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Posts posted by kag101

  1. some background about myself

    i plan to do an intuitive, random, and intimate type of journal. i have nothing to lose from being open. obviously, i will use common sense. i think it'll be nice to know that people might be reading this and resonating with what i'm going through.

    just to give you some background:

    i'm a guy in my mid-twenties. i suffered from moderate depression and social anxiety disorder from 9-23. i finally found a good psychiatrist who prescribed me the correct medication. i've been stabilized since December of 2019.

    and i've also been going to a great therapist (she's expensive, but really worth it). i feel she really helps me get into the path of reconstructing my life. it's not just a superficial change. it's as if i'm going to my roots. it's the type of progress that nobody can take away from me. after many years, i'm finally in the "right" direction. 

    i'm majoring in psychology, and i'm going to my 4th semester (out of 10). i'm bissexual (with a preference to men). i consider myself attractive. my hair is thinning, but fortunately it still not something that is really noticeable.



    i've been using it for almost three years. even though it has a bad rep, if you are patience and able to filter the wheat from the chaff, it's worthy. Yes, 99% of people there suck, but i'm really glad i met those 1%.


    one problem that i used to have is that i only got matches with men. it was frustrating tbh. fortunately, i think they finally fixed that and now i'm getting matches with girls as well. since i started using it, i haven't had a date with girl yet. i'm looking forward to it. but i've been really selective nowadays. i won't go out with someone just to kiss or get laid. there has to be a connection.


    a hack to get automatically better at organization

    i used to struggle with that a lot. i had a powerful insight that was to simply focusing on (literally) aligning things and making them more aesthetically pleasant. just this simple change has been giving me awesome results.


    when i align things i immediately start to get into the right mindset. it sounds like it doesn't make a difference, but it has been life-changing for me. unconsciously, i used to resist to that due to the incorrect notion that wanting things to be aligned = ocd.


    want to get back into teaching portuguese

    i'm brazilian. i used to tutor portuguese for non-native speakers. i got fed up with it. but lately i've been wanting to get back to it. but now i will only accept intermediate and advanced students. i don't enjoy teaching beginners. it demands too much effort imo.

    i've applied on a site. i think i'll get a response in the next few days. i really hope it works out.


    i've been able to make a habit of working on creating activities everyday. in fact, i'll do this right now lol.


    i think that's enough for today. bye =)

  2. On 04/07/2022 at 1:13 PM, something_else said:

    I highly doubt in a trillion years a giraffe could happen to have a big neck variant

    Just look at how humans have selectively bred apex predator wolves into chihuahuas, pugs and sausage dogs over only 30,000 years. If you can go from wolf to sausage dog in 30,000 years you can go from giraffe with short neck to giraffe with long neck in 50 million years.

    On 04/07/2022 at 0:15 PM, SQAAD said:

    I think not in a billion years, a turtle could develope a shell by some random luck that just happened.

    You are underestimating just how much time a billion years is.

    A turtle doesn't just spontaneously generate a shell. It happens very gradually. Maybe you had a population of something that looked like a lizard, then the members of the population with the hardest skin survive more. Once you have a population with hard skin, eventually one of them has a mutation that very slightly infuses the bone and the hardened skin, giving it even greater defense. And then over time the members with greater degrees of this bone/skin infusion survive longer, and eventually you have a shell.

    The reason I think these things seem unrealistic to you is that it's so difficult to process these timescales. It's also difficult to process just how much life there is on earth at any given time, all of which is evolving and mutating.


    I think you're right. Maybe it's just the best we can do within the obviously false paradigm of the universe as a blind mechanical machine.

    When you start from false assumptions, nothing that comes out of it will ever be true.

    In a relative sense, from your POV, the universe is very very mechanical and operates pretty much like clockwork. From an absolute perspective reality is mystical and intelligently designed. It is possible for both of these things to be true at the same time.

    God could conceive of a reality that is mechanical like clockwork


    That makes sense. I didn't quite understand the nuance that evolution doesn't happen overnight. But instead, it's usually small changes that happen over a veeeery long period of time. And, yes, we humans have a very hard time grasping how much a billion year actually is.  

    Anyway, you explained all of that well and clearly! Thanks ;) 

  3. why have you stopped playing video games?

    i've had friends like these. it's really tiresome. in my case, the thing that would push me to do was weed. i'd hang out with them at their house, and every time they'd smoke. and they had a stupid unwritten law that if one person stopped smoking, everybody else also would. and they'd take copious amounts.

    this friendship really pinpointed a flaw that i had, which was an intense difficulty with setting boundaries.

  4. On 26/05/2022 at 5:33 PM, blankisomeone said:

    I try to imagine that god will embrace me and understand why I did it, but that’s not what I feel happens in reality

    have you considered the possibility that the only thing that would happen is that you'd cease to exist? that you'd be the same that you were before you were born? no fancy spiritual experience of either God embracing you in his Infinite Bliss, nor getting stuck in a spiral of hell. just complete and utter nothingness.

  5. 3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

    i must have done something right because a girl

    YES, you did! you were being yourself with her. that's 1000x more attractive that entering a fake alpha-male mode and be completely artificial.


    3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

    I told her to stop and we just sat there for a bit.

    i'm really glad you did that. you have to respect your natural desires.


    3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

    It's also probably ruined our friendship now and made things awkward between us.

    it probably hasn't. my only suggestion is to not try anything sexual with her again.

  6. On 19/03/2022 at 10:09 AM, Jon_Bundesen said:

    I recently got into creating music as a hobby because I really like writing lyrics but I get so demotivated when I look at the big music stars and how much time they have spent to get good.

    hobbies are great as long as you're actually enjoying the process. for instance, i play chess. at some point, i got so neurotic about increasing my rating that i stopped enjoying it. so i took break and then restarted with a softer approach to it.


    On 19/03/2022 at 10:09 AM, Jon_Bundesen said:

    My life purpose is also geared towards engineering and creating inventions so I don't know if it's a waste of time doing a hobby that's not too related?

    as it was shown on the netflix documentary: The Creative Brain, creative people usually have hobbies in many different areas. if all your intellectual effort is focused on just one area, it will become very limited.



  7. 30 minutes ago, AleksM said:

    If Im the only one inviting people out and initiating conversations over text is this a one-sided friendships?

    what's truly important is not who's initiating the conversation -- but the quality of the interaction.

    is he/she giving me evidence that he's truly enjoying talking with me? or is he just replying out of politeness?

  8. fear of losing my intuitive eating "superpower"

    my eating has improved greatly. i finally feel like i'm at peace with food. i'm much more attuned to my inner cues.

    that said, yesterday i made an apple pie. tbh, it didn't really taste that good. but for some reason, i couldn't stop eating it. i put some Oreo in it. it was weird to feel bloated after about 4 months.

    because i have been at peace with food for a relatively short period of time, this overeating kinda felt like a yellow sign. i fear losing control. at the same time, i feel like if i keep doing the time-out exercise, i'm probably fine.

    i am against the diet mentality. at the same time, i don't want to have an eating style that makes me feel uncomfortably full.

    so i decided to throw the pie away. it wasn't like: "oohh... it's a forbidden food". no. it's just something that i was eating that i didnt really like it. it's like going out with someone that doesn't make me feel good, but for some reason i keep insisting. it has a twisted pleasure, but it's no fulfilling. quite the opposite, it makes me feel sick afterwards.

    one very important factor in intuitive eating is to avoid eating in auto-pilot.

    i'll see how things go in the next days.

  9. 1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

    My therapist really doesn’t know how to deal with this.

    How long have you been having sessions with her?

    1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

    My last option would be to take 500 ug LSD to see if that will smash my overcontrolling ego.

    this sounds way too neurotic. do you do LSD by yourself?

    there are other routes to getting in touch with your emotions.

    do you have a good emotional bond with anyone?

  10. 14 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

    Brief periods of silence can be helpful to think deeper and creatively, but I have found the long-term silence leads to memory and cognitive problems because our minds need stimulation and repetition like a muscle.

    Taking a rest from running can help you run better marathons, but too much rest and you lose your ability to run marathons. Same with the mind and thinking. You get my point.

    you just answered your question.

    what meditation techniques do you use?