Damir Elezi

I think the reason why people who don't do PD seem kinda better off at first is the fact that they don't even notice their inner pain. That's why you can see normal people just crack up and burst out into existential crises if they just think about their lives a little bit and reflect on their childhood a.s.o. If you get a little more conscious, the first thing you might notice is how broken you are inside. I find myself in this situation as well, but I see hope because I can change myself. Of course you can do all the stuff advocated here without calling It personal development. The only thing That's different between people who do personal development and those who don't is that those who do It are conscious of their own path and the direction they go into, they look at everything in a bigger perspective. If you do not focus on yourself, your life will depend on how you were raised and what outer circumstances happen to you. If you have a great environment, yeah you might get the same results. But that is not the norm, I think you won't have control over your life unless you are not able to change yourself. That's what personal development is to me.

The biological process seems to be more and more understood scientifically and it seems to me like humanity is making progress towards slowing that process down and even stopping it. Of course, technically speaking, medicine is always slowing down the aging process. But what if we could stop that process completely and would only die when we wished to (if we actually did), would that be beneficial to humanity? What do you think?

I noticed there are tons of books and videos about how to be a "real man", but nobody seems concerned with the question of what a woman is or how a woman should be. And if they do, most of the time they are labelled feminazis. Is the concept of masculinity being some sort of value actually valid? I mean, every man is different right? Sometimes this stuff just seems like a huge inferiority complex men Try to compensate. What are your thoughts about that?

I'm not trying to open up a philosophical debate about morality here. I think that most people on here would agree that morality is relative, and speaking of the absolute, there is no morality, as it is just a construct of the mind. A thought has crossed my mind today though. If there is no meaning in absolute reality and nothing is better or worse than anything else (as those are just labels), killing a human being would basically be equally insignificant as killing a spider or an insect. Of course all of life is beautiful, but again nothing is more or less beautiful right? I noticed that If you really try to detach from moral values, you should detach from this as well, does that mean that for a certain time we should be 'okay' with killing people? Just hypothetically speaking, that's why I posted it into this category.

In order to control my emotions more, I studied the topic a little bit In order to first understand how emotions really work. Scientifically speaking, it seems like all emotions are caused by hormones, which are set free by the brain and other parts of the body In reaction to a certain situation (or rather the mind's interpretation of it). What kinda surprises me about this as I dig deeper is that even the most profound, most beautiful emotions people have can be explained by mere chemistry In the body. Even the feeling of inner peace and appreciation people have after meditating can be explained by Serotonin, which is produced by a part of the brain which is stimulated during meditation. From an evolutionary perspective, it seems like even the most beautiful feelings only serve the purpose of rewarding an action, which the system interprets as beneficial to survival. All emotions seem to be survival-mechanisms or as you might call it 'egoic'. Scientifically speaking, I didn't find any proof for a 'deeper area of emotions' apart From that. Apart From this view being pretty depressing, what do you think about it? People on here talk about experiences that go beyond the body and ego, realizations of the true nature of existence. How do you know that all that and even enlightenment isn't just an illusion itself? A feeling created through stimulation of the brain? I mean People have these experiences on psychedelics and psychedelics stimulate certain parts of the brain that are responsible for feelings like these. How do we know that enlightenment and eudaimonic happinesd actually exists and that it's not just another product of a machine-like organism like our own?

@eskwire but people see enlightenment as 'realization of the objective reality' - which wouldn't be true if it was a product of a biased, human-centered mind, right? This would make enlightenment itself a product of the ego

It's teaching me right now that it is not as easy and safe as it seemed to be when I was a kid.

@RossE In German it's called "social work", it's a well populated city, but not that big either.

I am a student at university, just having moved into a new appartment with my girlfriend. I lost my job a few months ago and although I have some small things going on, I don't have enough money to pay my share, nor do I have any money to invest in myself and personal development. I tried to come up with ways to make some more money without putting too much time into it (I'm not talking about millions here, just like 500-1000 bucks a month) I want to find a job that pays the rent and do something else (maybe Business-related? Selling something?) on the side. Do you know anything somebody could do on the side with basically 0 skill or experience?

This channel is gold. What helps me is to combine it with other habitual patterns I have throughout the day, for example only chook social media and messages right after a meal.

@aurum thank you!

I intend on buying the life purpose course and I guess this question will be pretty much answered there but I can't afford that right now so I gotta create a proto-answer for myself for now. I am thinking about setting strategic goals for myself. As far As I read about it in various sources, goals, if I want them to actually move me, have to be: 1. Clearly formulated 2. Measurable 3. High enough to inspire and motivate me but not so ridiculous that I don't even take them serious any move 4. Aligned with my deepest values. After contemplating about it from time to time for the last 2 years basically I think that my top values are joy, knowledge/wisdom, strength, calm/peace and something you might call "friendliness". Now I have two issues I'm struggling with. Firstly, some areas of life are easier to measure than others. For example in business you could just take a number on your bank account as your goal, a number of customers/clients etc. When it comes to areas like emotional mastery or building social skills, I don't really know how to set a clear, measurable goal there. Secondly, how do I know if a goal is too high or too low? For example, a financial goal could be to have 50,000 euros (from germany) on my bank account in 7 years. Of course aiming at 100,000 pulls me more, but it also creates the danger of me getting all neurotic about it because I am not able to achieve the goal. How do I know what is a good balance? What do you think is realistic for a 20 year old guy just getting started in life? Thank you all in advance

Good that you ask. I find some of Leo's videos very good for beginners. I'll give you a little list of videos, I wish I had found them in this particular order 1. This video is good to watch first because it shows you what is possible in your life and what you can achieve. It gives you a vision you can work towards. 2. This shows you the big picture of this whole work, what it means, what it involves etc. 3. I feel like this video changed my life the most, because it really gave me the perspective that I could ACTUALLY engineer my life the way I wanted to, if I just made a strategic plan and executed it, pretty much like a general in a war. 4. A very important video showing you maybe how hard this stuff is and that you have to be a results maker, rather than just planning and thinking about what you want to achieve. Here Leo describes some techniques and fields you can explore to actually get started. 6. This video could show you how important this work is, if you really want to achieve something in life. Society comes with a lot of distractions and in my opinion, if you don't focus on working on yourself, you will probably waste your life on one of these things. 7. No idea how old you are (didn't look lol), but this might be helpful. You can watch these and decide afterwards if you want to spend some time doing this work or nah. If yes, you should search for topics that interest you the most. If you are just getting started, don't be bothered with all that ego-enlightenment stuff just yet. This is hard to even conceptually understand and if you are not sure if you even want to pursue this whole field, this stuff will probably just turn you off. But now I have a question for you: Why do you think it's useless? I hear that from many people and I actually don't get it. I mean... isn't it obvious that one has to understand himself and control himself in order to handle life? If you don't understand yourself, you basically just ride along and life could throw you into every direction possible. I am no master by all means, I'm just getting started as well, but even as a child I understood that working on oneself is necessary. So many of people's problems could be adressed, if they just looked inside, understood their psychology a little bit and used some simple techniques to control themselves so they could live a more fulfilled life. But people prefer to have the same problems over and over again and calling everything that could actually help "useless". Can you explain that to me? What turns you off about all that?

@Ariel Leo did pick up himself at some point of his life. Leo, and most people on this forum (I think) are interested in getting the most 'juice' out of their life. As You are on this journey, You mature and You recognize that a carreer, money, women etc. Are not the pinnacle of life and in fact block You from really deep experiences, which, for many people on here, are experiences of no-self and spiritual enlightenment. I notice that You are probably more interested in material things right now, and that's good. Get your life handled first, do the stuff You want. Realize that You can not stop this because this is not some movement or anything You don't need to call it self-actualization, but if You work on yourself, for example trying to become more confident, You are basically doing the work. Not every advice is meant for everyone, You know. Pick up might me the right thing for You to do. Take in the information and apply them to your own life.

@Ariel yes, you could say it like that I think. At least I see it this way.

Yes exactly well, I think, as with everything else, people like to turn self-actualization into some kind of cult or dogma. Who is there to tell you how it should be? Is there some kind of god of self-actualization in the clouds, giving you the 12 commandments? Self-actualization is simply a trend towards reaching your full potential. A TREND meaning you can never reach that and there is no 'self-actualized' person, only 'self-actualizing' persons. The journey is the key, the destinations and goals you reach during the journey are not as important as the journey itself. Now of course you have to ask yourself what is necessary in order to become what you want to become. And I'd say embracing the unknown and questioning the stuff you think you know is key to real growth. But if you don't wanna do that right Now well... Who is there to force you? Start small

I feel like I have been like that too for the last 2 years, but I have been deveiving myself into thinking that I am actually doing work by watching the videos What kinda woke me up was a tough situation in my life. In his video about getting shit done, leo talks about "getting burned by the fire of reality" and I remember an advice from elliot hulse that was kinda similar and really resonated with me. I think you should shake up Your life a bit. Get out of the comfort zone, because this is what ultimately keeps you stuck. Do some unusual stuff, could be cold showers, could be sleeping on the ground or in Your car, could be moving into another country, could be going into public and completely embarassing yourself deliberately. You gotta realize that: 1. life will pass and it does go by every single second, whether you take action or not 2. Nothing really matters in the large scale, so the only measure should be you and Your values. What would you, 20 years from now, want you to Do right now? 3. Life is not as safe and cozy as we in the west were taught. Life can be uncomfortable, unfair, hard and even dangerous, but that's where its true beauty comes in. Expect a hard life, greet each catastrophe with a smile and be greatful if things go Your way. Just some lessons I learned the last couple of months, I feel like I still did not Get that on a deeper level, as I still tend to be lazy. But I have arived to the point of seriously fighting against that laziness. I think I'm on the way finally.

I think you misunderstand the term 'full potential'. Realizing that means turning the greatest thing you could possibly be/do into reality. So if you want to be the best version of yourself, it is exactly that. Your full potential = the best version of yourself that could possibly exist. The term was coined by Maslow and it was not some kind of quality he defined, which you now have to live up to. Self actualization is a NEED, that arises if you got the "lower" needs on the pyramid handled. So for Maslow, if somebody has enough food, sleep, shelter, sex (or at least some sexual relief), social life, money, some luxury etc. The need to become Self actualized comes natural. Also, of course we can never be everything we could have potentially been. In 20 years I could be a lawyer, a musician, a philosopher, a construction worker or a bum on the street. All that is potential, but you yourself hold some of those things higher or lower depending on what Your values and tendencies are. So In the end of course you choose what Your greatest potential is for you.

@Emerald you had a transcendental experience at age 20?? That's pretty damn early how did you get there?

Very interesting responses, I am willing to study this topic a little deeper. @Emerald great videos, I didn't know you had a youtube channel, too! Can you give me some sources where you got this information? Are there any books or scientific studies about all that? I'd really like to read more about it.

Watching Leo's video about understanding meaning, purpose and value really helped me see this in a different light. You gotta ask yourself what "worth" even means. After some contemplation you will notice that purpose or worth doesn't even exist outside of human society. It's a construct to label different things more or less important. If it is a construct, the saying "I am valuable" is false, just as "I am worthless" is also false. Because it doesn't make sense. How do you define worth? What is worth to you? The fact that you feel bad about being worthless shows that you have some expectation of yourself (probably socially conditioned) that you are not living up to. Who do you think you SHOULD be? What do you think you SHOULD do? Why do you think that and why aren't you doing that? Think deeply about these questions, think it all the way through and I think this belief will dissolve, at least from the logical, conscious mind. The subconscious however will still hold this belief in some way, but you can reprogram the subconscious through certain techniques like affirmation.

Seriously - wasting my life, living a "normal life" full of struggle and work I have no connection to, some vacation inbetween, some partying, marriage, raising children, 9 to 5 job. Then dying. Imagining living a life like this fucking terrifies me. This is the reason I try to do personal development work

I'm a student in first semester of university + journalist at a local newspaper + pizza delivery + working as a kind of a cashier at a football stadium. Maybe I'll start selling cars together with my father so I can earn some more money and quit the pizza thing for example, as it doesn't pay much.

Wow. Just Wow can you give me some sources so I can read up about this stuff? So as I understand, masculine energy, when it's an expression of yang, does not really have any substance So that's why men tend to "work towards" becoming a "real man" while women, expressing yin energy do that out of their inborn nature. Is that an explanation? Do you think it's worth it to somehow pursue becoming more masculine as a male or more feminine as a female?

@Emerald Very interesting. I think I should ask a deeper question: What is the male principle, what is the female principle and how do we know? And is this exclusive to males and females? If not, why call it male or female at all?