Wyze

I started travelling because I didn't feel a sense of community with the people I grew up with. I've always been "different" and thats looked down on. I felt travelling freed me, and I learnt alot too. Since coming back; I don't particularly feel like I can "slot" back into society. I feel even more different than before. I think travelling can change people and have different effects on people.

@lmfao Dr Gabor Mate specializes in trauma. Read his works and watch his interviews. He goes into details how trauma impacts people and its manifestation in everyday lives. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabor_Maté_(physician)

@Shiva Start your own business.

@zambize I think your very luck that when you opened up; your friends accepted you. Mine didn't. I became the butt joke. Some even tried to change me back. Some gave me disapproving looks and sighs (literally, I kid you not) It really depends on the friends at the end of the day. I think I was stuck in a very specific group of people due to a lot of unique circumstances. There was a lot of in/out group thinking going on, and anyone that is different will be bullied. In those type of social circle; its alot safer to just leave and find similar minded people. But thanks for all the advance anyways. I think what you've said really nicely articulated what I was feeling about it.

@DrewNows I think thats a good way to see it. but I have tried that in the past (basically my entire life), people start treating you as their personal psychotherapist. Overtime you become really drained. Yes you learn to set boundaries, but the problem is that you've taught other people to relate to you though "you being understanding, listening and accommodating" all the time. Make no mistake, I had alot of "friends" and very popular during that time. But when shit hits the fan, everyone disappeared, some thought my personal traumatic events was "funny" and "great for gossiping". (In hard times, you really see people's character) The real friends are those who can provide you with a 2 way street, and in essence; your looking for someone similar to you (both are listeners) and respect you and your life...hence similar values/worldviews.

@zambize Thanks for the detailed reply. I think all 3 resonates with me lol It is the sense of not belonging which lead to more self-development which lead to even more sense of not belonging.

Daily Evolve is an integral theory podcast

@JohnnyBravo I think we have similar pov on loneliness. Can you clarify this type of loneliness more? I've always find it hard to articulate like the way you did. I've always wondered if this type of loneliness is what drives us to seek "external" comforts. Be it friends, drugs, partying etc?

@zambize what do you think is the cause of someone not feeling "belonging" in the first place?

I think what the OP is saying that; by not caring what other people think, you will actually risk being ostracized from the group. This is extremely evident when you have friends or are in social groups that are extremely Blue. (Its a tribal pack mentality) I can understand that, and you end up feeling lonely because you don't have anyone to connect to. I'm struggling with something similar. But if you don't express your true self, you will find that you can never find people who genuinely cares about you. Yes you will risk being alone, and friendless. But it will open up an opportunity to find REAL friends. (people with similar values to you)

We all know cults take on camouflages of ideologies depending on which stage of people they are trying to appeal to. So tier 1: Cults during stage blue: The Ultimate Figure head Cults during stage Orange: The Ultimate Scientific Truth Cults during stage Green: The Ultimate Community What do you think cult in tier 2 will look like? (I think it is possible to have a negative manifestation of tier 2 simply because you need an extreme to move onto the higher stages. Without the negativity, the excess, the destructiveness or simple "its not working" - the individual will not ve motivated to move up)

2nd tier is not incorruptible. and for arguments sake, assume that 2nd tier is incorruptible. then what would push someone from yellow to turquoise?

The more morally corrupt methods you've used to achieve status in Orange, the harder it is to move into Green? Is it because of the emotional damage a person did to others (and also to themselves) that it is harder for them to face in Green? I am thinking along the lines of moral injury, and the effect of moral injury is that a person will not be able to face and embody emotions.

https://sdtest.ru/en/ I'm not sure about the scientific validity. Its a good starting point I think,

You know what would help us see examples of development in spiral dynamic? If Leo is willing to Label his older videos and categorize them into different levels. Whatever resonates is your level

We all know negotiation is extremely important part of communication. I was wondering what and how would a healthy negotiation look like in Green and Yellow?

@TheAvatarState Do you think at Yellow, the speaker will most likely be explaining his position in depth rather than negotiate?

I feel like negotiation allows both parties' voice to be heard? Especially when conflict arises. I think negotiation in Blue wouldn't work (unless its combining alliances?) Negotiation is about win the zero sum game in Orange. (correct me if i'm wrong) I'm thinking in Green its opening to hearing all voices? But what would it look like in Yellow?

Overcoming all the traumas accumulated from tier 1 levels.

I've noticed this too. I find Yellow individuals tend to have a very big picture view of the situation (the interplay of the system) and avoid making judgements. They often literally forget the need to address the emotional aspect of the situation, when they are with Green. At times they can appear really Orange because their choice of wording is none emotional. I think they do appeal to Orange the most, however Yellow will eventually find Orange too egotistic and materialistic. Yellows are sympathetic to Greens, but often hold them at a distance.

What are the thinking, belief system etc that one should hold when dealing with conflict?

@TheAvatarState Sounds like a conformists and conditional love. eg "I will love you if you get a $100k job?" Its interesting; I once had a person in their 60s who told me "There is no such things as unconditional love."

I have thought about what you've wrote, I guess I haven't thought of conflict like that. LOL I had very bad conflict modelling when growing up, and never saw how conflict can be resolved in a healthy way.

Can you explain what you meant by fragmentation?

@EternalForest For those who had a lucky childhood and teenage years, finding their identity would be alot easier. Some will forever be stuck in a endless motion. Some people are good, and have grown alot, they are meant to be the sages and leaders of the "adult" world. But I feel like, its always and normally the person with the lowest emotional maturity that dictates how high up a group functions. "You are only as strong as your weakest link". I'm glad that we have tools like the internet and YouTube and Leo, to help younger generations to "sort their shit out" earlier.