karkaore

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Posts posted by karkaore

  1. Posted

    Insanity doesn't exist. What seems to be insanity is the concept, mental construction of it. It felt so good going through it. Letting it go. Every trip I do lately gets me to a point where I literally feel like I am going insane. Automatically the question arises, what exactly is going insane and this just doesn't stop. The question is asked and it pulls me deeper into it. It's becoming harder and harder letting it go, symptoms of panic start coming up, these are hard to let go of too. It's like I reach "the line" of insanity, ask myself who reached it and what is this line, get past it and automatically ask the same again. This crazy loop. I was about to lose my shit, but am proud of myself I got through it.? Damn, so much heavy shit came to surface this time. All of my loved ones, characters that I am still attached to. My mother, my grandmother, my dearest friend, my ex.. All I had to detach from. This was very painful, however bliss is what I've found in doing so.

    I started contemplating after a while the appearance of other. This was so profound. I got revealed to a show, where first I was this being that realised it's existence. I was that for a while before I became everything I observed. Also, in that state there was no observer. Felt like I was looking back at myself and myself looking back at me. This state felt so powerful. Not long passed before this bliss started turning into deep, deep sadness which lead straight to Nothingness. I became absolutely nothing. And from this nothing, misinterpretations of it started appearing and before long I was asleep again. Everything just slipped away like nothing ever happened. This repeated some number of times. It was ridiculously beautiful and profound.

    What caught me off guard was that just 50ug LSD got me this deep. Had sample of 10mcg DMT mixed with vape juice, gave it a go too, that had to affect the trip I suppose.

    Thank you for reading. Something different is happening lately. Absolutely Love it.?❤️

  4. Posted · Edited by karkaore

    30 minutes ago, Lento said:

    Sure, it has its own limitations just as direct experience does. Everything has its pros and cons. For example; I can't directly experience everything in the world. There's not enough time for that. Direct experience is time-consuming. Learning through communication is time-effective.

    You can't understand everything in the world through symbols/metaphors either. Direct experience allow for much deeper understanding. Let's imagine having sex with a condom since forever and only now taking it off and soaking it in raw. That's a metaphor of symbols vs direct experience for You. ?

     

    30 minutes ago, Lento said:

    Perhaps you're referring to logic or conditioning, in which case, I would say that you have some point. I don't rely on logic or my past knowledge to understand reality.

    I wasn't inherently referring to just logic or conditioning. I was trying to point out that each of our POV's are self-biased, therefore everything gets interpreted accordingly.

    30 minutes ago, Lento said:

    But here's a shocking truth for you; you shouldn't rely on direct experience either because it may change in the future. Notice that you have an assumption that the direct experience will always remain the same. But how do you know that? Have you directly experienced that? Or is it just an assumption?

    Nono. I feel You are confusing actual direct experience with the thing experienced or contextualisation made out of the experience. And I am sorry, but I cannot translate exactly what I mean by direct experience into language. 

     

    30 minutes ago, Lento said:

    Oh, boy! This duality has collapsed for me. Apparently, it still hasn't collapsed for you. Try using a mirror. Turn your skepticism on itself, and you might see something deeply profound.

    I am doing my best! At least I assume so. ? Thank you.

  5. Posted

    2 minutes ago, Lento said:

    Then why are we even communicating? Why do teachers exist? Why does research exist? We clearly should just shut schools and universities and this forum down.

    Communication is one of the tools we use to point to something. I am quite sure You know the limitations of it.

    6 minutes ago, Lento said:

    Reality is not only understood through direct experience. Perhaps you should expand your concept of understanding. To me, understanding is a symbolic/metaphorical thing. It happens through symbols/metaphors. If you are talking about being, then your concept of understanding is different than mine. To me, being cannot be understood. It can only be. For an understanding to occur, a symbol/metaphor has to get created in "the mind".

    Let me try here, I hope this will make some sense to You. Here is how I see this, anything that is "understood" by anything other than direct experience cannot really be trusted since it is going through the nets of the mind. It automatically gets recontextualised from the minds POV. Therefore, by definition, it becomes concept and belief. So then what exactly are You understanding?

    18 minutes ago, Lento said:

    How do you know that I don't know how strong the mind is? You're just assuming things about me.

    Yes. I am assuming this about You. You seem to trust your mind and dismiss direct experience. That's where this assumption gets created.

  8. Posted

    @Lento Psychs or not, it's about what goes for You. I didn't see anyone insisting that the use of them is somehow better than any other techniques or that it will "achieve" anything. Feeling is the key word here. However, I feel that You have a dogma towards psychs. If You aren't willing to try them, that's completely fine. But keep in mind that without direct experience You do not have any say regarding the substances. All it is is just concepts.

  9. Posted

    22 hours ago, Corpus said:

    @karkaore - can you provide more details of the rue extract you have (concentrated or not, any ratios given)?

    Pharmahuasca can be hit and miss with DMT requirements varying a lot. Once you have a MAOI dose on board, you would be wise to wait 20-30 minutes before taking the DMT. If you are using freebase then dropping it into Coke (to make an ascorbate salt) is less rough on the guts and more likely to work. If you feel nothing after an hour or so, eating something fatty can kickstart the effects- sometimes in a very dramatic fashion.

    Rue seeds are cheap and pretty dependable- 3g is enough to inhibit  MAO-A fully.

     

    The label says Syrian Rue Alkaloid Extract. Mentions that is very concentrated. Doesn't mention any ratio thought. Apparently is seeds. I should definitely get some harmala extract with ratio stated. ?

    Are you suggesting I take 3g of this before I consume DMT? 3g in one go??? I mean, taking just 150mg made me a bit nauseous. Maybe it was just placebo..?

    Thanks for the info on cola and foods to take along!

  10. Posted

    7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    It should be effective after consuming harmala, which you're already doing.

    Got it. Amazing stuff. Will report back on the results once tested. The likeliest reason why  I failed there was that the amount of harmala I took was too low. Will do ~1g of peganum harmala next time. Apparently that's about how much is needed to inhibit MOA to make DMT orally active. Will try plugging as well.

    Hope my trial and error is some use for anyone interested in this too. ✌️

  12. Posted

    26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Are you using pure harmala extract? Or actual syrian rue seeds? Make sure your extract is potent. Otherwise you'll need more of it.

    Also I've read this technique doesn't always activate. People suggest mixing the DMT with Cola and also eating some carbs like bread or apples immediately after consuming it to help with activation.

    Be careful. This combo can make for some long and powerful trips. Start low.

    You might also consider plugging the DMT rather than eating it.

    The label said syrian rue harmala mix ? read reviews, mostly positive. Will probably invest more into it and will order the one gordotec recommend.

    Didn't stumble upon mixing DMT with Cola or carb usage alongside it. Will check it out. Thanks for the info.

    And yeah, I am aware this can lead to 3-4hour trip a drink. Read some amazing reports, both frightening and enlightening. All I know is that this is potentially life changing experiences. Have quite a bit of experience vaping DMT, feel comfortable in that space. Pharmahuasca seems like next level shit that I feel I am prepared to get involved in.?

  13. Posted

    On 1/17/2020 at 9:28 PM, Salvijus said:

    Chemically increased performance will have it's consiquences. Same as coffee, energy drinks, steroids etc. Nootropics belong to the same catagory. All people will pay the price who relay on chemicals to perform better.

    Appears to me as a biased position. In that sense using psychs would be more of relying on the substance rather than the insight it provides one with. Although I am not denying possible misuse of psychs, same goes for nootropics.

  15. Posted

    A quick question I have in mind. So I have been looking into pharmahuasca. Looked into all the foods and meds to avoid prior taking maoi and all the things that could go wrong, all the side effects and stuff. So I've got myself some syrian rue extract, mixed it with at home squeezed grapefruit juice + 150mg syrian rue + 50mg DMT, also prepared a second drink - 100mg syrian rue + 50mg DMT. Before drinking the first drink I consumed around 50 mg syrian rue alone. That was supposedly make the DMT digestion better. Drank the first drink, had a mild nausea, supposedly from the syrian extract, no effects from DMT. Took a second drink - nothing at all.

    So my question is, what was I doing wrong? Should I try different kind of harmala mixes?

  16. Posted

    @ardacigin Don't know if I am in any way to be considered as a perspective here, most of the stuff you talk about seems to be very much "fit-to-the-frame" kind of things. Very specific and "acknowledged". Your posts have a interesting way of looking at reality. What @Nahm tried pointing you towards, I think, is forgetting all that "knowledge" that you think you know. That includes everything, as well as the "dropping of the techniques" knowledge. I might be wrong, but I feel you rely on your intellect more than your feelings, intuition ect. If that is the case, it is holding you back from going deeper into yourself. And if I am wrong, my apologies and good luck brother. 

  17. Posted

    @Vignan If you want to play around with weed then I would recommend journaling and tracking yourself as to how often you tend to use it. Be extremely aware of the tendancy to use it as a habit, with no clear purpose for using it. Overall, it can give some insight into this and that, but will not be nearly as effective as psychs such as lsd, shrooms, dmt ect. Not really worth the risk of inhabiting a bad habit for insight as weed, at least for me, isn't nearly as effective.

    It's been like 6 years i am fighting this warm hug of convenience.?

  18. Posted

    I am not satisfied. Will I ever be? I am going through odd times. Don't really know what being satisfied would mean. Not that I want anything in particular. Do not really feel any lack in any aspect of my life. I am reaching interesting states of consciousness. Am happy and loving, to a lesser or greater extent transparent. Most of the time "I" is not there. But something is there, being as a verb is there. It's being. This made me a fucking superman. Although I got used to this state I am not any more satisfied than before. Does this mean I am too impatient? Maybe I do not fully appreciate what I've reached? It's getting harder and harder as I go along the path to be clear on what exactly is honesty, therefore I am getting confused and lost whether I am or not honest to myself. Don't really know if I am not bullshitting myself about all this.

    The latest trip I've had I reached the line of insanity. Does not feel like a big deal atm, but couldn't let the thought go while in that state. Feel a bit angry on myself for not being able to let go. This kinda added on top of all that I've wrote above. Nothing is wrong in particular. But a piece of the puzzle is definitely missing. Any pointers? Anyone who's been in a similar place any advice? Even asking for this feels silly and useless.

    Oh and that same trip melted a notion of me perceiving anything out there and everything became God looking back at itself. Everything I did was God. All the doing and the doer was God. A nice cherry on top of that insignificant yet the most beautiful state I was in in that trip.

  19. Posted

    Woke up, drank a cup of coffee, popped 60ug acid, had a quick chat with my roommate about feelings, we were chatting about where they come from, how they work, what they mean ect. This turned out to be very profound. I got pulled into a loop of very pleasant chain of thought, felt like realization after realization of how love works. Body started tingling, ego-mind almost instantly shut off and I experienced one of the deepest love so far in my journey. Felt like home.

    Some time later the feeling slowly faded and I went for a walk. Walking in a park, crossing with strangers I have noticed a mild anxiety and observed how it affects my behaviour, my state of mind and being in general. I saw how this anxiety was purely crated by my mind and what purpose it served - survival! It was very pleasant to see it for what it is as it instantly auto-fixed. The love poured over me again, I've started laughing because of how silly I was. Not a single anxiety symptom so far after that day.

    Hide and seek. I used to love playing this game. Is it really appropriate to say "used to"?? This innocent walk has revealed how I am constantly playing hide and seek infinitely. When I am in a state of no-mind, swimming in that ocean of love and joy, I've noticed how i choose to get away from it. Feels like God chooses to put back the curtain and hide from itself. When I've hid from myself, I want to find myself again. This goes on endlessly. God is literally pranking itself.

    Overall, I feel that I am going to transcend it at some point. The more I experience it, the more comprehensive I become. This process is so damn blissful. My karma is sliding off me bit by bit, I feel more and more.. Me. Lighter, gentler. Life is becoming more and more effortless.

    Thank you for reading!

    P.S. It very much surprised me that such a low dose of LSD gave me so much profound insight. I usually tend to overdo instead of underdo dosages. This was very pleasant experience. Integrating it for 2weeks now and still find more nuggets. Higher dosage is not necessarily better.

  20. Posted

    2 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

    How does the process of believing work? Through thinking / being / feeling ?

    The process of believing has many layers to it. There are cultural assumptions, ones personal belief systems, which has many things to do with ones past.

    Thinking, which is basically a making of distinctions, is the most easiest of things to catch and notice. Second in line would be ones personal beliefs about one self and the environment around. These can be quite tricky to unravel since it goes against the programming of the ego. Cultural assumptions is one of the hardest nuts to crack. Takes a lot of time to unravel, nevertheless contemplate and hopefully comprehend.

    Believing comes from all of the above. For example, one observes a rock. The thought arises "there is a rock". What just happened there is a distinction "rock" from its environment. Then one provides a rock with all qualities a rock should have. This basically means putting ones beliefs onto and into a rock. And of course, one perceives the rock as a rock based on ones cultural assumptions. Everything ones culture taught one about the rock seems unquestionably true from the first sight.

  22. Posted

    Hey there. Nothing special is going on in my life. Nothing I have to say. How do I feel now? I feel at peace, feel loving. My path is very gradual. At least it seems that way. When I feel down it's no big deal, when I feel blessed it's no big deal. Everything is effortless. Overcoming fear is getting easy. Shifting mood is getting easy. Am I realising my true self? Hah.

  23. Posted · Edited by karkaore

    7 hours ago, Max_V said:

    I just did some self-reflection. What I saw is that my mind is trying to process insights and realizations it cannot metabolize.

    •  My existence is a lie and made up. 
    • I have always been here and will never leave.
    • My love is the only thing I can ever rely on. Everything else is in constant flux. 
    • The line between insane and sane is arbitrary and abstract and does not actually exist. All judgement we make about a certain state is just that, a judgement. The being that underlies it is forever the same.

    While my mind processes these truths, I guess I will just distract myself as much as necessary to make it bearable.

     

    When you use a word "Me" you are confusing yourself with something you are not. This is where the fear comes from.

    How is it that your existence is a lie when your existence is the only thing you have ever experienced?

  25. Posted · Edited by karkaore

    @Lento Serotoninluv has a point there. When the sensation of pain is there, a big part of the components producing pain is actually conceptual. Notice that. For me personally, I can sometimes, for a slight second get rid of physical pain. It just disappears for that brief second. Don't know how to describe it yet, have no concrete explanation how I do it. All I know is that it's possible.

    Oh and make sure you do take care of your health in general ways also!