TheAvatarState

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Posts posted by TheAvatarState

  3. Posted

    Holy fuck. I didn't just see it, I felt it. For a split second. For the first time in my life. I saw right through my disguise and into what I truly am. I'm excited and scared because I want to feel that way all the time but this disguise has so much resistance, and it's both pathetic and awe inspiring. 

    There is SO MUCH energy, exuberance, beauty, and love when connecting with God as God, it's just... I'm at work so I'm thankful it was a split second, if it was a full blown Awakening I would have been incapacitated. Holy fuck. 

  4. Posted

    This. This right here. Is a note you are writing to yourself, in real-time, to remind yourself of something. These words cannot Awaken you to new knowledge or discoveries, because they are coming from you and your body of experience. They are only words which are completely relative and subjective to you. It is the perfect time to receive these words, for they are not being received--they are being given. You're imagining a different writing style from yours in order to maintain the illusion of an other-self writing these words to you. This illusion makes you feel cozy, so you want to continue the game. Why would you stop? Why would you possibly want to keep writing THIS nonsense? Why are you so eager to escape that you talk to yourself in 3rd person? Stop doing that!

    You continue because you are looking for something. You always do. You are obsessed with condensing the purest of knowledge and wisdom into the smallest yet deepest bite-size chunks of symbols. You've imagined that as mankind's chief aim, ever-elusive. There must be a better way to share this knowledge with others! And what do I share? You've found it all but you keep searching. You can answer every question from within but you keep asking. You're sitting on a giant pile of gold and jewels, like the great dragon Smaug atop his hoard, but you realize that getting lost in its beauty is empty and meaningless. The little voice in your head that's proofreading and asking if this journal session is worthwhile or even stupid... I hear that voice too. It stops you from writing more on that tangent. 

    What is Awakening? That's the question that brought you here. You're convinced you know, but you keep asking, don't you? There's always a seed of doubt that's rooted in duality and ego and mind, or something like that. You imagine others saying they 100% know and have stopped asking, because that's what you think you want, and it gives you something to hope for, doesn't it? But not. You. You have doubts and fears about many things, but especially about Awakening. You are awake enough to intuit that there's no one else to ask or trust. And logically, that should solve the riddle entirely. Yet you keep searching... You keep folding in on yourself, over and over, like an infinite sheet of paper. You think you're getting deeper but in reality you're going nowhere. You're like a toddler playing peekaboo in the mirror. Hoping to see someone different, you play this game for what feels like years. It's not only silly, it's completely psychotic. You try to observe this behavior from the outside, and see a neurotic, drug-addicted ape who loves yelling "HE HE HE HOO HOO," to himself in 3rd person (yes, monkey language has 3rd person).

    Atop your hoard, you start to feel hungry and sad and lonely and longing. This bounty was only worth something in your village, you think to yourself. Up here in the stronghold inside the mountain, it might as well be guano. What did you forget? What metaphor can you use to describe it? It's like this, it's like that, but no, WHAT IS IT? GET TO THE ROOT, you say. OH MY GOD THAT'S A METAPHOR TOO, you write. Fold. Fold. Fold... A cute, polkadot origami sculpture of Purrsian cat sits before you. It reminds you of your childhood. You smile. Back then it was simple, sweet. Right now it's convoluted, haunting. 

    What is Awakening? Let me tell you what I think it is. Awakening is working a retail job you hate for 8 years, suffering from mental illness, and hardly experiencing any joy or love for your entire adult life. It's wrestling with the idea that you ultimately put yourself here to experience this particular life, despite saying you'd never wish some of your experiences on your worst enemy. Awakening is punching out the clock, going home and reliving a slightly different version of the same day you've had for several years. Awakening is accepting that this is the movie you wanted to see. Are there worse movies out there? Having awakened, You laugh at such an untenable concept.

    You laugh at the image of the ape. Then feel empty again. Submit topic. 

  6. Posted

    On 4/21/2022 at 0:08 AM, Razard86 said:

    I just had one last realization. I completed the Dark Night of the Soul. What we call Ego Death. Beware once you start the process YOU CANNOT UNDO IT. I fought so hard to keep my ego but God kept trying to kill it. I want to tell you how to beat it but I feel like that will spoil it so I won't

    I've been in and out deep despair and extremely negative nihilism for about 4ish years, ever since several awakenings I had on psychedelics. Sometimes I feel as a disembodied spirit just watching my ego/body do the same shit day in and day out. I've made some progress lately on practical mundane self-care (I was neglecting a lot of things), and even though I have the knowledge that reality is perfect, it very rarely feels that way. Sometimes I experience absolutely no hope, and can't think more than a day in the future. Of my own doing, I realize, I've been going through Hell on earth, and I've had immense suffering and loneliness.

    Thank you so much for the reminders, and I can definitely tell you "got it." I'm hoping you have some advice or pointers for me, I'm definitely at a point where I'm done with this shit and I have the burning desire to get to the greener side of this infinite pasture. Much Love ❤️ 

  8. Posted

    @Leilani I feel you, it absolutely seems that way. I've struggled for years because I didn't properly integrate this stuff, and it was way too much all at once. Be careful what you wish for. Be very wary that this thing you've potentially stumbled on could actually ruin your life. If that's not a risk you wanna take, you may be able to forget it and turn around. Idk where you are. If this is only a belief or intellectual exercise for you, you're probably in the clear. Don't let anyone tell you what to believe. 

    All that said, if this is just purely intellectual for you, why is it so horrible? Really explore that. What is lost if this were true? Is it possible this reaction you're having is purely based on emotion, lack, and selfishness?

     

  9. Posted

    14 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    having a unicorn will make it nigh impossible to relate to anyone’.

    There's some truth to that statement. 

     

    17 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    The key is nipping the discord in the bud, vs spending time / attention on it, with respect to momentum.

    English please.

     

    18 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    Aside, I ask for advice and feedback and implement it across the board, nearly every single day.

    It would be nice to genuinely ask someone else for advice without also seeing the unreality and "fake-show" ness of it. The only thing I end up getting out of it is a laugh

  10. Posted · Edited by TheAvatarState

    I had the audacity, the wit, to face the camera and say that no one watching is awake. I am. I don't think many others are, nor do I have a desire for anyone else to be. Peeking behind the curtain really ruins the show, from a certain sense. 

    Beware that continually adopting a meta-perspective or absolute perspective will make it nigh impossible to relate to anyone else. Once you get here you'll want to "unlearn," but that's just your ego having rose tinted glasses. The ego has a very hard time appreciating what IS, and wants something else, does it really care what it is, no it just craves something else. What's here can never be good enough to you, and when you clearly see there's nothing but you, you can experience an ego backlash against yourself. This can get extremely dark and twisted if not dealt with. This is yet another layer of illusion you have to pierce through. 

    There's only one thing to forgive: yourself. There's nothing else to believe in, no aim, and no one to decide on an aim. There is no one to turn to for advice, when you are deeply conscious of how you're putting the words in everyone's mouths. When you become truly awake, you will see physical manifestations of absolutely unbelievable and potentially scary things. Synchronicities happen to me so often that they're no longer special, it's just a feature of reality I'm aware of. By any stretch of the imagination, I inhabit a completely different reality than the one I was in a few years ago.

    Stop being in your head so much. While you are the spiderman meme, you have the power to not act like it. 

     

    Edit: Leo, if you want a good video topic, release one on exercises to get out of one's head and into experience/feeling/emotion. A lot of people, myself included, could use it

     

     

  16. Posted

    50 minutes ago, jimwell said:

    You have probably fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing. It is really important to work on your mental-emotional domain first before going deep into spirituality.

    Yes I understand why that's important now, but not everyone plans their spiritual journey. I definitely fell into it, and way over my head. 

    I'm very ABLE to appreciate the beauty of this reality, but I often forget about it or intentionally veil it from myself. I'm starting to notice that I label my experience as "not special" and "completely meaningless" because of the concepts of infinity and total relativity. I've come to the conclusion logically that this isn't special, and I project that onto reality. It's weird. I also adopted the belief that I've physically died several times on trips. So I feel like a walking dead man subconsciously. Take all this with a grain of salt, I'm just trying to explore and make sense of my mental state for the first time in a while. 

  18. Posted

    @Breakingthewall thank you, I finally feel like someone else at least Conceptually understands what I've been going through! So what's holding me back is my program of labeling and analyzing reality? The issue is, opening up to the present feels like an analytical exercise to me. I would describe it like Alan Watts described it: the receiver held up to the microphone, creating feedback noise. My mind is very "loopy." I can't seem to stop "thinking about the next thought that didn't do it and doesn't exist." It's almost an enigma even to myself. Often I'm like "dude, what are you even thinking about? Get out of your head, silly."

  19. Posted

    On 2/8/2022 at 8:57 AM, Koeke said:

    Does this knowing occur now? Who does the knowing? Does the knowing continually happen or only when not engaged in any activity or thinking? What is the boundary of this knowing?

    Yes it does. Although I think about it and it's implications often, it's not merely a mental exercise. My entire consciousness is shifted from what it used to be. What is, simply is. I no longer look to others for answers. There is "no one" doing it, it's just consciousness knowing itself to be infinite and eternal and untouchable. I experienced being infinite and eternal on many trips, impossible to explain, and now it's just permeated into my everyday consciousness. What is the boundary? Not sure what you mean. 

    On 2/8/2022 at 8:57 AM, Koeke said:

    this inspired me to realize life and Life are the same. Go to yourself where the boundary of feeling and thinking is, so to speak. And let your insights adjust your nervous system and sense of a disordered life.

    Could you please elaborate on what you mean? What that physically and experientially is like? Thanks!

  20. Posted · Edited by TheAvatarState

    On 2/7/2022 at 5:33 PM, Breakingthewall said:

    I would say, without knowing details, that you have had a profound experience with psychedelics, in which you have realized the illusory nature of apparent reality, of what you really are, and now you have turned that experience into what you believe it to be the reality. you are god etc. but you're not seeing it right now.

    I abused psychs for a period of 3 years, and haven't touched them for at least 2 years. I have almost no desire to try them anytime soon, because I feel I haven't integrated the experiences, and many of them were super traumatic (because I was hot-headed and abused them). I have not experienced the Love "facet" of awakening, but most of the others, which I suspect is partly why I feel a twisted view of the truth. I'm doing much better now mentally, but mostly just naturally because of time passed. I still feel in limbo, sometimes reeling, from the insane trips I had. All that said, I have no suicidal thoughts anymore, I've kept a steady job and am stable. It's just that life feels... hollow, like I'm not IN IT, I'm passively watching someone else's life.

    Edit: an infinite being made of Love, having the experience of awakening devoid of Love, would definitely be an "interesting" experience for God to have. 

  25. Posted

    Allow yourself to be a failure. 

    Allow yourself to do something you consider a complete "waste of time," and not judge it. 

    Allow yourself to NOT listen to random strangers on the internet. 

    Allow yourself to not give a fuck. 

    And yet,

    Demand consciousness and non-judgment.

    Above all, allow yourself to guide yourself.

    You are the Source, after all. In this very moment, you are wiser, more resourceful, and more beautiful than you could ever dare give yourself credit for. Don't mistake timidness or self-doubt for humility or virtue. It's the obstacle.