SQAAD

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Posts posted by SQAAD

  1. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    For five years, I've been on a journey exploring spirituality. I used to not believe in anything beyond what science could explain, but then I found Leo & he talked about some really interesting ideas, like how there is not a 'self' controlling everything inside us. He also talked about using psychedelics to explore the mind and Reality.

    Trying mushrooms changed everything for me. It made me realize there's more to reality than just what materialism teaches..

    I started meditating & tripping and having these amazing Enlightnment experiences, even connecting deeply with God a couple of times.

    But when I'm not in a spiritual state, I'm not sure if what i experience is God. I believe it's God but i can't know for sure in this current state.

    Lately, I've been through some really hellish, horrible & nonsensical experiences that have made me question whether God even exists. It feels like suffering has no reason at all & it's completely senseless & d*mb, and it's hard to see any purpose in it. Why would a wise, all-knowing God let that happen?

    Why would God let people suffer enormously (rape, torture, crappy situations, health-problems, suicide) for no apparent reason at all?

    It's not my problem that God allows suffering. My problem is that God allows senseless, Nonsensical suffering that seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. Sort of the suffering you would expect a d*mn mechanical Universe to generate. Suffering that doesn't stop & makes you wanna tear everything to pieces & end your life.

    It also bothers me that most people (not to mention all the other animals) never get to experience or understand God. And it's not great at all that I only feel close to God when I'm on drugs &  i am always confined in this very limited, stupid state.

    All this seems very depressing and has made feel disillusioned with Leo's work. Nothing makes sense anymore.

     

     

  2. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I found some LSD a few months ago and have tripped about 5 times since.  I believe it's real LSD but i don't know for sure.

    It gives me a big boost in awareness without any bad effects. But twice, things went wrong.

    Once, when I was sleep-deprived, I felt a weird toxic sensation (that lasted for 1-2 seconds) in my torso after taking it. 

    And the worst time was when I took LSD in the morning and then again in the afternoon. Afterwards I couldn't sleep all night and felt pressure in my body and weird ''crackling'' sensations in my neck and head.

    If i did not trip again in the afternoon, i know for sure i wouldn't feel all these bad effects. I was feeling great with my 1st trip until i decided to trip again in the afternoon....

    I didn't realize LSD could be so goddamn strong.

    Now I haven't tripped for a month, but I want to try again without making the same mistakes. I'm scared though. Can someone give me any advice? Is the substance i am taking toxic or is it toxic when not taken properly? I have taken this substance at least 3 times without any issues whatsover.

    Also something similar has happened with LSA. I have taken it with 0 issues multiple times but once i took it sleep-deprived i felt a sense of electrocution running through my body..

     

  3. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I was watching this video and noticed that Robert Sapolsky could not stop himself from making some very non-scientific claims such as that depressed people see Reality for what it is because they can't rationalize it away, that it's all Random and that there is no God. I don't like watching him because he is very sure about his materialism but i find the subject of free will very interesting.

    After watching his content, i always feel sad and threatened metaphysically but it passes. Also the host of this video was very sure that we are just having a biological experience, lol.

    Any thoughts about Robert Sapolsky and how should i navigate all of this?

     

  4. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I have been taking hydroxyzine on and off for the last month. I take a moderate dose of 50mg at night. I don't abuse this substance or take it daily. I just take it whenever i feel it's needed.

    Yesterday i took 50mg and then afterwards, i was feeling some weird sensations in my kidneys. I cannot be sure that it was my kidneys, but it was definitely close to that area. Also i was feeling some sensations in my back. I did not feel anything bad, terrible or worrying though.

    The feelings felt more like something was being pushed off inside  a tube... And i wasn't experiencing these sensations before taking the drug. I have experienced this other times aswell. Not every time though (i think).

    2 months ago i did some blood tests & i was okay. I don't currently have any serious medical condition. Can someone explain what is going on and whether it's wise to continue taking this drug or not?

    Hydroxyzine seems to be one of the safest drugs out there and is great option for short-tem use. Ιn the package insert οne of the side-effects listed is ''kidney disorder'' which i have no clue what it means.

     

  5. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Many times.. i experience feelings of hatred towards corporations, business owners & etc. Because i see that they have excessive amounts of money (i know this is relative) BUT they are still super greedy and super selfish..

    I don't understand why they pay their workers/employees the least amount of money possible. It would seem wiser to me that they paid you enough money so that you can feel more content.

    I know this is a tricky subject that i do not fully understand. Could someone please explain why these corporations seems so selfish and so despicable at times?

    I believe one reason is because most of these business owners have grown up into extreme privilege and have not experienced the pain of poverty.

    Below is a recent greek news video. Today a former employee of a big shipping company entered the corporation building and killed wealthy bosses and 1 emlpoyee before taking his own life..

    The perpetrator was a 70 year old immigrant man.. And these greedy bosses even took away a house that they had given him. Mind you these bosses owned ships & etc, so they were incredibly wealthy...

    This a great exampe of too much selfishness backifiring..

     

  6. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    This was the monst insane trip i've ever experienced thus far.... 

    And now, in my sober state, i am questioning the authenticity of what i realised....because of how impossible what i experienced was....

    At one instant, i became conscious of consciously creating this moment and it was absolutely shocking and mind-boggling... 

    All others completely dissapeared and were shown to be illusory. It was only me. As God creating this dream for myself. Also i realised that God is in love with this dream and that this dream is Perfection no matter what happens.

    I became conscious that as God you can create literally anything you want. But the cost of entering God mode is dying. At one point, it felt like God was giving me the chance to completely become God if i wanted to. But i didn't want to because it was too terrifying. I didn't want to lose my sense of reality and other people.

    Some people may say that you don't have any control whatsover. But i believe this is false. As God you have total control and you can choose whatever you want. If you wanted to be in God mode , you would be. But you prefer living this dream for a while.

    Also i got the sense that Reality is infinite times more amazing and better than i ever thought possible.

  7. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Yesterday , i took 1 tab of acid in the morning. The trip went great & was profound. I didn't experience anything negative. 

    But afterwards, i did the mistake to trip again in the afternoon of the same day... This put too much stress on my body... I was feeling a mild pressure in my heart, and & i was feeling weird my left hand. Hard to describe it. But it was like my left hand was not having enough blood flow or something. And it was a little bit numb.

    Also as i was walking, i was feeling some cracking sensations around my skull and neck. I don't know why. When i was sitting down, i didn't feel these sensations.

    Then, I couldn't sleep the whole night. And all this stress made me drink alchohol, smoke few cigarettes & take 1mg of xanax to calm down (which didn't calm me down enough).(Note: I don't use these substances in my every day life. I do my best to be healthy).

    It's just that i felt like i seriously damaged my body and my life is over forever. And i couldn't cope otherwise.

    The next day i managed to sleep. But i was feeling mild pain in my liver (from the alcohol i believe) and some weird sensations in my kidneys. The sensations in my kidneys frightned me more than anything. It wasn't something very serious.. But i was feeling like my kidneys were working hard or something. I have felt this sensation before , after a lsd trip. But not each time...

    This trip was kinda traumatic for me. Now i feel fine physically but still there is no escaping the fear and the emotional pain, at least for a few days.

    I just feel sad and confused because there are times when i have tripped on acid and didn't feel anything negative whatsover & then there are other times, where i have felt some unpleasant sensations in my body. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice is welcomed. And please be nice. 

  8. Posted

    @Jowblob

    On 15/1/2024 at 3:22 PM, Jowblob said:

    Lsd is literally so powerfull that you can look at your own heart just the way you're looking into the world, your heart is a driving mechanism of your ego. No heart beat/stopping your heart consciously will leave your illusionary ego behind but you can come back since you're god.

    I don't understand what you mean here. If you could elaborate. 

  9. Posted

    I have tripped with LSD approximately 4 times so far & i love it. Probably my favorite drug so far.

    The 1st time i tripped i remember clearly that i did not experience any negative physical consequences at all. The following days, i was feeling great also.

    Then , i remember one day , i slept for about only 1 hour & Because i was bored out of my mind and didn't have anything better to do, i tripped.  I have similar experiences with other drugs so i didn't expect anything negative. But i felt really terrible in my body. I felt some toxic sensations in my body that lasted for few seconds.. Nothing too serious though. I really don't understand why. Probaly because i was on too much stress... But i've never had this problem with other drugs in my past....

    Then one day i took 2 tabs of acid and i felt great. No negative physical sensations at all.

    Then the last time i tripped, it was late in the evening. I took only 1 tab. At some point, as the high was intensifying, i felt some stabbing sensations in my heart.. Nothing too serious.. But i don't understand why.

    All these experiences have left me with a combination of sweet and unpleasant flavors..

    Can someone read this post carefully and give me some good explanations of what is going on??

    I really want to trip again. I don't feel LSD is toxic or anything like that. But it seems that when you trip on the wrong times, it's not good... 

    Also i've noticed that with psychedelics you feel every emotion a lot heavier than normal. This could stress you out aswell. I have felt sensations in my heart while tripping on mushrooms aswell... But nothing serious.

  10. Posted

    @Osaid

    1 hour ago, Osaid said:

    Everything is a creation of God/Divinity, therefore by your logic everything is fooling itself. You have created a tautology which means nothing, other than to say "God = God" or "everything = deception." 

    Yes God is deceiving itself. Not everything is fooling itself though, otherwise Awakening wouldn't exist.

    1 hour ago, Osaid said:

    There are many words and symbols which point to things that don't exist, such as "non-existence", "false", "incorrect", "impossible", "duality", etc. The word "ego" would fit perfectly into that category. 

    ''Impossible'' points to something which exists though. It's ''impossible'' for me to fly like a bird does.

    1 hour ago, Osaid said:

    A creator of ego would simply be more ego, because the ego is a false perception. If you think the ego actually exists, that is mistaking the map for the territory. Your logic is flawed because it uses a false perception as its basis.

    I use direct experience as my basis. Ego exists as a collections of thoughts/feelings and a sense of individuality. This sense of individuality clearly exists.

  12. Posted

    @Godhead

    11 hours ago, Godhead said:

     

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    No. But this time, this realization felt a lot more serious and total than all previous realizations.

    Also it shook me because.. i got a taste of Solipsism. 

    It felt like there is no separate entity called Eckhart Tolle... It felt like i was just imagining a separate entity called Eckhart Tolle to keep me asleep and entertained....

    Then i understood why the illusion of Reality is so comforting and why many people wouldn't appreciate their illusion getting demolished...

  13. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Osaid

    11 hours ago, Osaid said:

    There's a very good reason why your ego is fooling itself* (From your ego's perspective, at least)

    Always interesting when people assign divinity to their ego being fooled by reality.

     

    Who created the ego? God.

    Ego is a creation of God/Divinity. This is why i say that God is fooling itself.

  14. Posted

    @Schizophonia

    12 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

    LSD is stimulating.
    Catecholamine agonism makes you as high as you can get from cannabis or alcohol, much more so than from mushrooms, DMT or any similar psychedelic.

    Yes, this seems very true from my experience.. If you take too much LSD, you end up becoming like a drunk person....  The 2 tabs were so much, that at some point, i was finding it impossible to tie my shoes...

  15. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    For the past half-decade, I've been using psychedelics, primarily mushrooms, in moderation. Recently, I've secured a reliable source for LSD, which quickly became my preferred substance after two extraordinary trips.

    Maintaining a stable and quiet mind without any mental health issues, I rarely encounter problems in my sober state. However, my decision to trip again 10 days ago led to an unexpected experience. Despite having no tolerance, taking one tab of acid didn't produce the profound effects I anticipated after 1.5 hours. I suspected the less-than-ideal environment, given my living situation, might have played a role.

    Disappointed by the lack of depth in the trip and realizing it wouldn't peak, I opted to take a second tab in pursuit of the mystical experience I craved

    After the 2nd tab, my experience got more intense and a lot more desirable.

    The intensified trip led to a surreal moment while watching Eckhart Tolle. I suddenly realized that my human experience, including listening to Tolle, was a self-created fiction—an illusion. This realization shook me profoundly, and the desire to revert to the comforting illusion of reality became overwhelming.

    This shook me to my core like never before.... And it felt terrible when i had this realization. I just wanted my illusion of Reality back.

    I quickly started appreciating why Reality is constructed the way it is. If you fully understood the illusion of Reality, you may end up very depressed. There is a very good reason why God is fooling ''itself''.

    After this realization, i didn't want to go any deeper. I felt that if i went any deeper , it wouldn't be any good for me...

    Afterwards, I found myself behaving in a rather foolish & ''crazy'' manner. I came close to causing damage to my laptop as I impulsively threw it onto the floor. Additionally, I vocalized my frustration loudly, directing some of my expressions towards the atheist scientist Robert Sapolsky. I began calling him an idiot out loud over and over again.

    I do not understand why i acted this way. I have never acted this way before. This experience just shows me that if you take too much of a substance you will act in ways that are not easily explained afterwards.

    I have heard multiple experiences from people with good mental health, who have tripped hard and done some weird and stupid sh*t...

    I don't know how to make sense of this. I guess if you take too high of a dose, you end becoming delusional or something....

     

  17. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Soul Flight

    27 minutes ago, Soul Flight said:

    Certain mystics like maybe Bashar or Abraham Hicks would say all these people knowingly "chose" this incarnation and this adventure. They volunteered for the torture as their higher self in some other dimension. This is an interesting perspective which can alleviate a lot of your sadness and empathy.

    But also, the outer world reflects your inner world or is even a manifestation of your inner world.

    Also, you are choosing to focus on the misery. Stop your monkey mind and focus on the good. Be the good Be the change You are mentally masturbating yourself looking at the misery. You are boasting about your perception and intelligence and empathy. You are self serving. All is illusion as in the Hindu concept of Maya. You are avoiding your real work. Find yourself. Be yourself. Follow your passions.

    It is all the yin yang symbol. The black and white fishes going around. You are currently choosing to focus on the misery fish. It is all dualism and balanced. Appreciate the balance. :)

    There are some life situations where all this theory flies out of the window. 

    I don't care how awake you think you are. If i put you in a hellish enough situation with no escape , you will probably end your life. And that's just the reality.

     

  19. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Parallax Mind

    18 minutes ago, Parallax Mind said:

    @SQAADGet well soon man.

    It appears that the world has gradients of pain and pleasure. If we were at max pleasure all the time there could be no life.

    It would be logically impossible to have life without pain. For example, if there was no risk of your kids getting hurt in any way, parenting wouldn't exist.

    My point is not that suffering should not exist. My point is that there are some life situations where the suffering is so great and seems to serve no purpose whatsoever.

    What if you were a prisoner of war, living through the worst possible hell for years? What if you were captured, and tortured in the wost possible way by some Mexican drug cartel?

    What if you were in severe chronic pain for years? Pain that doesn't go away.

    How would you feel then about life and existence?

  20. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    The last couple of years, i have been going through Hell. Many people on this forum still don't realize how many degrees of misery,suffering and pain exist. It's terrifying.

    Things now are better for me. But i feel somewhat, like i've been to a war , seen some brutal mind-boggling stuff and now i am a different person. I am not traumatized, per say. But i just see through the BS of people and i am way less tolerant of it.

    Everyday when i watch the news , i see people going through Hell worse than mine. It all seems senseless sometimes. I just don't get it.

    Sometimes i go through the thought experiment.. of a person living through the worst hell possible.. Let's say a prisoner in the middle ages who dies the worst possible death in a sh*tty cell. Why?? What's the point of going through such a sh*tty existence?

    It makes sense to experience suffering in order to appreciate the happiness and joy.. but in some cases it just seems that this logic doesn't even hold true. I am not sure though.

    Also, all these idiots who commit all this stupid devilry have n o c h o i c e since there is no free will. And this is something that i have realized deeply. You have no choice whether you become a saint or a Ted Bundy.

    All this suffering just doesn't make sense to me sometimes. I understand that some degree of suffering is necessary but.. i think it becomes t o o  m u c h in many cases.

     

  22. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Leo Gura

    On 24/11/2023 at 9:02 AM, Leo Gura said:

    The biggest bottleneck is your neurotransmitters. Psychedelics address that directly, but it doesn't last long.

    Any of the classic spiritual techniques may or may not work, depending on your unique wiring. You have to try stuff out until you find things that work specifically for you, regardless of theory and boilerplate guru promises. No one can know what will work for you.

    Have you found any methods that have significantly altered your Intelligence?

    Strong sit determination.. is very effective for me.. but it's extremely challenging because of the heavy emotional reactions afterwards.. And the binging on chocolate...

    This is why i don't do it anymore...

  23. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Today, i spoke to a beautiful woman. The conversation went fine. But as we were about to leave.. i touched her super briefly on the shoulder... 

    She didn't seem to be bothered by it.. But later i was thinking maybe.. this was not the best move to make.. because i know that this move is good for creating friendships and i don't want her to view me as just another friend..

    Any thoughts???

  25. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    11 hours ago, Razard86 said:

    The Spiritual Path is about intention and allowance. Your ego doesn't do anything. It just surrenders and allows. You've been trained to be a doer, your human self does nothing. No human has ever accomplished anything ever, because humans have never existed. There is only God, and only God has absolute power to do anything.

    Go back and study the absolute and the relative until you REALLY GET IT. Your question is a question that assumes a doer and expresses a lack of understanding of the Absolute and the relative. 

    I already know that God is running the show. Still my question makes perfect sense and is very practical.

    Right now, God is asking how to become more intelligent. And your reply is that there is not a doer.