flume

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Posts posted by flume

  3. Posted

    17 hours ago, Yarco said:

    It feels like there's a little boy deep inside me trapped in a thick concrete box, screaming in agony. And no one else can hear him scream but me. I can't just hear it, I can feel the agony resonating throughout my body.

    You feel like that because there’s quite literally is a little boy trapped in a concrete box living inside of you. He's in a ton of pain. Trauma. What happened when you were little? When no one would help you when you were desperate?

    You numbed out back then to protect yourself from being flooded with pain. But no one ever helped you to re-visit those experiences and work through them. So you're stuck in time.

    All the pain and imagery is your body helping you by pointing towards the parts of you that want to be healed.

  4. Posted

    An addiction is always a symptom of something that lies deeper. It's an attempt to avoid pain and thereby a response to human suffering.

    It doesn't matter much whether you eat chips or cupcakes, smoke cigarettes or gamble. You're looking for a substitute "high" for feeling unwell, because we're typically not taught how to process emotions and trauma. From what I've seen so far working with people, trauma always underlies these compulsions and addictions. A person who's not psychologically damaged in some way doesn't get addicted.

    You might want to reflect on the relationship with your mother growing up. Has she "nourished" you? In the broadest sense? So you learned that you're worthy of being fed and kept alive? Just throwing out guesses there, but in our younger years our mother is teaching us how to take care of ourselves. However she treats us, we'll treat ourselves later. Having a normal & healthy relationship with food is one of the most basic and primary needs we have.

    So It's not a weakness or failure of will that you can't "get it right". No tweak in habits or gimmick will help you solve this permanently.

    I personally struggled with overeating for years. My weight was fluctuating quite a lot and I was always afraid of getting too big. I'd make myself work out, go on diets, but nothing fundamentally changed. It's like I had this intense relationship with food, while for others, it was just a normal part of their day. I hated eating, and I loved it. But I just couldn't get to "normal".

    Trauma work and deep therapy is the only thing that helped in the end. I understood & re-experienced all the things that went wrong when I was growing up and could finally leave these patterns of self-punishment behind.

    It's obviously a process, but 95% of my struggle was listed through this kind of work. 

    So start thinking in terms of:

    • Which needs did I not get met as a child? (I made a video about this where I listed the most important needs in case you wanna check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt9rEJnBhH8&t=186s)
    • At what times of the day am I overeating? What's going on in my life then? And how is it linked to my (still) unmet needs?
    • What in my past is unresolved that needs addressing at some point?

  6. Posted

    On 16/01/2022 at 10:42 PM, WonderSeeker said:

    Wow, inspiring! The habit-trackers and rituals made me laugh...they are quite fun but really do look insane after a while. 

    After about 2 years, I'm slowly experiencing the 'becoming a kid again' aspect too. Letting-go and not being too serious about the work is so counter-intuitive because it looks counter-productive to the work itself. 

    Cheers!

    Haha, couldn't agree more. Cool that you can relate^_^

    On 17/01/2022 at 0:13 AM, mandyjw said:

    :D Love it! Also your voice is soooo pretty and soothing. 

    Now this comment made me really happy. It's a little side dream of mine to read audio books on my channel :x

    23 hours ago, Snader said:

    No way, I started with the same book! And then I think it was Leo's book list that came and shifted me away to another amazing books.

    Cool video by the way! I'm afraid your bed can't say the same :D

    Haaaah, awesome! I love how niche this forum is:D And yeah the bed needs to go anyways... Did those jumps too many timeso.O

  9. Posted

    11 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

    When passion to express your beautiful inner being to the world surpasses fear of being judged you start to act like child again and you start playing again, because wouldn't it be stupid to do anything else in infinite field of playground <3

    :x

    12 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

    Lastly flume I am sure that your videos make huge impact to people that are lacking foundation of self confidence and self acceptance, because you are extremely humble not presenting yourself better than your watchers, but more likely spirit to have journey with. Thanks for showing your real authentic personality to the world like any lovely, warm hearted and strong individual would do. Love yo, because you have incredibly vibe <3

    I just "awwwwwwww"ed all throughout reading your comment. :x Much love to you!

  11. Posted

    On 15/01/2022 at 1:39 PM, OBEler said:

    @flume which psychedelics are better for healing in your opinion? 

     

    And May I ask what your experiences were with mushrooms? I See great Potential here but I must confest, just Did it 3 times. Mushroomes/Truffles trigger deep Emotions 

    I've done mushrooms maybe 10 times and just haven't found them particularly helpful in terms of trauma integration.

    LSD is the most psycho-analytical when not taking too high a dose. Great when set & setting is right + you're well prepared.

    MDMA is ideal, but only if well prepared, with a guide and a very clean substance. It's the only substance that consistently resolves conflict for me, which is really mind-blowing.

    I remember being so angry at my sister and her boyfriend a couple of years back, when I thought about it on MDMA, it resolved and the anger or upset hasn't come back since then. The situation is completely solved on my end.

    I only take it max. 1x/year though.

    In any case, getting in touch with traumas before and working them through to a certain degree will be the best preparation you can do. The trip should ideally be seen as more of a "supplement", than it doing the "heavy lifting". 

  20. Posted

    4 hours ago, Nahm said:

    Hopefully not saying too much here, but have you considered he was just angry and spoke from anger, and it’s that simple… and it has nothing to do with you, and there’s nothing to work on? 

    That's probably true. The problem is that we don't have this kind of awareness as children and all we hear is "I loose support when I go my own way." Children can't put things into perspective yet and they unfortunately always make themselves wrong. 

  21. Posted

    I don't recommend it at all. My experience with mushrooms is that they can be very unpredictable, especially at higher doses. If you do take them, start with very low doses. I also haven't found them particularly useful when it comes to trauma healing. They can make everything even more confusing and have no long lasting effects. There's way better psychedelics out there for what you're looking for.

    But most importantly, I'd do the foundational work first, before getting into psychedelics. Dip your toes into healing... Keep reading books, consider therapy or retreats <3

    What is the specific problem you're dealing with?

  23. Posted

    4 hours ago, teraflu said:

    What do you choose to do with your family when you outgrow them and seriously seek spirituality?

    You finish your "unfinished business" with them first, so you can move into real spiritual growth. The problem isn't different stages of the spiral. You haven't fully realised yourself as an autonomous person yet if you still need them to be happy with your decisions, if you're trying to change them and if you're still seeking their approval.

    I know because I've been there. Until not so long ago, coming home was such a drag. It would end up hurtful every time, someone getting triggered, someone being unhappy about the others life choices. So much pain bubbling up.

    4 hours ago, teraflu said:

    I am afraid to speak up, because they will not accept my true self.

    They are not accepting your true self. And the sooner you realise that, and feel the pain of that, the better. You said you've done trauma healing... What did you do specifically? Has it helped? Have you dealt with the agonising pain of not being wanted for who you are? 

    No amount of intellectual understanding of spiral dynamics will do here ime. It's a feeling process.

    4 hours ago, teraflu said:

    I want to be with them and spent time, I am really family and 'moms' person (i love my mom very much). But we are from different worlds. I know I cause them stress, because they have never travelled and tried so many things as I did. I do not want my mom to get disease from stress. She has sleepless nights and her skin sometimes looks too pale. And all of it is because of me.

    I understand. My situation is very similar. You can't make your parents happy. You can feed their conditioning, but you can't make them happy. They can only make themselves happy. And you can only make you happy.

    Much love!

  25. Posted

    12 hours ago, Nightwise said:

    What actually constitutes the creation of trauma in someone's body and psyche, and what constitutes the release of it? 

    You might want to check out this video where I talk about the primitive brain, the fight-flight-freeze response and a simple technique to let go of it again.

    Of course, there are many techniques. You can approach trauma from the mind (through memories for example) or the body (through breathwork for example). They'll all lead you to the same place: The body has linked an event with tension in the body. Solving the event or the tension makes it go away.

    12 hours ago, Nightwise said:

    I also wonder why we often hear about if we experience something very triggering as an adult it's in contemporary psychology often associated or understood as certain childhood traumas coming to the surface because that triggering event set it off, but why is it seen as old traumas coming to the surface and being released, instead of new traumas being created? How can we make the distinction that a certain event triggers a certain trauma from the past, instead of it creating a new trauma in the present? What constitutes the difference?

    The difference is that, as children, our defence mechanisms are basically non-existent. We can't put things "into context". When mom is mad, our world goes down, because mom is our world. We "think" on a purely emotional level.

    A healthy, adult psyche will very rarely experience trauma, especially in nowadays world. But it will certainly have dramatic responses to everyday situations. When your best friend is telling you he doesn't want to meet up with you because he'd rather spend time alone, it might be totally ok for one person, but for another, it might make them really angry, sad, judgmental, etc. because they felt left alone as a child for example. That's the trigger. So basically look out for exaggerated responses to everyday situations.

    12 hours ago, Nightwise said:

    A bit of an affronting example, perhaps, but we might for instance think about a woman getting raped. Different women have different reactions towards such an event. One woman may be shocked and emotionally distraught for days, weeks or even months. Another woman may be displeased with it, but perfectly capable of moving on with her life the next day. Another woman may also be able to move on with her life the next day, but find herself years later reliving the experience and it completely disregulating her life for some period of time. Yet another woman may resist the act itself but secretly enjoy it, and yet another woman may be fully on board with the rape experience as if she had sought it out herself. And I also can imagine that some women would have a divided experience where part of her really desires to be sexually overpowered (as such is the dark feminine core desire), yet be terrorized by it too.

    It's interesting that it actually does happen in real life that when a certain woman gets raped, that it can cause so much trauma to come up that she actually becomes a complete psychological mess for months, but it can not possibly be just because of the event itself, because once again, another woman may actually genuinely enjoy such an event.

    No one enjoys getting raped, but I see what you're trying to say. Of course there are any factors. How old the woman is makes a HUGE difference, how supported they feel afterwards makes a HUGE difference, their psychological maturity, the state of mind they were in when it happened, etc.

    But all of this is not so important in the end. The point is that trauma manifests and it decreases the quality of life for that person, in whatever way. Whether your thoughts are circling around fear, unworthiness or doubt, whether you carry tension in your throat or your belly... It's all just a survival-mechanism of your system, reacting to the situation at hand. And no 2 situations are ever the same, that's why it never triggers the same response.

    12 hours ago, Nightwise said:

    And the most essential question: When does a certain trauma get created, and how does it get released? And how do external events play a role in this?

    To quote the best: "Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you." - Dr. Gabor Mate