Espaim

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Posts posted by Espaim


  1. Do what makes you the happiest.

    I do feel like I want to go partying and take some drugs but to be honest if I don't to that I won't regret a bit. I feel way happier doing hikes and meditating in the forest with my buddies than jumping to music around drunk people. There's no "wrong" way to live life.

    And no one said you can't do both. If you meditate everyday and go into a rave you'll enjoy the music much more than people who are mindless and not paying proper attention to the vibrations and nuances of the heavy bass.

    Also, you can absolutely go partying in your 30s if you want hahaha.

    Fuck your crab friends trying to bring you back to the bucket.

    Actually, these people are around stage orange probably. Try to find some people around Green and hang out with them. The green smoking Green people. Even better if you find yellow ones, but that's harder.

    What's in the fear in dying a virgin?

    Why should we have cool ass cars?

    Why do drugs?

    Carve your own path.

    Who guarantees they won't be the ones in 10-20 years saying "man if I were like you I would be so much better off"?

    From a fellow 20 years old Green/Yellow self-actualizing buddy


  2. I'd go around the problem and start thinking about general lifestyle before changing your core.

    Like other people said... Diet could make you unmotivated even if that's something you love. If you have gluten or lactose intolerance you'll feel bad no matter what you do if you eat bread or drink milk everyday.

    If you want to tackle the vision problem you can get the Life Purpose course or if you don't have that much money do the Dream Board.

    For better results do both.


  3. Quote

    Is a life purpose necessary?

    Yes for some people

    No for some people

    Some people's psyche work better if they have a grand vision to work towards. Other people are more scattered and just prefer to go with whatever appears. Choose your poison and go with it.

    You need to choose what you think will bring you the most happiness. Or not. In the end it doesn't matter. When you physical body you're identified with dies of clinical death you won't care of what you did during the time you were alive.

    Even if 99.9% of people need a grand vision to work with to be fulfilled you may aswell be in the 0,1%. There's nothing preventing this. Now choose what you want. Or don't.

    Of course, you can also merge both perspectives and create a third way.


  4. Yes

    This also happens with me in this order of frequency:

    1. See sounds
    2. See thoughts (both eyes closed and open)
    3. See touch
    4. Smell colors
    5. Feel others emotions as colors or bodily feelings

    To be honest this happens more frequently when I'm under effect of stimulants like Caffeine, Ritalin and Modafinil (mainly).

    I can also sense how distant people are of me just by their body heat. Like if someone is behind me.

     


  5. Past experience

    • 4 60ug trips
    • 2 125ug trips
    • 3 mushroom trips
    • Several DMT trips.

    Dosage: 250ug LSD 95%+ purity

    ROA: Oral

    Everything I write right to the time stamp is the main part and the next paragraph is some tangent.

    "Insights" start at T+2:00. This is a rough estimate as I didn't write anything during the trip but I had a clock near me.

    22/08/2020 8:20am

    T+0:00 So cocky me just decided to take LSD saturday morning without any purpose beforehand. I was going to take 60ug but I thought why not take 250ug? Then I can tell people what was my experience so that they should or not try it. poor me lol

    • So I swallowed it and did some work for my dad. He has no problem with me taking LSD. I explained to him the addiction potential and he knows about my past of slight depression and low energy so he just lets me do it. He has taken mushrooms himself.

    T+0:30 It starts kicking in. Now I know I'm fucked lol. I was just chilling in my sofa and then the TV in my living room starts morphing. Holy shit. This usually happens 2 hours into the trip. Thoughts start to get warped and when I think something it seems like I evoke a web of interconnected concepts everytime I think of something.

    • I saw that I have some negative connotations associated with the words "black" and "gay". Everytime I feel the sensation of my anus and it's pleasant it seems like I'm gay lol. I seemed to have accepted my sexuality several trips ago but now I'm not that sure. To be honest now I do think I have. I am pansexual. I thought I was pure heterossexual but after my first 125ug trip this melted away. I really love my gay friends company. It seems they are way more accepting than normal people.
    • Regarding the word "black" it's not that I'm repulsed by it. It seems like when I think of this word it seems like to invoke the past experiences I saw of racism and I regard the bad feelings I feel when this happens. When I heard a black guy telling me about his experiences of racism I cried for some time. Never saw this subject the same.

    T+1:30 Things start morphing even harder. Ego starts to get crushed right here. Then bam, oneness. I start crying when I see the absolute beauty of reality. I don't remember much from now on regarding timeframes.

    T+2:00?-5:00 I got really a huge memory wipe from T+1:30 to T+5:00 into the trip and I don't remember everything. I did get all the biggest insights here in this part though.

    1. I am God. God incarnated as this human being to experience reality, to explore itself and to know itself through me. Without an observer it wouldn't be possible to see reality. I still don't know why this is necessary.
    2. I create reality as I live. This is a dream I have woken up during the trip. The same way I wake up from a dream at night, I woke up from the already waken dream.
    3. Everything = Nothing. Everything is made out of nothing. It's not possible everything to be made out of something like a atom or quark or a final particle because that would cause an infinite regression. So the rock bottom is that the building blocks of reality are nothing.
      1. Corollary 1: All sensations I feel are interpreted by the filter we call brain to be a sight, sound, touch or smell. We could totally possibly aswell see sounds or hear colors and this be a totally normal way of living. It just seems that for the purposes of survival this current mechanism works.
      2. Corollary 2: I don't remember but if I do will add it here haha
    4. Oneness. There's no difference between anything compared to anything. I am creating distinctions for the purpose of survival all the time. There's no difference between my mom and my dad, me and a rapist, me and my computer screen, me and a musical note, a monkey and a highway. They're all consciousness.
    5. I AM. That's it.
    6. Absolute subjectivity. There's nothing behind what I'm seeing. There's no higher truth in the sense that I can't have access to what's true. In the sense of subjective vs objective.
    7. Love. All I ever wanted is love all the time. It seems that all my actions were pointed into getting love. When I got to this moment in my trip it seems like there's nothing more to do, it's finished. Welcome, my little human child to the hands of God.
    8. It's impossible to die as there was never someone born to begin with. Being born and dying is an illusion. 
    9. Reality is a Fractal. It's possible to zoom in and out infinitely. It's just that our human eyes cannot do this but we can see this through microscopes and telescopes. Still, it's possible to go even further into all directions.
    10. Everything is Perfect the way it is.

    I did get many more insights but I just cannot remember even if I strain myself to the max. There were some moments were I was in my living room and another moment I was seated outside my house. There was several moments where I ceased existing and then came back.

    Several thought loops happened and in some part of the trip I thought of killing myself. Luckily I got myself out of that.

    T+5:00 After all this mindfuck my blood pressure was at 160/60 maybe even more and I actually felt like I was dying. I needed to take several pills of propranolol and my BP still didn't go down for the whole day almost.

    T+6:00 I went and just sat next to my garden looking at the sky and meditated for a little bit.

    So the comedown was just me trying to not lose my shit and run into the streets naked.

    The day after:

    It seems like I have changed in some way. Thinking of some things wasn't appealing to me. Some of the addictions I had don't even cross my mind like scrolling infinitely through Reddit or eating junk food.

    I don't even know if I want to keep going into Enlightenment or Self-development anymore to be honest.

    -------------------------------------

    I don't recommend people going from 125ug to 250ug right away like I did. It increased in strength exponencially. It seemed like 3x the strength of 125ug. All of my LSD trips were from the same batch.

    To be honest I'm pretty sensitive already to psychedelics and this was a dumb move.


  6. I can relate so much after 250ug today lolxDxD

    1 hour ago, Adamq8 said:

    Well it goes both ways, when the awakening first happen, i LAUGHED and almost cried and said jesus this is GOD, but i feel really good now actually, like i wanna go out and fufill this life to 100 % , do whatever you want, when you " die" its another dream " another trip " so enjoy the hell out it this one! 

    Just do it man you're the best

    No, actually you are literally God so you're literally the best and the worst and none at the same time!!


  7. On 20/08/2020 at 6:28 AM, Michael569 said:

    wouldn't it be better to encourage the other person to talk about themselves instead? People kinda love doing that and it creates a bond between the talkers. But maybe that's just an introvert strategy. 

    If he struggles with keeping it going then Leo's advice is sound.

    If he struggled with talking too much and annoying people then stopping and listening would be better advice I think.


  8. 6 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

    Why? I just want to know the logic behind this. 

    I also heard people say the reverse on how you shouldnt ask men for dating advice if you're a woman.

    Idk it just made more sense. If you have questions and are wondering about the perspective of the opposite sex, why wouldnt you just ask them instead of jumping to your own conclusions? 

    The logic is self-deception and self-bias

    It's very easy to trick oneself into thinking I am this or that or I do this or that or I like this or that while doing the exact opposite. Self image is a great part of survival. People won't admit parts of their psyche and the advice given will be warped towards protecting their biases. So it's better to ask people who aren't with their conceptual survival on the line.


  9. 1 hour ago, nistake said:

    This :D

    "Me and my enemies became one"

    "Rank is a illusion"

     

    IDK how much they are alike but N,N-DMT microdosing certainly doesn't make me want to play games. I just go and sit for 20 minutes in a somewhat meditative state everytime I do it.

     

    Btw, if you want some potent cognitive enhancer for this and you don't care about the consequences the best options would be ADHD meds.

     


  10. If he is a family member then it's a more nuanced issue. you mentioned it was a friend and I think that on friends you can certainly be way more assertive and aggressive than family members if they are being toxic.

    On this matter I can't really help you as I have no experience but I had plenty of shitty friendships already for my 20 years as a human.

    I wish you good luck!!


  11. The best way to deal with toxic people is to not deal with them.

    Can you stop talking with that person? Does he has some power over you like you depend on him for your housing or food or anything else?

    I dealt with shitty friends in the past to being more and more absent until they get the message. Being short on my responses and showing no interest in their affairs. Of course, this is my last course of action. I first try to talk it through. From your post I can see this probably won't work.

    1 hour ago, Rilles said:

    I frequently have to just give up and do as he pleases.

    Here it's you who is lacking a backbone. You don't have to do as he pleases unless he holds some sort of power over your life like I asked you above. Even then...