kag101

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Posts posted by kag101

  1. Posted

    i used to be fragile, then i tried doing a bunch of random macho stuff. it didn't heal me; actually, engaging in these type of activities just added to the problem.

    neither did doing the opposite -- forcing myself to do overly-stereotypical feminine stuff -- do any good.

    it might be interesting to explore some of these things, but being neurotic about it won't help in the long run.

  2. Posted

    sometimes I get the blues, like a relapse, thinking that everything will go wrong and that I'll be a failure. overcoming a trauma is about understanding that these ghosts come back from time to time, but they no longer define my life as a whole.

    it's essential to be prepared for these moments, knowing that they will come. after all, expecting everything to be perfect is a recipe for frustration. "oh, how come I'm having these thoughts again? I can't believe it! I really am a fraud."

    maybe I am. maybe everything I do nowadays is just a temporary fix. perhaps my future is one of incapacity and weakness. but maybe it can be different. maybe I can put things into perspective, be kinder to myself, and trust in myself a bit more.

    but, I feel like time is running out too fast. I feel like my time is running out. however, I'm grateful for where I am today. I've been in a terrible place, a really terrible place, and it was frightening. and today, I'm happy. yes, I have my issues and insecurities.

    "you haven't achieved anything yet! you're still just playing at life. you're a joke, and no one would take your life seriously." well, maybe they wouldn't. it seems pretty easy, but who said it has to be hard?

    I think it's all about putting things into perspective, where I was and where I am now. I love you. you're a really great guy. it wasn't easy to go through what you went through, but now you're safe!

    isn't that wonderful? safe, finally! I know that sometimes the trauma comes back, but there are people here to help you. you're getting through this. trust the process! it's showing results!

    from 2019 to 2020, there was a significant improvement, because I was so far behind before. since then, the improvements have been more gradual, but that's okay. I know there's still a long way to go, and things aren't the way you want them yet, but you have the resources to get better, and you know how to use them.

  5. Posted

    Let's talk about something that's often misunderstood – hypersensitivity. I’m tired of people labeling as "natural" or even worse: a “gift”.  Let me tell you, it's far from it.

    Background

    Being sensitive is natural and valuable. However, hypersensitivity is like living in a world with the volume turned up too high.

    Lately, I've been feeling emotional hypersensitivity. It's as if everything impacts me way too deeply. Simple things that other might not even notice can affect me. 

    When I’m in a crisis, I feel vulnerable and fragile. Thoughts of envy comes to mind. “Why can’t I be like everybody else?! Why do I need to feel everything so deeply?”

    I've traced the roots of my hypersensitivity back to a messy divorce my parents went through during my childhood. I got the habit of becoming hypervigilant to check if everything was okay.

    That period was like an atomic bomb, and the residual radioactive effects still linger in my psyche years later… 

    Strategies

    What Does NOT work

    • Going brute force: “Screw this! Nothing’s gonna affect me anymore! I’ll be a fcking stoic!” 

    That is an artificial and unsustainable solution.

    • Pretending that it’s not a problem: “Oh… everything is fine. It’s just who I am and it's the world that is problematic and it should change, not me”. 

    That's like wishing the world had zero things on the floor that can hurt my feet. Let's get real: should I really wait for the world to fix itself, or should I just grab some goddamned slippers?

    What HAS worked

    • Going to an excellent psychologist, and it's provided some relief. I do have some “relapses”, but they are getting more infrequent and easier to deal with.

    • Having the awareness of this problem is half of the solution to it. Because at least I know what I'm dealing with. 

    • Celebrating progress. Even though I'm not where I want to be, I've moved from a hypersensitivity level of 9 to a 5 over the past three years. 

    Conclusion

    The ideal is to find the sweet spot of honoring and protecting my natural sensibility; and yet gently pushing myself to gradually desensitize at times.

    In essence, I want to live a life where I can engage with the world without feeling completely overwhelmed. I want to have the resources to tackle the challenges that will arise in my life, without having the need to hide myself from the world. 
     

    What are your experiences with this? What has helped you? I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts. :) 

  7. Posted

    I haven't posted here for almost a year. I thought of opening a new journal, but I don't think it's needed. 

    I have to be honest: i’ve been feeling kind of lazy to write journal entries. So what I’m gonna do is focus on writing shorter ones. 

    I don’t know… problem is, as soon as I finish writing, I don’t think it’s worth it. And I’ve done this mistake in the past of not being concise or posting cringey shit,. But fuck it… 

    Let’s go to some random thoughts: 

    • I used to fear artificial intelligence. Well, it will rob the job of many people. But in my case, I think the most important thing to do is to not fear it — but to embrace it, to work WITH it.

    • i’ve been seriously considering going to a rheumatologist. I have some persistent pains in my body, and I think going to professional (at least once) would be a smart move to find a solution to that. I think it’s worth the investment.

    • I’ve improved in organizing my room, which was something that I was not doing well last year. I’d say it’s improved from a 3/10 to a 5.5/10. In other words, it’s pretty decent. Problem is. I’m not very good at maintaining it organized. as soon as I finish organizing, but kinda falls back into its homeostasis. But what the hell, progress is progress.

    I think that’s enough for today.

  9. Posted

    I know we’re already halfway through January, but I still think it’s worth it

    one thing I have done in the past few years is to always set an intention for the year. I got that from Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield. It becomes sort of like my compass. 

    It is not a goal per se. It can be an affirmation, or even just a single word. 

    Some ideas:

    - Be kinder to myself 

    - Self-negotiate 

    - Bond with others 

    - Contemplate the meaning of my life

    - Emotional intelligence 

    - Think less, act more

    - Expose myself to new experiences 

    - Focus on yourself, and the rest will follow

    - Decide quicker

    - allow myself to do things imperfectly 

    After I choose one I set a timer for 5 minutes and I repeat the intention over and over mindfully. It’s been giving me very good results. It’s almost magical tbh. 

    Btw, It’s important to not overanalyze your choice, nor keep changing it all the time

     

    anyway, here’s mine and an explanation:

     2023: worry as least as possible

    im a chronic over-worrier lol. Anything that’s out of the ordinary, I start panicking and coming up with all sorts of worst case scenarios.

    It’s an inability to allow things to figure out by themselves. It can be related to the collective (e.g., politics, climate change, etc) or individual (e.g., I’ll never get a good job, sooner or later I’ll go downhill, etc) 

    I think this stems from my parents divorce in which my world fell apart. Suddenly I had no stability. So I came up with a bunch of low-quality defense mechanisms to deal with the chaos

    anyway, this year I want to focus specifically on that, so that when I start worrying too much about something, I go, “oh yea, this year I will experiment with worrying less, so let me give this a try” 

    at the end of the year, I’ll remind everybody that replied to this (if any lol) to share their results

    doing it on your own also works, but it’s more fun to share it

  14. Posted · Edited by kag101

    6 hours ago, Yarco said:

     Force yourself to laugh at everything, and before long everything will actually start to seem funny.

    I've tried this sort of strategy in the past, and it only left me feeling exhausted, inauthentic, and empty afterwards.

    What has worked for me is to embrace my introvertedness. That doesn't mean I only stay in my shell. Whenever I tried to be "extroverted", I'd either try too hard and end up being cringey, or I would freeze completely.

    So what I've been doing is:

    • Letting go of all should statements ("I should be talkative, funny, extroverted, etc").

    • Stop forcing myself too much

    • Focusing on making small inputs that I truly want.

    This way, I get a sense that I'm contributing to the conversation (and therefore get a sense of belongingness) + because I don't speak that much, when I do, people truly pay attention.

    7 hours ago, StarStruck said:

    Is it possible to have fun without alcohol but like you took alcohol?

    I doubt there's a hidden hack which will make you feel drunk without the side effects. Some questions regarding drinking:

    1) Do you exaggerate? 

    2) Is it causing you any substantial harm?

  15. Posted

    On 23/09/2022 at 2:38 AM, ThePoint said:

    I have diagnosed health conditions, like depression, anxiety, and OCD. But I'm not making any progress with improving my health either, despite all the books and information I've learned.

    Books and information are not enough to treat all those conditions. 

    What has truly helped me is getting treatment with a high-quality psychotherapist and psychiatrist.

    Unfortunately, they’re not only expensive, but hard to find. But it is, hands-down, the most important investment I have ever made in my life. 

     

  16. Posted

    just want to write random stuff here, without the need of having to make sense, prove a point, etc. just let things flow and see where it leads me.

    today i had a deep insight about my difficulties with socializing. thing is, as soon as things get "informal", i freeze. it's as if i'm trying to drive a car with the hand-brake up.

    today i was at college and i was hanging out with some friends at a bar. i was tensed, in overthinking mode, and feeling as if i was the most boring person in the world (which became a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way). i felt as if i was in 6th grade again, where i felt that i, as an individual, was faulty, as if i was lacking something in my core. i found myself really wanting to have a drink. but as soon i noticed that, i paused a bit. i mean, it's okay to drink. but it can't be my only doorway to entering social mode. i don't need that. i know that i can be myself (more introverted), interact with others, and actually add to the conversation.

    when i was heading home, i was about to send a message to my therapist reflecting about this topic. but instead, i started to ponder about that just in my thoughts. and it really cleared my mind. it's interesting to revisit those old fears but with a more matured view of the world. when i was a teenager, everything felt so overwhelming. my emotional intelligence was low. i was neurotically trying to overcome my psychological problems -- which always backfired. 

    anyway, what i got from today:

    • take off this huge weight i put on your shoulders that i have to have extremely high social skills

    • it's okay if you take longer to get intimate with someone

    • when in a group, focus on making short comments about what they are saying.

     

    people love to talk. but the thing is, i also have to give my 2 cents, or else it'll become boring.

    so, yeah... i feel like this strategy of "just giving my two cent here and there" is going to work. this is something doable. i have done it before, and it worked. i definitively don't want to feel like today on a regular basis.

    i know i can do this. i'm not a lost 12-year-old anymore. i have a good support network. i have had a good social performance in the past 3 years. so i'll see how it goes!

    ps: i might go to a college party on saturday. i still don't know, because it's kinda expensive, but i think it would be worthy...

     

     

  17. Posted

    detox

    don't interact with her ever (not even to say happy birthday), unfollow her on social media. remove (or at least hide) anything that reminds you of her. you have to do that at least for 3 months.

    the most important step is to stop feeding your mind with thoughts of her. accept that it is over. i know, this is easier said than done. 

    simply put: if you keep seeing her instagram picture, then no advice nor fancy self-help technique will do you any good.

  21. Posted

    On 12/08/2022 at 5:28 PM, Gesundheit2 said:

    Many people seem to be having a wrong idea of what high consciousness means and what it entails. High consciousness doesn't make you look crazy nor be crazy, quite the contrary. If you're becoming crazy or being perceived as crazy, that's probably because of your low consciousness, and a wrong association in your mind that it's somehow high, cuz you fundamentally misunderstand consciousness.

    High consciousness is not the same as a "drug high". The meaning of the word "high", as any other word, differs depending on context. High consciousness is not an emotional high like that of a drug. A drug will likely make you crazy, but if you actually somehow reached true high consciousness, you will be even more grounded and functional than in your sober state.

    I agree.

  23. Posted · Edited by kag101

    Background

    i'm an undergraduate psychology student. it consists of 10 semesters. i'm in the 4th.

    i really like psychology. most of my learning comes from self-study though.

    in the past semesters, my classes were hybrid. it was great.

    this semester, however, is 100% in-person. ? my introverted ass is getting suffocated by that. it's just too much for me. i'm starting to get aversion to going there.

    unfortunately, where i live, the psychology major is only offered 100% in-person.

     

    My strategy to dealing with that

    it seems as though my college is not very strict with attendance, at least according to the last semesters. i'm not totally sure about how it's going to be now. it might depend on the professor, idk

    anyway, what i'm thinking is to miss 1-2 days a week, or whenever i need a break. obviously, i need to be careful with that. but i feel the risk is not very high.

    my classmates are worse than myself. some of them barely go to the classes. so either more than half of the class will fail the semester, or the college doesn't really care about that.

    i'm almost half-way to getting my diploma. i'm fairly certain that after i'm done with that, i will have more flexibility on doing things my way. i'm pretty sure there are hybrid post-graduation programs, etc.

     

    obs: please no moralizing ("What kind of psychologist you want to be by missing classes??") or cheap motivation stuff ("You should take the hardest path!!!!")

  24. Posted

    welcome to the club lol

    i struggled with that as well. if you feel comfortable, could you elaborate more on what type of memories you cringe?

     

    anyway, i've come up with three different strategies to deal with that:

    1) just let it pass

    i guess the worst approach is to react to the memory and start ruminating about it

    so one thing is to simply let the memory go through its course with as least interference from my part as possible.

    2) if the wave of cringey memories is too intense, i might do an affirmation such as: 

    • in the big-picture of my life, those moments are like a grain of sand.

    • it's been a long time, i was confused and lost back then

    • it could've been worse

    3) use humor

    finally, i might exaggerate the situation.

  25. Posted

    On 19/07/2022 at 11:37 AM, Yarco said:

    I've got a 10 month old atm. It will drastically hurt your personal development and self-actualization, working toward your life purpose, take away time for stuff you enjoy such as video games, it'll be a struggle to find time to exercise or cook decent meals, and pretty much everything else in your life simply because you aren't going to have time for anything else.

    From what I can tell and every other parent tells me, it only keeps getting harder and harder until the kid goes to school. It was hard when my kid was still a potato, but now that they can crawl and stand and starting to crawl up stairs it's even harder. And when they start to talk and you have to really engage with them, instead of just watching them play and interacting while listening to a podcast in one ear, it'll be even harder still.

    Maybe if you put them in daycare and don't work during the day, you could use that time for personal development. But you're still living on hard mode and doing 2x as much in a day.

    That being said, the clock is ticking. If you or your partner (especially the woman) is approaching 30, you pretty much need to do it now if you want to have kids, or you might miss your chance entirely. Especially with declining fertility rates already, if you have to do IUI or IVF it'll add at least another year. It was important to my partner to have a kid and took several years to make happen, so wasn't something I could just put off.

    interesting testimonial