Chumbimba

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Posts posted by Chumbimba

  3. Posted

    With myself.. I am going to sixflags here in California all alone. I recently went through a break up last month and so I am going to spend time with myself at one of my favorite places. I got a season pass, season food pass and season platinum flash passes so I am skipping all the lines. I spared no expense. I want to give myself the best and that's what I did :)

    @Leo Gura said its weird to go to disneyland all by yourself, but fuck it I am the weirdest person I know. I will update all of you on how it goes.

  4. Posted

    Wow.. contemplation is so deep. I contemplated yesterday "What is neediness ?" I didn't get what neediness is but I figured out where it comes from and why I have been needy towards women. Neediness comes from the illusion of lack. Lacking something that you think you need. The literal emotion is emptiness. There was a hole in my soul I  wanted to fill with women's validation and attention. I mindfully felt this emptiness and I asked what I lacked. On the surface it felt like I lacked a woman and that if I go do pick up or if I get a girlfriend all my problems will be solved. I dug a little deeper and realized it was not a woman I lacked but I really lacked options with the opposite sex, not being able to attract the women that I want in my life. So I went deeper and asked why I can't attract them, all my emotional shit came up. "I am too ugly", "Women hate me" "They are bitches and whores who play hard to get" "They just don't like me I am not good enough" blah blah blah. I went deeper into contemplating and I realized maybe not only my issue but probably the issue of all incels, redpill, mgtow all those ideologies. 

     

    The Truth: I don't know how to attract the opposite sex. For my whole life I have blamed women for not liking me. and it took me 20 mins of contemplation to realize that my anger and frustration and lack of results in this area came from my lack of knowledge. My incompetence you can say. The next question I asked is what do I think attracts the opposite sex.

    What I think attract the opposite sex: I need to be nice to them, I need to impress them and I have to make them like me or they won't like me. I need money, I need status all this shallow shit just to get a girl to like me. I AM WRONG AS FUCK. just incorrect. All these showcase my insecurities. 

    My whole life I would tell people "Oh I know how women work just do this, this and this"  giving out advice I didn't really believe and yesterday I was faced how ignorant I am about female attraction and it hurts. It hurts that I have lied to myself this whole time just to fit in. 

    And Redpill, MGTOW, INCELS are angry because of this. Like look at the titles of some of these YouTube channels. I can see the anger and the hatred. I was one of the angry people. I am no longer angry because I understand. 

     

    My Mission: To learn how to attract the opposite sex.

     

    Thank you for listening

  5. Posted

    So I just saw @Leo Gura video on contemplation and I started to contemplate for 10 mins and already had some deep insight, but how do I know I am not wrong or deluded. Also I feel like I am not contemplating properly. Do you just sit and ask yourself questions and think through and ponder what you are asking yourself? I am so used to getting my knowledge from outside sources its hard to believe myself.

    Thanks a lot 

  10. Posted

    I just acquired 2 tabs of LSD. I plan on taking one tab alone. I don't know where my setting should be though. I would do it in my room here but I have roommates and I don't want to be really loud or disturb them in anyway so I am thinking about renting an airbnb somewhere but I don't know what to do. I want to be comfortable. I have posters and lights in my room for this one moment haha. 

    What should I do mentally to prepare so I can get the most out of it ? 

  16. Posted

    What's up guys ! it has been a while since I posted on here. I took a break from actualized.org content but now I am back and soaking it up even more and came back with some new understanding. I have been thinking a lot about what direction I need to take my life in. I am single, have no friends and I want to go all in on my life purpose. There are a lot of things I think I would be good at but I can't decide on one.  I am bound to pick the one that pays the most but I don't know if thats the best option long term 

    1. Software Engineering - I am getting really strong in python, but data structures and algorithms bore me to death. I don't really know what I am doing and i really don't knw how to progress further 

    2. Acting - In the last 3 months I auditioned for 4 Roles and so far I am 1 for 3 (The other one TBD). I GOT A ROLE WITHOUT ATTENDING ONE ACTING CLASS JUST RAW TALENT.  I LOVE ACTING but I am afraid of getting famous and ruining my entire life and also not making it to the financial status that I want (I want to be a millionaire someday) . I definitely have the personality for it but I am afraid of my future and also the competition is FIERCE 

    3. Entrepreneurship/ Investing - My friend made $20,000 of game stop stock and I made $40 off of AMC stock which changed my whole attitude towards money. I even thought about becoming a quantitative analyst making algorithms to predict the stock market  but I DONT WANT TO SIT BEHIND A COMPUTER SCREEN ALL DAY.  Also I started watching shark tank which inspired me to become an investor even more but I have 0 capital

     

    Anyway. My vision is blurry. I don't believe I can have my dream life and I am stuck and depressed (kind of) I am tired of working at a call-center making shit money.

    Thanks

  21. Posted

    As I am honing in my software engineering skills I am considering two possibilities. 

    1. Freelance and work for myself as a software engineer/ Start my own business within my field right out of the gate

    2. Work for a big company. save up a bunch of money for capital, then start my business. 

    I eventually want to get into Entrepreneurship, I just don't know how I am going to bootstrap it

    Any advice? 

  25. Posted

    @Leo Gura I have a girlfriend right now and all my friends digest red pill content like its thanksgiving dinner. They say I am beta for having a girlfriend. I'm not trying to be alpha, beta, or anything like that I just want to be myself. I feel like a real man will love his girl even though he has the chance of getting hurt later and dealing with the pain instead of demonizing.