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Posts posted by EvilAngel

  1. I feel possessed by some entity. I tried to kill myself 10 days ago. I took some pills. I didn't die, but I think my insides are fucked now. There is the most unbearable, sick feeling of dread, terror, sickness and evil in my core. I can smell the evil inside of me. It's putrid. My eyes are going crossed. I'm spitting blood sometimes. 

    I've totally ruined everything. Nothing can save me. No prayer or meditation can help me. 

  2. 1 hour ago, Nahm said:

    @EvilAngel What would taking responsibility for how you feel look like? How would you begin? 

    Thinking differently about a situation, by counteracting a negative thought with a positive one. ?

    I understand we have some control, (or what feels like control), but I've never met anyone who was FULLY in control and that's why I started the thread, because I actually think full control of one's feelings is impossible. 

  3. 2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    Who has been responsible for your feelings thus far? 

    No one. They just happen. Thoughts are automatic, therefore the corresponding feelings arise automatically. Responsibility does not even come into it. If someone abuses me, they are responsible not for my pain, but for the action they took to cause me pain. I am responsible for my reaction to the abuse, but whether I feel pain or not is not in my control. 

    What would it feel like, if you did? How would you choose to feel?

    Happy. Happy all the time. 

    Would other people still be able to affect how you feel? 

    Obviously the answer to that is no. 

    Why or why not?

    Because I would be in control. 


  4. I don't know a good way of dealing with being ridiculed. 

    I was ridiculed constantly throughout secondary school. People liked to make me feel stupid. They would pounce on any opportunity to devalue and embarrass me, and they seemed to enjoy it immensely. 

    It didn't just happen occasionally. It was every hour of every schoolday. I found it extremely hurtful. My self-esteem was slowly eroded over the years. 

    Now I'm in my thirties, I am hypervigilant in social situations. I am sensitive even to the slightest remark from friends or family. In a room full of laughing people, I often feel like the butt of the joke, even if there is nobody explicitly saying anything bad about me. To me, everybody in the room looks like a bunch of evil hyenas, laughing mockingly. If they look at each other with a knowing smile on their face, it feels like they're implicitly communicating how ridiculous I am. 

    I don't know what to do about this. People tell me not to take things so seriously. But the truth is that I'm sensitive, and it hurts when people laugh at me, so to laugh at myself would be inauthentic. I have always taken things to heart, and I don't think that's something I can change. 

    The problem is that if you bring this subject up to people in real life, you risk making a situation awkward, where people feel like they're not allowed to make jokes or laugh in your presence. 

    It's a catch 22 and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. 

  5. The ego is created moment by moment by thought. Personal development helps create a healthy ego - as in a healthy self-image, which is unquestionably a good thing. You need an ego for day to day functioning, and a solid sense of self is important, otherwise you would be a quivering wreck. Awakening does not get rid of the ego, it just makes one aware of it. 

    You can create a beautiful painting of a flower and appreciate it for what it is (a painting) , all the while realising that it is not the actual thing it represents (a flower). 

    So you can create as big and strong an ego as you like, but just be aware that it is not real. 

  6. I had a dream a couple of months ago, and it was like a calling that I feel compelled to answer to. It was for a cause that exists on the opposite side of the world to where I live. The dream was very powerful and had an effect on me. I believe that we as humans are given signs and opportunities to make decisions in life. Sometimes these come in dreams which we have the choice to follow or ignore. 

    I am seriously considering following this dream. If someone has relevant information or past experience in this domain, I would love to hear some advice/guidance. 

    I don't know where to start. I have a small amount of money in the bank. 

    I would like to make a difference to people's lives. 

    Can anyone point me in the right direction? 

  7. On 06/08/2019 at 0:39 PM, seeking_brilliance said:

    Hi, I'm glad you are enjoying your dream life. I almost told a person as well, that we were lucid dreaming together. But i found out that either they were just a representation in my mind, or IF they were dreaming with me, they are too unconscious in waking life to recall it. So whatever on that. Its fun though.

    Yes an object will change if you look away and back at it, but I have found that holding an intention of what the object should look like will keep it consistent. So when it went from patterned, back to basic again, it is because you held the intention in mind that it should have looked basic like when the first time you looked at it. In this way you can look away and back again, changing objects at will. 

    If it makes you feel any better, higher levels of serotonin is believed to be linked to vivid dreaming, especially lucid dreaming, so I think your receptors are just fine from your MDMA experience. If you'd like to nurse them back to health a little though, you can try taking HTP before bedtime, which is a precursor to serotonin. There are lots of other foods and supplements that can support a healthy neuro-network. 

    Thanks my friend ❤️?