using psychoactive substances at least once a month for the past four years and try to meditate once a day but i have a difficult time getting very deep with meditation however something I've been running into frequently for the past year with my psychedelic use is i'll ego death extremely easy off of a normal dose however i seem to be able get a large amount of effects off a small amount with meditation but a big thing i'm having a problem with is as i feel ego death coming on i have the option to fight it or accept it and as i try to accept it and go into ego death and try to accept and take in the sense of becoming one with everything i get this weird block in my brain where it feels as if i can't become one with everything without also losing myself which i don't have a problem with mentally but each time i try to fully bring myself into that mindset of becoming one with everything i black out and lose bodily function until i reverse it and start fighting it and then afterwards i'm in this daze where i can't tell if anything is real and it feels like i'm in the wrong reality which is really terrifying but I've learned to just go with it and deal with the negative feeling, I've never really heard of anyone else having this reaction to ego death and i'd really like to learn what the problem is because it feels as if I've hit a road block in my spiritual development and i'd like to figure out a way to again take psychedelics without having to deal with these extremely over whelming ego problems.
