kag101
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Posts posted by kag101
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On 26/12/2021 at 3:18 PM, Kross said:Quite a few people might need to give this basic video a watch:
lol, you're right.
i'd also add that a lot of people pretend like they're listening, but in reality they're just waiting for you to finish so they can say what's already on their mind. when i notice that is happening, i simply don't waste my energy. i stop speaking and as soon as i can i end the conversation in a polite way. i've learned that i shouldn't argue so that others hear what i have to say.
if i have some intimacy with the person, then i might say something like, "hold on, i'm not finished", but i only do that if it's worth it.
53 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:You don't acknowledge it, you don't even flinch or even look at the person.You keep talking like when you hear a dog bark, the wind or the rain. Then, after you are finished, you tell that person: -"Hey you were saying something about X and X"
45 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:Sounds like an ego driven approach. Quite immature.
I agree.
These wannabe-alpha approaches are not effective irl. It'll quickly become a competition, and no one's gonna listen to anyone.
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On 26/12/2021 at 7:27 PM, Knowledge Hoarder said:Because this forum and youtube channel helped me more, than any psychologist could ever hope to help me.
idk about that... in my experience it has been the contrary. it has to be a good psychologist thou.
On 26/12/2021 at 8:12 PM, Heaven said:work/study: I’ve been working on my own business and it’s going better than I thought. It’s not easy but being your own boss is priceless.
nice!
On 26/12/2021 at 9:58 PM, hyruga said:I have been going out and gaining new perspectives on a lot of things.
im glad to hear that
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:I plan to get myself mentally healthy enough to start part-time work and that is my goal for 2022. I am keeping my goals realistic, for what I am dealing with.
sounds like a plan!
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:I plan on making some friends in a year or two
do you have any idea where can you find new people?
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:I still need to work on myself before I can do that. I need to develop confidence, self love and build for myself a daily schedule
just be careful to not "overprepare". this can quickly turn into a self-sabotaging perfectionism.
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:I need a neutral third party to basically show me how to love another human properly because my family is dysfunctional and did not teach me these things and they spread to me.
i've been going to a good therapist over the past 2,5 years, and it's been changing my life. it goes to the core of the problem. it's not a quick-fix psychedelic trip that doesn't last. it's a gradual and reliable process.
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:family: My relationship with my family has improved tenfold after going on bipolar medication. I used to fight with them all the time and I would be paranoid, or if they asked me to do something around the house I didn't have the ability to switch gears and would just get pissy. I can voice my needs easier now and we are more respectful towards one another. My bipolar got really bad. I was either manic or catatonic. So I moved back in with them because I need to work on developing, basically, a productive day that can move me forward. And the things I had avoided learning for myself all hit me like a ton of bricks - and so I still need them. I can't do it all on my own. I wish I could. So we all worked together, I helped them out, and we moved into a new home and we love it. My family can retire here and my brother and I will inherit the home when they pass away. I feel safe now, whereas earlier this year I was living in paranoid fear, delusion and anger and it felt like my mind was "on fire" - now things feel like, calmer, more peaceful. I feel hopeful for the future and don't feel scared that I will end up homeless, or mentally ill beyond repair. I learned that with a support system, I can grow and that it is okay to ask for help and I learned that if you have Bipolar 1 - the more severe type - that you have to stay on meds. Spirituality will not fix a brain chemistry that is so messed up that it makes you catatonic. It just won't.
????????
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:it was about accepting my mental illnesses instead of running from them and pretending that I was okay, and could fix myself on my own without any support at all. I tried to hide it for a long time, and it all came crashing down when I needed those hospital stays to stabilize. I saw how the medication actually really DID HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE SICK. I saw them, within weeks, recover in very good ways, and that those who were delusional, or catatonic or schizophrenic, got better. They did!
i got goosebumps at this part. btw - are you currently going to a psychiatrist?
On 26/12/2021 at 10:22 PM, Loba said:My goal is basically to "get a life". Literally. Build a daily routine over the next few years that will get me through and just maintain it. After developing a morning routine for a year and working for just two days a week, I can add onto that the next year, and add a nightly routine, and then the year after that, something else, that is small but life changing and do-able.
i can really relate to what you wrote. i think you're on the right path! i accepted that i needed medical help in 2018. i got stabilized in December of 2019. then in 2020, i was able to work on maintaining some basic routine and i also started some hobbies. then in 2021, i started college. so it's a gradual process of fixing my life.
and i have to say that going to a psychologist helps me tremendously. the fact that my mood is stabilized (thanks to medication) allows me to navigate through life without feeling like i had a 100-lbs weight on my shoulder. but the thing is, because i havent had many experiences in my life (because I was in zombie-mode for many years), im still imature in some areas. and my therapist helps me a lot to accelerate my healing. id say it amplifies 10x. it's like a calibration.
7 hours ago, Dryas said:hope 2022 will be better.
me too! health problems is such a pain in the ass
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On 26/12/2021 at 7:14 PM, Myioko said:It kind of just happens
You can do it! When I tried to make myself eat less, I ate more, but when I try eating what makes me feel good, I eat less and overeating really does become unappealing
that makes sense. the book i'm reading talks about that. it also suggests to ask myself some questions such as: "how hungry am I?", "do I really want to eat that?"
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On 24/12/2021 at 8:07 AM, QQQ said:"If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family" - Ram Dass
Haha, good one
On 24/12/2021 at 10:20 AM, Knowledge Hoarder said:I ended up transitioning to a philosophy/sociology/history/psychology oriented uni, and discovered my joy for writing
cool!
On 24/12/2021 at 10:20 AM, Knowledge Hoarder said:I did not visit psychologist regarding my aspherghers this year, but then again, I don't think I need to. Visiting her 2 times back in 2019/2020 was enough.
why do you think it was enough?
On 24/12/2021 at 10:20 AM, Knowledge Hoarder said:they're hard to describe, and were pretty minor compared to experiences of others on this forum.
i wouldn't worry about that. most people who had those grandiose experiences only had them because they were using psychedelics.
On 24/12/2021 at 10:20 AM, Knowledge Hoarder said:Feels good to talk about ourselves, doesn't it?? Oh, the vanity.
i enjoyed reading it =)
On 24/12/2021 at 10:37 AM, Gabith said:Fortunetely one day I had the courage to break-up with her and I was a totally new person, felt like I was discovering myself for the first time.
thats awesome, man!
On 24/12/2021 at 11:18 AM, catcat69123 said:a suicide attempt, an awakening, a 7 month dark night of pure agony and ending with a soft loving mindblowing change of experience and looking forward to 2022 to see how deep this really goes
have a good 1 m8s
have you talked with a professional? it reminded me of my 2016.
On 24/12/2021 at 1:43 PM, decentralized said:Reality was trying to push me out of my comfort zone, I won't resist no more.
what do you mean by "i wont resist no more"? you'll try to accept whatever happens to you?
On 24/12/2021 at 6:33 PM, Norbert Somogyi said:Going to clubs and stuff trying to approach and socialize with little success (though still success sometimes and it's fun to keep going).
i think thats the right mindset. the goal is to have fun. ive never been to one tbh. i want to go at least once next year.
On 24/12/2021 at 6:33 PM, Norbert Somogyi said:I'm definitely more confident and willing to put myself out there, sharing my opinion and insights with people instead of just listening to them.
good! i can relate to that lol.
On 25/12/2021 at 1:03 AM, Myioko said:I eat only when I'm slightly hungry and I don't over eat
thats my goal lol
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"The unexamined life is not worth living."
- Socrates
hey, year's almost over. it's a good time for reflection.
even if you had a bad year, i think it's good to do a postmortem every year to keep track on how your life is going. after all, as Leo says, life unfolds in chapters.
here's mine:
work/study: i started college, which is an important step towards increasing my odds of having a good future. it's all about strategy, after all. the college i'm going might disappoint me? yea, but if I want 100% guarantee on the things I do, then I won't do shit.
emotional intelligence: it has increased. i struggle a lot with emotional hypersensibility. if I have a certain problem in my life, I oftentimes start panicking. "what if I don't find a solution???"
anyway, i've gotten better at becoming aware when those emotional overreactions. and i'm able to use my resources in a wise way. i still have a lot of work to do. maybe i struggle so much with that, because at 8, i had a huge breakdown when my parents divorced. this made me stop trusting that stability is possible. so now i'm slowly recovering that.
social life: i used to struggle a lot with shyness (and when I was depressed, with social anxiety). i do feel more confident now. when i'm in a group, i've accepted that i listen more than i talk, but when I want, I do talk. as with many fellow introverts, i used to fantasize being extroverted, loud, and care-free. but now, i actually like the way i am. i see that because i don't speak a lot, what I speak has greater value.
relationships/sex life: it's gotten deeper. i noticed that i'm going out fewer people. it's a quality over quantity sorta thing. and now, before I sexualize a relationship, I think a lot whether it's worth it or not. i feel more self-confident in this area.
family: my relationship with them is doing well.
self-development/spirituality: i'm going for my second year of doing psychotherapy. i've actually written a topic here back almost exactly 2 years ago about my experience and the benefits of doing it.
to me, high-quality psychotherapy is undoubtedly the number 1 action that truly improves my self-development.
finances: from my standards, i was able to save a good amount of money this year. next step is learning how to invest in a safe way.
physical activity/weight: i've kinda struggled in those areas. i did lose a good amount of weight in 2020. i'm in a decent shape, but I want to improve. i've been reading a very good book called "Intuitive Eating". it's a paradigm shift. and physical activity, i had some pain in my body as I was doing it, so I didn't do it as much as I would want it.
hobbies/habits:
• chess. it is an awesome game. it's something i never imagined i'd be interested in, but here I am. and I imagine i will keep playing/studying it for at least the next couple of years. my main goal is to reach a rating of 1500 on chess.com.
• piano. despite being kinda demotivated, i kept doing classes. and it was worth it, because I learned a song that I've always dreamed I would be able to play since I was a kid, Rondo Alla Turca, by Mozart.
• DIY. i've started experimenting with doing things myself. i'm not confident, so i'm focusing on the basics. and it's something that gives a rewarding feeling.
how would you rate it 1-10? 7
it doesn't have to be so structured as the one I did (i'm a virgo lol). it would be cool to hear how you guys are doing.
if you want to do the way I did it:
work/study:
emotional intelligence:
social life:
relationships/sex life:
family:
self-development/spirituality:
finances:
physical activity/eating:
hobbies/habits:
how would you rate it 1-10?
i hope you guys have a great 2022!
?
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8 hours ago, Average Investor said:One benefit I had after a few months of semen retention was that I started pissing out chunks of semen. I thought that if it continued to get more painful I was going to have to go to the hospital. I could really feel a strong alertness during this.
Another benefit I got was not being able to sleep at night from being too horny. That and just being distracted during the day from not being able to ejaculate.
I would also eye fuck basically any girl that was at a decent level of attractiveness. Having to restrain myself just for the sheer fact that the quality wasn't up to par.
wow! so many benefits!!!!! lmao
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how often did you use to ejaculate?
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3 minutes ago, King Merk said:One of my favorite ways to develop new social circles is through activities/sports.
If you can’t move to a new city then at least pick up a new hobby. Then connect with other people who do that thing.
Easy way to make friends & you’ll be developing a skill so you won’t feel so worthless.
I agree. Being part of a group that has a shared interest in one of the best ways to make new friends.
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16 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:So I’m actually going to say that the more enlightened you are, the more you allow your heart to break open by grief. You feel more deeply and are touched by life more intensely.
Being enlightened isn’t a state of ignorance toward pain but rather a full integration of it so there are no points where it gets stuck.
Pain does not equal suffering. An enlightened person feels pain very deeply.
Yes! This idea some people have of being unconditionally happy is ludicrous.
I'd also add that an enlightened person goes through the grieving process, but just stay there as long as it is necessary.
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hello!
first of all, congrats for questioning whether what you're feeling is mental illness or not.
i fell into the trap for years to "spiritualize" my mental breakdowns. that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. it ends up being a rabbit hole. i thought all that madness was part of my awakening process -- nothing could be farther from the truth!
i've been going to a great psychologist and psychiatrist over the past two years, and now i have something that no cathartic spiritual experience would give me: stability. without that, it is impossible to build anything in life.
i hate the feeling of not knowing whether i will wake up the next day on cloud 9 or in hell.
19 hours ago, Nadosa said:Ive not known what "normal" is for two months now. I just never got checked by a doc before.
from what you're describing, it does look like bipolar disorder. have you ever had those types of mood swings before? has anything happened in the past two months that might have triggered what you're feeling?
i think it would be positive to get checked by a doctor. try doing some research to find a good one. would you feel okay taking medication (at least for a while)?
even if you don't go there, my two cents would be to at least take a break from spiritual practices and stay close to people you like.
good luck! ???? if you want, feel free to PM me. i'd really like for you to keep me posted. i really hope you feel better soon!! i know how scary wild mood swings can feel.
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if you keep rating women like that, probably not
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17 hours ago, Thought Art said:Hey man, take some time.. or a lot of time away from God, non-duality etc and just focus on getting mentally healthy. Worrying about all these ideas can be dangerous. Just chill and get healthy.
I don't know what you are going through. But, ground yourself. I see you posting these one sentence threads and stuff. People are worried about you.
Don't let this stuff screw up your life. Just be a real person. Solipsism isn't true.
These ideas can damage you if you are not mentally stable. So, focus on building that foundation first.
Sounds like you may have some things going on that need to be addressed. Consider talking to a professional.
I completely agree!!!
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when i'm obsessively thinking about how i need to do something, i set a timer on my phone for like 1 hour and tell myself: "ok, i'm not going to think about X for 1 hour." this helps a lot. it's a deliberate choice, as you say. it works well to neutralize thoughts like, "you have to do it, man!!! come on, get out of this bed". because then i can say to myself: "i will think about that when my phone beeps". and when the time is over, i have better chances of actually doing what i'm supposed to do.
another example is when i'm desperately trying to figure something out. like, finding a solution to a problem or something. but thing is, sometimes the most productive thing to do is to do nothing. i might need to let the thing marinate on my subconscious. then, when i'm focused on a different thing, the answer might come.
btw - i have a suggestion on your writing: maybe it'd be better to have more paragraphs. i think it'd be smoother to read. but anyway, it's an interesting and counter-intuitive subject
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in my experience, contemplating about existence can be fruitful up to a certain point. after a while, it becomes a sterile mental masturbation. it's a rabbit hole.
also, ive found that my existential crisis always get worse when other areas of my life are not doing well (especially when i'm not emotionally bonding with others) .
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loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring.
i hope you make some good friends you can hang out with and have relaxing moments together. you seem like a nice person.
btw - do you have a cat? they can help
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practice a little bit every single day.
the road to mastery is not a 100m race, but a marathon. if you manage to commit to practice/study a certain amount of time every day, you'll get momentum. and the snowball effect will kick in.
i recommend the book "Mastery" - George Leonard.
btw - nice killua picture
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Taking for granted
Apparently I've managed to fix my problem with using the mouse. I made an adaptation to my table. So that's good. It's really unpleasant to feel pain while I was playing chess. And I know that I figured things out, I'm like. "Yeah, whatever". I try to be mindful of the tendency of taking things for granted.
1) There is a problem that I'm really worried about.
2) I get a fear of whether I'll be able to solve it or not.
3) I eventually find a solution.
4) I take it for granted, and start to focus on a new problem.
Gratitude is important.
In-person classes
My college is slowly starting to give in-person classes, and that has been good. I feel like it's good for my mental health. Plus, I was simply not watching the online classes. And I was sorta panicking if I was going to be able to "endure" the in-person lectures. I got into overanalyzing mode, and I was calculating how many hours I would have to spend there. But in reality, it was much more enjoyable than I was expecting.
Problem with my sleep
I've got a problem with my sleeping schedule. Seriously, there are days that I go to bed when the sun has already risen. It's depressing. I was trying to brute force my way into sleeping earlier, but it was simply not working. So now I'm experimenting with changing in a more gradual way.
So here's my initial plan. Go to bed at:
1st week: 4-4:30AM (Oct 25th ~Nov 1st)
2nd week: 3:30-4:00AM (Nov 2st - Nov 7th)
3rd week: 3:00-3:30AM (Nov 8th - 14th)
4th week 2:30AM-3:00AM (Nov 15th - Nov 21st)
I'll start with that. A very modest expectation. I'll consider a new week every Monday. So I hope it works well. The only thing that I definitely don't want is to sleep past 5AM. It's just way too depressing.
That said, I do enjoy the late night. And since I'm studying in the evening, I don't have to worry about waking up early. I'm in a phase of my life that I don't really want to wake up early. Ideally, i would go to bed at 2-2:30 AM.
Chess
it's been good. i sorta hit a plateau lately, but thats okay. I played with a Grandmaster that I follow on Twitch. It was fun, but it was kinda humiliating lol. but anyway.
My growth has been gradual and steady.
One day I went berserk and started playing really wild moves. And I was winning a lot of matches. But it was a black-and-white sorta thing. I would either crush my opponent or get crushed myself. And I know that this doesn't work on higher levels. Sometimes random moves throws people off because they're not used to them. But after a certain level, it doesn't.
I'm starting to focus on learning some basic theory about the most used oppenings. It's useful, and it's something very minimal.
My dream is to reach 2000 one day, but that's unlikely. 1500 is a more realistic expecatation. I think I can get there in 3 years, idk.
The danger with underestimating simple solutions
When I spend too much time by myself, I start to think about overly deep stuff. It's like a rabbit hole. And my spiritual ego refuses to accept that somethign as simple as hanging out with a friend can do wonders.
it's like "somehitng of utter simplicity can't help with the ugly complications of my life". and sometimes the simplest things are the ones that work the most.
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On 24/09/2021 at 4:49 PM, Flowerfaeiry said:Men, does a girl gain your respect for putting off sex until she feels she's more ready?
Yes, as long as it is something authentic. That is, not something she's doing because she wants to play hard to get, but because she genuinely wants to wait.
I think this is also a good test to see if the guy is worth it or not. If he gets too irritated or frustrated, then i consider that a red flag. the guy probably just want to have sex.
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On 20/09/2021 at 4:18 AM, Spideymon77 said:I know I had this issue and I only started appreciating and accepting these things after I found a job. Weird, right?
That makes sense. sometimes the solution is much simpler than it appears.
i often go into these long questioning of my own existence when i'm spending too much time by myself also.
thanks for the help
On 20/09/2021 at 2:23 PM, Matthew85 said:The distortion in your thinking is that you view these things as flaws. The distortion is in the negative judgments you attach to these aspects of being a human. If you learn to reframe them, you will begin to enjoy your human experience more.
yeap. it's a process...
On 23/09/2021 at 7:30 AM, hamedsf said:of course, social conditioning has made us think we're not animal but we are animal with a complex brain.
exactly. i think it takes real maturity to come to the terms with that.
On 23/09/2021 at 7:39 AM, Tim R said:Lol
Taking shits, having sex, bonding emotionally, being an animal, having to eat, having to sleep, all of this is so awesome!!
You're just blind to how absolutely miraculous and amazing all of this it is. That's all. Your neurotic standards to being "pure" are what prevent you from seeing how beautiful it is to be this living organism.
Learn to love yourself. You won't stop taking shits anytime soon so why not just accept it???
thanks, that gave me a good laugh
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hey
first of all, i'm not looking for spitiritual answers, such as "You're not your body. You're Consciousness."
i'm talking about a more basic self-development stuff. so not objetive Absolute Reality, but the subjective (human) one.
you know, sometimes i don't like that i'm just a stupid animal who thinks he's above every other specie.
i'm not pure.
i have to take shit.
i have to eat otherwise i feel like crap and eventually die.
i have to sleep.
i gotta have emotional bonds with others
all this sound so lame. i don't even have to start talking about how ridiculous sex is, right?
i think i'm too immature to accept that i'm flawed. i'm no angel. i'm just a monkey.
even though there is this side in me that thinks the material world is pathetic; there's also a part in me that see how infinitely awesome all of this is. of how from a single cell we evolved to become this highly complex beings. of how my body is like a servant that is working 24/7 to keep me alive. etc
maybe it's one of those things that i will never find a definitive resolution, and that the best thing to do is to not think too much about it, and just keep taking care of my human needs.
i'd appreciate if you could share your thoughts on this. thanks
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it always amazed me how the mind is wired to take granted good things that have worked out. example, i was nervous if it would be possible to change my college to a hybrid version. seriously, i worried a lot about that over the past few months. and then, when it worked... i don't celebrate it.
why? because the mind is already scanning for other problems to worry about. it's sort of an addiction that i have.
On 27/08/2021 at 8:19 PM, kag101 said:
problem is, this guy costs about 100 dollars where i live.
i ended up buying this guy. it's much more ergonomical. the only problem with this type of mouse is that it creates tension on a different part. but fuck i'm trying to make some new adaptation lol.
one important thing to keep in mind when something is aching is this: how bad is it? because if i'm going to worry about every single discomfort, then i'm in for a disaster.
one common trap is to get obsessed about the pain. so instead of resting and let my body recover by itself, my stupid ego starts panicking and then i start doing things to get rid of the discomfort, but that it only worsen the problem.
my birthday was last week. it was good. getting older isn't freaking me out that much anymore thankfully. i feel like, because i'm in a good direction in my life, then i don't feel like i'm wasting my time.
i'm really grateful for having found my psychologist. seriously. i've tried with many before, and she's the real deal. i used to think that therapy was too soft, slow, and ineffective. i wanted a quick-fix. but all of the marketing in self-help was just that... marketing. some techniques can help, but they are not a panacea. neither is meditation nor psychedelics.
going to therapy feels like i'm calibrating my inner tires.
i think that therapy sort of have a bad-rep, because the overwhelming majority of therapists are terrible.
getting in touch with other human beings is key.
whoever says that they don't need anybody. they can be perfectly happy with no human contact whatsoever is full of BS.
the quality of the people i interact is pivotal. interacting with unpleasant people doesn't help.
anyway, i was feeling so stressed out two weeks ago. i had gone on a date that didn't go so well. the political situation in my country is really bad. i started to get all sorts of pain in my body.
and then what truly helped was doing simple things with other people. like hanging out with a good friend of mine. oftentimes when i'm really caught in my own head, i think that seeing others is a waste of time. but actually it is an outlet for stress.
i'm an animal
one danger of getting too much on spirituality is to dismiss one of our most important needs: belongingness.
it takes courage and maturity to fully embrace my humanity. the fact that i'm an animal.
"i'm not my body. i'm the eternal soul" >> stop fooling yourself. I just don't want to admit that I'm a freaking animal, just like a chimpanzee. the only big difference between me and it is the complexity of my brain.
i don't want to admit i'm flawed. that ihave to poop. you know, that disgusting stuff comes out of my body. i'm not pure.
but i have a feeling that when i fully accept that Imperfection, then true enlightenment happens.
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On 06/09/2021 at 4:59 AM, levani said:higher consciousness is like.. "non-addictively ADDICTIVE" if you get what i mean ?
i dont really get tbh. how would you define "higher consciousness"?
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50 minutes ago, levani said:is it possible to feel like i'm always on MDMA ?
obviously not.
some people crave for this feeling all the time, and they end up becoming addicts.
27 minutes ago, levani said:i just wanna feel love all the time.
this is an overly high expectation.
when you're sober, how do you feel on a regular basis?
in Personal Development -- [Main]
Posted
wow, so nice to read that you're being able to bond with your family!
btw - do you take any meds to prevent maniac episodes?