Damir Elezi

@Mad Max I understand that, but if aggression, sexual drive and the need to protect and provide are generally parts of the psychology of a man, which traits then are generally and typically female? I'm a guy btw just wondering because I never even bothered to think about this stuff before I got into PD. I knew there were some differences but I didn't think and somehow still doubt that men and women have an 'opposite wiring' in some sort. And it just kinda confuses me that there are all kinds of concepts and idea about masculinity, what being a real man means, while women don't seem to give a fuck about that at all.

Well It's not right but also not not right See, we are playing with words here. Labels. Concepts. It's not about what's right or wrong because those things absolutely don't exist. They are just categories your mind creates to seperate things you like/ society likes and things you/society dislikes. You can not apply that to fundamental life. What is right about self actualization? Nothing. But there's nothing wrong either. Practically speaking it has certain benefits, in the end it is simply a matter of choice if you want to do it or not. If you enjoy it, do it. No right way to go.

I often get the feeling that society couldn't possibly work without problems. I used to be a socialist and still like with some of their concepts (nationalization of banks, a strong welfare state, a central government etc.) however as I got into self actualization more, I just thought that people are kinda not made to live in big groups. The origins of human society were family-like tribes. Maybe living in such huge societies as we do isn't optimal for us. Problems will always exist and people will probably always kill each other, as long as they're unconscious. But notice that the world is in fact not 'getting worse' But that we are in the most peaceful, most prosperous age in history. A few terror attacks and shootings here and there (don't mean to belittle them) are nothing compared to the wars humanity has fought against itself every few years for ages, not even to mention the world wars and not even to mention all the violence on the street, that I believe occured much more often in former times. People are on higher consciousness level than they used to be. The media likes to emphasize such things and make a disaster out of it. Of course it is a disaster for the people involved but I think It's a wrong approach to scare a whole nation with that.

Leo used to preach that one should take 100% responsibility for one's life, even if the person is not completely to blame for his life situation. I watched the videos but didn't get it yet, what is the difference between responsibility and fault/blame? Can someone elaborate?

I have this fear every day and it's the thing that keeps me going. To be honest, I would rather die than live the life the regular person lives. Of course, it's not as easy though. The mind does not work based on logic and good intention, but on habits, repetitive patterns and stability. But having the fear of wasting your life can be a good thing I think. Use it to grow yourself.

@Mad Max @mathieu So you're basically saying it's looking for the reason of circumstances in oneself without judgement of any kind and then taking responsibility to solve problems on your own, and not hoping for others to solve it for you?

Things that give me the most satisfaction are sex, food, beautiful music, poetry and literature, being in nature and watching animals, or simply enjoying the moment. I also enjoy getting crazy and having fun with the right people, but can't open up to everybody cause I'm pretty introverted. What is more satisfying depends on What my needs are at that moment. I tried alcohol and weed and it doesn't really satisfy me much, as well as video games, watching tv a.s.o. The worst habit I still have is watching porn.

@Joseph Maynor what exactly do you mean by 'heavy personal development work'? What exercises exactly do or did you do?

I see it the way you would see regular doctors. Many physical diseases can be pretty much cured by just eating healthier food, sleeping better, avoiding stress, going out into nature more, drinking more water or eating specific things which act like medicine. You can read about all that and cure yourself at home. Problem is that there is a lot of conflicting and wrong information in the internet and books. If you had cancer, I wouldn't recommend curing it yourself (at least not exclusively) but going to a doctor who studied this shit and has experience with such cases. We should never underestimate people who put years into formally studying a certain subject. If your doctor gives you drugs or some kind of advice that doesn't help however, and you can cure your disease on your own better than he can, I'd just suggest seeing another doctor. I think especially when it comes to psychologists, trust and a healthy, peaceful relationship between you and him are key. If he doesn't listen to what you're saying and says you must do this and that, go see another one.

I watched Leo's video about understanding meaning, purpose and value just now and one of his "common objections" to his point was that if there is no absolute meaning, then there is no reason for doing anything, which is a thought that often comes to my mind as well. He responded by saying that if you are detached from all illusions of meaning or purpose, you will act spontaneously and basically just do whatever you want. But isn't what you "want" in this state still dictated by impulses of the body? If somebody has no values, purpose and so on, he would just do whatever his body tells them impulsively. Isn't this pretty much the definition of a "robot"? Leo mentioned children as an example of people without set values and I understand that, but small children also act very impulsively. I don't really understand how this can be considered to be "maturity", because I think we can all agree that in the long run, acting impulsively will lead to harmful consequences, which is something Leo says as well. Now how does this go together? Or is creating your own purpose consciously better than having no purpose at all? But then again, if you don't value anything more than another thing, how would you build a life purpose? I'm confused. Any ideas?

Thanks, guess I just gotta practice more And why should we create a purpose for ourselves if living with no purpose is complete freedom?

I can only agree to what@Truth said. How I deal with it is responding in a funny, light hearted way (not sarcasm) for example you could have whispered to the girl extremely quietly "You heard him, you're too loud! Be quiet!" in a funny manner. Picking on both of them a little bit. I like to treat social interactions as games where the only goal is to get some fun out of it for all people involved. If You treat it like that, You won't get agitated and the only person who suffers is the one who gets mad (the guy telling You to shut up)

As we all know, there are probably hundreds of different techniques for personal development. Until now, I tried to implement a lot of them in my life but I noticed that most Pd gurus talk about a simple lifestyle with just a few commitments and habits. This confuses me a little bit. How does This go together? How to choose on which technique I should pursue for a long time? Techniques and activities I personally have implemented or plan to implement in my life are: Meditation, Self-inquiry, Visualization, Affirmation, Practicing gratefulness, journaling, working out (home workout stuff), kung fu, cold showers, eating clean, radical honesty As you can see I could easily fill my whole day with those tasks, not even touching my life purpose work or the necessary stuff like chores, work etc. I notice that This might be too much. Do you think you could give me sort of a direction where to apply my main focus? Maybe which of these tend to grow people the most? And Do you think I should concentrate on one or two of those exclusively? Thank you

Just wondering.. Which philosophers exactly do you all find valuable and Which not?

1. How do you know she doesn't need anyone? People can seem like they live a certain kind of life when in reality they are totally different. I wouldn't focus on her to much, her definition of happiness might be different from yours and even if you had the life she has, you could end up miserable. You yourself should be the only measure. 2. Neediness is hard to get rid of, I personally doubt the possibility that you don't need anyone or anything. Of course you can get the feeling of independency and that's wonderful but I think we shouldn't forget that we all live in a system inside of a system inside of a system where everything depends on everything else. So basically being independent is another illusion. You seem to be very upset and confused about all that. Maybe You should take a step back and first forget about her, I think your crush on her might be the real issue. Your emotions are going nuts and thoughts follow, I know that feeling. After You got over her, focus on the neediness thing, that is another issue.

Sure, that's exactly the point. If you don't need it any more, you probably won't consume it any more anyway. That's a conscious decision and I am in favor of that. What I am not in favor of is cutting stuff off forever even though you like it and it betters your mood. At least that's my opinion

Personally I think that it is not necessary to cut out anything because nothing is good or bad by itself. If you are addicted to something and notice that it hurts you, I'd try to keep away from it until you don't need it any more. If you don't need it, there is no danger and you can consume it again, but all that should be icing on the cake, not a necessity. I Personally believe that life should be experienced without strict restrictions. Cut out what harms you. What's important is that you are mindful of what you consume and how your system reacts to it.

I have kind of the same problem. One thing that seems to help is simply pursuing One project at a time and sticking to it until it is finished. Put the other stuff on hold for a while. It may seem like you need more time but in the long run I think this is the Only way that produces good results effectively. I tried to implement all the practices I wanted to implement in My life at once for about 1-2 years. I tried to build a daily meditation habit, create a morning routine containing affirmations and visualisation, implement a reading habit, clean up My diet, create regular exercise habit and gain muscle and create a carreer in music all together while at the same time getting good grades in school/university and meeting My friends, family and girlfriend on a regular basis. Needless to say none of that really worked. I implemented some of it to same superficial extent, but everything fell apart, once there were some difficulties. Leo's video about expectations pretty much opened My eyes. Just some days ago I really noticed how much time all these things take realistically. To implement all that and get it into place, I might very well need 5-6 years or even more. PD is not a quick process. Pick easier things first and accomplish them fully, you can keep some stuff in the background, but don't fully pursue it until you really made it with the previous project.

I tell people that I meditate and seek to improve myself if the topic comes up. But I usually don't adress it personally, not out of fear, But because it's irrelevant to the conversation. Many times, people don't give a fuck anyways

I think what stops us is simply social conditioning. Almost Nobody really shows his true face in public because some aspects of the mind, which are very real and in fact crucial to life, are forces that are frowned upon by society. Sexuality as a simple example is the thing that keeps the human species alive. The whole body works with sexual energies, it's essential to human life, yet it is considered rude to talk about it. Society just seems to be scared of things which are a bit aggressive and self-expressive. So it's normal that people won't tell each other their true nature. However, as self-actualizing people, we should, by definition of the word, try to be as authentic to ourselves and others as possible.

I noticed that I am very good at conceptualizing and understanding stuff, but whenever it comes to doing the practical work or solving practical problems which necessarily occur, I find myself trying to avoid problems and rather indulge in mental masturbation and all kinds of theoretical thought processes, which have nothing to do with the thing I am working on and/or I get lost in media and porn addiction, which really just feels like an extention of my tendency to avoid real problems. To avoid the real world basically. I especially noticed this in the last few days while I was trying to do some paper work in order to move into a new appartment. I hate going from office to office and getting all these different papers and forms (you gotta fill in a whole catalogue of forms if you want to do anything here in germany) and even though it's not hard to do, I procrastinate to the point where I have to do everything at once on the last day. I am very good at making plans and motivating myself for some hours but it seems like my mind tries to avoid the simple steps and the every day boring tasks at all costs. I know that those simple steps are what success and growth is build upon and I start to really lose self respect because of this. This also means that I lack discipline and so on. Does anyone know what I can do about that? Thank you in advance, you are all wonderful people

@egoeimai I didn't get that Part about the Body, can you elaborate on that a Bit more?

Personally, I think if you don't even know what you would do exactly, don't focus on creating a business just yet. The good thing about personal development is, that once you adopt the developing mindset, EVERY single thing in your life becomes a tool and a playground for your own growth. You are basically doing personal development already by pursuing your academic career. Study this stuff and learn what kind of different aspects there are. If you think you could really create benefit for people or when you really become passionate about a particular direction, then try to create some kind of inofficial business. Invest some money and do some small workshops, either in person or over the internet. In the mean time you can help people with their problems and teach them some PD concepts, so you can test how well you can teach this stuff. Good luck bro, you can do it!

You're right, thanks you so much for the advice, I appreciate it

You may be right about that, but the simple steps are important nonetheless. If I don't do them at all, all the big thinking won't be worth anything.