flume

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Posts posted by flume

  1. Posted

    @Preety_India He hasn't cheated nor has he ever said he would. Shaming people for their basic biology or feeling a certain way helps no one, makes them feel guilty and like there's something wrong with them. It creates all sorts of twisted behaviours. I'm being a bit sharp because I've experienced it on myself and I've created a problem where there really wasn't any. Seeing how honest he is with the whole situation is really the only way to go about this. Most people would never talk about these things so it just stays in the dark. He's just saying what so many people are thinking. It's not "justifying cheating".

    No offense meant! 

  2. Posted

    13 hours ago, Identity said:

    My understanding of her perspective

    I love how you worded this^_^

    I used to think like your girlfriend some years ago so I can see where she’s coming from. I even thought that thinking about someone else is basically cheating. I wasn’t badly hurt but I thought “Something must obviously not be right in the relationship to this wouldn’t happen”. Now I see things more like you do.

    Here are some things that helped me shift my perspective:

    • Working on my self esteem
    • Getting more independent (It only ever happened when my life was overly based on one person)
    • Getting a good inner guidance system through meditation and learning how ego works
    • Therapy
    • Learning about feminine and masculine dynamics (David Deida’s books for example)
    • Learning to Distinguish attraction from commitment.

    I’ve been in relationships where I haven’t thought about other guys for years (Like maybe as a thought experiment but not emotionally or sexually charged). So it definitely exists. I think it’s especially difficult for woman because men are attracted in such obvious ways like by looks, so it hurts. For woman it’s more sneaky, I for example dream more about a mans strength, vision, support, presence, integrity, etc. not so much about his muscles ;-) But when a man provided that, I felt truly fulfilled in the relationship :-) Hope this helps.

    Don’t beat yourself up for getting aroused. It’s chemistry. Acknowledge it, let it work through you and when you have clarity on what you want in your life, make a decision. Do that every single day. I think you’re doing well being so honest with yourself and your girlfriend. The only thing you could ever owe her is truth.

    All the best!

  5. Posted

    11 minutes ago, Evil Raccoon said:

    Isn't that what ALL successful players do?

    What's your measure of success? What's your objective? Getting laid? Then go to a night club and chat up drunk girls.

    11 minutes ago, Evil Raccoon said:

    How can inauthentic women smell my inauthenticity?

    You're smelling their inauthenticity too, right? (I love how your sentence already implies that:D)

  8. Posted

    I think you'd benefit from some variety. Seems like you know what healthy food looks like, now switch it up a bit. Energetically speaking, everything eaten too much of creates stagnation and inflammation in the body. Look at nature, it's teaching you to eat seasonally ^_^ Make some oatmeal, soup, healthy pancakes, whole grain pasta or rice, etc. for a change. Also looks like very little protein, especially for being so active.

    I've been looking for the 'best diet' for a long time, thinking that one day I'll just optimise it and then keep eating like this for the rest of my life. That's not ever gonna happen though. You don't want to be rigid and narrow when it comes to your health. Work on developing body awareness and flexibility, they're key ime. Then throw away all the labels if you dare;)

  10. Posted

    Little update^_^

    Work is quite intense this month but I’m loving it. Would be too personal to write about it here but everything’s  turned upside down at the minute. I feel socially exhausted but really inspired at the same time. People trust me a lot there and I do my best to not being pulled into gossip. Also handling emotionally difficult moments quite well which the whole team and my boss really appreciate. Thanks meditation for having my back:) Just reading ‘Linchpin’ by Seth Godin and I think I’m well on my way to becoming one.

    Also thinking about getting some further education, not exactly sure what though. I’ll do the theory on organic farming for sure but that will only start 1 year from now. I also thought about Shiatsu or something else connected to TCM. Let’s see.

    Besides work, guys are in my head all the time. There’s always someone I’m crushing on, at least a bit. It’s just impossible to turn off. Nothing has changed about that since I’m 12:D  I’m still a bit clueless when it comes to relationships… After working to remove my families and societies expectations… I’m now left with nothing.  Now that I can start from 0, what relationship model would actually work for me? Time will tell.

    I actually asked a guy out for the first time the other day. There’s this shop I visit from time to time, a man works there and I always feel so pulled towards him. And he just magnetised me again. There’s this intense polarity between us that it feels like the rest of the world is shut down when we see one another. So I pulled myself together and walked in there, asking if he’d like to have a coffee with me. He said he has a girlfriend, but he smiled and said he felt honoured… That’s ok^_^ It was good that I did it, I know what approach anxiety is now, lol.

    Therapy also brought major shifts this month: I realised how much my parents morality is still influencing me. The thought that I can’t have more than one partner my entire life for example made me all anxious as soon as I got into a relationship. And I thought I had commitment issues.

    It’s funny how on the one hand I feel pretty evolved up the spiral and on the other hand I still have a lot of integration to do of the lower stages. 

    Together with Matt Kahn’s teachings, Teal Swan and Therapy I feel like I’m slowly integrating my body image issues and relationship confusion.

    I also (re)started my health journey (for real) this month. There was just a point where I thought ‘I can’t keep sitting around, being afraid to move forward because my eating disorder isn’t solved’. So I hired a personal trainer, and I’ve been killing it at the gym since then. I really want to ground this path though, so I’m redoing parts of the life purpose course to come up with a coherent vision for my health. Just wrote down the things I want when it comes to my health and so much of it is showing up already… Out of nowhere :D Pretty cool! I really need to intentionally connect with my body more. I feel so balanced when I do because I tend to be in my head all day otherwise.

    This life is a curious thing. I have no idea why certain things work out and others don’t. Everywhere I look, I look for truth and love: In the world, during my trips, in my emotions, in my dreams... This key theme is what makes my life feel whole, and it’s becoming more familiar and mysterious by the day.

    I could have never planned for or forced the things that are happening at the moment. I’m truly humbled. Once again.

    In the midst of much craziness I started reading ‘Letting Go’. I was pretty good at letting thoughts go but this is a whole different level. It’s a strange experience to let an emotion work through me, especially at such speed! Seems like exactly what I’m needing right now. Possibly the best book I’ve picked up this year. Even though I’m busier and more clueless and tired than usual right now, through the technique I feel like these things don’t burden me much. I’m finally daring to trust myself. Slowly.

    IMG_0085.jpg

  15. Posted

    • Meditation and letting go of thoughts
    • Heal any trauma or repression/ moral conflicts you might have around sexuality
    • All kinds of exercise. Gets you connected to your body:)
    • Learn about masculine and feminine dynamics. Learn to really own your femininity. It's naturally open and submissive
    • Porn usually gets in the way of getting really in touch with what I want to create. Your mind is way more powerful than anything you can watch
    • Find a guy you're crazy about, have a lot of polarity with and whom you can really trust. A lot of these things are gonna depend on him

  18. Posted

    Definitely feeling that. I get massive boosts of inspiration, a really specific idea and I work on it like a maniac until it’s done. It’s like it’s burning through me and then it’s gone. It makes planning things a bit difficult but I don’t really have a choice in the matter…:P
    I think every artist knows that nothing good comes from forcing it.

    It also helps to stop compartmentalising life. The ultimate life purpose = self discovery. You can’t really take breaks from that or do anything outside of ‘it’, can you.

    Also pretty amazing to finally find out why you love making music so much^_^ A few weeks ago I found out that I write to find out the truth of who I am. I write ‘to myself’ to get to know myself better because if I wouldn’t externalise, I couldn’t grasp myself. One thing can’t know itself I guess.

  19. Posted

    7 hours ago, ivankiss said:

    The dream is holding onto ideas of 'nothing', 'nobody', 'meaninglessness', etc.

    It's called 'the dream of denial'.

    Love reading your stuff Ivan! True maturity shining through. So bold. Listened to a lot of Matt Kahn lately… Feels like finally finding my way home after being lost on a wrong path for so long-_- But remember that other people have other paths. And that’s ok too.

  20. Posted

    You fear your own greatness, not your weakness:P It’s known as the “imposter syndrome”. A convenient trick your mind plays when taking big steps forward, whether in business, personal or spiritual development.

    Nothing that was “whole”, “cracked”.  You’re constantly growing into becoming an ever greater and more loving version of yourself. Your vessel for love just needs to get a bit bigger… And that can be uncomfortable.

    Also very much agree with @loub I mean girl, you’re radiating... even just through your post:x Now go get him, he seems to be totally worth it^_^

    P.s.: Letting Go by David R. Hawkins would be a good read for you I reckon. All the best!

  21. Posted

    Hi^_^ I just randomly clicked on your journal and wanted to tell you how much I can relate to what you wrote here:

    On 14/07/2020 at 2:22 AM, Thittato said:

    Still, there is just something between us that makes it impossible for me to break the friendzone. I don't know why, but I just keep it safe in that zone, even though we have just such a really awesome chemistry. We're just laughing and talking very deeply at the same time the whole evening. But that woman that I was on a date with - that barrier is not there the same way. I don't know why.

    I've actually had the same experience. There was a man in my life who would have been the perfect match for me... On paper. We got along so well, could talk for hours and the attraction was totally there. A crazy lot of it even. Still there was something missing. It's like there was some kind of barrier that kept everything weirdly impersonal. Like I knew that it wouldn't touch my heart if we were to get closer. I wonder if these people (or us?) just aren't open for a relationship and somehow closed off... Or if it's just a mismatch and with someone else these feelings would totally be there.

    Anyways, was good to read that I'm not alone.

    Have a lovely day and keep up the good work^_^

  22. Posted

    @TheUniverseIsLove Depends on what you want out of therapy. It's probably not useful for integrating a psychedelic trip for example. But if you've never been to therapy you probably have plenty of 'regular human stuff' to work on... For that, your therapist doesn't need to know about things on this forum. They can help you a great deal with understanding yourself better, healing childhood wounds, just gaining perspective on your conditioning and questions in general. This kind of 'relative' knowledge is super useful for becoming a well rounded, mature person.

    It's good to have a few opinions from outside of this forum as well btw ;-)

  24. Posted

    I had a couple of glasses of wine last week which is enough for me to become dazed and a bit fuzzy. This funny insight came to me when I tried feeling the difference to psychedelic states. You’d think alcohol ‘lowers’ your consciousness and speaks to your ‘lower’ needs. Which it does, in a way… But when I got to the bottom of it I just wanted to be love, feel love, give love. Which is exactly the same feeling trips give me in one way or another.  The substances seem to direct your consciousness in opposite directions… Which is true but it’s also not true. If you investigate deeply, you see that they’re not really opposites. You actually end up at the same point. It’s a strange loop :-)

    Love is the ground of reality in every experience. It’s the only need there is.

  25. Posted

    On 13/07/2020 at 9:34 AM, electroBeam said:

    I actually find spiral dynamics has nothing to do with romance.

    Maybe look at completely different angles than spiral dynamics. Look at how much compatibility your masculinity meets her femininity. 

    People get along with dogs, and dogs are beige/purple. Imagine if your girl was a dog. 

    That escalated quickly:P

    That’s maybe true for attraction, but love is a commitment to grow side by side. You wanna be able to unapologetically be yourself in an intimate relationship. If your values and level of development aren’t similar you’re not gonna get very far. Been there, done that. Those relationships don't really have a chance to go deep.

    But if you’re just looking for a hookup, great advice!

     

    @Vagos Keep developing yourself and be patient^_^ Those connections are out there, and they’re worth the filtering through the rest.

    Consider moving cities/countries, going to workshops, book presentations, libraries, universities, online forums, etc. 

    Good luck!